Saturday, July 30, 2005

Sid's Projected Odds - July 30

This weekend Sid will use his extensive experience working in Vegas' top sports books to offer odds to win for each contestant. These odds are for entertainment purposes only and do not represent an offer to wager. If wagering is legal where you are and you decide to put down some money based on what some random blogger says, then you are an idiot and should just send me the money.

MiG 1/1
Ty 5/1
Jordis 6/1
Suzie 7/1
Marty 7/1
Deanna 18/1
Jessica 25/1
JD 25/1
Tara 40/1
Brandon 50/1

I changed the odds several times before hitting the post button. It was difficult to put aside personal preferences and be honest about vocal ability to sing INXS songs and best fit from a personality and image angle, but I think I did it. I think it's MiG's competition to lose at this point.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Rock Star - July 27

Well, well, well, bloody hell, what a snaggle-toothed twist that crafty verteran band threw at us tonight. Why this didn't lead the 10 o'clock news is beyond me.

Before I get into the show, I would like to tell everyone that Brooke said some awful hurtful things to me on tonight's episode, which have wounded me deeply. I think it may be over between us.

I think Dave got yelled at by the show bosses or by INXS for dissin' Marty. Either that or he just felt like a jag off, after telling him he sucked, having to inform Marty he did so awesome yesterday that he is asked to do an encore. So he made peace. That was the adult thing to do, albeit, not very rock 'n roll. Plus, I believe Marty was about to throw down some pile drivers on his midget ass. As for the encore, Marty rocked out, but looked tentative having to do it. What was up? Is it just Marty being humble or is something else going on? Or is it genius editing? Maybe he had a boner and didn't want to get up right away. This is what I think is the deal with Marty. I think he really doesn't care if he wins or not. That's a powerful advantage for him, if that's the case.

Wasn't it chilling how Brooke created so much drama prior to reading off the names of the three low-vote hacks? "Let's get real for a minute" - then an agonizing suspenseful pause (more of a delay, as if she was actually counting to herself, "one-one thousand, two-one thousand, etc. or stamping her hoof, because the director told her to wait 5 seconds before moving forward.) And then, "Raise your hands, who thinks they'll be one of the three?"(or something like that). Whomever raised their hands should have been immediately kicked off the show for being a piss-wet mattress. I didn't catch who raised their hands, but I know Marty didn't. Brooke's not a very good host. I can say that now that we've broken up. Although, she still has some of my cd's. Like I'll ever see those again.

This week's pathetic triumvirate were Jessica, Daphna and Heather. Daphna's inclusion surprised me at first, but in retrospect, she probably belonged there because of her Casbah lashing, although I dig her voice. Should have been JD, instead, but they need him around to cause trouble, and there are a lot of JDidiots out there voting for him(judging from the message boards I've perused).

Daphna - What You Need. Like I said, I dig her voice - kinda gritty and saucy, but she was weak on the low notes and couldn't achieve full force during the belting parts. I felt her performance was marginal, and I figured she was in need of a collapse on somebody else's part to be safe. She did spice up her ambulation on stage. I'll give her that much.

Heather - By My Side. She can't do the slow songs. She needs to sing rockin' tunes to optimize the crankitude of her voice. Consequently, she tanked. I had an epiphany during her song. She is the female version of Napoleon Dynamite, except she can't dance. INXS, being much more shrewd than I am in the entertainment industry, probably noticed this the first day. If you haven't seen Napoleon Dynamite, I reccommend it. However, you should watch it with a twelve year old to realize it's full potential as a cinematic hilarity.

Jessica - Elagantly Wasted. Not one of my favorite INXS songs, but I can honestly say I enjoyed her performance of it. I think we found a song for her. Maybe her voice characteristics are similar enough to Michael Hutchence's voice to enable her to succeed as the new lead singer. Then again, maybe not. I don't really know what I'm talking about. However, she seemed to have some difficulty with the low notes. If she makes the band, maybe they'll buy her some testicles to help her out. That would be a nice "welcome to the band" gift. I think Black Sabbath did the same for Ronnie James Dio. To help matters, she resorted to her tried and tested strategy of exposing her tummy. It couldn't hurt. It was evident that she would live to belly us another week. Elagantly Wasted has a cool bass line. Nice going, Garry Beers.

The decision came down to choosing between Daphna and Heather. Based on their performances, I would have launched Heather, but I like her voice better than Daphna. I was torn like an ill-fated rubber. It didn't matter, because the band decided pull out the double bladed battle axe and slay both of them. It was a SHOCKER! Just what the show needed to create that Hollywood buzz. It's all we've been talking about tonight, here at the Vanity Fair post-show party. I wasn't aware they could change the rules on the fly like that. Maybe they can change the rules some more and kick off singers who didn't get voted into the elimination round. Say, strictly for example, JD.

The people on the show, except for INXS (I think they're getting tired of this whole thing, which is why they expedited the elimination process), were aghast. Dave seemed genuinely sad when speaking about it - the poor little rocker. All the girl singers, including Brandon and Ty, were crying. Note to Suzy: crying is not your best look. You may want to invest in a large handkerchief to cover up when the weepies come a callin'. Nobody needs to see that.

Daphna is going to work hard to support her mom - I guess Dad's 401K was blown at the track. Heather is taking her git fiddles and hittin' the road in a Winnebago, just like Jack Nicholson did in About Schmidt. Well, maybe not exactly. If she stops in Chicago, I'll check her out. I doubt that she'll be singing any Sheryl Crow or INXS songs. Fine by me - stick to the classic rock stuff, baby.

Rock Star - July 26

Brooke looked nice with the pony tail, but we’re in a spat, so I’m not going to talk about her. She knows why. And if she doesn’t, I’m not going to tell her.

