tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-145021192024-03-07T20:33:16.680-06:00Leper Pop<br><b>Scalping tickets to the great American freak show....</b>Sidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08269958368204164974noreply@blogger.comBlogger546125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-2882843927538521822023-12-02T09:34:00.000-06:002023-12-02T09:34:23.164-06:00 Top Things I've Discovered Working At Home Full Time<p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Not having to drive to work has really increased my free time.</li><li>Dusting isn't as boring as what I do at work.</li><li>The instant messge "bell" sound on my work laptop is loud enough to wake me up from a nap.</li><li>Who that one guy is who walks around my neighborhood.</li><li>There really isn't anything worth watching on daytime television, except maybe a rerun of The Mod Squad here and there.</li><li>Extended trips to the bathroom weren't just an "at the office" time-waster.</li><li>I think that one guy who walks around my neighborhood killed that other guy who walks around my neighborhood. Haven't seen him in a while.</li><li>It's 38 steps from one corner of my house to the furthest corner.</li><li>I still don't know when to use farthest or furthest. Nor do I care.</li><li>I don't care about a lot things anymore.</li><li>I better not go outside because of that one guy.</li><li>Maybe I should spray paint my windows.</li><li>I wonder how many sesame seeds I can fit in my belly button.</li><li>38, isn't that ironic! Also, I have trouble discerning irony from coincidence. Another thing to add to my don't care list.</li><li>Okay, you got me, it was much more than 38 sesame seeds, but I didn't want you to think I'm fat.</li><li>All the vegetables in my fridge are shriveled and moldy. Yet, I'm out of cookies and chips. Ironic? Coincidence? Causal? Correlated? Serendipitous? Portentous? Myceanalogouslyistic?</li><li>Words are hard.</li><li>Uh oh, somebody is at the door. I need to hide.</li><li>It takes 3,594,378.5106 sesame seeds to sufficiently hide me.</li><li>You think words are hard, try slicing exactly .5106 of a sesame seed.</li></ul><p></p>Moist Rubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11761155132969976525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-48745198822359374102021-06-06T11:15:00.007-05:002021-06-06T11:16:55.165-05:00Tanka: A Covid Collection<p> <span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>For Arm</u></p><p>When I learned about<br />The Mobile Wad of Henry<br />I could not help but<br />Consider masturbation<br />As employment for said wad.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Sid Party</u></p><p>Life as you know it<br />Began this date years ago<br />Making it a cause<br />To celebrate, I suppos,<br />I don't know, give it a shot.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Domestic Drudge</u></p><p>Rip the cord to start<br />The engine in order to<br />Molest the verdure,<br />Grooming for affectation<br />Despite brown blotches and weeds.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Wade</u></p><p>When the lines between<br />Isolation, solitude<br />And loneliness blur<br />To a point beyond meaning,<br />Dude, lighten up a bit. Jeez.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Immune-mediated Polyarthritis</u></p><p>Lurking paw to paw<br />The burgeoning gimp reckoned<br />Eight hundred dollars<br />Would persuade its departure<br />And the return of butt rubs.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Pledge Drive</u></p><p>Distended left eye<br />Paired with a sharp nasal ramp<br />Posed in silhouette<br />Scared the boy through the window<br />And creeps out the man today.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Better Education Through Competion</u></p><p>I learned the word "squiz"<br />Today, as it scored me one<br />Hundred, thirty-nine<br />Words With Friends points against Pat.<br />Take a quick, close look at THAT!</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Industriousness</u></p><p>A five drawer chest<br />Puzzled together without<br />Yelling, cussing and<br />Moaning, patience being the<br />Optimal tool for the job.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Cobras</u></p><p>Friday dance parties<br />With imbibing friends online<br />Where chat serves as dance<br />While sharing music motif'd<br />Highlight my quarantined weeks.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Misty Watercolor</u></p><p>I don't remember<br />Much from American Lit<br />High school junior year,<br />But I do know that the moon<br />Was a ghostly galleon.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Incubation</u></p><p>Like a corrupted<br />Cucumber yields a pickle<br />So, too, hopefully,<br />My own corruption fosters<br />Something as spectacular.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Abstention For No Particular Reason</u></p><p>Dabbler at most,<br />Reminded by four twenty,<br />Four months since The Man<br />Graciously granted the grass<br />I have not yet partaken.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Source Unremembered</u></p><p>A family of<br />Six yellow-bellied marmots<br />Moved next door to me<br />And chucked small rocks at my house<br />Until I asked them to stop.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Advice Column</u></p><p>If you want to slice<br />Gravy, for better results,<br />Chill it, otherwise,<br />You won't know which slice is which<br />And then you will feel silly.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>They Don't Even Know It</u></p><p>Oh, it is posted<br />On the Internet, and it<br />Defends my beliefs,<br />Biases, prejudices,<br />And fears, so it must be true</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Perusing a Map</u></p><p>Hand feeding fish at<br />Ned's Beach on Lord Howe Island,<br />Here fishy, fishy...<br />DRYER BUZZER BUZZING, AAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!<br />Gotta go fold laundry now.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Alphabetical Almost Order</u></p><p>A b c d e<br />F g h i j k l<br />M n o p q<br />R s t u v x y<br />And z, w got lost.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>I'm Not a Busy Man</u></p><p>I'm a busy man<br />These days, so I've adopted<br />The time saving plan<br />To start projects at the end<br />So I complete them faster.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>True Friendship</u></p><p>My favorite pair<br />Of shoes knows where I have been,<br />Has holes where I've failed,<br />Wore away their soles for me,<br />And smells pretty damn nasty.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Back Cover Propaganda</u></p><p>Until yesterday<br />I never considered the<br />Concept of splendid<br />Monographs when a blurbed book<br />Review poisoned me with it.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Gertrud Bandera</u></p><p>Dear Trudl, with your<br />Expressive countenances<br />So well captured in<br />Sketches by Kokoschka, I<br />Wonder if you are dead now.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Would It Now</u><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span></p><p>Travelling on a<br />Weather balloon deep inside<br />The Congo River<br />Basin would be a better<br />Trip on a barometer.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Somebody Should Be, Anyway</u></p><p>Brushing out the frog,<br />I am brushing out the frog,<br />Brushing out the frog,<br />I am brushing out the frog,<br />Brushing out the frog, I am.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Quite A Leap</u></p><p>Naturally, when<br />I broke my wrist, my thinking<br />Dripped of Tiktaalik<br />Then evolved to concerns for<br />My career in pro tennis.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Adaptation</u></p><p>Sometimes, depending<br />On the configuration<br />Of the food on the<br />Plate or in the bowl, I need<br />To change my grip on the spoon.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>I Went To Class That Day</u></p><p>For subjunctive mood<br />My grammar professor said<br />(Wait, they have grammar<br />Professors?)(Apparently)<br />"Was" or "were" are both correct</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>A Peeve</u></p><p>I have (don't you hate<br />When people say more in their<br />Parenthetical<br />Note than they say in their main<br />Statement?) nothing much to say.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>We Never Did Meet Up</u></p><p>Opioid-induced<br />Constipation really takes<br />The nifty out of<br />Being hopped up on the goop<br />With all my cool druggie friends.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Etiquette</u></p><p>Having just eaten<br />Doritos I won't afflict<br />You by mouth breathing,<br />But please forgive me if my<br />Nose breath reeks of farina.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Perspective</u></p><p>I've lived through lost jobs,<br />Lost loved ones, lost romances,<br />Lost hopes and dreams, yet<br />I've never been so sad as<br />When all the cookies are gone.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>More Map Perusing</u></p><p>What is going on<br />In the cold edge of Svalbard,<br />Skerries all around,<br />And should we be concerned with<br />Not hearing about it more?</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Predatory Comeuppance</u></p><p>Beaked with worm, mother<br />Robin searches for her nest,<br />Razed by landscaping,<br />Her chicks surely to suffer<br />A fate not unlike the worm.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Dictionary Reading</u></p><p>Having three stomachs<br />Was the only struthious<br />Attribute he had,<br />Forcing him to feign to be<br />Vulnerable by default.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>For The Many</u></p><p>Forced under a rock,<br />To save the organism<br />Of which I'm a part,<br />It has become my refuge<br />From which I may not emerge.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>For Gabriela</u></p><p>Tehuacán Valley<br />Berries reposed in a bowl<br />Assuage a frenzy<br />Provoked by war that threatens<br />Those berries' ubiety.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Can't Say I Didn't Enjoy It</u></p><p>I ate four ears of<br />Corn for lunch the other day<br />Then after a while<br />My effort was rewarded<br />By a big, fun explosion.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Self Awareness</u></p><p>You may have noticed<br />I have not been composing<br />Tanka poetry<br />As much as I've been writing<br />Thirty-one dumb syllables.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Generational Amnesia</u></p><p>Pre-schools should teach the<br />Archimedes' principle<br />Of buoyancy so<br />These kids today can employ<br />Bathtub filling discipline.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Fooling Nobody</u></p><p>Avatar here and<br />Avatar there, depicting<br />People in cartoon<br />Facsimile, yet they seem<br />To exclude fat and wrinkles.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>No Much Passion</u></p><p>Lolled by gluttony<br />Reading for inspiration<br />Finding not one mote<br />Left me empty in noggin,<br />With a paunch full of regret.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Formulaic Movie Review</u></p><p>If I like the boy<br />And I like the girl, I'm glad<br />To see them end up<br />Together by the end of<br />The movie, and the nude scenes.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>200 Left To Remember</u></p><p>Malleus incus<br />Stapes, malleus incus<br />Stapes, malleus<br />Incus stapes, repeat this<br />To memorize the ear bones.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>Homophonic Folly</u></p><p>Oh picadita,<br />Kind sope, delectables <br />Atop pinched masa, <br />What if the masa was soap<br />Would you bestow bubbly farts?</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span><u>That What Makes Each Special</u></p><p>I shan't glove my hand<br />To prevent petty dastards<br />From maliciously<br />Mocking my double distal<br />Interphalangeal crease.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Moist Rubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11761155132969976525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-59560738479454793942018-11-08T21:39:00.001-06:002018-11-08T21:41:46.263-06:00Frewbud Bought a RubberFrewbud bought a rubber!<br />
<br />
Didn't know why<br />
Just had to have one.<br />
Others had them<br />
They seemed to have fun.<br />
When he walked back from the corner drug<br />
He felt like giving the world a hug.<br />
<br />
Frewbud bought a rubber!<br />
<br />
'Twas stashed away<br />
In a special spot<br />
For times to come<br />
When he'd take a shot.<br />
He didn't know what would come to be<br />
Believing that thing would set him free.<br />
<br />
What are you gonna do with it, Frewbud Frewbud?<br />
You really oughtn't play with it, Frewbud Frewbud.<br />
Will you ever go through with it, Frewbud Frewbud?<br />
You've got a lot to say with it, Frewbud Frewbud.<br />
<br />
Frewbud LOST the rubber!<br />
<br />
One laundry day<br />
Confusion abound<br />
It slipped away<br />
Never to be found.<br />
Flailing his arms and embracing rue<br />
Sopping up tears, he knew what to do.<br />
<br />
Frewbud bought another rubber!<br />
<br />
What are you gonna do with it, Frewbud Frewbud?<br />
Don't be so debonair with it, Frewbud Frewbud.<br />
You will never go through with it, Frewbud Frewbud.<br />
If you don't take some care with it, Frewbud Frewbud.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">(This song took over 30 years to write, mostly in the last week or so. Music to come...eventually...maybe.)</span></i><br />
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Moist Rubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11761155132969976525noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-38941375767017216592017-09-25T22:52:00.001-05:002017-09-25T23:46:11.098-05:00Voodoo Pop (Slight Return)Our country is one of those runaway cars hurtling deep into a mine shaft littered with dead canaries. And when anyone comes up with an idea, somebody else stuffs one of them dead canaries in their mouth.<br />
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In the meantime our leaders are busy trying to rename the mineshaft because they don't like the old boss. Swell times, my friends.<br />
<br />
Rodman needs to tell Kim Jong-un to just chill out. We'll take care of ourselves, and he'll be able to just plop a piece of plywood over the top of that dark, quiet shaft soon enough.<br />
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It's martini time... take it away, Rev!<br />
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<br />Sidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08269958368204164974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-33252964644845942382014-11-11T20:16:00.001-06:002014-11-11T20:21:42.958-06:00What I Learned at AI: St. Martin <div class="MsoNormal">
<i>A series based on my visits to the Art Institute of Chicago.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Okay, so most of us here in ‘Merica spend November 11
celebrating Veterans Day, which is all well and good because I certainly didn’t
want to sacrifice my life running around a jungle or a desert or wherever else
our government decided to send our military in this crazy world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t even too fond of the thought of
drill sergeants yelling at me or having to get up and do more before 9am than
most people do all day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So for all you
who did that… you’re nuts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But thank
you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sincerely.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A good chunk of Europe prefers to recognize Armistice Day,
originally to celebrate the end of WWI and armies marching around pillaging
their homelands.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
The Commonwealth instead goes with Remembrance Day,
which essentially the same thing with a side of bangers and mash.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, way back in the 4<sup>th</sup> century, there was a
Roman soldier named Martin of Tours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>According to legend, Marty was out cruising around on his horse one
winter, and found a beggar trailside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Probably with a cardboard sign claiming to just need bus fare to Sicily
or something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Marty sensed a scam since
buses hadn’t been invented yet, however the beggar was clothed in rags and damn
cold.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Marty did have a fancy cloak that
day, drew his sword, cutting his cloak in half and sharing it with the
beggar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That night, Marty has a dream that it was Jesus who was
wearing his half cloak and thanking him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or in a more
extreme telling, that the cloak was whole again when he awoke in the morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whoa, magic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The cloak was pretty much one of the best pieces of Christian
memorabilia those days, so they assigned a priest to take care of it and gave
him the fancy title of cappellanu so that he’d take the responsibility
seriously and not lose it or stick in the cellar and forget about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pretty soon they stole the word and called
priests in the military cappellani, which eventually became the English word
chaplain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The word also evolved such
that small churches are called chapels. But I digress.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Marty
ended up joining a monastery, got promoted to bishop, did a bunch of preaching
and other good guy stuff, as well as adding some miracley things to his resume
along the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He died in 397, but had
done enough by then to become a rock star and subsequently a saint.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He was buried on November 11, which became St. Martin’s Day
or The Feast of St. Martin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
tradition started in France, where he was doing most of his wandering back
then, and spread throughout Europe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
apparently eat some goose and as much other vittles as humanly possible, mostly because there
was a period in which this preceded a 40-day fast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That crazy fasting tradition went away, but
the gluttony prevailed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, it seems St. Martin’s Day has largely been
shouldered out of the mainstream by the more modern day celebrations honoring
our military… so definitely thank a veteran, but feel free to gorge on a goose
and some mead.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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How did I learn this at the Art Institute?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In 1597 El Greco did a painting called <i>Saint
Martin and the Beggar</i> depicting the cloak event that started it all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was done for an altar piece for a church,
and the original is in the National Gallery of Art in Washington DC, but one of
the repetitions that El Greco did is in the Art Institute.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gallery 206.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Check it out. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Sidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08269958368204164974noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-51087204503633510292014-11-09T15:20:00.001-06:002014-11-09T15:20:42.717-06:00Bob Dylan - Cadillac Palace Theater - 11/8/14Okay, so Bob Dylan is a legend... I get it. I don't consider myself one of his hardcore fans. I was too stupid as a kid to get it, his voice kind of sucked, and it took me a while to finally appreciate the more acoustic or folky stuff. But I came around. I'm sure the day I did meant a lot to Bob.<br />
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So when he announced three shows in town, literally right around the corner from my place, I briefly perused the listing, saw the $160 ticket price, and then went back to looking at free porn on the internet. I had seen Dylan with Tom Petty back in 1986, long before I could fully appreciate it, and at a festival outdoors last year which wasn't exactly conducive to a Dylan set.<br />
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However when a friend won tickets to the show that she couldn't use, I gladly accepted them, put on some pants and decided to honor Bob with my presence. Notes from the show:<br />
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Bob Dylan dresses like a gaucho now. Not Groucho Marx, although that would be amusing. A gaucho. A South American cowhand. Like the guy on those crappy frozen beef containers from the grocery store.<br />
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Bob Dylan sounds more like Tom Waits than a young Bob Dylan now. I kind of like it. Makes him sound more badass than whiney.<br />
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Bob Dylan seems to have rearranged all his songs in a country swing style. I like the sound. He has a solid backing band. But they don't sound like Bob Dylan songs to me anymore. Maybe he or his fans got bored with the traditional arrangements. I wasn't.<br />
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Bob Dylan doesn't play guitar anymore. He alternated, almost every other song, between playing piano and just singing while letting the band handle the guitars. That's fine, and I suppose he's earned that right, but my image of Bob Dylan is that of the folk troubadour strumming his tunes on an old acoustic. Probably not necessary, but throw on an acoustic and strum along for a couple to placate dumbasses like me. Or maybe just do one acoustic number... just him and the guitar. That said, seeing him rock along on piano was impressive and refreshing.<br />
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Two forty-five minute sets and a two-song encore. Not bad. We all got the early bird special at Denny's and made it home before 11pm. <br />
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Bob Dylan doesn't do banter. At all. Zero. No hello, no thank you. The dude has been around for fifty years and I wouldn't mind some insights or anecdotes about the songs on the setlist. Or that night with Joan Baez in the Village... crazy! Not that I would have been able to understand him. But it was worth a shot.<br />
<br />
Bob Dylan fans fucking love Bob Dylan. I felt like a fraud being there, and to be honest, I kind of was. Despite all my ridiculous observations, I did enjoy the music and feel pretty lucky to say that I got to see him live. A few times he stepped out from behind the mike and did this little marching in place, swaying side to side thing, ever so subtle, but evoking a response from the crowd as if he were Shaun White landing a frontside heelflip 540 body varial.<br />
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Rock on, Bob. Your fans love you. And they should.<br />
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<br />Cracky Muletrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07336983533560544284noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-82771371965449667702014-11-09T14:08:00.000-06:002014-11-09T14:08:06.471-06:00Video Spotlight: Simon and Garfunkel<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Now that the internets have been around for, what, 20 years or so, I've pretty much got my expectations in line with the reality of the world. I try to avoid the comment section of any post but every once in a while I scroll a little too far south, and I'm reminded why it is a bigger waste of time than polishing my shoes before jumping in the mosh pit at Lollapalooza. Assuming that it rained all weekend and that I actually ever went to Lollapalooza and that I wasn't too old and refined to mosh.</div>
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So I expect, in the comment section, to see an occasional thoughtful remark. A racist remark. An illiterate remark. A funny remark. An incoherent remark. Something attacking Obama, liberals, conservatives. Angry people and unprovoked attacks. No matter what the topic or original post, I've pretty much lowered the expectation so much that the bar is buried six feet under the ground with my dead granddad. And yet today, I read a comment that I wasn't expecting. On a Simon and Garfunkel video, of all things.</div>
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I was sitting at my kitchen table on a Sunday morning, eating a scone and sipping my chai tea and stroking the kitten on my lap while reading the New York Times and decided to add a little Simon and Garfunkel to the mix. Summoned youtube and pulled up Bridge Over Troubled Water. While waiting for the chai tea to cool, the comments loaded. I expected comments such as:</div>
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"This song means so much to me. It reminds me of having to overcome the death of my best friend."</div>
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"Paul Simon is a fag and so are you for listening to this."<br />"Bridge over My Pants... lol"</div>
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"Can somebody tell me which chord is played in the bridge after the A7m?"</div>
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"Why did Paul have to go to Africa to work with those apes?"</div>
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"Good luck getting over the bridge while Obama is in office."</div>
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"I cry every time, even though I made it through the pain."</div>
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"Beautiful!"</div>
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"37 people who gave a thumbs down are retarded."</div>
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"Your retarded"</div>
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"Thumbs up if Lebron James sent you here."</div>
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"My parents played this record every Sunday morning when I was growing up."</div>
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"Fox News bleaches my anus."</div>
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"Malaysian pursestring entering easy HVAC."</div>
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None of those comments would have surprised me. In fact, there are a high number of thoughtful comments on this one, much higher than normal. But on Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon & Garfunkel, the "top comment" as determined by the Google itself was simply:</div>
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"My ex always played this song when she wanted a spot of back door action. Not sure why."</div>
