Crystal Bernard - Coming Home

Regular readers might have noticed the recurring references to Crystal Bernard. Most likely, they might wonder why. Or even who she is... so let me tell you.

Crystal Bernard was born on September 30, 1964 in Garland, Texas. Like our hero Marty Casey, I love an older woman -- and Crystal is exactly 193 days older than I am. That's less than a year. So we have a lot in common, I'm sure, and we can spend countless hours walking at dusk and talking about the time we joined the KISS Army and where we were when people like Reagan, the Pope and John Lennon got shot. Good times. Maybe listen to some Foreigner albums and make out on a bean bag chair or something.

I also reside in the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex, only about 20 miles from her Garland birthplace. Of course, Crystal has since purchased a home in Beverly Hills, but admits she bought it "as an investment." I'm sure she has frequent yearnings to visit her roots, and I bet she flies into DFW Airport when she does. With my current work schedule, I’m at DFW several times a month. It suddenly becomes clear how fate will somehow bring us together. I ran into Pauly Shore there once, so anything is possible.

Sure Crystal was a cutie as Richie's cousin K.C. Cunningham on the last season of Happy Days, and we loved her as Amy on It's a Living, but it was on Wings where she captured my heart....

I asked her about her character Helen on Wings...
"Maybe I think more of Helen than I should, but I think Helen's done better than I would have done if I would have lost as much as she has. I think Helen has done pretty good with failure. That's one of the things you respect about her."

OK, so I didn't really ask her directly. I kind of stole that quote from a profile in the Dallas Morning News by Joyce Saenz Harris that I cut out seven and half years ago. But it is such a prolific quote. Consider this... I got kicked out of school because I forgot to study for a few classes. One could consider that a failure... kind of like Helen. But here I am today, writing for Leper Pop. One, such as Crystal, could say that I've done pretty good with failure. Even respect that about me....

Cheers has always been one of my favorite shows, so I asked her if I had a choice between watching a Wings rerun or a Cheers rerun which one should that I choose.
"Any comparison to Cheers is a compliment," she said. "Cheers was about losers who sit around a bar drinking all day. On Wings, the airline isn't making any money, and I'm a concert cellist who can't get arrested and is slapping burgers. So what do you think?"

All right, I really didn't ask her that. That quote was kind of borrowed from a profile done by James Brady -- that creepy looking guy at the back of Parade magazine in the Sunday paper. I don't know if he still does the profiles since the article I cut out is about 6 years old.

Did you know that Crystal has cut several albums since leaving Wings? I haven't heard them, but I think Peter Cetera was somehow involved in one or both or something. Yep, Peter Cetera formerly of the band Chicago. I was born in Chicago, if you remember, only 193 days after Crystal was born in Garland, only about 20 miles from where I now reside. Getting kind of freaky, isn't it?

Anyway, Crystal resurfaced as spokeswoman for Q Sports Clubs several years ago. The Q had 18 locations, primarily in the South, 12 being in Texas, 1 being in Plano, Texas. And guess who was gainfully employed in Plano at the time??? Yours truly. Crystal had both written, produced, and performed the songs which were used in the Q's heavy media campaign, and I recently asked Q founder and president Frank Leonesio about those spots...
"We've had a super time putting together these spots," says Leonesio. "Crystal is a lot of fun to work with and her music really catches the Q spirit."

Does it really matter that I really didn't ask Leonesio about Crystal? OK, I lifted this quote from www.qclubs.com, the former website of the Q. That shouldn’t be a problem as they’ve since gone out of business. More likely, the soaring membership revenue resulting from her campaign probably made them an attractive buyout target. But that's not important right now.

If she ever makes it back to Texas to promote a Lifetime movie or something, I have a standing offer to pick her up at the airport. I’ll even make one of those little cardboard signs with her name on it. Aw, who am I kidding… it’s already been made.