Jordis – Gimme Some Lovin’. No thanks, but I will listen to you sing. She jumped right in by instructing the crowd and then keyed the band with a simple, “Let’s do it.” Nice. She messed up a lyric, but I don’t care. It’s not about staying on the map, you just need to get back to it when you fall off. She did. Dave called her, “man”. I like the way she rolls her eyes. Please sing to me, baby.

Suzie – Superstition. She’s been singing well enough to make me forget about her being a snidy little c. I don’t think the harmonica was necessary (even though the band seemed to like it), and it seemed like she had to jam it in there (how does she walk?). I noticed a little bit of Joe Cocker in her arm movements. Not bad or good, just is. She’s a contender.

Jessica – Because the Night. I thought this song would fit her voice better than the other songs she’s sung. I thought she did well, but I guess the band determined she had pitch problems. I’ll take their word for it, but I did notice a couple of subdued squeaks, which were annoying. She didn’t show much of her belly, but she did touch her boob. That made up for it. She should try to avoid colliding with pigeons before the show, however. Not enough to save her.

MiG – Lola. What’s with the Sergeant Pepper jacket? I liked the arrangement and he did a fine job with it. I have written in my notes, “what?” and “cool”, but I don’t know what that means. If anybody knows what I was referring to, please let me know. His strip tease didn’t do anything for me. He’s really come around. I like him.

Brandon – Tempted. He needs to just shut up and sing. Quit talking at us before the song starts. The verses weren’t too bad, but he mangled the chorus. Maybe he should clear out his nose before he goes on stage. Maybe pull out a nose hair. That’ll make him sneeze and he won’t sound like he’s wearing a clothes pin on his schnoz. He doesn’t seem real up there. It all seems like an act, like he’s pretending to be a rock star.

Ty – Everybody Hurts. I never knew you could comb a Mohawk. It reminded me of when Bart Simpson combs his hair for church. His voice sounded great. I don’t know if it’s because of preconception or not, but he still seems “Broadway” to me, which isn’t bad, but is not INXS.

Heather – If It Makes You Happy. No, it didn’t. Her voice was wobbly in the slow parts. She looked apprehensive and uncomfortable. She shouldn’t blame her inadequate performance on her being sick. There is no ailing in rock and roll. So, what? She can’t sing Sheryl Crow. Sheryl Crow can’t even sing Sheryl Crow. If I were her, I would have asked the band how many Sheryl Crow songs they do in their show. None. Too bad, I was rooting for her. She needs to stick to cool songs. She sings cool songs cool. I think she’ll survive this blow.

JD – We Are the Champions. This is not my favorite Queen song. They should have made him sing Liar from their first album. He would have got crushed even more. At the beginning of the song, he sounded like Iggy Pop on ludes (more ludes than usual). Then he got distracted by the guitar. And then it got bad. He knew he was floundering and he didn’t know what to do, so he just started jumping at the end. I think Navarro made a good move by directing our attention to the house band when JD was making out with his sister. What was that? Do you think any of the other “rockers” believed him when he said (referring to them) “We are all the champions”? I think Brandon did, but that’s about it. I’m telling ya, he’s an 8 year old boy up there.

Deanna – Give a Little Bit. Please stop pointing. Her voice is not sweet enough for this song. She needs to belt shit out, and she knows it. I don’t know why she picked that song. The band told her to trust her voice. I don’t know what that means. She has established herself firmly in the middle. They showed Marty a lot at the end of her performance. I wonder if there is something going on there. I know they run together, but don’t talk. “…for a different kind of girl, who knows the feelings, but never the words, in this real life documentary.” (actual INXS lyrics) Coincidence? I hardly think so. I hardly think anything.

Daphna – Rock the Casbah. Even with the long dress, I could still see the hemorrhoidal ostrich walk. They roasted her. I don’t think she did that bad. Her voice sounds cool. Not a good song for her. Congratulations, Andrew – you saw the Clash twice. What do you want, a cookie? Joe Strummer is dead now, did you want her to go sing for them? The band's response to her may cause the general idiots not to vote for her. I’d keep her in, for now.

Marty caressed Tara’s leg before her performance. He’s a dog. Ruff, ruff.

Tara – Suffragette City. Same old stuff. She sounded good (although lounge singerish), but she can’t move on stage. She needs to go try out for Lawrence Welk. Nice bra. I was wearing the same one when watching the show. It’s very comfortable. Bring back the bangs. Dave was right, she sang it too cute. (Wow, Dave did two good things this week – that’s a record!)

Marty – Lithium. INXS should be trying out for him. I may be biased, but there is no other contestant I would want to see perform instead of Marty (although Jordis is up there, but I don’t like that she smokes. It blew my whole image of her.) He whaled on it, as expected. INXS made a comment on how well he seems to be part of the band. I re-watched the video, and he pretty much ignored the band, so I’m not sure what they were talking about. Maybe they meant musically. I wouldn’t know. Just because I have a guitar, doesn’t mean I’m lying. Marty tried giving Dave a compliment, but Dave took it the wrong way and tried roasting Marty’s performance. I think it’s because Dave doesn’t know what the word “affinity” means, so he took it as an insult. But then Garry Beers chimed in to tell Dave to shut the hell up and let Marty know he did well. Garry Beers is my favorite INXS dude. Beers.

Bottom three should be Brandon, Jessica and JD, but it’ll probably be Brandon, Jessica and Heather. Jessica will be ousted.

MiG, Jordis, Suzy and Marty had the best performances.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Rock Star - July 26

Brooke - Ponytail is a nice touch, very girl next doorish. However, her "are you ready to rock?" was the cheesiest I've heard since Shania Twain. But off we go...