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I didn't shake my head in disgust. I didn't quite laugh. I don't think he was trying to be funny or go for shock value. It was relevant. It was rather tactful given the subject. It brought up a really good question. One which I shall ponder as I finish my scone. </div>
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Cracky Muletrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07336983533560544284noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-67919825741997823032013-12-31T16:59:00.000-06:002013-12-31T17:30:14.896-06:00Cracky's Top Shows of 2012<div class="MsoNormal">
Holy crap, what a year in live music… I attended well over
100 shows in 2012.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, that’s not a
typo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It took me a year to finish my
year end list.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m only ranking 73
because I really dig prime numbers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
to make it easier, I left out festivals, local bands, bands I saw more than
once and some highbrow artsy stuff that I sneak into on occasion. Overall it was a strong year… you'd have to go down to the bottom three before I'd say I disliked a show.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Read up, check out some youtube clips, and I hope you find
something you like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or don’t like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s get to it, and let me know your faves!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>1. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Afghan Whigs
– Metro<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
This
was why rock n’ roll was invented.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
Lollapalooza aftershow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was late, it
was hot, it was crowded and I think my shoe was untied.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But once Greg Dulli began the proceedings,
nothing else mattered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sonic
intensity of the music, the sinister lyrics, the swagger with which he
controlled his stage and the crowd all made me feel as though I had sold my
soul to be there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He kindly returned it
at the end, but he could put the devil out of business if he chose.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9D2ARGiwyY" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9D2ARGiwyY</a></div>
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<b>2.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Dave Alvin –
Fitzgeralds, City Winery<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By all counts I should be sick of Dave by now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve seen him at every venue in town and in
every configuration and yet I still show up every time like an annoying little
brother who wants to tag along everywhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Fortunately Dave doesn’t mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His
stories are anything but bedtime material and are accompanied by the stinging
riffs coming from a Fender guitar that I’d probably recognize on the street
more quickly than my own mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No
offense, Ma, but he’s that good.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSU9vIzFCzk" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSU9vIzFCzk<o:p></o:p></a></div>
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<b>3.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Deerhoof/Buke
& Gase – Schubas<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Every year there is a show that surprises me more than
finding a blue Tiffany box in a happy meal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Deefhoof did it this year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
weren’t even on my radar and the only reason I was at the show was because a
friend recommended Buke & Gase.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>B&G were good, but I was completely unprepared for what followed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was like prog rock coming down from a bad
acid trip while doing sake bombs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sounds
frightening, but so mind opening you can’t wait to do it again.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkpjZXgetDU" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkpjZXgetDU<o:p></o:p></a></div>
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<b>4. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Mavis
Staples – City Winery<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Mavis owns the night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When she cries, you bawl with her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When she’s angry, you want to stand behind her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When she’s joyous, you feel so much fucking
joy you think your head is going to explode.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>To do that in every song takes talent, and she makes it look natural.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5RTxtzAbLk" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5RTxtzAbLk<o:p></o:p></a></div>
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<b>5.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Diamanda
Galas – Museum of Contemporary Art<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was just getting over a cough and cold and a sign was
posted at the door threatening to remove anyone making any noise including
photography, talking, recording, cellphones, or candy wrappers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was terrified she was going to kick my ass,
so I filled my mouth with a dozen Ricolas, held my breath and was even afraid
to fart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She came out in her classic
goth attire to a stage holding only a piano, and let loose with a mix of schizophrenic,
but impressive vocal and musical chops that make Tori Amos seem like a drunken
penguin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s as if she were raised
solely on Stravinsky and Maria Callas records but forced to practice 24 hours a
day inside an Addams Family pinball machine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was sometimes as terrifying, as it was beautiful, but definitely a
performance I’m glad I survived.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrDwpp7BeR8" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrDwpp7BeR8<o:p></o:p></a></div>
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<b>6.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Punch
Brothers – Park West/Cubby Bear<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A friend talked me into going to the Park West show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went reluctantly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I even passed on a free Maroon 5 show the
same night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And all you suckers that
went to squeal over Adam Levine that night can sit and spin, because these guys
might not be as pretty as Adam but they know how take a song from the front
porch to a larger venue without losing the smell of cornbread or the feel of
the dirt below their feet. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLFzXNQtCO8" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLFzXNQtCO8<o:p></o:p></a></div>
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<b>7.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Concrete
Blonde – Park West<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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This band has been a favorite of mine since some of you
younger ones were chugging apple juice from your sippy cups.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Johnette can still melt the ice cubes in your
kiddie cocktail with her voice alone, and you had better buckle up because the
songs will still drop you like a right hook if you think they’ve mellowed after
25 years.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmcrEt8uqCk" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmcrEt8uqCk<o:p></o:p></a></div>
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<b>8.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Fiona Apple
– Lincoln Hall<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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I’m not a Fiona Apple fanatic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I haven’t sat in my room with an overly
lengthy titled CD plotting revenge against past lovers, but I dig most of her
tunes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the manner of her album
titles, I guess I would say the show was A Peanut Made Me Puke ‘fore the Show
But I’d Still Trade the Waif a Cheeseburger for a Dynamite Song.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIlLq4BqGdg" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIlLq4BqGdg<o:p></o:p></a></div>
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<b>9.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Metric – The
Vic<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This was a free show, ill-sponsored and poorly publicized by
some car company.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So the venue was
half-empty, but it afforded me the opportunity to be upfront for my first live
experience with Em.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve always been a
tad embarrassed to like this band, and for some reason I’m a tad embarrassed to
put this show in the top ten, but her voice is sweet, the hooks are sharp, the set
was engaging and she’s got a rad pair of getaway sticks.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTJm3_n6kuw" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTJm3_n6kuw<o:p></o:p></a></div>
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<b>10.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Fishbone –
Cobra Lounge<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I caught them the year before, and sometimes that can hurt a
band in the rankings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But this band
still has so much energy and is so dynamic that they completely scrambled my
brain cells into believing they belong in the top ten again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I’m not going to argue with my
brain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m a genius.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3NyQE17UYM" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3NyQE17UYM<o:p></o:p></a></div>
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<b>11. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>tuneyards<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>- House of Blues<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Merrill has a horrible haircut.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She fingerpaints her face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She plays a ukulele and sometimes howls like
spider monkey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It sounds like a
nightmare day at pre-school, but via tuneyards she makes some of the most
interesting, creative and fun music out there today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The world needs more Merrills.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wjrmjvfsa8" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wjrmjvfsa8<o:p></o:p></a></div>
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<b>12.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Jeff Tweedy –
The Vic<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Okay, so 2011 was Wilco overload, and this show was early in
2012.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So it was initially way lower
because my brain is old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But after some
goji berries and kale, I remembered how intimate he made a 2,000 person room
feel, his sense of humor, the spontaneity of the show, and the quality of the
songs when stripped down to an acoustic guitar and a bag of Funyuns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djDq_ASjx3Y" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djDq_ASjx3Y<o:p></o:p></a></div>
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<b>13.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Ray Wylie
Hubbard – SPACE<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I met Ray a few times in my Dallas days and he was always a
humble and likeable chap walking around town with a guitar and looking like he
just rolled out of bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He still looks
like he just rolled out of bed but after 60 years people are finally figuring
out what I’ve know for 15… he’s not only likeable but knows how to write a tune
so vivid that often you feel like you just stepped out of your DeLorean to be
there with him.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7x-80GA1jk" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7x-80GA1jk<o:p></o:p></a></div>
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<b>14.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Chris
Smithers – Old Town School<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You know how when you have a crush, you want to like
everything that your crush likes?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why,
yes, I am a fan of the neo-Baroque philosphers!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You, too??!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dave Alvin
recommended Chris Smithers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
listened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I saw him when he came to town.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was even better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HtvroTf9d4" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HtvroTf9d4<o:p></o:p></a></div>
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<b>15. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Daniel
Johnston – Bottom Lounge<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you don’t know Daniel Johnston, you should know he’s
schizophrenic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Literally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So the show was what you might expect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Came out and did a couple tunes solo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then left saying that he’d be back out with
his band.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Came back saying he didn’t
have a band.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did a few more tunes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Got flustered because he thought his songbook
was messed up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was heartbreaking and
heartwarming all at the same time.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3615X2qOA-0" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3615X2qOA-0<o:p></o:p></a></div>
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<b>16. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Meshelle
Ndegecello – Old Town School<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She shocked the world when she topped my 2010 list.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s just as cool, but this performance of
Nina Simone songs was as <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">cool</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really dig cover tunes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But this was a little like putting chocolate
in a martini.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love chocolate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love gin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It might work and you’ll get drunk, but I’d rather have a real martini
and then stuff my face with chocolate when I’m laying on my dirty linoleum
floor after finishing the bottle.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUYWLS7Dl3s" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUYWLS7Dl3s<o:p></o:p></a></div>
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<b>17.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Ruthie Foster
– SPACE<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I still love Ruthie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But now she’s like an old friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The music is consistent, positive and keeps a smile on my face like
nothing else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I leave every show wanting
to take her home with me and ask if I can keep her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll make some pizza rolls and we can listen
to old records and she can teach me a chord or two.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sigh…..<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1n_d4eWX0Ko" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1n_d4eWX0Ko<o:p></o:p></a></div>
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<b>18.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Bettye
Lavette – City Winery<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bettye is still the queen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But she’s like heroin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ever since
I discovered her I couldn’t get enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But now my arms are covered in track marks and I’ve lost everything and
I just need to take a break.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But you
know I’ll be back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bettye and Mr.
Brownstone have a lot in common… they won’t leave me alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n72JRd9YVZc" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n72JRd9YVZc<o:p></o:p></a></div>
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<b>19.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Prince –
United Center<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A Prince show has been on my bucket list for a while (right
after make out with Shania Twain and before build a robot), so his three-night
stand seemed like a good opportunity to cross one off the list.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the first night I had read that he treated
the show like a pre-school Christmas pageant dress rehearsal, pouting about the
sound and refusing to play guitar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was
there on the second night and there were enough moments to remind me why I was
there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He also gets a bump for sharing
the stage with Jennifer Hudson, who I had previously dismissed but might have
stolen the stage from His Royal Badness.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sww3CHaTfQI" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sww3CHaTfQI<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<b>20.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Hounds Below
– Beat Kitchen<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I discovered this band earlier in the year and was excited
to see them headline the Beat Kitchen… with about 25 of my closest
friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sad that so few people showed
up, but an exclusive all-access show for the ones who did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just like my orgies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just hope these dudes keep with it until
the rest of the music world figures out that these guys are professional,
passionate and know how to write a hook that you won’t be embarrassed to be
singing days later.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcDfQwFAMyc" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcDfQwFAMyc<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>21.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Kids These
Days – Columbia College<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ah, kids these days… they put together a high energy mix of
funk and hip-hop and a dynamic show that gets them invited to the top music
festivals and on television and they decide to break up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Back in my day we would have kept at it until
we were 60 years old and could charge $450 a seat at United Center.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So short-sighted.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ObNOZuutqQ" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ObNOZuutqQ<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>22.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Mucca Pazza –
Taste of Chicago<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The circus punk marching band.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A bunch of ex-band geeks dust off their old
marching band uniforms and perform a halftime show inspired by Benny Hill for
whomever will have them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll leave it
at that.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISJ_0vJaQZE" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISJ_0vJaQZE</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>23.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Old 97’s –
The Vic<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
An alt-country fave who keep the house a-rockin, so don’t
bother knockin’.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAdbzNz6W4M" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAdbzNz6W4M<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>24.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Mark Lanegan
– Metro<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was looking forward to this one like an Amish cabinetmaker
looks forward to building cabinets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the
big day, Lanegan came out and planted himself in front of the mic stand, one
foot slightly in front of the other, one hand midway up the stand and the other
wrapped around the mic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And posed as if
he were a model for a still-life art class.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ve seen bowls of fruit move more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But his voice is a classic, he brought a solid backing band with a
handful of dark yet captivating tunes, and he even managed to say “thank you”
before leaving the stage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oddly
off-putting yet engaging at the same time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Like a date with yours truly.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WlWYor-0vE" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WlWYor-0vE<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>25.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Carolina
Chocolate Drops – Lincoln Hall<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
An old-time string band, some front porch entertainment and
a history lesson all rolled into one evening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Four musicians playing guitar, banjo, bones, violin, spoons, cello,
drums and jug.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a seizure when they
merely asked us to sing along.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPl8qlKq41o" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPl8qlKq41o<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>26.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>John Hammond
– Old Town School<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I like John Hammond.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ve seen John Hammond before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I forgot how good a John Hammond show is until I get there and he
starts the first song.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I feel like
the idiot who ruined the idiom by forgetting how to ride a bike.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s white, but this ain’t no white boy blues
band playing Mustang Sally for drunk middle-aged women who can’t dance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is down home blues for people who will
wonder if Hammond found the same crossroads that Robert Johnson did.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTs6DC3byWc" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTs6DC3byWc<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>27.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Band of
Horses – Metro<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Every year Metro has a Thursday night Lollapalooza show
that’s usually worth attending so I keep it open.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When they announced it was Band of Horses I
was a little disappointed but went anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They weren’t horses at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I
also discovered Michael Kiwanuka.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
was able to sell my extra ticket to some kid from Tennessee so he could see his
favorite band.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a feel good night
all around.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0p34ZfZkH0" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0p34ZfZkH0<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJ4s3G7hgR4" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJ4s3G7hgR4<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>28.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The Dirty
Three – Lincoln Hall<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Part of the Nick Cave mafia, The Dirty Three are led by
Warren Ellis on violin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If unfamiliar
with Mr. Ellis, you might mistake him for a homeless gentleman who has wandered
in off the street.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A manic homeless
gentleman who will rock your socks off with a violin and a couple of bandmates who
play together like a finely tuned awesome noise machine.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCvgkDjUR24" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCvgkDjUR24<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>29.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Alabama
Shakes – Metro<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A band who suffered from overexposure… after catching them
at a free local show at a little dive bar, this sold out show at Metro without
much new material was a bit of a letdown.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But Brittany still rocks and their music is a breath of fresh air in the
dutch oven of new releases.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HxNtWEIKhQ" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HxNtWEIKhQ<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>30.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Dinosaur Jr.
