TV Party

I recently had an extended leave of absence from work and had some time to fill while captive in my apartment. When I was desperate enough, I turned to television for entertainment. Here is what I discovered:

Television is a tool of Satan. I spent way too much time trying to figure out who was hotter – Morticia Addams or Lily Munster.


I can’t believe it took me so long to figure out that Ward Cleaver was pretty much a dick.

I’m strangely fascinated by Rachel Ray, but if you tell anyone I’ll deny it. Completely.

Even if golf featured supermodels playing naked, I still wouldn’t be able to watch it on TV.

The Iron Chef always wins. Especially the fat guy in the clogs who looks like a Simpsons character.

Gunsmoke is pretty cool. I never really watched it until recently, and now I wish I could have spent a few days in Dodge back then.

Televisions marathons are revolting and I question the mental acuity of anyone that can watch more than 60 consecutive minutes of the same show. Especially something like American Gladiators.

The stock ticker on CNBC can be very calming and meditative.

Experts on television rarely are.

If it weren’t for playoff hockey and my crush on local NBC weekend news anchor Anna Davlantes, I’d have probably thrown my television off the balcony.


Or myself.