Jordis - Gimme Some Lovin': You ever have one of those days where you wake up about two minutes before your alarm goes off and you feel all refreshed and hop in the shower singing Doris Day tunes and you don't run into the normal traffic and your voicemail at work isn't full of problems to start the day? That's the kind of day that Jordis looks like she's having everytime she's up there. Sure, she muffed a line but nobody cared. It almost got Suzie kicked off the show, but Jordis coasted. I don't think she's into the cheesy crowd participation thing, but was just playing the game. I didn't think she would do much with this song, but I was wrong again. Great vocals and I dig the way she moves up there. Guess that makes me an Ungarian.

Suzie - Superstition: Got some compliments in the crosstalk, but I thought they were being generous. Looked like she got a Poison haircut and got caught in the rain on the way to the show. Weak vocal that seemed to be overpowered by the band, and it's always difficult to avoid the comparison to Stevie. Where I come from, you don't play no harp, you don't get no pussy. But that's still no excuse to force it into the song.

Jess - Because The Night: I thought this would be her night. Then she came out with the pigeons stuffed down her shirt. Then her voice squeaked like a field mouse getting caught in a combine during harvest season. The energy coming from the stage pretty much matched the amount you get when you make a battery out of a potato during junior high science class. Peace out, Jess.

MiG - Lola: First the tribute to Michael Jackson, then he tries to kill the energy of the song with his own arrangement. But he retained enough of the original and I thought he had a pretty good stage presence to pull it off. I hope he takes the band's advice -- I'd like to see MiG do "God Save The Queen" after half a quart of vodka. Tonight, I actually saw him as a top contender to lead their band, INXS.

Brandon - Tempted: Forget the fact that the guy couldn't carry a melody if you stuck it in one of those slings that mother's carry their newborns around in and duct taped it to his chest. It would still fall out and land directly on it's soft spot and suffer irreversible brain damage. But forget that. Besides the bad haircut, or lack thereof, he goes from dressing like Daniel Boone to Herb Tarlek and clearly isn't right for their band, INXS.

Ty - Everybody Hurts: I cannot stand this guy. He doesn't even warrant my wrath anymore. Sad thing is that he'll remain unscathed this week after the mess everyone else threw down.

Heather - If It Makes You Happy: OK, let's get the hack line out of the way - Heather, babe, that version isn't going to make anyone happy. Says the wife, "Even Sheryl Crow can't sing Sheryl Crow." Wow. She said she was sick, but it sounded like she mixed way too many Flintstone chewables with her Nyquil to get those sounds and pick out that dress. I still like her, so let's hope she survives this one.

JD - We Are The Champions: He did a nice imitation of Walter Matthau there in the beginning, but not sure what it was doing in that song. The band talked him out of the trip hop version, and as expected it sounded like the bad Green Day cover. I could have been spared the makeout session with sis. MiG seemed so confused by the whole performance that he was unable to be overenthusiastic, and Jordis' smug smile told you she was witnessing a failed bit.

Deanna - Give A Little Bit: It's not a bad voice, I just don't like it. Marty looked sad for her.

Daphna - Rock the Casbah: Great face tonight. Got the make-up figured out and the hair pulled back was working. However, WTF possessed her to do a smooth jazz version of the mother f-ing Clash in a wedding dress? I hope she gets another chance, but not sure she deserves it after that.

Tara - Sufragette City: Got a little better in the wardrobe department and thanks for flashing the breasts, but she always has this look on her face like you just told her she has a fat ass. I don't think she does, it's just the look when she's singing. She dances like a drunken bridesmaid and the vocals aren't helping, either.

Marty - Lithium: Excuse the language, but fuck, Sam, that just plain rocked. Nothing more needs to be said.

Dave - F you.

So top three performances: Marty, Jordis, MiG
Worst three performances: I can't narrow it down to just three.
OK, worst performances: Heather, Brandon, Daphna, Jess, JD, Tara
Indifferent: Ty, Suzie, Deanna

My bottom three this week: Heather, Brandon, Daphna
Who should go: Brandon

Predicted bottom three: Brandon, Daphna, Tara
Predicted Ousting: Brandon

Programming note: Sid will be in Atlanta tomorrow night and will miss the results show. I'll roll tape, but likely won't have an upate until Thursday evening. Until then, you're in Moist Rub's infested hands.

Rock Star - July 25

Now I remember why I've never watched a "reality" show until now. It's not reality, it's all about putting people in unrealistic situations and then piecing together their behavior (oft times ridiculous) into some contrived drama the general public mistakes for reality so they don't have to pay attention to their own mundane reality. However, this show has a few other elements that are keeping my interest:

1. Personal relationship with one of the contestants (that's right, me and Ty are ex-lovers)
2. INXS - I've always been a fan
3. Rock 'n Roll (for the most part) Performances.

And of course,

4. Dave Navarro

It's not so bad, and I'm enjoying it, but I'm not buying the "reality" portion of the show, unless they start having orgies. If that happens, I don't care if it's real or not.

I was not able to give full attention to this week's mansion show, so I won't go into detail. But, I have realized that JD is not merely a pud. He is insecure, and immature and desperately needs someone to notice him. His behavior is on the level of an 8 year old boy. I take pity on him. But, I still don't like his voice. That aside, I don't think he'd be a good fit for INXS - they're not looking to babysit their lead singer, I presume.

MiG seems to be coming into his zone. I excpect him to gain favor of the band. If anybody is familiar with the recent Milwaukee's Best commercials, where the giant beer can drops on a guy who is acting less-than-manly, I was expecting that to happen to MiG when he was on the phone with his wife. I felt sorry for the dude. So, I yelled at his wife through the tv screen in his place, "What do you want me to do, quit the show and give up my dreams because my wife is afraid of a few psychotic, bomb-flinging Muslims! It always has to be about you, doesn't it, BITCH! Fine, I'll go wake Dave Navarro right now and tell him I can't play Rock and Roll anymore because my wife says I have to come home because she's a whiney-ass, crybaby, little chicken shit. Is that what you want!?"