– SubT<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A wall of Marshall stacks was pointed at the crowd in the
intimate club.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>J. Mascis came out and
showed us that he knew how to use them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was loud.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a throwback
that still measured up to anything out there today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rock n’ roll, kids… pay attention.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J37765jkAyo" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J37765jkAyo<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>31.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Blitzen
Trapper – Lincoln Hall<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These guys get a bump because I just saw them again this
year and had forgotten how good a show they put on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s like a Grateful Dead and Lynyrd Skynyrd
mash up, and as weird as that sounds it works like a tye-dye t-shirt on the 4<sup>th</sup>
of July.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just leave the confederate
flags at home, Bubba; these guys hail from Portland somehow.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFnCXh_INZM" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFnCXh_INZM<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>32.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Mike Watt –
Schubas<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the Minutemen carrying on the tradition long after
the passing of D. Boon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He does a nice
job and seems to have fun doing it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Carry on.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPUb85GxVz0" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPUb85GxVz0<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>33.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Rodrigo y
Gabriela – Chicago Theater<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had been wanting to see this duo and had mixed feelings
when they came around with a Cuban orchestra.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Nothing against Desi Arnez, but I didn’t want the guitar play to get
lost amongst a bunch of babalus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe
they did, but now I can say I spent a night at the fabled Tropicana Club.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djfNiU1ukeM" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djfNiU1ukeM<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>34.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Delta Spirit
– House of Blues<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They’ve got spirit, yes they do, they’ve got spirit, how
‘bout you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember cheerleaders
chanting that back and forth across the field during football games.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pretty stupid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, we’ve got spirit…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>so shut the hell up already.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Delta Spirit had spirit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The crowd returned the spirit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The floor shook a bit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Good times. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dKKo3f7ZLQ" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dKKo3f7ZLQ<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>35.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Battles –
Bottom Lounge<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is a weird band.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I didn’t know if I should have gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But the rhythm got me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The rhythm
is gonna get you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tonight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>O eh o eh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I got sucked into the whole experience and cheered for pink blobs and
multimedia duets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It would have been a
good night to do acid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bonus point for
the ridiculously high crash cymbal.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpGp-22t0lU" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpGp-22t0lU<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>36.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We Were
Promised Jetpacks – Bottom Lounge<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sometimes I debate myself on whether this is one of the
dumbest band names or most genius band names.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In the end it really doesn’t matter because once they strap on the
guitars and let the wall of sound rip, you forget all about the broken jetpack
promises (but still fantasize about Judy Jetson).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWQjwt9iUrQ" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWQjwt9iUrQ<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>37.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Kasabian –
The Vic<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Part Spinal Tap, part dance rock, part just rock.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s an odd mix of nothing too
groundbreaking, but it works like a bottle of applesauce on pork chop day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just show up, roll with it and you’ll have
fun.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JcokdDs1dQ" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JcokdDs1dQ<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>38.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>He’s My
Brother She’s My Sister – Empty Bottle<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No debating this one… this is a really dumb band name.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then they come up with the hare-brained
idea to replace the drummer with a tap dancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Fortunately I was intrigued by the proposition and who knew that a
couple hippie siblings exchanging lyrics over some tap shoes would be the
feel-good experience of the year.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJEllVt3alc" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJEllVt3alc<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>39.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Silent Comedy
– Double Door/Schubas<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These dudes from San Diego tear it up. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If not for the fact that they got together to
form a stellar band, they’d have no justification for the ridiculous facial
hair that would otherwise be annoying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But it works here. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lBKTtWNp0M" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lBKTtWNp0M<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>40.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Eric Bibb –
Old Town School<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mr. Bibb just lays down a down-homey, bluesy groove on an
acoustic guitar, floats some smooth lyrics over the top, and chills so hard
that you’ll crave a cool glass of lemonade on the coldest winter’s day.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeEUNeMXiQI" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeEUNeMXiQI<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>41.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Lee Fields –
Lincoln Hall<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mr. Fields sweats a lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s how soulful he is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His
sweat is so full of soul, that the devil could walk away with his fill and Mr.
Field would still have enough soul remaining to pass through the gates of
heaven while giving St. Pete the finger.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJ9obyxAao4" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJ9obyxAao4<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>42.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Laura Marling
– Athaneaum Theater<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ah, Laura.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
shouldn’t like you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I should ignore you
at best; scowl in annoyance at worst.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But you’re the exception to the rule.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Not sure why.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As Charlie Daniels
said in The Legend of Wooley Swamp, “There’s some things in this world you just
can’t explain.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, she could do a
set of Charlie Daniels Band covers and I’d probably show up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I dare you, Laura.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_E-EoSOC_N8" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_E-EoSOC_N8<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>43.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Handsome
Family – Saki Records<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brett and his wife Rennie sing dark, Gothic America tunes
and kicked it up a notch by doing an entire set of murder ballads at a local
record store.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a surprisingly
delightful way to spend a September evening and mellowed me out in a weird way.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEL5F_ulqbs" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEL5F_ulqbs<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>44.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>honeyhoney –
Beat Kitchen<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Suzanne and Ben make an odd couple but I like living in a
world where they not only found each other, but they could interrupt a gunfight
and distract everyone until it was happy hour and they could all just hang out
at the saloon with a sarsaparilla.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITwD2bCdDhw" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITwD2bCdDhw<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>45.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Mission of
Burma – Lincoln Hall<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The horrible truth about Burma is that more people other
than the 40-something dudes who remember them from the 80’s should have been at
this show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But that’s cool… for one
night we were all back in college except that the beers were more expensive and
the floor wasn’t as sticky.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6maMbi4wsas" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6maMbi4wsas<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>46.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>White Rabbits
– Lincoln Hall<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Their music ain’t gonna change the world. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their songs won’t be covered by aspiring
coffee shop troubadours for decades to come.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But they have a good beat and they’re easy to bob your head to without
being as brain damaging as the top forty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3px85ixf6lE" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3px85ixf6lE<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>47.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Le Butcherettes
– SubT<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My good friend Teri Gender Bender brought her band and
bloody apron back to Chicago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was
entertained.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not as much as the first
time, but I guess I have a high tolerance for bloody apron, Mexican garage
rock.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FssyXpRo_eg" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FssyXpRo_eg<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>48.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Crime &
The City Solution – Lincoln Hall<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A gothic castle with a whimsical king surrounded by a moat
of black licorice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hell if I know what
that means, but it was cool to spend a night chilling out with these old-timers
who live there.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7xRsgzbv6o" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7xRsgzbv6o<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>49.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Edward Sharpe
& The Magnetic Zeroes – Daley Plaza<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Somehow a bunch of dirty hippies got a permit to park their
bus downtown and grace a stage next to the Picasso in Daley Plaza for a free
lunchtime show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took an extended lunch
and saw that they were having such a swell time making music that I almost
dropped my khakis and stowed away on their tour bus. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qb9jY8yAxgs" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qb9jY8yAxgs<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>50.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Maps &
Atlases – Schubas<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The singer’s voice annoys me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The bass player’s movements annoy me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their stage props annoy me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their videos perplex me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their general hipsterness begs to be
destroyed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But damn if they don’t pull
it all together as a pretty damn good band with some catchy songs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I pay $15 to stand there like a
judgmental ass.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rMWeHky_uc" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rMWeHky_uc<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>51.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Nneka –
Double Door<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This was early in the year and I thought could be a top ten
show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was probably unfairly brought
down later in the year when I saw her again and started suffering from Nneka
overload and her spirit and sincerity suddenly turned and became pretentious
and annoying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure it’s me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I like you Nneka.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Really.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IY2WwzI_86k" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IY2WwzI_86k<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>52.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Heartless
Bastards – Lincoln Hall<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I love Erica and this band, but clearly this is the section
of my rankings that could be relabeled as kick-ass bands I just got burned out
on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m like JoJo the idiot circus boy
with a pretty new pet….<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcXB3eWl1KE" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcXB3eWl1KE<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>53.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Aimee Mann –
Park West<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve had a crush on Aimee since the 80’s when she rocked the
bass with her spikey platinum locks and rat-tail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still have a crush on her and still like
her songs, but they seem more suited to my living room than a large concert
hall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Swing by sometime, Aimee, and
you’ll easily make the top ten.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fn7F75stXxI" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fn7F75stXxI<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>54.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Wild Flag –
Metro<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This was the fourth time I’ve seen the coolest rocker chicks
on the road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately each venue
got more and more crowded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I showed
up late and might have well been standing across the street.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, yeah, they still rock.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q25zB3lJqgY" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q25zB3lJqgY<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>55.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Japandroids –
Metro<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Damn it, man, stop showing up late!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This time I ended up upstairs trying to catch
a peek between a sea of more punctual fans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Great energy, but I might have enjoyed it more had I been closer to the
stage than the urinals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tALN2S2rINw" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tALN2S2rINw<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>56.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Devotchka –
Metro<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another one I need to chill on for a bit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s fun to mix it up and see a band with a
string section, a tuba, accordion and whatever else they fancy playing music
that will sweep you away the same way a good movie can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But on overload, it gets a little Groundhog
Day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ewCzb-HLM4" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ewCzb-HLM4<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>57.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>These United
States/Bailiff – Schubas<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A solid double bill… my first time seeing TUS rocking out on
Schubas small stage, but put over the top with a strong showing from local
openers Bailiff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nice to see your
hometown band hold its own against the more established acts.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZs6TIJHLbs" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZs6TIJHLbs<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHPqgOPBWuQ" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHPqgOPBWuQ<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>58.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Duke Spirit –
Lincoln Hall<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m my own worst enemy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I caught them at SubT a few years ago and was caught completely
off-guard by the sound and energy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Liela
owns it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It had been so long awaited and
so amped up in my own head that I couldn’t help but feel a bit
disappointed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which is totally
wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re awesome, Liela.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like heroine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I used to do a little but a little wouldn’t do it so the little got more
and more…..<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuTS1BaKHDM" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuTS1BaKHDM<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>59.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Charles
Bradley – Millennium Park<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I saw Charles at Metro the year before and gave him a bad
review because I was sick and insisted on going to the show and ended up sitting
in the corner by the end of the night in a hoodie and the cold sweats and venue
security thinking I was on drugs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just
convinced them I was just trying not to puke on their shoes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sorry, Charlie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went to his free show at MP a year later…
and, yeah, he’s way better when you’re not delirious.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBdTVmSVq14" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBdTVmSVq14<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>60.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Black Keys –
United Center<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had tickets to their Metro show a few years ago but sold
them to see Gogol Bordello at SubT the same night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t regret the decision, but seeing them
with an additional 17,000 people at the United Center might not have been the
same.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ure7hBl2RQ" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ure7hBl2RQ<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>61.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Lenny Kravitz
– Chicago Theater<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some people want to be rock stars.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Others have to be rock stars because they
don’t have a choice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lenny and his band
fit this category.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not like you’ll
see them doing taxes at Price Waterhouse or even manning the fitting rooms at
the Gap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The songs may be a little
formulaic, but they deserve to be up there.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Te7UY1ItE6M" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Te7UY1ItE6M<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>62.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Cowboy Mouth
– House of Blues<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the best live acts touring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So why are they so low?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess you need to be in the mood to
party.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you are, they will slice up the
limes for your tequila shots.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I found
out that if you aren’t in the mood, those limes can sting an open wound.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So just make sure you have your mardi gras
beads when you go see them and you’ll have a great time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Otherwise stay out of the way.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOogwevFEZk" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOogwevFEZk<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>63.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Johnny Clegg
– Lincoln Hall<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a pleasant
evening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He deserves to be higher based
on solely on his convictions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not for
bad stuff like drunken driving, but personal convictions regarding South
African liberation and getting in trouble for having a bi-racial band when such
things were illegal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I enjoy world
music, but only in small doses. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBpMHxtZeMA" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBpMHxtZeMA<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>64.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Walkmen –
Lincoln Hall<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nothing wrong with the Walkmen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I was just tired after a long weekend
of Lolla aftershows and annoyed that they dress so well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIqTaSwYAfI" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIqTaSwYAfI<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>65.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Lumineers –
Logan Square Auditorium<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If only I had enjoyed the show enough to justify the trouble
of getting tickets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure the band
was swell that night but the venue sucks and the crowd sucked even more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Good grief, don’t you guys have frat houses
in which to drink and act like assholes?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KynZoDihWk" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KynZoDihWk<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>66.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Sam Moore –
City Winery<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A new venue wanted to give me tickets to see half of Sam and
Dave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still has a voice that mellows me
like no other, but it was half the fun without Dave.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oj_MeIijCCQ" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oj_MeIijCCQ<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>67.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Junior Brown
– Fitzgeralds<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I like Junior.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s
amusing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s talented.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But after you’ve seen him once or twice, you
kinda get it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you’re a diehard fan
that’s cool, but for the rest of us we’ve been on the ride so no reason to get
the season pass.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlFHsSZcG6Y" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlFHsSZcG6Y<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>68.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>UFO – House
of Blues<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was four when this band formed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Forty years ago, this show would have been
Too Hot To Handle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was fun to hear
the hits, but I can’t say it would have been much different if you had put a
really good cover band up there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Especially with the Lights Out.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-xB9zC3XW8" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-xB9zC3XW8<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>69.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Hush Sound –
Bottom Lounge<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yeah, I had a momentary lapse of reason and really, really
liked this band for a week or two.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe
I had malaria or something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’re not
bad, but not sure how I ended up actually going to one of their shows.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FR5hBE83l90" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FR5hBE83l90<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>70.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Amy Lavere –
Abbey Pub<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I dig Amy and her delicate voice singing dark songs and her tiny
frame handling that upright bass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
this one just seemed a bit uninspired.
Perhaps because they totally got shown up by the opening band – the
Hooten Hollars.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9kBlT4ojoY" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9kBlT4ojoY<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF4likE3BDo" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF4likE3BDo<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>71.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>George
Thorogood – House of Blues<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I went to see George in 1984.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember because I wasn’t quite old enough
to drink and spent a good portion of the evening trying to secure beer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was fun, but I wasn’t about to drop $50 to
see George these days at HOB.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I got
on the guest list, and decided to check it out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I stayed for three songs… just long enough to cringe at the cheesiness
of the show and the caricature of himself that he’s become.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the fans stuck in 1984 and still eating
it up….<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZwHXdUVBuQ" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZwHXdUVBuQ<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>72. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Greg Ginn <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and the Royal We – Red Line Tap<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The founder, guitarist and mainstay of Black Flag.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s been fighting ex-band members and then
made a foray into electronic music.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
was intrigued enough to pay $8 to check this out at a local dive bar with about
20 other folks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went in knowing what
what I was getting into, but it was still a train wreck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He played some guitar melodies over a drum
and bass track recorded his computer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Which kept crashing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s also
kind of awkward, which explains why he’s always let his singers be the voice
and face of the band.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sorry, Greg. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really was pulling for you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOlUcRQmhoY" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOlUcRQmhoY<o:p></o:p></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>73. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Electric Six
– Double Door<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was supposed to be a party, but it was just kind of
silly.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GB0_EKS5H2s" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GB0_EKS5H2s<o:p></o:p></a><br />
<br />
Did you actually just read all that? Serious? We should be friends. Send me a note or comment here and let's hit a show!</div>
Cracky Muletrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07336983533560544284noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-89477146321703429412013-10-05T21:49:00.000-05:002013-10-05T21:49:04.736-05:00Birthday Riddle<div class="MsoNormal">
The funniest presidential riddle ever written was popular in
the early 1880's. It was created to poke
fun at one of the most insipid presidents in the history of the United
States. See if you can guess which
president to whom it refers.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Q: What is worse than chest arth?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A: Chester Arther (Arthur)<o:p></o:p></div>
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HA!<o:p></o:p></div>
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Cracks me up every time.
Can you guess which president?
That's right, Harry S Truman. No,
I josh. Harry S Truman did not have a presidential
riddle assigned to him, but he did have a pun, which was hilarious in its own
right (get ready to hold your spleen): Harry Ass Truman. Bet you never heard that before, huh? Puns don't get much more hilarious than that. It's interesting to note, by most accounts,
he did not have a hairy ass. But sometimes
he would have a hair grow under his left thumbnail. He would have to carve into his thumbnail
with an awl and yank the hair out with a pair of tweezers. This is where the popular term "holy
thumbnail" was derived. It actually
has nothing to do with Jesus Christ, which is the popular lore. But, that’s enough about Truman.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Oh, one more thing about Harry S Truman before I get back to
the riddle discussion. It is widely
known that he did not have a middle name, and the “S” simply stood for “S”. This is true as birth records indicate, but
over time he earned the nickname “Sisyphus” because he was always rolling his
balls. He did not appreciate that
nickname, but he got used to it. He eventually
grew to like it. It made him feel like one of the guys. Later in life, he had his middle name legally
changed to Sisyphus.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE4lC_Gb4Csin1WepgmiPuxuUaXrreXDHxU5lwaSwn6ZNwFdvSYOU9i_g1xdN6scs8BniYaVnHc72qtKBoeKr89ngZjfUxTZyqB7j1P05-m7Lbhuj9bPWUVnCFBdXFx9MOGiym/s1600/sisyphus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="136" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE4lC_Gb4Csin1WepgmiPuxuUaXrreXDHxU5lwaSwn6ZNwFdvSYOU9i_g1xdN6scs8BniYaVnHc72qtKBoeKr89ngZjfUxTZyqB7j1P05-m7Lbhuj9bPWUVnCFBdXFx9MOGiym/s320/sisyphus.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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And now back to the riddle.