Jessica may do well (relatively) with her song this week. Just a hunch. Brandon doesn't seem to bother me as much as he used to. I'm sure it's only a phase. Marty will rock out, as usual. No, he'll rock out rock out. Know what I mean? I mean it. R-O-C-K space O-U-T! Brooke will wave at me, again (she sent me a love note disguised as an overdue credit card bill, that rascal). JD will have some humility thrust upon him, but he won't know how to use it. I expect strong efforts from Suzie, Jordis, Heather and Garry Beers. I don't know about Daphna or Ty, Tara, Deanna or Brandon. I just don't know. I'm guessing Neal will be drunk somewhere, Will will be smirking in the mirror at himself, and Dana won't know where she is at.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Rock Star - July 25

I miss Dana. I find myself curious what she might have thrown down next. But I quickly digress. Another mansion show.
OK, we get it - Neal was a great guy. I don't mind the chicks crying because that's what chicks do. Somebody should have punched Brandon and Ty in their vaginas when they started weeping about their man-crush on Neal. After the first episode, a lot of people thought Marty was Mr. Sensitive, but at least he proved you don't have to be a pussy about it. And additional kudos to him for not wearing a stupid hat all the time.
MiG, dude, what's your wife going to think or do when you hit the road with your own MiG groupies? She needs to chill and think about the cash or she'll end boiling bunnies. Jess, nice glasses. I like the Lisa Loeb look for the interviews. It helps distract me from thinking you got on the wrong bus at the CBS depot.
This weeks clinic - also known as "Don't Listen to Dave" - was done by INXS and was a critique of previously taped performances. So what did we learn? Brandon is in the safe zone, but can do anything if he just listens to JD and stands up straight and thumps his chest. I'm not the only one that doesn't like Dapha's Elmer Fudd imitations. She was so offended that she wanted to knock Suzie's giant teeth out. JD is a cocky MF'er. Ty is not a rock star and wants to produce the stage adaptation of Kick! The Musical. Thanks for the clinic, guys.
JD discovers this week's songs and wants a friggin' medal for not peeking. I guess there's no cash in the Rock Star mansion, so he trades Jordis some smokes in return for "We Are The Champions". He should have chosen "I Never Went To Bed With An Ugly Woman (But I Sure Woke Up With A Few)" because after he sobered up he realized that he's no Freddie Mercury. Unfortunately for JD, Jordis had already blazed through the smokes and wasn't taking the song back.
So from the rehearsal previews, here's what I've got to say:
Jess - Because the Night - I have a feeling she's going to nail this one and get everyone off her back for one week.
Jordis - Gimme Some Lovin' - Not a great song choice, but she's Jordis and will do well. Won't floor anyone this week, but has the cred to coast a week.
Suzie - Superstition - Tough call. It's hard to cover Stevie well, but I think she'll live to sniff Marty's drawers another week. Wouldn't mind seeing her struggle so that she doesn't get too cocky, though.
Ty - Everybody Hurts - Since he can't choreograph this one like it's West Side Story, he'll still overact and piss off the band, who have already professed their love for all things REM.
Brandon - Tempted - In an offline discussion earlier this week with Moist Rub, I had actually suggested Tempted as a song. If Brandon doesn't get any better than rehearsal clips we saw, the band has prepared a tranquilizer dart to put him and the audience out of their respective misery before he even hits the chorus.
JD - We Are The Champions - Last we saw him doing his own arrangement again. A trip hop version that the house band is distancing from. This can go two ways. He does the trip hop version and it sucks, in which case INXS will yell at him for tricking up every goddam song. Or he does the traditional version and it will sound as bad as the Green Day cover. Either way, the band will cut him some slack, especially since they need to keep him around for the drama.
MiG - Lola - Why another Kinks song? I didn't like him at first, but he's growing on me. And he made up for the phone call by ripping on JD during rehearsal. Good stuff. I have to admit I'm kind of interested to see what he does with Lola.
No preview on what Marty, Heather, Daphna, Deanna, or Tara are working with this week. They didn't preview Neal last week, either.
I'm sure everyone wants to know who Sid wants to see go. So I'd like to see Ty, Brandon, and Suzie in the bottom three with Ty packing.
My preshow prediction:
Bottom 3: Brandon, Tara, Daphna. Time for Brandon to put shoes back on his dirty hippy feet and hit the road.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Sid's Rock Star Ranking - July 22

Same criteria as Moist Rub - who I would most like to hear/see perform, not odds of winning or fit with INXS. Seems our top 3 are the same, then it's blown apart.

1. Marty
2. Jordis
3. Heather
4. JD
5. Dapna
6. Suzie
7. MiG
8. Deanna
9. Tara
10. Jess
11. Brandon
12. Ty

Comments from the peanut gallery?

Rock Star Ranking - July 22

Twelve contestants remaining. Here is how I rank them, from best to worst. Best meaning who I would like to hear/see perform, as opposed to how they would fit with INXS or how I think they'll survive on the show.

1. Marty Casey
2. Jordis Unga
3. Heather Luttrell
4. Daphna Dove
5. Ty Taylor
6. MiG Ayesa
7. Suzie McNeil
8. Deanna Johnston
9. Brandon Calhoon
10. Tara Slone
11. Jessica Robinson
12. J.D. Fortune

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Rock Star - Wednesday, July 20

OK, excuse the late posting, but we were notified of a death in the family during Neal's performance and I can't be too sure that he wasn't somewhat responsible with that pathetic performance.

OK, so JD is a pud. The band says that their decision is based on what happens on that stage. BS. You don't want to invite a dickweed into your band and have to share your jet with him. But you do want a dickweed on your reality show to keep the viewers interested between all the group hugs.

The band agreed with me that Suzie and JD were tops, but I still think everybody gave Mig a little too much credit for getting some lyrics right. For those that didn't notice, I'll point out that I correctly picked the bottom three - Neal, Jess and Tara. Real tough. On with the show....

Neal - Suicide Blonde - Fitting song as he we watched him commit vocal suicide right before our very eyes. Like the band said, nice use of the stage, especially the exit stage right part.

Tara - Mystify - One of my INXS faves. She did a nice generic rendition without any distracting stage presence, mixed in some bad white guy dance floor moves, and needs to fire her wardrobe consultant or find one if she doesn't have one. That being said, she can stay another week since she isn't hurting anything. Particularly the other contestants chances of winning.

Jess - Don't Change - Not that Tara had anything to worry about after Neal's performance, but I did notice her smiling after seeing that the crap Jess was throwing against the wall wasn't sticking. No voice, no moves, no charisma. The only way she can survive is if she drops the waistline down another 5 inches and I think the censors already nixed that idea. After a few more attempts at a legit show biz career, she'll probably end up hosting one of those softcore porn shows on cable.

Prior to the show, I expected Jess to be gone. I figured Tara would coast, and Neal and Jess would suck equally. Neal would get the edge based purely on his look, as there is no way in my wildest imagination that I can picture Jess as the lead singer of their band, INXS. I never expected Neal to suck so bad that Jess would be the better option. When the band said the hardest part is to choose one, I think we all know that they really meant both their asses should have been kicked to the curb. They said they looked forward to watching his future career, blah, blah, blah. The only time they might cross paths with his future career is if they see him loading luggage into the cargo hold of their private jet.

Can the band vote Dave off the show next week? I don't think that he's right for their show Rock Star, INXS.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Rock Star - Wednesday, July 20

Oooh, throw that drama about JD’s comments right out there for us to fret about. They certainly drew me in. I’m tired of saying that JD is a pud. The contestants and INXS shouldn’t have to read this blog to figure that out. OK, Brandon, Mr. Tough Guy, pull him close, whisper anger and disappointment to your "longtime buddy". Then kiss him. Big girlie kiss full on the lips. That’ll get him. Marty was rational about it, but I wish he would have just blew it off. However, I think they cut out the part of his statement when he said, "It doesn’t really matter, JD is a pud." That's not fair. I don’t remember what the others did or said about the ordeal. I don’t think most of the contestants were actually hurt by the comment, they were just going with the flow of the show - just like when one of my dogs thinks she hears something and runs to the window to investigate. The other dog will not have heard it, but will follow anyway and start barking first just to look like she knows what’s going on. Although, Mig seemed quite upset. I hope Brandon gave him a hug. Nice shot of Tara chewing her food at dinner. I wonder what else she can chew (I had to say it, or they’ll take my He-Man card away).

Somebody must have told Brooke that straight hair is the way to go. I think they are correct. Again, she held up her end of the deal by standing there and looking pretty. I wish I could do that.

Garry Beers (cool name - consequently, my favorite member of INXS) pretty much told everybody to shut the hell up and sing, god dammit! And, I think they edited his "JD is a pud" statement, too.

So, Suzie, Mig and JD got praise for their prior performances. I agree with two out of the three. Can you guess which pud, I mean singer, doesn’t belong?

Bring out the losers! Tara, Jessica and Neal. I predicted two out of three. I thought the public would roast Deanna because of Tuesday’s performance, but I didn’t think they should, even though they didn’t, but I didn’t know that yesterday, but I do now. If I could guess now who would be singled out in today’s show, I’d probably get it correct.

Neal - Suicide Blonde. The band wanted to make it easy on themselves. "Let’s give him a song he would never be able to pull off..." Well, it worked. Neal looked dejected from the get-go, like a little boy who got stuck playing Cinderella in the school play. He was horrible - just going through the motions in a lackluster death spiral. He was almost as bad as the moaner that got launched the first day. He was off key and I think he knew it, so he kept lifting up his shirt - "Look at my belly, don’t listen to me." Well, Neal, that strategy may have helped Jessica last this long, but I don’t think you have the kind of belly INXS wants to look at. I voted him off before I even heard the other two sing. Neal had no energy in his performance. In fact, I think he changed one of the lyrics to "I don’t want to be here". Neal’s voice seemed to get progressively worse from show to show. Nice fizzle.

Tara - Mystify. She sang this quite well, but still like a lounge singer. I don’t know what helped more: that she followed Neal’s catastrophe or that I like that song, like a lot, dude. The sound guy should have cranked up the piano some more; that’s the best part of the song. So, give her credit for not screwing up as bad as the other two. That’s all she had to do, for now. OK, I’ll be fair - she did a nice job with it. She may want to give Denny Tario a call to help her not look like the early stages of rigor mortis are setting in on stage. And maybe give Cher a call to see if she has any copies of her workout videos lying around to help her with the pudge in her mid-section. (But, I kinda liked her bangs.)

Jessica - Don’t Change. This is one of my favorite songs on their first album. When she began the song, I thought that maybe I would have to retract my Neal being ousted prediction. But, as it turned out, she can sing better than Neal (so can Joan Rivers, so it’s not saying much), and her belly was showing throughout the ENTIRE song, so she came in a close second-to-last. Her interaction with the band looked choreographed and mistimed, as she spent too much time with the guitar player and had to give the brush off to the bass player so she could get back to singing. The bass guys always get jipped, right Garry Beers? That’s probably all he could talk about in the band’s deliberation. Her moves on stage are pretty limited, too. She’ll do the swivel hip walk and then maybe squat down and shake her chest once in a while. Somebody should suggest that she employ the use of a pole on stage, as well (I think Sid might have already mentioned that). That might keep her on the show for a few more episodes. I can’t see her lasting very much longer.