The riddle refers to Chester Arthur.
Who? I said Chester Arthur. “Who?” is the usual response I receive when
I mention Chester Arthur in conversation (it occurs more often than you may
think). Most people I talk to don’t know
who he is, and that offends me. Not
because I expect people to know all of the presidents (but how hard is it,
really?), but I do expect them to know the funny looking ones. For those of us who are lucky enough to know of
the existence of Chester Arthur, we have been amused by his flamboyant facial
hair and overall dopey appearance from the first time his picture was thrust
upon us. His facial hair is the primary
attraction. He grew a radical, never-before-seen
hybrid of sidewhiskers (long sideburns that sometimes hang below the jawline)
and friendly muttonchops (muttonchops connected by a mustache). I can only imagine that he dreamed of
becoming some sort of human-rodent mutant and was trying to get the mutation
kick started in his DNA. Either that or
he had a bone to pick with Martin Van Buren and felt the need to one-up
him. Whatever the reason, the dude is
fun to look at. That alone should put
him in the brains of US citizens.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today is his birthday. I don’t expect a federal holiday to be enacted
for his legacy. But it wouldn't hurt if a
few drunks in the bars across America tipped a glass to him, or at least to his
facial hair, on this day. I’m not drunk, but I will tip a glass – Here’s
to ya, old Chest Arth. When I eventually
give up in life, I plan to grow my facial hair in an equally ridiculous manner.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivt5quDS8kHWMM6R_omoCILEbglWY2nhfm36JdzvqE92TGxpjT6wbOcdqqYenyGNo8_IBNtLaQrjkIgyf5ko-Vwv5hltN7sV0AR88HvfN3zNawiCX4wr8r0qDBzuM-CASe-wxC/s1600/ChestArth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivt5quDS8kHWMM6R_omoCILEbglWY2nhfm36JdzvqE92TGxpjT6wbOcdqqYenyGNo8_IBNtLaQrjkIgyf5ko-Vwv5hltN7sV0AR88HvfN3zNawiCX4wr8r0qDBzuM-CASe-wxC/s320/ChestArth.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I gave you an interesting note
about Truman, how about one about the birthday boy? In the parlor game commonly known as Sex,
Marry, Kill, when Chester Arthur is presented with John Quincy Adams and the
aforementioned Martin Van Buren, Chester is most often chosen for Marry. Adams gets chosen for Kill, and Van Buren
gets the Sex. Go figure.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<br />Moist Rubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11761155132969976525noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-1665435401294897042013-10-03T01:34:00.000-05:002013-10-03T01:34:38.468-05:00Press Release!Hi, dear reader. I see that our last post was in December 2011. Christmas Eve. Just a little egg nog while hanging the stockings haphazardly above the faux fireplace and a few haikus slipped out. Sorry about that. Haikus are like farts sometimes. Often they slip out. And you hope they aren't a turd. That was a haiku right there in case you weren't counting to seven. And five. And seven again.<br />
<br />
But I digress.<br />
<br />
Clearly we needed some fresh inspiration. Motivation. Friendly competition. So we scoured the blogger community and found who we think might be a good fit. Mr. Cracky Muletrain. He has blogged as recently as April 2012, which is like four months better than us. It appears he was last sighted in Tacoma, Washington. You can check out his work here: <a href="http://thwartness.blogspot.com/">http://thwartness.blogspot.com</a><br />
<br />
By bringing him on-board, we hope you welcome him as part of the team and help us harness the synergies of this partnership. It is what it is. Just sayin'.<br />
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Me? I've just been working on the pipeline and trying to stay clean. Why do painters wear white pants? That seems like the dumbest choice they could make. Unless they mostly paint white walls. But, good lord, man, add an accent wall or something. We can't have every room looking like an institution. <br />
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Screw it, everybody just wear what they want. As long as it includes an ascot. We're bringing those back. Right, Cracky?Sidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08269958368204164974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-25464597529576929412011-12-24T12:56:00.003-06:002011-12-24T13:07:19.939-06:00Haiku 2011 - Part IVSure there are a few potential shows left this year, but party planners city-wide will be demanding my presence at their events so I'll need to publish what I can now. I'll edit later as needed. If I feel like it. Don't tell us what to do. You saw how that worked out last time. We quit writing until y'all went away and proved our point. So there.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Cold War Kids - Metro<br /></span><br />Throw down unique sounds<br />Catchy high energy but <br />Not memorable<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Death From Above 1979 - Metro<br /></span><br />Two guys, lots of noise<br />But not a White Stripes ripoff<br />Bass and drums on 'roids<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Joy Formidable - Double Door<br /></span><br />She looks quite docile<br />But Ritzy will melt your face<br />Guitar and vocals<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Arctic Monkeys - HOB<br /></span><br />I knew I liked them<br />But with the very first song<br />Their stock skyrockets<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Amy LaVere - Schubas<br /></span><br />With an upright bass<br />High heel shoes, dress and a mask<br />Tunes with attitude<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">This Must Be The Band - Ravenswood Fest<br /></span><br />Talking Heads tribute<br />Mixed feelings on cover bands<br />But this one was fun.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Soul Train Anniversary - Millennium Park<br /></span><br />Don Cornelius<br />And historic soul<br />Wish I had a 'fro<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Jim Jones Revue - Schubas<br /></span><br />Little Richard with<br />A chainsaw and a nosebleed<br />I stole that review<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Broken Social Scene - Wrigleyville<br /></span><br />Free show near Wrigley<br />Even up on a rooftop<br />Got down with their sound<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Fleet Foxes - Chicago Theater<br /></span><br />Best beards on the road<br />With amazing harmonies<br />Quite a mellow night<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">X - Bottom Lounge<br /></span><br />First couple of punk<br />John and Exene can still rock<br />But they're looking old<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Imelda May - Park West<br /></span><br />Groovy hair and shoes<br />And Irish rockabillly <br />Make for a good time<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Wild Flag - Empty Bottle<br /></span><br />Women who rock hard<br />Already reviewed them once<br />They just get better<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Screaming Females - Schubas<br /></span><br />Shredding the guitar<br />Is child's play for Marissa<br />With a unique sound<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Rhett Miller - Schubas<br /></span><br />Call it a man crush<br />He delivers energy<br />And quality tunes<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">The Damned - Metro <br /></span><br />Legendary punks<br />Captain Sensible<br />Is anything but<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Shelby Lynne - Lincoln Hall<br /></span><br />An angelic voice<br />But a little depressing<br />Cheer up buckaroo!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Lonie Walker - Wonder Bar<br /></span><br />Main goal: make sure that<br />Everyone has a good time<br />Mission accomplished<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Ronnie Hicks - BLUES<br /></span><br />Do not watch youtube<br />Get your butt to a live show<br />Crazy better live<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">White Mystery - SubT<br /></span><br />I did not like them<br />They can't play or sing very well<br />Just like my writing<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Le Butcherettes - SubT<br /></span><br />A bloody apron<br />And Mexican attitude<br />Crazy good rock show<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Marti Jones & Don Dixon - Abbey Pub<br /></span><br />Big Don Dixon fan<br />Brought his wife for a bonus<br />Did not disappoint<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Airborne Toxic Event - Riv<br /></span><br />I was on the fence<br />But I left the show a fan<br />Genuine music<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">tune-yards - Lincoln Hall<br /></span><br />Indescribable<br />Such a freak but makes it work<br />I love you Merrill<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Meat Puppets - Double Door<br /></span><br />Still alive today<br />On my playlist a long time<br />Glad you're together<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Monte Montgomery - Fitzgerald's<br /></span><br />Top notch guitar skills<br />Incredible back up band<br />But left wanting more<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Suzanne Vega - SPACE<br /></span><br />Last year she surprised<br />I went again this year and<br />Was bored this time 'round.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Split Lip Rayfield - Double Door<br /></span><br />Impromptu trip to <br />Double Door had me dancing,<br />Wanting more banjo.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Legendary Shack Shakers - Double Door<br /></span><br />Is that guitarist<br />The dude from Jesus Lizard?<br />His new band, mad fun<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Lykke Li - Vic<br /></span><br />She's got that goth thing<br />But she's not annoying like<br />All that Twilight shit<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Ftiz and the Tantrums - Metro<br /></span><br />A second visit<br />But we need a new record<br />Fitz says it's coming<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Architecture in Helsinki<br /></span><br />Crazy Aussie fun<br />B-52's with indie<br />Slant from down under<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">City & Colour - Vic<br /></span><br />Surprisingly strong<br />Did not expect much live but<br />The songs came to life<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">John Doe - OTS<br /></span><br />X, Knitters, solo<br />Doe does no wrong in my world<br />Play it, I'll be there<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Robbie Fulks - Hideout<br /></span><br />With guest Jon Langford<br />Dueling styles keep it fresh<br />Both know how to write<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Poi Dog Pondering - Metro<br /></span><br />This band's been around<br />I prefer the Austin years<br />Fun to see and hear<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Fishbone - Bottom Lounge<br /></span><br />Been twenty years since<br />I've seen them last; holy crap.<br />Insanity live<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Wilco - Riv/Vic/Lincoln Hall<br /></span><br />Part of it is hype<br />But they back it up no problem<br />Every show stellar<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Joy Formidable - Metro<br /></span><br />She looks demure but<br />Ritzy is a powerhouse<br />Melt my face, hot stuff.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Gold Motel - Lincoln Hall<br /></span><br />Happy fun music<br />But felt like New Year's Eve in<br />A hotel ballroomSidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08269958368204164974noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-82818849190647431962011-08-01T17:16:00.004-05:002011-08-01T17:36:03.685-05:00Haiku 2011 - Part IIIOkay, so we're at about mid-summer but instead of suffering through another midsummer night's dream about fairies and drowning in a swimming pool of bloody mary mix, I'll offer you another round of haikus that take us through July. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Southern Culture on the Skids - Old Town School<br /></span><br />You may think they are<br />A white trash novelty act <br />They can really rock.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Booker T - Old Town School<br /></span><br />The dude’s a legend<br />Just not Jerry Lee Lewis<br />Soulful B3 sounds<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Rocco DeLuca - Villain's<br /></span><br />His hit annoyed you<br />But the boy can sing and play<br />Give him a chance<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Sounds of Detroit - CSO<br /></span><br />Marshall Crenshaw brought<br />Lots of amazing talent<br />Forget the big three<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Sounds of Austin - CSO<br /></span><br />How could this one fail?<br />Small town with major talent<br />Could have been better<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Junior Brown - Fitzgerald's American Music Fest<br /></span><br />Tears up the fretboard<br />On his wild homemade guitar<br />In a hat and suit.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Ronnie Baker Brooks - Fitzgerald's American Music Fest<br /></span><br />Lonnie is his dad<br />But at the end of the show<br />You’ll ask Lonnie who?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Dave Alvin and the Guilty Ones - Fitzgerald's American Music Fest<br /></span><br />Words cannot describe<br />How strongly I feel about<br />The music I hear.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">U2 - Soldier Field <br /></span><br />Show me something new<br />Awestruck last time but now you’re<br />Growing tiresome<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Black Keys - Milwaukee Summerfest<br /></span><br />Two man band. Again?<br />These guys are the exception.<br />Unrelenting rock<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Florence and the Machine - Milwaukee Summerfest<br /></span><br />The powerful voice<br />Filled an outdoor arena <br />Without a problem<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Cage the Elephant - Milwaukee Summerfest<br /></span><br />Ignore the first band?<br />That crazy little dude makes<br />It impossible.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Tinariwen - Lincoln Hall<br /></span><br />The unique vibe of<br />The Saharan Desert Blues<br />But not that lively<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Eric Davis - BLUES on Halsted<br /></span><br />Started out slowly<br />Not as impressed as last time<br />Then he tore it up<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Pitchfork - Union Park<br /></span><br />This gets its own post<br />My favorite time of year<br />Special edition<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Old 97’s - Lincoln Hall<br /></span><br />Is this alt country?<br />They rocked it like no other<br />Call it what you want<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Sanctified Grumblers - Quencher's<br /></span><br />Hard to classify<br />Quirky Americana<br />Tuba and washboard<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Wild Flag - Subterranean<br /></span><br />PTA meeting?<br />Say that out loud and<br />Get punched in the face<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Ted Leo - Pritzker Pavilion<br /></span><br />Not sure what it is<br />But his songs make me happy<br />Sound great loud and live<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Chris Robinson Brotherhood - Lincoln Hall<br /></span><br />Sure, they may be stoned<br />But they know what they’re doing<br />Three solid hours<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Heartless Bastards - Schuba's<br /></span><br />Love Ericka’s voice<br />Who does she remind me of?<br />Will listen much more<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Richard Buckner - Schuba's<br /></span><br />Singer songwriter<br />That usually makes me cringe<br />But tolerableSidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08269958368204164974noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-1238618423176535482011-05-28T16:38:00.006-05:002011-05-28T16:50:44.979-05:00Haiku 2011 - Part IIYep, that time again... the concert season is picking up as I suckle up to the Ticketmaster teat, so time to post up the latest haiku reviews before I get behind.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Holmes Brothers<br /></span><br />I love these guys so<br />Much that I don’t care about<br />Counting syllables<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Dave Alvin<br /></span><br />He is a bad ass<br />Electric or acoustic<br />I want to be him<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Acoustic Africa<br /></span><br />Layers of guitar<br />Transcend language barriers<br />African rhythms<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">BLUES on Halsted Street – Eric Davis <br /></span><br />Like being at home<br />If home is a front porch filled<br />With powerful blues<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">British Sea Power<br /></span><br />Solid rock and roll<br />Guitars, talent and songs, but<br />I expect more live<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Devotchka<br /></span><br />Orchestral soundtrack<br />Music best heard live<br />Tuba solos rock<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Jeff Beck with Imelda May<br /></span><br />Perhaps they were bored<br />Throw a rock and roll party<br />Underutilized<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Lissie</span><br /><br />My new music crush<br />Indie folk? I disagree.<br />The girl can rock too.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Wax Trax Records Retrospectacle featuring<br />Front 242, KMFDM and Rights of the Accused<br /></span><br />I don’t dance at shows<br />Now is the time on Sprockets<br />Where we dance. I’m in.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Arcade Fire<br /></span><br />Anthems, epicness<br />Unadulterated joy<br />With plenty to share<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">The National<br /></span><br />Surface tension breaks<br />Surprising intensity<br />With red wine in hand<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Apache Relay<br /></span><br />High energy rock<br />Don’t stop moving around and<br />Don’t drop the baton<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Tristen<br /></span><br />Wow, please stop singing<br />I guess your songs are decent<br />But you’re annoying<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Ezra Furman and the Harpoons<br /></span><br />Fun for everyone<br />Ezra’s a likable guy<br />But lose the frat boys<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Corin Tucker Band<br /></span><br />Sleater Kinney gal<br />Shows up in a shiny dress<br />Tears it up solo<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Mecca Normal<br /></span><br />Jean is an artist<br />I want to be in her songs<br />Write about me please<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Bettye Lavette<br /></span><br />Blown away again<br />She sings your song way better<br />Than you ever could<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Marcia Ball<br /></span><br />Keyboard is ablaze<br />But a little too polished<br />Time to take a risk<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Twilight Singers<br /></span><br />I cannot relate<br />In seventeen syllables<br />How they define cool<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Lykke Li<br /></span><br />Freaky chick in cloak<br />Stalking the percussive grooves<br />With Siren vocalsSidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08269958368204164974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-64638823081293218092011-02-27T11:29:00.003-06:002011-02-27T11:42:20.928-06:00HaikuYou've probably noted a huge lack of posts in 2010. Sorry, but the pay sucks and I'm a very busy man. You won't believe how many boxes of Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls there are in the world and how much free porn you can find on the Internet.<br /><br />But there's always time for music. I recently wrote a quick review of a concert in an email to friend. I was proud it only took forty words and suggested I should start a forty word concert review site. She pointed out somebody already has one for seventy-five words or less. And they don't count one and two-letter words. Pussies. So she challenged me to haiku concert reviews. I accepted. Following are January and February in haiku form:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Ruthie Foster</span><br /><br />Exponential joy<br />Soul, gospel and front porch blues<br />Please come home with me<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Leon Redbone</span><br /><br />Your grandparents’ tunes<br />Without the scratchy records<br />Shine on harvest moon<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">John Hammond</span><br /><br />Crazy guitar skills<br />No effects, just acoustic<br />White boy delta blues<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Fitz and the Tantrums</span><br /><br />Fitz, where’s the guitars?<br />Retro soul tunes don’t need ‘em<br />Keys and horns work fine<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Cedric Watson and Bijou Creole</span><br /><br />New Orleans got wet<br />But the culture cannot die<br />Zydeco! Let’s dance!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Robyn</span><br /><br />Retro dance music<br />Platform boots and aerobics<br />Only straight guy there<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Ladysmith Black Mambazo</span><br /><br />Thanks to Paul Simon<br />Their voices travel the world<br />Mesmerizing sounds<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Kodo</span><br /><br />Japanese drumming<br />That would make John Bonham proud<br />Watch out for that tree!<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Cowboy Mouth</span><br />Let it go they say<br />A lesson in crowd control<br />Come have fun or else!Sidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08269958368204164974noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-90142635387374638372011-02-22T20:25:00.002-06:002011-02-22T20:28:56.757-06:00Soul ManThis is what happens when Hertz is out of cars and I need to go elsewhere for my rental:<br /><br />Sid: Hi, I have a reservation.<br />Alamo: Would you like a Soul or a Flex?<br />Sid: A Soloflex? Are you saying I'm out of shape?<br />Alamo: No, you're in fine shape. A Soul... or a Flex.<br />Sid: I don't know what either one of those is.<br />Alamo: The Flex is big SUV. I'd recommend the Soul.<br />Sid: Fine, give me the Soul.<br /><br />I now have the ugliest car on the planet. A snot green Kia Soul.<br /><br />Whatever happened to the days when your only choice was a boring Ford Taurus?Sidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08269958368204164974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-75179465611056549572011-02-13T18:42:00.003-06:002011-02-13T19:26:53.256-06:00GrindermanDateline: Vancouver. Grouse Mountain and the infamous <a href="http://www.metrovancouver.org/region/grousegrind/Pages/default.aspx">Grouse Grind</a>. Wrecked me? It damn near killed me a couple years ago. But turns out that I’m going to get a second chance to make that mountain my bitch.<br /><br />I <a href="http://leperpop.blogspot.com/2008/11/grindcore.html">previously blogged</a> about my last climb up the Grouse Grind, which is a trail in North Vancouver that goes up the side of Grouse Mountain. According to the Internets, it gains 1,100 metres over a distance of approximately 2.9 kilometres. Hmm. Metric system. I’d say that’s about 17,000 feet and 5.8 miles, or to put it another way it’s like putting a really tall ladder about halfway up Mt. Everest. That doesn’t sound right. Let me set aside my cocktail and do a few calculations on the back of this napkin…<br /><br />Okay, turns out it’s only 2,799 feet over 2.0 miles. They say the average hiker completes it in 90 minutes if they don’t die. Last time I did it in 80 minutes and nearly died.<br /><br />So here’s the deal. I’ll be in Vancouver this spring for a week mostly on business, but plan on taking some additional time to do some exploring.<br /><br />Now, I can struggle with motivation in my everyday life. Getting out of bed usually isn’t a problem since I usually get a paycheck and I’ve become quite accustomed to the food and shelter it provides. Beyond that, my natural state is on the couch with a bottle of Hershey’s syrup and my pan flute.<br /><br />For example, I don’t know how to cook. But as long as that Chef Boyardee keeps making that delicious ravioli, where is the motivation?<br /><br />So if I want to exercise, work out and stay in shape, I need a goal. When I was younger, trying to get laid sufficed. Now that I’m married, my wife tends to discourage me from using that as a goal. I lost about 30 pounds four years ago on a very effective chemo-radiation diet, but I’ve gained at least 20 of those pounds back. Although people tell me that the emaciated rock star look wasn’t working for me, I’d rather not go straight to the Chris Farley look. And that’s where Grouse Mountain comes in. <br /><br />I am hereby announcing my intent to complete the Grouse Grind this spring in 60 minutes. Now if I fail to reach that goal I will have publicly humiliated my family and myself and in accordance with Japanese tradition must commit hara-kiri.<br /><br />The only roadblock could be the weather. The trail closes in winter and re-opens late spring. I just checked the mountain report and it appears there is currently 377 cm of snow. I think that's like eight inches, so I don't foresee any problems. I mean, they didn't even have snow for the Olympics, so I don't expect any issues for my little hike.<br /><br />From you, dear readers, I merely need you to hold me to my goal. And if anyone cares to witness this and meet me on the top of Grouse Mountain with a tanto sword, let me know.<br /><br />Sayonara, bitches.Sidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08269958368204164974noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-55591039336199987192011-02-06T18:51:00.002-06:002011-02-06T18:56:30.099-06:00The Hertzies - Jan 2011 EditionCab driver would be a nightmare job for me. I don’t like people and like driving in traffic even less. However, I can be a highway junkie and appreciate a good road trip. I had to go to Dayton, Ohio so I filled my duffel bag with Andy Capp Hot Fries and Tab cola, grabbed my iPod and strolled to Hertz to get a car. The car had an iPod jack but unfortunately my iPod had as much energy as a three-toed sloth convention. Needless to say I got hear about three songs before being relegated to dial surfing the best of Indiana’s hot hits and syndicated nutjobs. I clearly made sure the iPod was fully charged for the return trip and after five hours in shuffle mode, I hereby present the latest edition The Hertzies.<br /><br />Best Band Incorporating A Chain Saw Into Their Live Shows<br />The Plasmatics – Sex Junkie<br /><br />Most Missed<br />Steve Ray Vaughan - Tighrope<br /><br />Moist Rub All Time Recommendation Award<br />Concrete Blonde – Ghost of a Texas Ladies Man<br /><br />Thanks For Reminding Me I Should Pick Up Tickets To Your Show Next Month Award<br />Rory Block – Crossroad Blues<br /><br />Worst Cover By An Artist I Like<br />Keb mo – Imagine<br /><br />Best Song To Give My Nissan Sentra Some Soul<br />Diana Ross – Love Hangover<br /><br />Best Damn Song Of The Roadtrip<br />Joan Armatrading – Love and Affection<br /><br />Best Use Of A Choir<br />Madonna – Like A Prayer<br /><br />Best Legendary Band I Just Don’t Get<br />Velvet Underground – I’m Waiting On The Man<br /><br />Should Have Left It Alone Award<br />Alicia Keys and Adam Levine – Wild Horses<br /><br />I’m Ashamed Of Myself Award:<br />Black Eyed Peas – Let’s Get Retarded<br /><br />Damn That’s A Good Voice<br />Concrete Blonde – Someday<br /><br />The Why Is This on my Ipod Award<br />Kasey Chambers - I Still Pray<br /><br />Song I Probably Embarrassed Myself Dancing To In the 80’s But Don’t Remember:<br />The Church – Reptile<br /><br />Song To Appear On the Drive Out And The Drive Back<br />Counting Crows – Mr. Jones<br /><br />Song I Probably Embarrasssed Myself Dancing To In The 90’s But Don’t Remember:<br />Jody Watley – Some Kind Of Lover<br /><br />Song That Beavis And Butthead Would Appreciate If They Were In The Backseat:<br />Deep Purple – Smoke On The Water<br /><br />This Song Sponsored By Moist Rub<br />999 – Chicane Destination<br /><br />Best Guitar Intro:<br />Pearl Jam – Yellow Ledbetter<br /><br />Good Stuff I Don’t Remember Downloading So That’s Why I Shuffle Award:<br />Noisettes – Don’t Give Up<br /><br />Best Song For Cruising A Dark Rural Highway At Night<br />Bruce Springsteen – The Fever<br /><br />Best Cover<br />Holmes Brothers – Bring Me Some Weather<br /><br />Reminder That I Lived In Texas 14 Years And Never Learned to Two-Step<br />Confederate Railroad – Queen of Memphis<br /><br />Other Nominees:<br />Elmore James – It Hurts Me Too<br />Police – Every Breath You Take<br />REM – Driver 8<br />George Michael – Freedom<br />Van Halen – Jump <br />Kevin Rudolph – Let It Rock<br />Marty Casey – Mr. Brightside<br />Violent Femmes – Kiss Off<br />Frank Sinatra – I Get A Kick Out Of You<br />John Michael Montgomery – Be My Baby Tonight<br />Beta Band – Dry The Rain<br />Vinyl Room – Still Smoking<br />Eric Clapton – Walkin’ Blues<br />Greyboy w/Sharon Jones – Got To Be A Love<br />CSNY – Teach Your Children<br />Replacements – When It Begain<br />Exies – Kickout<br />Dido – Thank You<br />John Mellencamp – I Need A Lover<br />Lovehammers – Summertime In The City<br />Billie Holiday – Come Rain Or Come Shine<br />Propellerheads – History Repeating<br />Depeche Mode – Everything Counts<br />Carpenters – Close To You<br />Eurythmics – Would I Lie To You<br />Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers – The Damage You’ve Done<br />Big Audio Dynamite – The Globe<br />Duane Eddy – Rebel Rouser<br />Triumph – Lay It On The Line<br />Dwight Twilley Band – I’m On Fire<br />Drive By Truckers – This Fucking Job<br /><br />At which point I found myself in a freezing rain storm in NW Indiana and switched to traffic and weather on the 8’s on newsradio WBBM 780.<br /><br />Now time to update the iPod for next time.Sidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08269958368204164974noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-76914309498572151082011-01-01T16:32:00.010-06:002011-01-01T23:24:35.143-06:00Year In Music - 2010 Review<span style="font-style:italic;">"It feels like smoke curling up from a cigarette<br />someone left burning on a baby grand piano<br />around three o'clock in the morning;<br />smoke that billows up into the bright lights<br />while out there in the darkness<br />some of the beautiful fools have gathered<br />around little tables to listen,<br />some with their eyes closed,<br />others leaning forward into the music<br />as if it were holding them up,<br />or twirling the loose ice in a glass,<br />slipping by degrees into a rhythmic dream."</span><br /><br />I’ve rarely regretted going to a live show. Conversely, there are plenty of shows I’ve regretted missing. Despite knowing that, I often find myself at home on the couch, sitting comfortably in smoking jacket and cuddling with my ferrets within the nurturing bosom of my Snuggie. Try talking yourself out of that scenario on a work night or when it’s cold or rainy outside, and before you know it you’re turning down invites to an exclusive all-access ticket to a one-night only Nelson reunion show. My solution to this prospective lethargy was to buy tickets in advance to any show that caught my interest. Being out of pocket for the price of admission would help motivate me to ditch the smoking jacket for my finest Ed Hardy shirt and a handful of hair gel. Here are the results of my adventures in 2010, from worst to first.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#39 – Connie Smith w/Robbie Fulks – Old Town School of Folk Music (OTS)<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />I was on the picket fence for this show. She was country, when country wasn’t cool. Which makes her cool. Great venue, so I decided to check it out. She still has an amazing voice, but the songs got a little monotonous. Dead dog, broken down pick up trucks, expired yogurt in the fridge and one lost love after another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. Get the picture? Oh, and another.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6I54dILXLfo">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#38 – Patty Loveless – OTS<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />I was on the fence post for this show. Patty still has a swell voice, but the show was about as charismatic as a chess tournament. Not that speed chess they play in the streets, but the kind with the Russian dudes who stare at the board for hours before each move. I guess I thought I was a little more country. A little more Memphis and Nashville. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. But I didn’t love this show so. It picked up at the end a bit and she has an enthusiastic supporting band, but they need to slip some sunshine and ecstasy into Patty’s pre-show tea.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMTUbEVHsM8">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#37 – Detroit Cobras – Bash on Wabash<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />Their set overlapped a bit with Cracker, but I was intrigued and decided to check them out with about 25 other folks on Labor Day weekend. Unfortunately, the band didn’t seem as intrigued to be playing. You ever take a look at someone’s work ID and see how fresh and eager and excited they are to be embarking upon a new opportunity? And then compare that to their face two years later while they’re sitting in their cube and you barely see the resemblance? Yeah, that was the Detroit Cobras that night. Sure, I know life on the road for a struggling band probably isn’t the glamorous life Shelia E. made it out to be, but at least you aren’t sitting in a cube at 8 a.m. wondering if you really need health insurance that bad.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8ZhLBO9NZY">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#36 – Santana w/Steve Winwood – World Twitter Bank Amphitheater of Tinley Park<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />I’ve turned into a bit of a music snob and do my best to avoid venues with more than 2,000 people and shows featuring bands that anyone might have heard of. But my uncle is a good dude and obsessed with Santana so I picked us up a couple tickets and made the trip out there with him. I don’t regret going – the music was decent, but after about an hour I got the idea and was starting to lose interest, especially being 40 rows back. Few people know that Oye Como Va means “I can’t believe I just paid $11 for a domestic beer.”<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AHMCKG1jYY">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#35 – Black Rebel Motorcycle Club w/Band of Skulls – Metro<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />The show was good. The music was good. The crowd was good. Solid, but nothing extraordinary. Kind of like a burger and fries at Chili’s when you’re a regular at In n’ Out.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NI27q3xNyI">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#34 – Cowboy Junkies – OTS<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />Another one I was on the fence post about. I like the vibe of their music, but was never a hardcore fan. But I’m a sucker for the venue, so I put on my ten-gallon hat, grabbed my baggie of black tar heroin and hit the show. Turns out they are not literally cowboy junkies, but instead a rather pleasant Canadian family band. Margo is very likable and still sounds great, but I think their music is best suited for home use during weekend breakfasts while enjoying four pounds of back bacon, three french toast and a beer. In a tree.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsS_W5jN-vU">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#33 – Robyn – Metro<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />I enjoy most types of music, most inexplicably bad 80’s pop and bad 90’s dance music. I remember Robyn from her hit Show Me Love in 1997. I figured she was a one-hit wonder, so I was surprised to see her on the bill for the Pitchfork Music Festival in July since it’s known more for newer or pioneering alternative acts. Well, since I haven’t been to a gay dance club since 1993 (but that’s a story for another time), I was unaware that she never left the scene and was making a remarkable comeback in the world of rainbow flags. Her Pitchfork set was impressive – high energy and with a good beat that was easy to dance to. I gave it a 91 and also bought tickets for my wife to see her when she came back to play Metro. Apparently the show sold out in one day and caused servers to crash throughout Boystown. I could have resold the tickets for double face value and a fabulous windowpane suit and seasonal colored knit vest. Instead I took my wife since her friends had conflicts and couldn’t make it. The breakdown: 95% gay males, 5% women, and me and two other straight guys (total does not add up to 100% due to rounding). I was a little insulted that I didn’t get hit on all night, but my wife told me it was because I’m obviously not gay. I’m still not sure whether to be insulted or flattered by that. My only complaint – gay guys don’t drink beer. But they do drink a lot of mixed drinks, which take considerably longer to mix than popping open a bottle of beer, leading to long waits at the bar. But I digress. Robyn was coming off an illness and there may have even been some lip-synching involved, but it was still a good time. Her show is like a hybrid of an aerobics class and 90’s dance club. Really better than it sounds. Or perhaps not, if you don’t share my eclectic taste. <br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBleLInOzJw"><br />Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#32 – Robbie Fulks – Hideout<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />I’ve got some friends who worship this guy as if he could change the free water cooler at the Hideout into Stella Artois. Yeah, maybe not Stella but it turning into a cooler full of Lone Star by the end of his set. Great skills and song catalog, impressive supporting musicians and another likable guy. I wish the Hideout was easier to get to and I might have made it to more shows.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGuWUpziC_o">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#31 – Deanna Devore – Hideout<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />I discovered Deanna at the infamous 2009 North Center Ribfest, where she and her band not only killed it but where I also learned that Canadians are born without ribs. Timing on subsequent shows never seemed to work out as I spend a lot of the time during the year on the road selling shower curtain rings to major hotels. But I did catch her show at the Hideout and it did not disappoint. The Canadian-Brazilian influences combine in a mash up of hipster bossa nova goodness. I have no idea what that means. Just go check her out.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d18jxW61Odk">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#30 – WC Clark – Fitzgeralds<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />Stevie Ray Vaughan learned some things from this dude, so I figured he might know what he’s doing. I walked in just as his set was starting and was the twelfth person in the bar. Have you seen the movie Ghost World? No? Go watch it, I’ll wait. Okay, so remember that part when Steve Buscemi’s character goes to see the old bluesman and nobody seems to care? It was kind of sad in the same way for a while. Eventually more people streamed in and the crowd maxed out at about 30. It didn’t matter – he was doing his thing, enjoying doing it, and appreciative of the people who were there. Between sets he wandered through the crowd on the way to his record label’s table, but he stopped on the way to shake my hand, ask me how I was doing and to thank me for coming. It just wasn’t me, either. I wasn’t so sad anymore.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayZZU743iQ0">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#29 – Cracker – Bash on Wabash<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />I worked a customer service phone job once and got called a “rooster” in the same manner one might get called a “cracker”. I’m not sure if there’s a band called Rooster, but I was a big fan of Cracker in the 90’s. They haven’t lost a step and the songs are still as good today as they were over a decade ago. Unlike those stale Saltines in your cupboard. Go throw them out, you rooster.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TybFyhlwdvU">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#28 – Sleigh Bells – Metro<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />I skipped part of the headliner show at Pitchfork to hang out with the cool kids at a side stage to catch Sleigh Bells, who were more hyped at the time than the fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches at the Elvis convention. It was new, high energy and loud, kind of like sex 20 years ago. The set was also rather short, also not unlike 20 years ago. But I figured that Derek and Alexis might have come up with another song or two for their Metro date. I was wrong, but it was still a swell 35-minute show. Another record’s worth of material and they have the potential to move up the rankings faster than a grunting Russian on the women’s professional tennis tour.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fheYx_ZPU18">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#27 – Black Crowes – Chicago Theater<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />I took a pass when they came through town a couple years ago and decided not to miss them this time around. I like them, but I’ll confess that I don’t know their whole catalog. So maybe I should wait until the Victoria’s Secret models tour. Because while I appreciate their chemistry and proficiency, I found myself working on my grocery list during a couple of the longer jams with which I wasn’t familiar. That doesn’t sound like a glowing recommendation, but these guys do rock they delivered when I needed them to. Just like that Chinese place on a rainy night. Okay, so comparing them to crab rangoon doesn’t sound much better, but just trust me when I say these guys are the real deal.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rc8DxcPEgx8">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#26 – Juliette Lewis – Reggie’s <span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />You may be aware of my on-again, off-again relationship with Ms. Lewis. When I discovered her musical side she was working with The Licks, and they were garage rockers to the highest degree. Her star power carries over to music and the band could blow the rusted tin roof off a joint any day of the week. Unfortunately, she tried to take it to another level and it didn’t work for me. She fired The Licks and was talking of communing with the gods and her crowds were full of derby girls who idolized her for making a lame roller derby movie. I gave her another chance this year, because I’m nice like that. The band has gelled a bit and it seemed like she’s getting her swagger back. Must be those Dr. Scholl’s insoles.