So Neal got the shaft. What happened to the giant cod piece he sported after singing Summer of 69? He must have left it back at the mansion. I guess he grabbed some modesty instead. He had some warm well wishes for the other contestants. Seemed genuine to me. The worst part of it all for Neal was that Brandon kissed him on the cheek during the group grope of sympathy. That should provide motivation to the other performers not to get kicked off before Brandon does.

Did you see Brooke wave at me at the end of the show? Well, it wasn’t the very end - I missed the closing credits as I was distracted by an engaging program about Bob Newhart on PBS during the commercial. I hope I didn’t miss a good set up for the next show. Otherwise, I’ll be lost. I waved back. I hope she saw me.

Oh yeah, Dave Navarro was on the show, too.

Rock Star - Tuesday, July 19

Brook looked nice again. I guess that’s all she needs to do. Nice job. Quite a talent. Dave – nice fur. I’m surprised one of the contestants didn’t say something to him like this, “It’s ok, Dave, we got your point yesterday with the white feather boa. You don’t need to dress like an ass anymore.” That would have scored points with me. When was the last time he did anything interesting musically? Ever?

Marty – What I Like About You. I’ll tell you what I like about you – you rock! However, that song blows, and I don’t know how much he could have done with it except to just go out there and have fun and help the audience have fun. Which he did. He interacted with the band a little. I think that he’ll be able to do that more effectively (as will most of the contestants) when he gets to know them better. He interacts, seamlessly, with the Lovehammers all show long. That won’t be an issue. Solid.

Daphna – I Hate Myself For Loving You. I forgot about that song. I like it. And, I liked the way she performed it. She’s got a subtle grittiness to her voice, which I hadn’t noticed previously, that gets me going. I like it. I underestimated her. It was good to see her face – not only because she’s good looking, but it’s good to see facial expressions. She walks around the stage like an ostrich with hemorrhoids.

Ty – Somebody Told Me. It took me about half the song for me to figure out I was familiar with it. That’s not his fault. I sensed a little Ben Vereen in his voice this night, which is neither good nor bad. I thought his performance was good, but, I have to agree with the band that he presents himself as more of a solo artist than a band member. Can he integrate himself with the band? I do not know. He wasn’t too enthused with INXS’s response to him, but I don’t know if that was a matter of editing. The video of his interview portion seemed choppy, so they may have just cut back to him standing their speechless and omitted any verbal response he may have had back to the band just to create an air of tension. Between the army boots and the Mohawk, he looked like Mr T’s long lost little cousin.

Suzie – Roxanne. I didn’t want to like it, and I wasn’t liking it to a point until I just gave up and thought, she’s cranking it out pretty damn good. Except for her screw up on the first performance, she’s been solid (on stage, off stage she’s a whiney, vindictive little c), and this was probably her best effort so far. She seemed confident without being arrogant. Her posture bugs me, a little. And put those ear rings back over the sewers where you found them.

Mig – Walk This Way. I thought he was going to step up and surprise everybody with a nailed performance. Not quite, but I thought he did pretty well. I’m starting to like his voice, and I think he’s got a persona that may fit well with the band. But, his voice “weaks out” if it is forced too high. His stage presence, at times, was limited by his concentration to remember the words. I liked his fall to the floor at the end. Nice touch.

Neal – Summer of 69. His voice stinks. It’s distinctive, but it stinks. In fact, he doesn’t really sing at all. It’s more like vibratory talking. He’s like Lou Reed with his balls cut off, without the talent. Add to that his oblivious hubris, and that gives you a recipe for elimination. He thought he nailed it? If that’s your definition of nailing it, I don’t want you nailing in my band. I don’t see how they can keep this guy on the show for too much longer, unless it’s for comic fodder.

Advertising Note: Wendy’s – “a salad that makes her laugh”? What the hell is she doing with it? Is Wendy’s trying to tap into the botanophile demographic? Also, Big Brother – I don’t know what the hell that is, and I don’t want to know.

Heather – It’s Only Rock and Roll. I heard this song on the radio the other day and I thought it would be a good song to sing on this show. And I was right. She can sing, baby. Cool song, cool voice, cool combination. She’s still a little stiff on stage, and she reminds me of Lorraine Neuman. If she doesn’t win the show, which I don’t think she will (but not because of lack of talent), I’d like to go see her perform her own stuff in a club if she ever comes to town.

JD – Some Alanis song. I guess his talent advisor told him to go out there and pretend he is a left handed Statue of Liberty for the whole song. The kids love the Statue of Liberty! JD, it’s ok to put your arm down now. Then Navarro says he likes the way JD worked the crowd. Worked the crowd? All he did was stand there with one hand on the microphone and the other one in the air with a peace sign. I don’t think Dave knows what he’s talking about. Or maybe I need to do the same drugs as Dave is doing before the show. I’ll say it again. I don’t like his voice. He sounds like I do when I’m making fun of opera singers or singing my Frank Sinatra version of a Kiss song. I don’t see the attraction. I just don’t. Why did that song need a Bo Diddley beat? It didn’t. That didn’t add anything to it. And then he adds the bullshit, kiss-ass, INXS bottom licking during the interview. I love a lot of the INXS songs, too. Does that mean I get to be in the band? What a dick. I’ll tell you this much – he’s making me like Brandon more.