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0oN_lDJfT8">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#25 – Junior Brown – OTS<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />I’ve known of Mr. Brown since his quirky videos of the 90’s, but never truly realized his guitar badness until years later when some fellow Texans explained it to me. So when Junior came to town with my other Southern favorite Cowboy Mouth, I was all over it. Unfortunately the Cowboy Mouth crowd wasn’t quite there to see Junior so I was a little annoyed. Fortunately, he returned solo for a show at Old Town School and I was all over it again. For those who don’t know ol’ Junior, he’s an old dude who shows up in a suit and a ten-gallon hat like he’s interviewing for a job at the Grand Ol’ Opry. Then he whips out his homemade double-neck guitar, part regular guitar and part lap steel guitar. Now that he has your attention, he’ll blow you away by working every fret on both of those necks faster than a couple funny cars at Great Lake Dragaway in Union Grove, Wisconsin, under 16 still free with general admission, advance tickets at all Ticketrons, so bring the family for a day of thrills and excitement in beautiful southeast Wisconsin. But I digress. The songs are mostly irreverent country, with some blues and instrumental surf music thrown in to keep it interesting. It works. Thanks, Junior.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_wLVCLPx0M">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#24 – Dead Weather – Congress Theater<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />They made the top ten last year for their show at the Vic. They didn’t get worse, but they faced stiffer competition and they played at the Congress Theater. That’s like serving a filet mignon at a nice restaurant and then serving the same plate at Chuck Cheese and expecting a Michelin award. Jack and Alison still have the star power and stage presence to compete with anyone on this list. Yeah, even 69 year old Connie Smith.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tndP407luk">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#23 – Florence and The Machine – HOB<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />I heard Florence on the radio – Internet radio, y’know, because I’m cool like that. So I didn’t get tickets in advance to this show since I was sure there were few people cool as I. Yeah, turns out I was wrong. It sold out, but I managed to sort through the detritus that is Craigslist and found a nice young lady who was selling a pair of tickets to help fund her trip to Coachella. But I digress. Flo and her Machine sounded just as good live and I shan’t make the mistake of getting those tickets again.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5D03qgJOls">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#22 – Cowboy Mouth – HOB and some Old Town Fest<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />I moved to Dallas in 1992 and about a month after I got there I found myself solo on 4th of July weekend. So I did some exploring and headed down to an area called Deep Ellum which had a decent music scene. After some bar hopping, I paid $5 to get into a place called Club Clearview, which featured a band from New Orleans called Cowboy Mouth. There were only about 20 of us there, but they played like we were 20,000. At one point, the singer/drummer came out to the crowd and had us all sit in a circle on the floor with him, and we did a couple songs that way. Every show is dedicated to making sure that the audience has not a good time, but a ridiculously good time. Now imagine a New Orleans band playing a show on the eve of the Super Bowl featuring the Saints Cinderella season. Go see them. Bring a red spoon.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mm0KFOq9ag">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#21 – Semi-Precious Weapons – Subterranean<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />Yeah, frontman Justin is a little over the top, but he is fucking gorgeous. Sure, they’ve picked up some Lady Gaga fans after opening for her recently. But they write some damn catchy tunes and rock a lot harder than most of the crap littering the charts these days. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TX7p3hJiUwI">Watch</a> <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#20 – Dandy Warhols – Vic<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />I’ve liked these guys for a while but never made it to a show. Watching the documentary Dig! renewed my interest in the band this year and I got to their Halloween eve show. They put on a good show – played most of the hits, were very professional, and still seemed to be having fun. Or maybe it was just all the girls in slutty costumes.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTcihBUWIVA">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#19 - Imelda May - Martyr's<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />A cute Irish lass with a killer voice and attitude doing rockabilly? Sign me up! I'll be her big, bad handsome man any day.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhogVvwbwkw"><br />Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#18 – The Cult – Vic<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />One of my favorite bands from the 80’s. I can still listen to their CD’s start to finish without any Ritalin. But the ticket prices seemed a little steep for a band 20 years past their prime, so I was going to take a pass. I think a lot of people shared that sentiment, because two buddies both “won” free tickets. In retrospect, I would have paid. Ian has put on some “Bret Michaels” weight but still has the vocals, and Billy looks and sounds better than ever on guitar. Power chords are cool.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=joR59Izl_Zw">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#17 – Los Lobos – Taste of Chicago<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />I saw them for the first time in 2009 at the CSO after hearing for years how awesome their live shows were. They were pretty awesome. So I went back to see their show at The Taste and they were good. I’d see them again, but I think they’re overhyped. Okay, barely overhyped. They probably knew I was feeling that way, so they brought out Robert Plant to sing the last song of the night. It ain’t Zeppelin, but it did push them into the top 20.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USxKyA4rOlA">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#16 – Suzanne Vega – OTS<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />This is the reason I get tickets in advance. I wasn’t sure about this show to begin with, and then I had trouble finding a date. That would normally discourage me faster than a chastity belt, but since I had tickets I hopped on the bike and made my way to OTS. And Suzanne was personable and had a much stronger catalog than which I was aware. It was one of those impressive shows in which I left a bigger fan than when I went in. Then I finished up my coffee, it was time to catch my train.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MmdeS7Qxek">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#15 – Taj Mahal – MAC<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />Did you know that the Taj Mahal is a mausoleum? Which is ironic because Taj Mahal the musician is larger than life and thoroughly enjoying his time on stage. I got interviewed on the way into the show by some dude claiming to be with some third-rate media,, and he asked me if I was a blues fan. I told him I used to be, but a lot of contemporary blues seem formulaic and I got a little bored with it. However, Taj was influenced by Caribbean and African music growing up and it comes through in his music and makes it more interesting than a 12-bar blues played by a white boy cover band influenced by Eric Clapton. Another indication that I enjoyed the show was that it seemed 30 minutes long, but when I checked my official Mousekateer Mickey watch it had been nearly two hours. Thumbs up from me and Mickey.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLziJcPIcG0">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#14 – Monte Montgomery – Fitzgeralds<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />I never miss Monte when he comes to town and had the pleasure of catching him twice in 2010. Mind-blowing guitar work, but instead of just shredding he’s actually put together a good song catalog and has one of the tightest bands on the road today. Call it a man-crush – I won’t argue.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7suZpJ-rMA">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#13 – She & Him – Pritzker Pavilion<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />Zooey is adorable as hell, and M Ward lends some credibility to the duo. The retro sound is perfect for the pair, and I’d think I’d show up just watch them sing the alphabet. Yeah, I’m smitten. Now, make it a free show on a pleasant, summer evening in the beautiful Pritzker Pavilion at Millennium Park in downtown Chicago, buildings lit up to celebrate the Blackhawks’ Stanley Cup victory, and it just doesn’t get much better.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAvnOWc5uD0">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#12 – Bodeans & The Duhks – Chicago Symphony Center<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />Way back in 1991, I got invited to a Bodeans show at the Riv by a female cop. Uptown was still a little rough back then, so I asked her if she brought her gun. She said no, and said I could protect us. Thankfully, her theory remained untested. She dumped me shortly thereafter, but I started a long-term relationship with the Bodeans. Simple, catchy tunes and always a good time. The acoustic show at the CSO was a workshop in song-writing and it was cool to see them in such a great venue. I haven’t mentioned a lot of opening bands, but The Duhks are a worth a mention. Easily the best Franco-Manitoban Canadian soul, zydeco, Irish, country string band I’ve ever seen.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCz2zZMs63g">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#11 – Aimee Mann – OTS<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />I’ve been a fan of Aimee ever since she stormed my MTV with her rat tail and band til tuesday back in the 80’s. I even wrote a letter to then SunTimes critic Don McLeese defending her honor after he ripped her as the opening act for Tom Petty, saying her music didn’t have any staying power. Yeah, who won that battle, Mr. McLeese? I still maintain a little crush on Ms. Mann, and her show made me want to invite over and keep her as a houseguest for a couple weeks. Love her songwriting and self-deprecating humor. Drop by whenever. Just don’t bring Don McLeese.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQF5CXV9cos">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#10 – Snoop Dogg – Metro<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />Believe it or not, I’m not much of a gangsta. The closest I got was renting a pinstripe suit for an old-time gangster themed party at a speakeasy. I can’t say I’m much into the rap or hip-hop scene, either, but when I had the opportunity to see someone of Snoop’s caliber at a joint (pun intended) like Metro, I had to go. The wait was interminable, but when he took the stage all was forgiven and he owned that place. I reviewed the show early in the year and let’s review Snoop’s Three Things You Need To Do Every Morning. 1) Brush yo teeth. 2) Thank God you’re alive to see another day. 3) Smoke some weed, motherfucker!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6TUhx2wX0M">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#9 – Ruthie Foster – SPACE<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />Ruthie sometimes stopped in to play a few songs at a little corner bar with my guitar teacher years ago in Dallas. She blew me away, and the last time I saw her before leaving Texas was when she did a chilling acapella version of Amazing Grace at my teacher’s memorial service. Fast forward years later, and I see that the world finally discovered the phenomenal Ruthie Foster. Solid guitar playing. History lessons in the blues and gospel. Fun, sincere banter. And a voice that still gives me chills.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMP8MuVx_Rg">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#8 – Booker T & Eric Bibb – OTS<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />My favorite movie – the Blues Brothers. Not just for the humor and showcase of my favorite city, but for the soundtrack. I’m a sucker for the old soul and R&B stuff. Booker T not only has his own song catalog, but does an amazing job covering some of those old classics in a way that makes you feel like you were right there when it was still new. You’ve got to love the way the Hammond B-3 fills the space. Throw in some smooth blues from Eric Bibb to start the show and you got yourself a night to remember.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ar-Z_l907DY">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#7 – The Knitters – Fitzgeralds<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />Take roots guitarist Dave Alvin of Blasters fame and Exene Cervenka and John Doe of punk band X and you might not think there is any intersection if you were to place them in the same Venn diagram. However, what started as a small intersecting sliver called The Knitters, developed into a killer outfit that put forth a unique mix of folk country punk that probably influenced all those alt-country bands making the rounds these days. I was a fan of X back in their 80’s prime, and only recently discovered the greatness of Dave Alvin, so this show was one of the year’s highlights. People digging what they do and doing it well. I think they sleep well at night.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPuQPJLxW8o">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#6 – Carolina Chocolate Drops – Park West<span style="font-style:italic;"><span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span></span><br />Their cover of Hit ‘Em Up Style caught my attention, but I wasn’t sure I was enough of a fan to make an evening of it. So I skipped their show at Schuba’s the year before. After spending an evening with them at Park West, my foot is sore from kicking myself for not seeing them earlier. One of the more enjoyable nights of the year. An old-time string band with three members trading guitars, banjos, fiddles, harmonica, moonshine jug and even cow bones, making you feel like you’re hanging out on their front porch for a weekend jamboree.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKTXJUYiAT4">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#5 – Bettye LaVette – OTS<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />I’ll confess I never heard of her until I caught her on Letterman earlier this year. I’ve been a Letterman fan forever, but also confess I’m finding his show a little stale of late. But I’ll forgive him after finding Bettye for me. She’s an old soul singer who has found a new audience with an album of old British classic rock songs. Her interpretation takes some already good tunes, but let’s you hear them with vocals that have some feeling instead of sung by some 20-something Brit kid on dope. Be sure to check out her cover of Love Reign O’er Me. Then check out her old stuff. Then go see her live.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJi6maTueSc">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#4 – Dave Alvin & The Guilty Women – Fitzgeralds<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />I’m quickly becoming Dave’s biggest fan. I largely ignored him for 20 years, but doing my best to make it up to him. His work with the Guilty Women started when the disbanded the Guilty Men after the death of his long-time buddy and collaborator. I never got to see them, but I can’t imagine he’s missed a musical beat with his new line-up. Every member is solid (no pun intended) and plenty of opportunities for Dave to showcase his licks (no pun intended, really). It’s a high energy, fun and impressive set. Unfortunately, earlier in the year they lost fiddle player Amy Farris to suicide, and their tribute to her during this show was probably the most emotional moment of the year.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yn2tYg0p4_g">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#3 – The Holmes Brothers – OTS<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />Two old brothers – Sherman and Wendell – and their buddy Popsy on drums laid down a mix of blues, soul, country, gospel and even some funk that took me deep into their world and gave me a deep appreciation for all they’ve experienced in their musical lifetimes. They moved effortlessly between styles and proved themselves the real deal. They’re getting a little older now, but haven’t lost a step. I just hope to catch them again. You should too.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9knSWR3chAI">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#2 – Gogol Bordello – Subterranean<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />I had made it to my first Gogol Bordello show at the anus that is the Congress Theater and was still blown away by the live show. And that was even after going in with high expectations. Fast forward a few months and I find out that they are doing a Lollapalooza aftershow at Subterranean, a small Wicker Park bar that holds 300-400 people max and is the size of my living room. I cleared my schedule the day tickets went on sale, even putting my staff at work on the case, and managed to score a pair of the coveted tix. I felt like Charlie when he scored the golden ticket. It was like giving a band of gypsies your collection of punk records and a bag of coke and then telling them to meet you in your garage for a jam session. It was loud, hot, crowded and barely controlled insanity. I expected it to be the show of the year and I thought it sealed the deal when I left that night, but it was unexpectedly upended by…..<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFL2SXGdrVA">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">#1 – Meshell Ndegeocello – OTS<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />I had only heard of Meshell from her collaboration with another artist, but it was enough to register a spot in my pile of music still to be filed in my mental file cabinet. However, when I saw her on the roster of shows this year at OTS, she moved to the top of the pile and I eagerly picked up tickets. I guess the best description of her music that I’ve read is neo-soul. It was way outside my wheelhouse, but maybe that’s what made it so special. I felt way cooler just for being there. I need to find more music like this. Or maybe she’s unique in that respect. Just wow. Also what I consider to be an upset in the best show of the year.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2AN8tuC7SM">Watch</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Special Mention: <span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Pitchfork Music Festival 2010 – Union Park<span style="font-weight:bold;"><span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span></span><br />I wasn’t sure how to classify the acts I saw this weekend. It was definitely the highlight of the year for me – a three-day pass to one of the premier fests just a few miles down the road from me on a hot July weekend. Great, diverse selection of bands, well-managed event, and reasonably priced. I think my three-day pass was only $90. And with the extreme heat, the festival reduced the price of bottled water to only $1. Think that would happen at Lolla or any of your other favorite local venues? The vibe was positive all weekend, and I spent the last hour on Sunday night just wandering around and taking it all in as Pavement tore through a set of indie faves from the 90’s. Here are the bands I saw, both good and bad.<br /><br />Friday:<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wa3lyo_Eowc">The Tallest Man on Earth</a> – Solo acoustic set from a tiny Swedish dude. I liked it, but he was suited to the 45-minute set or else he might have grown tiresome.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNJFq6VjHJI">El-P</a> – I’m not into rap, but I’ll give it a chance now and then. I’m glad I did at Pitchfork that day.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04domJ7F0oY">Liars</a> – Although I appreciated their singer’s ironic Men At Work t-shirt, most of the music was unlistenable and, well, just shitty.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3a2qoyONVA">Robyn</a> – She was awesome. I might be gay.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmm_SjUAK7I">Modest Mouse</a> – Very cool. Had I included Pitchfork acts in my rankings they would have been top 20.<br /><br />Saturday:<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yZbLsU6fTg">Free Energy</a> – Catchy, pop tunes… proving there’s nothing wrong with that.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sGlbQo3pj0">Sonny and the Sunsets</a> – A nice retro vibe to ease into the day.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdIXrcH7QLU">Kurt Vile</a> – A mix between Dylan and Petty, but it works for him.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08fqHr_KGPY">Titus Andronicus</a> – Powerful stuff… I need to see them headline a club.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yUk683Sl3U">Raekwon</a> – Cool with Wu-Tang Clan, but solo, not so much. At least not live.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSsE65z5W0o">The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion</a> – He wins just for wearing leather pants on a 90+ degree day, but the music was wildly solid as well.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzx_jpdp8gI">Wolf Parade</a> – Not great, not bad. Just good.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25_gjUbvqNg">Panda Bear</a> – The craptastic award for Saturday. People listen to this shit?<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3NqGGDO-3E">LCD Soundsystem</a> – One of the highlights. Warm summer night, packed park on the west side of Chicago at a party hosted by the premier dance rock band of the year.<br /><br />Sunday:<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5l8lqNakPI">Cass McCombs</a> – Not bad to help start out the day.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Sj5_WITMpA">Best Coast</a> – One of the most hyped bands of the year – overrated.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuoTjYYqe4c">Girls</a> – I like real girls better. These Girls, not good.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNQ97P0rQk8">Beach House</a> – Boring<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ujZ4YSFULc">Lightning Bolt</a> – Just as I was getting discouraged with the Sunday lineup, this band unleashed the most batshit crazy set I saw all year. Greatness.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHmF18jAPzA">St. Vincent</a> – Annie is adorable, plays some nasty guitar, has some interesting songs and is fun to watch.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_cL45RtPU">Major Lazer</a> – I’m not into DJ acts, but these guys were off the chain and turned Union Park into a daytime rave, including Chinese dragons, ballerinas and acrobatics.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQrxpKK09xo">Sleigh Bells</a> – Another of the most hyped bands of the year, but they delivered to the packed crowd who skipped Big Boi to see Alexis and Derek on a side stage.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LkEn2zKdB4">Pavement</a> – A great band to play us out after three great days.<br /><br />Hey, if you made it this far and want to participate in 2011, send a message to me at sid_f_er@yahoo.com and I'll include you on my concert calendar listings.<br /><br />Have a great year and support live music!Sidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08269958368204164974noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-16711396989574101722010-07-31T00:36:00.003-05:002010-07-31T00:56:23.866-05:00Jon Bon Who?On the way to the Dead Weather show on the north side of the city, we were like salmon swimming upstream against the current of Bon Jovi fans storming our new neighborhood adjacent to Soldier Field.<br /><br />Sid: See all those faces?<br /><br />Mrs F'er: Yes.<br /><br />Sid: He'll rock them all.<br /><br />Mrs. F'er: <silence><br /><br />On the other hand I have no doubt that Dead Weather rocked the faces off everyone who made the tough choice to forgo Soldier Field and the Bon Jovi boys and instead invade the decrepit Congress Theatre to see what a rock show should be. Thanks to everyone who showed up, including the tallest man on Earth who stood in front of me. Oh, and to the two women who couldn't shut the fuck up and could have saved $35 a piece by just going down to their local coffee shop to yap it up. But it was still a swell time. Really. Do not miss Dead Weather if they visit your town.<br /><br />How hot is this...?<br /><object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/1tndP407luk&hl=en_US&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/1tndP407luk&hl=en_US&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>Sidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08269958368204164974noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-91739416642743018882010-07-11T21:43:00.006-05:002010-07-11T23:58:26.895-05:00Comcast, An Xfinity of CrudHey, y’all. I just moved and had the pleasure of dealing with Comcast again. Because I can’t get enough of their high rates and crappy customer service, I decided to add phone service. The triple penetration package, I think they call it. Two reasons I got a home phone – first, we have an alarm system in the new place that requires it, so that in the event a scary looking dude busts down our front door, a nice white man in a button down shirt will call to make sure everything is okay. Second, the neighborhood to which we moved is so exclusive that it apparently doesn’t even allow wireless signals. Or AT&T Wireless blows. But that’s another post. And I digress.<br /><br />They managed to get the TV and internet working, but if you remember I was paying for triple penetration. Unfortunately when they were here to install it, I didn’t have a phone to test the line. Eventually I went back in time to find this thing they call a landline phone and hooked it up. No dial tone. However, it would ring when called, but I couldn’t hear a thing when I picked it up. Just static. So I would guess what the other party was saying and try to continue the conversation like that. I thought I might be able to pull it off, but strange people began showing up at my door, I was receiving odd packages in the mail, and inexplicable debits were being made to my checking account. After verifying with Mrs. F’er that she signed us up for the Digital Voice and not the specially priced Static and Interference package, I finally threw in the towel and decided I needed to talk to the fine folks of Comcast customer service. However, if you remember, I didn’t have wireless service and I wouldn’t be able to hear them on my new Comcast phone service. So I decided to try the live chat function. Turns out I might have been better off just guessing what a phone rep might have been saying.<br /><br />The follow transcript is not embellished. It is 100% authentic (except for changing some identifying details). With my added commentary in brackets.<br /><br />user Sid_ has entered room<br /><br />Sid><br />We can receive calls but cannot hear the other party. We can place calls, but do not hear a dial tone. Just static in both cases.<br /><br />analyst Ana Maria has entered room<br /><br />[The irony of Ana Maria being identified as an analyst will be apparent by the end of the chat.]<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />Hello Sid_, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Ana Maria. Please give me one moment to review your information.<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />You are a valued customer, and your satisfaction is my priority. I will gladly assist you with whatever Comcast related concerns you have today.<br /><br />[The irony of her saying I am a valued customer will be apparent by the end of the email. Same for that satisfaction part. Oh, and that part about assisting me with my concerns.]<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />I am glad to have you on chat, Sid. How are you today?<br /><br />[I’m kind of annoyed and pissed off but I’ve worked in a call center before and know it sucks, so I’ll spare you right now and just move this along.]<br /><br />Sid_><br />good, thanks<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />I am glad to know that you feel good today, Sid.<br /><br />[Serious? Clearly we’re working off a Madlibs script.]<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />I understand that your phone is not properly working. The other party can't hear you. Is that correct?<br /><br />[Wow. I could understand if this were a phone call, but the problem is pretty much written out for you and you still got it wrong.]<br /><br />Sid_><br />No, we can't hear the other party<br /><br />Sid_><br />they can hear us<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />I understand that.<br /><br />[You didn’t understand that a minute ago.]<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />I am very sorry to hear that this issue happened to you. I can understand the frustration when something is not working the way it is supposed to. I am glad you came to chat so that we can do our best to assist you in resolving this issue.<br /><br />[Okay, back to Madlibs and irony.]<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />No worries. As your Comcast service representative, I want you to know that issue resolution and your satisfaction are my top priorities for today. Together, we can work this out, Sid. <br /><br />[I’m not trying to save our marriage here I just want my damn phone fixed. But please continue with your scripted empathy. What function key do you have that programmed to?]<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />To start with, may I please have the name on the account, the telephone number starting with the area code, the complete service address with the zip code, your account number, and the last four digits of your SSN.<br /><br />[Considering I had to log in to my online account to access the chat, that seems like overkill but I’ll play along.]<br /><br />Sid_><br />Mrs. F’er, 312-555-1234, 123 S. Main Chicago, IL 606xx ssn 1234<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />Thank you. Please give me a couple of minutes to pull up your account and verify the information you gave me.<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />May I know how are you related to Mrs F’er?<br /><br />[I’m her pet squirrel monkey. Does it matter – are you afraid an unauthorized person is trying to get her service fixed?]<br /><br />Sid_><br />husband<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />Thank you.<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />May I know when this issue started?<br /><br />Sid_><br />new service - just started using the phone today<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />Thank you.<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />I run a health check here on my tool, and it gave me a good result, meaning the phone line is in good condition and there is nothing wrong with it.<br /><br />[I ran a health check here on my tool and I might need some penicillin, but I don’t see what that has to do with my phone.]<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />Let me do a test call from here.<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />To set the proper expectations, the call is only to test the phone, and we are unable to answer any other inquiry that you might have for your Comcast services or any other concern you might want to raise. If there is anything you want me to address for you further, please wait until you get back in chat so we can work on your concern.<br /><br />[Damn you… this was all a ploy to get some phone sex. I love how terrified they are that a chat operator might have to talk to a customer.]<br /><br />Sid_><br />ok<br /><br />Sid_><br />yes, phone rang, but only heard static after i answered<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />Is that a new receiver?<br /><br />[Yes, brand new from Target, thanks for asking. It still has that new phone smell.]<br /><br />Sid_><br />yes<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />From here, I can here you very clearly. It indicates that the phone line doesn't have a problem.<br /><br />[Clearly you missed the day in which they covered homonyms. I told you it was a knew phone.]<br /><br />Sid_><br />any other suggestions on what may be causing the static beside a bad phone?<br /><br />[Okay Ana Maria, you also must have missed the day in “analyst” class in which they taught you to analyze. So you see what I’m doing up there – I’m helping you out. It’s like a flow chart in chat form. Please, play along with me.]<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />I ran a second health check agaibn, and it says here that the problem is with the phone itself and not with the phone line.<br /><br />[Actually, you just wasted your time since we established that it wasn’t a problem with the phone line. And I don’t believe your health check tells you that it is specifically a problem with the phone itself. But it can’t hurt to have your cholesterol checked.]<br /><br />Sid_><br />ok<br /><br />[Now are you seeing the irony?]<br /><br />Sid_><br />since you're telling me it's my phone i'll try another one<br /><br />[I’m still pissed off, but hey, maybe there’s a 1% chance I got a bum phone or hooked it up wrong.]<br /><br />Sid_><br />thanks<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />You are welcome, Sid.<br /><br />[I was being sarcastic, you dumbass.]<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />Since your issue was already resolved, do you have any other issues that I could address?<br /><br />Sid_><br />i wouldn't call it resolved, but that's all for right now.<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />The problem is vith your phone itself, and I have done everything from here.<br /><br />[You haven’t done shit but the absolute minimum to shift the blame, get yourself out of this chat in a timely manner so your supervisor doesn’t yell at you, and make sure that Comcast doesn’t incur any additional expense.]<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />It has been a pleasure to be of service to you. Thank you for choosing Comcast as your service provider and making it a part of your life! Comcast appreciates your business and values you as a customer. Our goal is to provide you with excellent quality service.<br /><br />[You have been absolutely no service to me whatsoever. I can’t believe you had the balls to say that even though it’s probably required at the end of every chat session.]<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />If you need further assistance, you can chat with one of our Customer Support Specialists 24 hour a day, 7 days a week at http://www.comcastsupport.com/videochat. Here, we value our business with you. Have a great day and take care! To properly close this chat, please click the End Session button.<br /><br />[Yeah, since I had such a stellar experience this time I’ll be sure to try it again!]<br /><br />Ana Maria><br />If you do not have any Coamcast related issue, you may click the END session button to get the survey.<br /><br />[Okay, sorry for the inconvenience. I’ll stop annoying you. And it appears that I ended up in a chat with the wrong company – I was trying to reach Comcast, not Coamcast. That must be a new clever strategy to get out of assisting customers.]<br /><br />Sid_><br />got it - have a swell day<br /><br /><br />So I went even further back in time and got a corded phone – how much simpler could it be? I ran a health check which consisted of plugging the thing in and listening for the non-existent dial tone. That tells me the problem is not with my phone but with my service provider who clearly does not appreciate me as a customer, does not value my business, and has not made my satisfaction their top priority.<br /><br />So here’s the deal. I can sometimes sympathize with the poor customer service rep, who is working a shit job for little money and is under pressure and at the mercy of their greedy management and asinine policies. So I have a problem taking it out on them. Which by this time I wanted do more than anything, so I made the Mrs. call and told her not to hang up until they agreed to send a tech out. Her phone rep made sure that we knew the difference between a cordless and corded phone and that we knew how to plug one in, and that we knew how to turn a modem on. It’s a phone, not a proton accelerator. She finally agreed to get a tech out.<br /><br />Guess what? It was the modem. The tech was great. But he did mention that they obviously recycle equipment and sometimes the defective stuff ends up back out in the field because they don’t have a good system to tag it as defective. Sweet. <br /><br />I love you Coamcast. It’s those a-holes at Comcast with whom I have a problem.Sidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08269958368204164974noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-83735621888987963082010-06-08T00:21:00.003-05:002010-06-08T01:10:55.638-05:00Gone Fishin'June is turning out to be a very busy month, so I wanted to do a quick post to make sure you don’t worry if you don’t hear from us over the next few weeks. Given that we post every time we change our underwear, I’m sure a brief hiatus would no doubt spark a panic amongst our loyal and dedicated fan base and end up with our images plastered on milk cartons throughout the lower 48 and perhaps even Canada. Do they drink milk in Canada? Is it even possible to milk a moose? Milk-a-Moose sounds like an indie band playing at Pitchfork… I’ll have to find someone in skinny jeans and ask. It also reminds me of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIr8-f2OWhs">Pomplamoose</a>. But I digress.<br /><br />Next week I leave on vacation. Worst planning ever. If the Stanley Cup goes to a Game 7, I will be on the road while it is being played, instead of my usual place in the Ab-Rocker wearing my overly flammable Scrappy-Doo pajamas purchased at the Dollar Store. Pass the saganaki, please. Opa!<br /><br />Then on my second day of vacation, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMFZ2JcSzG0">Concrete Blonde</a> brings their reunion tour to town on the day when I’ll be 1,016 miles away. Thanks a lot, Johnette. I’ve supported you for 24 years, which is longer than any other band except for Pure Prairie League, and this is the goddam thanks I get. And then, as if to twist that rusty tracheotomy knife in my throat even more, you decide to schedule a concert stop at my vacation destination the very day after I leave.<br /><br />And as if it couldn’t get any worse, we will also miss <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6iK-Xl1K9A">Chicago Tap Theatre</a>’s one night only summer show. How will that look to the Chicago tap community for me to miss one of the premier shows of the season? Clearly, it will tarnish my up and coming status as a top patron of the pedary percussive arts. <br /><br />Finally, I also failed to check the summer festival calendar and will be absent for <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSplF2Iyyfw">Ribfest</a>. And I was really hoping to make the fest this year to have my lower ribs removed to enhance my girlish figure.<br /><br />It’s okay Johnette, my tap heroes and fellow rib eaters… we’ll always have Paris.Sidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08269958368204164974noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-62929601056247548702010-02-17T20:41:00.006-06:002010-02-19T23:05:01.703-06:00Sid DoggSo the 2010 concert season is in full swing, with the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, The Bodeans, Cowboy Mouth and Junior Brown, and Snoop Dogg under my belt already. Yes, Snoop D.O. Double G. I confess that I enjoy rap as much as I enjoy NASCAR. Not very much. But I'm an open-minded kind of guy and enjoy new experiences as long as it doesn't require any extended conversations with other people. I even went to a NASCAR race after I was informed that the cars were too loud to speak over and I would only be required to let out a Woooo-Eeeeee every time a car spun out. The Snoop Dogg show was at Metro, a club with a capacity of only 1100 so it seemed like a rare opportunity, and I figured I wouldn't have to talk to anyone and only throw my hands in the motherfucking air if I went.<br /><br />I went in with high expectations (no pun intended). I figured that somehow I would cross paths with Snoop and for some reason he would take a liking to me, invite me to be part of his posse, and eventually there would be a screenplay written for a buddy movie about our relationship, starring Snoop as himself and Topher Grace playing the part of Sid. But I digress.<br /><br />Doors at 7 pm, show at 8 pm, with one opening band. In my experience that would mean he should go on around 9:30 or 10 pm, right? Wrong. Clearly I don't understand the effects of weed. I got there around 8:30 and the opener was just starting. After they finished we had to stand around for half an hour and I caught a peek at the run sheet for the night. There was something called Wonderland scheduled in between with Snoop scheduled for 10:30. No problem. I just ordered another gin and juice and chilled with my homies. My homies being the other 1,050 white folks at the show. Wonderland turned out to be a film about the making of Snoop's film Malice in Wonderland. By now, the energy was being sucked out of me faster than an iPhone hooked up to one of those raw potato batteries. The clock crawled past 11 pm and I was annoyed and nothing would salvage the show at this point.<br /><br />Finally at 11:15, his DJ came out, played some tracks and talked about weed for 15 minutes. Yeah, I get it - you guys like weed. If I just wanted to hear somebody talk about weed I could have stayed home, rented a Cheech and Chong flick and saved myself $35. Finally Snoop came out, and the crowd went wild and he owned that motherfucking joint (pun intended this time). And all was forgiven. By the end of the show I decided I wanted to be Snoop Dogg when I grow up. Here's why:<br /><br />1. Snoop can be an hour late and people won't care.<br />2. Snoop is so cool that he did most of the show in a winter coat and didn't break a sweat.<br />3. The indoor smoking ban does not apply to weed when Snoop is in town.<br />4. Snoop has guys whose sole jobs are to wear a suit and stand on the side of stage while he performs.<br />5. Snoop appears to have a sideline pass for every team in the NFL.<br /><br />After we suffered through his pre-show movie/video, he delivered and played all the classic Snoop the crowd wanted to hear. And when it was all over, he left us with Snoop's Three Things You Need To Do Every Morning:<br /><br />1. Brush yo teeth.<br />2. Thank God you're alive to see another day. (Apparently God doesn't like bad breath)<br />3. Smoke some weed, motherfucker!<br /><br />Thank you, good night, and drive safely. And by safely I mean with weed and a firearm.Sidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08269958368204164974noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-17760365725401097282010-01-03T20:10:00.005-06:002010-01-03T22:33:19.188-06:00Top Ten Concerts of 2009Just like Festivus, I’ll start the Top Ten first with an airing of grievances. These are three shows I attended but with which I was disappointed. Much in the same way you’re disappointed with this blog….