Tara – Paranoid. Call Bill Murray and see if you can get his gig as the lounge singer on SNL. She got herself all “rocked out” for this song. Look baby, unless you’re Madonna, you can’t dress up to fit the role of every song during a concert. Besides, you looked like a mom trying to look “hip”. She’s got no versatility in her voice or her look, and she has no edge, and she has become tiresome to me.

Deanna – The One I Love. When she began the song, I thought she had a shot. She was mellow and she was singing well. The guitar riff was a little coarse (in a good way) which complemented her soft style in the beginning. This was a workable dynamic I thought she'd carry throughout the song. I think that would have been enough to distinguish her performance from the REM version, while keeping the integrity of the song. Then, all of a sudden, she fell of the cliff and started wailing the lyrics, and the band dug in, and it fell apart. She tried to rock out on a song that shouldn’t be rocked out upon. Her “voice trails” after certain lines were annoying. She should have kept it mellow. I think it would have worked that way. This may be an insurmountable blow for her. I wouldn’t vote her off yet, however.

Jordis – I don’t even know what song she sang. She wore her own clothes. Good for you, baby. She has become my favorite, but this was not her best performance. I couldn’t hear her voice on some of the quiet parts. It’s not her fault the song stinks. Dave actually had a good line to her when he said he never liked this song…until now. I’ve never heard this song, so I can’t compare her version to anything. Except for the quiet parts, her voice sounded great, as usual. I want her to sing to me.

I’m not sure what menopause is, but if I ever get it, I’m going to get me some of that Premarin stuff.

Jessica – Purple Haze. This performance didn’t change my opinion that she should be singing in a bar. In fact, if I was in a bar at one of her shows, and I was hammered (and why wouldn’t I be) and she sang this song, I would be all over her and probably ask her to have my children (and would have forgotten about her when I sobered up, and then I’d wonder where my children were). But, when I watched the show, I didn’t happen to be in a bar, nor was I hammered – too bad for her. She’s got an annoying squeak in her voice once in a while. Please stop that. She’s an unsuccessful alchemist trying to transform bubble gum into metal.

Brandon – Sweet Home Alabama. He did a good job with this song. And why wouldn’t he? He’s been doing it his whole musical life. Way to go out on a ledge there, Brandon. This was his best performance so far. However, I think he’d have more of a chance if the Robinson brothers ever kill each other and the rest of the Black Crows want to reform. From the INXS response, I guess they’re not expecting their new lead singer to be playing guitar. That’s not a good sign for Brandon.

If it were up to me, JD, Neal and Tara would be invited to the elimination round, and I would hope they’d make a new rule that allows the band to get rid of three people at once. However, the band is too enamored with JD, so Deanna will take his place. Tara will be gone.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Rock Star - Tuesday, July 19

Brook looked OK again, and as for Dave, to quote the wife, "what a friggin idiot."
Now to the performances:
Marty - What I Like About You - Did you notice he's been first or second every night? How do they decide that? Is that good or bad for him? Thought it was a solid performance. I know he likes climbing stuff, but not sure it was the right song or enough time to go exploring tonight. Band mentioned his good stage presence and it's hard to disagree. Seems to have a good rapport with the band. His hair looked like he combed it with dynamite, so I'd recommend some product to control the frizz. But now I'm just getting picky.
Daphna - Hate Myself For Loving You - Nice to see her face, but she's still applying the eye shadow with a leaf blower. Wife says she looks like Jennifer Beales. I like her look and think it fits the band perfectly; however, I'm less impressed with her voice each week while others seem to be improving. And I don't like the way she "stalks" the stage like Elmer Fudd.
Ty - Somebody Told Me - The bookies have this guy as the heavy favorite to win and everyone seems to like his performances, but I'm still not on board. He's still too god damned polished for the band. Also a little too enamored of his own body. The guy at the gym that flexes in front of the mirror after every set. And I think their band, INXS, is starting to realize all that now. I'll take the field for $100. However, I will give him some extra credit for taking on the modern rock track like Marty did last week.
Suzie - Roxanne - Damn this woman. I didn't like her from the start and there's no crying in rock n' roll, but I can't deny that I thought she delivered another great vocal performance. When I heard the song she selected I didn't think she would pull it off. Still not sure she's right for the band, INXS, but I think she again earned the right to stick around a while longer.
Mig - Walk This Way - Our favorite waif got through the lyrics, but I think the focus on remembering the words took a little away from the overall performance. Not too bad, though, and he's not as annoying as I originally thought. He'll stay after surviving the drama he created for himself.
Neal - Summer of 69 - Tonight's WTF award. And he was clueless when talking to the band. It appears that he just tries to impersonate rock stars, which would be OK if this was SNL. But it's not and he sounded like that guy at the karaoke bar that decides to do some Loverboy after a few too many shots of tequila. "If it's like beer, we'll have some. Three tequilas."
Heather - Only Rock and Roll - Another solid vocal. Dig her look and think she's got great control of her vocals and some range. But as Moist Rub pointed out early, she just doesn't seem comfortable up there. I don't know if you can learn that or if it will improve, but I hope that doesn't hold her back. Especially frustrating since she appears to have self-confidence and seems comfortable talking to the band. Maybe she needs to hang with Jordis.
JD - Hand In My Pocket - He could be for real. Seemed to tone down his antics this week but still demanded attention. First week that he didn't seem like he was ready to lose control at any moment. Sorry, Moist Rub, still haven't noticed anything annoying about the voice. But then instead of quitting while he was ahead, he had to open his goddam mouth with his comments about how he was the genuine deal. In ten seconds, he painted a big target on his back and handed out poison tip lawn darts to the other contestants. I'm sure the band, INXS, wasn't impressed with that very unimpressive PR move. However, he's probably got enough fans to save his ass this week and they'll see if he can learn some tact now.
Tara - Paranoid - She's the one that should have changed the arrangement and tried to make it her own. She didn't have the power or timing to impersonate Sabbath, and the crotch shots weren't enough to distract from that. That being said, it wasn't as bad as it could have been.
Deanna - One I Love - As I predicted, she struggled but didn't totally tank. Nice to hear the band tell her that she ruined the song. She'll probably ruin some of their songs if she wins, so she won't. That voice makes every song sound the same. Find yourself a nice blues band and you can rule the local scene back wherever you're from.
Jordis - Reason is You - I have to agree with Dave that the song blows. But she did a nice job with it and remains a top contender. She probably knew the song blows, too, but didn't force it. She lets the game come to her. She looks totally at ease and comfortable up there, which is even more impressive being the youngest contestant. The discussion came up earlier if she's possibly too good for the band, but I don't think so anymore. She can tone it down and fit in or take center stage when she needs to. And she's part Tongan.
Jess - Purple Haze - She looks like she's auditioning for the Mickey Mouse club or the new Saved by the Bell, even when she's trying to rock out to Hendrix. I just don't hear much character in her voice and the performances seem forced. And I think the band, INXS, almost made her cry.
Brandon - Sweet Home Alabama - One word for this guy - spare. And the homeless Vietnam vet look was only a half step better than the Daniel Boone outfit from the night before.