<br /><br />3. Bob Mould – Old Town School (3/29) – I debated whether I wanted to go to this show. I liked <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1sYN0PuRs4">Husker Du</a> and was somewhat familiar with <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHnFIaLp_ys">Sugar</a> and his <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZFO3EIXbhg">solo stuff</a>, but not sure if I was big enough fan to see a solo acoustic show. Turns out I’m not. He’s evolved in the last 20 years and I have not. Makes no sense at all.<br /><br />2. <a href="http://leperpop.blogspot.com/2009/03/hey-buddy.html">Buddy Guy</a> – Legend’s (1/18) – A legend. And every January he plays a series of shows at his bar in the South Loop. I got a pair of coveted weekend tickets, but unless you arrive hours early you won’t get a seat. No biggie except that standing room is delegated to corrals designated by stripes painted on the floor and enforced by bar security. Again, I might have been cool with that had he put on a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_rd8y8A2oE">real blues</a> show instead of the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoWSosXPR0I">fluff</a> he presented that night. If you want to be able to say you saw him live, go for it. Otherwise save your money for a hooker or something equally delightful.<br /><br />1. <a href="http://leperpop.blogspot.com/2009/11/wherefore-art-thou-juliette.html">Juliette Lewis, American Bang, The Wanton Look</a>s – Bottom Lounge (10/2) – This one is well-documented. She gave us 2-1/2 good records of rockin’ material before she went back to being an actress pretending to be a rock star. Still a high energy show and we got to see <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfw5_luj9EI">American Bang</a> up close so maybe it’s unfair to drop this one so low, but I wanted this one to be a Dairy Queen Brownie Earthquake and all I got was some figgy pudding.<br /><br />Next up – honorable mentions. I won’t blow my reward money hiring them to play my birthday party, but they were definitely good shows.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mbq1JAURdz0">The Von Ehrics</a> – Quenchers (12/10) – These boys pack up the van and come around about twice a year and always deliver a good time. Kind of like a box of Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls – cheap, delicious, consistent and predictable. So I was a little concerned when they parted ways with their bass player. But on their last stop in town, the sound didn’t lose much and it actually sounded fresh with some new songs in the set list and some others reworked. I’ll miss Jeffrey’s stage presence but the rest of the band seems to have a renewed energy and have stepped up their game.<br /> <br />Keb Mo – Pottawatomie Bingo Casino (11/14) – I’ve had the pleasure of seeing <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_U37JOVoDIE">Keb</a> many times and he never disappoints – probably the most likable artist on the list. But it’s still basically a show for suburban housewives who want to feel edgy by seeing someone a little more hip than Harry Connick, Jr.<br /><br />Jorma Kaukonen, Ruthie Foster, Robben Ford – College of DuPage (2/21) – Also reviewed earlier this year. Kind of a laid back show, but the talent and vibe was top notch. I primarily went for Ruthie, but also got to brush up on my <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hd0BcuwQ5bQ">music history</a> and learn why <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kT196UksWxc">Jorma</a> was the headliner.<br /><br />The Smithereens - some lame street fest last summer - I rediscovered that these guys were still touring a few years ago and have caught them a couple times since. They're clearly still loving what they're doing and still doing it well. Pat looks a little different, but the music is <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiQ2Lh-_rHA">better than ever</a>. Be on the lookout if they ever come to your town.<br /><br />Pretenders, American Bang – The Riviera (2/15) – Definitely a top ten show, but dropped a bit because of the venue and the fact that I got to see them both again later in the year at better venues. <br /><br />With that, I present you with Sid F’er’s Best Concerts of 2009:<br /><br />10. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVRcMECcI2E">Ruthie Foster</a> – Old Town School (8/22) – A powerful voice, some decent chops on the guitar, a great mix of gospel and blues, and a personality that makes me wish she would just come over to my house, hang out and play some records. That’s not too creepy, is it?<br /><br />9. <a href="http://leperpop.blogspot.com/2008/09/review-monte-montgomery-fitzgeralds.html">Monte Montgomery</a> – Fitzgerald’s (10/11) – Monte comes ‘round a couple times a year and you should make a point to see and support him. The dude is good enough that he could just go up there and shred for an hour and would still have a following. But in addition to some surprising and not-so-surprising <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FnZ6ZIj4vo">covers</a>, he can write some good old-fashioned rock and roll songs and has put together a band that can pull off some crafty arrangements that will help you get your groove back faster than Stella did. And he’s got a sense of humor that makes me wish I were a woman so that I could have a crush on him for it. That’s not too creepy, is it?<br /><br />8. Los Lobos, The Duhks – Symphony Hall (11/1) – I’ve heard these guys put on a great show and finally got to see them this year. It wasn’t as high energy as I had expected, but just <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLjV-HTgrG8">damn fine musicians</a> with some great chemistry. And as much as I wanted to hate the La Bamba encore, I La Bamba-ed with the rest of the crowd and had pretty damn good time. Add in an opening band made up of a bunch of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gl9XvJ7rO7k">Franco-Manitobans</a> and how can you go wrong? You can’t.<br /><br />7. <a href="http://leperpop.blogspot.com/2009/07/folk-roots-festival-part-ii.html">honeyhoney</a> – Folk & Roots Festival, Welles Park (7/12) – This is a pretty cool fest if you can manage to dodge the monster truck strollers that obnoxious parents roll in there to pretend they’re exposing their disinterested kids to culture and getting in the way of obnoxious folks like me who just go to look at cute girls who can sing and play fiddle and banjo. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGslCxMn-5c">honeyhoney</a> happened to have such a person, who was also cuter and more talented than I had expected. As Lou Reed said so eloquently, “I love you, Suzanne.”<br /><br />6. The Pixies – Aragon (10/20) – I had forgotten how good these guys were. At first I balked over the $45 ticket price, but the tour reignited my interest in their music. The more I listened the more $45 seemed like a bargain. Especially since by the time I decided I wanted to go I had to go through the detritus that is Craigslist to get a ticket for $55. They <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLuNemggM9I">sounded great</a>, but don’t stray much from the records in concert. And they had possibly one of the worst opening bands I’ve ever seen – No Age. Otherwise they might have come in higher.<br /><br />5. U2 – Soldier Field (9/12) – I can’t even recall who played the last stadium show I attended but I think it was on a sweaty, summer night at Texas Stadium, and I vowed never to go to another stadium show again. But I felt it was my husbandly duty to get some tickets to my wife’s favorite band. However… it was a great day and I got to ride my bike down the lakefront path to the show. There weren’t any douchebags in my immediate seating area. I actually kind of like their latest record. And it was almost worth the price of the ticket alone to see the 360 stage, video display and the coordination and logistics necessary to pull off a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1U-T_m3kMU">production of that scale</a> seemingly flawlessly. They’re coming back around – check it out.<br /><br />4. Dave Alvin and The Guilty Women – Old Town School (3/21) – So I was familiar with the Blasters and knew of Dave Alvin but quite wasn’t sure what to expect going in. This one turned out the opposite of the Bob Mould show. Dave was personable, laid down some groovin’ tunes, and sounded great despite still getting used to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXs_mhmTAyY">his new bandmates</a>, who just happened to be some badass women that are good enough to hang with Dave.<br /><br />3. Pretenders, Cat Power, Juliette Lewis – The Vic (8/18) – I have a weakness for female musicians so this lineup blew me away as soon as it was announced. I was still a Juliette fan, and her 30-minute opening set was just enough to give me a fix without being so over the top to drive me away like she did six weeks later. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMZZp1L-MH4">Cat Power</a> won me over with her set. I had always been on the fence, but the way she stalked the stage drew me in like an office staff to free donuts in the break room. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDZrzd4yA-8">And Chrissie</a>. THE coolest woman in rock and roll, even at 58 years old. She’s so good I even considered joining those freaks at PETA just to impress her. Besides having just one other original Pretender, she’s collected some guys that know their place and capture the energy of any lineup past.<br /><br />2. <a href="http://leperpop.blogspot.com/2009/08/dead-weather-screaming-females-vic.html">The Dead Weather, Screaming Females</a> – The Vic (7/29) – I like The White Stripes. I like The Kills. And Jack and Allison did not let me down. The most <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgwjG9ZHOro">powerful show</a> of the year. Quality musicians, commanding stage presence, and great lights and sound at a good venue. They rocked so many faces off that night that they had to stop the show half way so that security could sweep them up like hats after a hat trick. It also didn’t hurt that they found <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6a6k-FMtZVQ">Screaming Females</a> to open the show with some loud, dirty rock and roll featuring tiny but powerful Marissa tearing it up on guitar.<br /><br />1. <a href="http://blogs.suntimes.com/derogatis/2009/11/the_jesus_lizard_at_metro.html">The Jesus Lizard</a> – Metro (11/27) - Despite spending my entire life in Chicago and Texas, I never managed to see these guys. So I was pretty excited when they announced the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8AkgxQ3KaI">reunion tour</a>, but wasn’t sure if they could still perform at the same level as 20 or even 10 years ago. I’ll just leave you with the following <a href="http://www.culturebully.com/the-jesus-lizard-metro-chicago-live-photos-11-27-2009">exhibits</a>: a) it was a packed house and I somehow ended up a good 20 feet from where I started the show. b) lead singer David Yow <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-yovN6H-Js">passed overhead</a> several times and eventually left in an ambulance. c) it was the highest energy and most fun I’ve had at a show in recent memory.<br /><br />What were your best shows of the year?<br /><br />Rock on, and here’s to some good shows in 2010.Sidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08269958368204164974noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-60723564998143306452009-11-12T21:41:00.002-06:002009-11-12T21:49:38.696-06:00Wherefore Art Thou, JulietteEnding a relationship can be rough. Even if things haven’t been great lately, there are the memories of better times and wondering where things went astray. And if you think things have been going really well, an unexpected break-up can hit you upside the head like a foul ball in the 8th inning after you’ve been drinking for three hours and busy texting your significant other to let them know that you’re going to be a little late because there’s a special on Rolling Rocks at the bar by the ballpark and then before you know it you’ve got a tattoo of a Rawlings on your temple, your buddies are laughing at you and you’re thinking maybe you should have read the fine print warning on the back of your ticket stub a little more closely. Unfortunately, women don’t come with any fine print so even if you’re an overly diligent attorney you’re going to get hit sooner or later.<br /><br />So in case you haven’t figured it out by now, I’ll spell it out for you: I’m breaking up with Juliette Lewis. We had a good run. If you remember we first connected back in 2006, but it wasn’t until a year later when the relationship got really hot. That’s when we bonded at her show with the Licks at Reggie’s back in December. I was acting like a lovestruck schoolgirl. More so than usual. I got a Juliette poster as the centerpiece of my shrine. I was going to incorporate one of those salami sticks hanging in the meat market since they’re very tasty, but I was trying to stay focused. I put the picture we took together on my nightstand. I asked Mrs. F’er if she would change her name to Juliette. I later suggested Joe Pesci after the beating she gave me. I also suspect she’s the one who vandalized the poster with a Sharpie mustache. But I digress.<br /><br />The two and a half records she made with the Licks just plain rocked. Hard. Muscular. Nothing fancy – just loud guitars, driving drums and high energy vocals. We’re talking a two year-old on Red Bull and pixie sticks kind of energy. Her band were some no nonsense, jeans and t-shirt guys who got sweaty and didn’t comb their hair. Not the kind who spent a lot of time trying to look like they don’t comb their hair, either. And the show I saw back in 2007 was off the hook. Or off the chain. Whatever the kids say today when something is totally copasetic. <br /><br />So Juliette and the Licks stayed on my playlist fairly regularly. Then she announced the Licks were no more. I wasn’t happy, but gave her the benefit of the doubt. She posted a new website for a new band called The New Romantiques. Now I was having some doubts, but sticking them in the far recesses of my brain. Back where I also keep the knowledge of where to find any cooking utensils in the house. I was in denial that we were growing apart. She finally released the new record and it was good. In fact, there were a few rockers that held their own with the best Licks tracks. Even a raw blues number that she is seemingly able to pull off. But there were a few that strayed from rocker territory. It’s like when one of your mountain bike buddies buys a road bike “just to ride when the trails are muddy”. Then before you know it he’s shaving his legs twice a week and talking to your wife about razor burn. But I digress.<br /><br />There were darker tunes, more emotive tunes, and “sonically different” songs. There was even the pure pop goodness of “Uh-Huh” which I can appreciate but just seemed out of place. Still, I gave the CD multiple spins and looked forward to her show with the same anticipation normally reserved for the Little Debbie delivery man.<br /><br />I talked people into going with me, and on the night of the big show the five of us were pretty much the first ones in the house. You know, ‘da house, dawg. The first opening band Juliette has been touring with must have called in sick or something because they were replaced by a local band called The Wanton Looks. Not the Wonton Looks. That’s that happens when you order some tasty soup at PF Changs. The Wanton Looks are a four rocker chick power pop quartet with a punkish edge. The singer/bassist had good stage presence, and although the guitarists seemed adequate they never quite inspired me to rip off my shirt like The Incredible Hulk and stab myself with a pencil. The drummer appeared to be immensely talented, much too talented to be hanging out with these broads. They need to step it up a notch. However, I stuck around for the whole set and feel I got my money’s worth for an opener. Plus I have to say that or else they’ll break my face the next I show it in public.<br /><br />American Bang was the middle act and I had seen them open for The Pretenders earlier in the year. However, it was at The Riviera which is the Ford Focus of venues. It will get you there, but you won’t look cool and definitely won’t be rocking any rich Corinthian leather seats. I was also distracted by worries that I was going to find a parking ticket on my car. So I deferred judgment.<br /><br />Turns out that at a small club like the Bottom Lounge, American Bang can tear that shit up. The band looks like it consists of three Nashville stoners who ditched class to listen to Black Crowes records, and a fourth guy who looks like he might have been recently released by Night Ranger. I’m not even sure he’s really in the band. I think he just showed up and the other three are still trying to decide who needs to tell him. In the meantime, they came out and rocked way harder than Juliette fans deserved. And did it all while “drunk as piss”.<br /><br />Next up was Juliette. Funny, but I had just also seen her open for The Pretenders a couple months earlier – it was a short 30-minute set and never seemed to find a groove so I also deferred judgment on the new band and material that night. Tonight I would offer no excuses for them.<br /><br />Let’s start with the band. All seemed proficient. But the drummer seemed bored. Seemed to sit there with a nonplussed look on his face. The bass player looked as if she were plucked from a Quentin Tarantino movie just for her exotic look. One guitarist was rocking a modified Flock of Seagulls ‘do. I didn’t find the other guitarist as bothersome but he was no Lick.<br /><br />When I first introduced Juliette to Moist Rub a few years ago he was skeptical. How did he know whether she was a true rocker or just using her mad acting skillz to play a rocker? I thought he was the one off his rocker. Eventually, it seems he was satisfied that she was for real, but now I’m having my own doubts. The oft repeated line during her promotional appearances that her shows were about “communing with the gods” and some other mumbo jumbo I can’t recall. The new flair for the dramatic in the new songs. The posing and dramatic long stares during her performances. Ah, phooey. I know there is still a little rocker in there.<br /><br />I even waited around to see if she was going to come out so I could get my liner notes signed and get to the bottom of it all. Nope. I get the hint. <br /><br />I got my $15 worth. Definitely. But the shrine is being replaced with that stick of salami.Sidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08269958368204164974noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14502119.post-49728513082590547872009-10-06T19:02:00.004-05:002009-10-06T20:53:01.041-05:00Me and DaveI have an announcement to make. I intended to go to the grave with this information known only to me and to one other. Not my own grave, mind you, but the grave of Fatty Arbuckle, until I remembered that he was cremated, and his ashes were spread over the Pacific Ocean. I suppose I could have gone to the Pacific Ocean with the information, but it just wouldn't be the same without a headstone upon which to unleash my mourning and reflection. I wonder if they make floating headstones for burials at sea. If they don't I have dibs on inventing them. Don't even think about stealing my idea. Blogs are legally binding in patent court. You can look it up. I don't expect to have a grave of my own, choosing instead to fall from a cliff to be left in anonymity and natural disgrace as the wild boars of Dover feast on my corpse. <br /><br />I can no longer keep my secret to take to anybody's grave, even convenient ones like that of Wally Dandrel, who put his grave on the Internet (www.wallylieshere.com). The circumstances surrounding my secret have become too volatile to hold dear, thanks to that blabbermouth, David Letterman. Since, as you may have heard in the news lately, the ex-weatherman late night funny man seems determined to scrub his dirty laundry on national television using the ancient art of monologue, not unlike the Sophoclean King Creon as he set forth a course for the demise of his own insouciant little world, I thought I had better fess up before I ended up in another Top Ten list (the other time was March 6th, 1989: Top Ten Microbial Disinfectants Used by the Supreme Court). <br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">I had an affair with David Letterman.</span><br /><br /><br />There. I said it. I'm not proud of it, but I'm also not ashamed of it. He was good to me. Although our affair never made it to the orifice compromising stages many people associate with affairs, the emotions were the same, because there was magic in that hand shake on that bus that day. And like Oprah, he was gentle and tender with me and held me afterward as I wept.<br /><br />I admit this now in the hopes of saving my family from further embarrassment and to keep the tabloids and paparazzi at bay. That, and I want to ensure they get my part of the story correct when the very special made for TV movie about the David Letterman Affairs is released in time for the February sweeps this television season (starring the caustic Danny Bonaduce as the ambrosial Moist Rub). I'm sure they will offer a generous royalty package for those of us who have become victims of Letterman's lechery as we are splattered across television sets worldwide. Also, look for a cameo by Richard Simmons as an anonymous shopper at Rupert Jee's Hello Deli. He's fabulous!Moist Rubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11761155132969976525noreply@blogger.com6