So, my favorites (in order of performance): Marty, Suzie, Heather, JD, Jordis
Unimpressed: Neal, Tara, Deanna, Jess, Brandon
All others just in a holding pattern.

Predicted bottom three: Neal, Tara, Jess

Gotta go: I'd like to see Neal leave after that mess, but I think we might have to say goodbye to Jess. She obviously isn't right for their band, INXS.

Rock Star - Monday, July 18

When Dave made that comment to the group about why he is dressed like an asshole, somebody should have something about "what makes today any different from the rest of the time we've been here?" Rock is not about fashion style. If you can rock, you don't need to dress it up with fashion. All you need is a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, or whatever you feel comfortable in. If you're trying to dress up to fit the part, then you don't "fit the part" and don't belong there. Same thing goes for being cool - if you're TRYING to look or be cool, that's the most uncool thing you can do. Jordis scored big points with me when she scoffed at the whole "dress up" thing. That's the way to do it, baby. Even though I think JD is a pud, he's got the right "fashion" attitude, was well.

Seems to me, Brandon is trying too hard to cover himself in some sort of image to disguise his actual lack of talent. He will be exposed soon and won't last much longer, especially after what Farris said about his look. The whole fashion perspective is just filler. I don't think it really matters. Just some production person's idea to add to the show. What if I don't want to sing along with Sweet Home Alabama? Somebody should start spitting on him when he conducts the sing alongs.

Suzie has now surpassed Daphna as the leader of the tears category. However, Daphna's tears were about somebody else, which is more acceptable. Suzie's tears are self-shed, a sure sign of selfishness and not a favorable characteristic of somebody that supposedly wants to be part of a band. She should just leave now. You have to be a real laid back chick to be able to front an existing all guy band. Suzie is too typical girlie and gets hung up too easily on adversity. I think only Jordis or Heather can do it (from what I've seen of their personalities, so far, which isn't much). Maybe Daphna.

As for the songs, I'm guessing at least one of the three people they showed having difficulty with their songs will surprise everbody and crank it out proper. My guess is Mig, since they showed him with Marty right at the end - to show his desparation (They are making quite an effort to portray Marty as the super-nice guy, which will create a dichotomous interest to his shockingly outgoing stage personna). That's the magic of production to create the drama. Tara sounds like that girl, Tia Carerre (or something like that), who was the lead singer in the first Wayne's World movie. In my book, that is not a good thing. She cannont rock. She can sing, but she cannot rock. INXS has to be looking for a singer that can appeal to the 20 somethings, and she's not the one. She should sing in radio commercials. Deanna looks like she's screwed, and I think their might be a sense in the group that they have to make the songs their own, because of what JD did. She just needs to go out there and sing it. If she tries to mess with it too much, and can't pull it off, she'll stick out like a bung stuffed thumb. There are still plenty of contestants - there's no need to get noticed yet, since there is more of a chance to get noticed for being crap.

Maybe JD will fall on his face. They are showing him taking control of the band like a pro. Is it real? What will be more interesting after they've given us this impression, if he pulls it off or it all comes crashing down on him? I vote for the latter, but that is probably due to my not liking his voice. Do you think INXS wants him or anybody else coming in and changing all of their songs? Especially some punk in the street? I don't think so.

As for tonight, I'm expecting a strong performance out of Marty, Mig, Jordis, Heather, Daphna, Ty and JD. Neal is going to fall short. Brandon will be generic, again. Suzie and Jessica will be weak. Deanna will be bad and Tara won't be saved by having a rockin' song. It will be Tara, Deanna and Neal (or Suzie or Jessica) in the elimination round tomorrow.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Rock Star - Monday, July 18

I tuned in a few minutes early and accidentally caught the last 30 seconds of Two and Half Men. Some guy was duct taped to a lightpost in the street. Freakin' hilarious. How could I have missed such comedic genius all this time?

Rock Star, after the obligatory recap of the jet, the mansion, the drama, joy and sorrow, opened with the group toasting Wil. I can't imagine they really missed him, so I'm guessing it was just an excuse to toss back some free wine.

Random musings:
Tara is on the wrong show -- she looks like she should be trying out for a soap opera. Maybe the evil sister that comes back to her hometown after an enigmatic absence, only to have a torrid affair with her sister's husband and then cheating the local elderly out of their savings while working as a home healthcare nurse. All I know is that she isn't right for their band - INXS.
Why wasn't anyone punching Brandon in the face for wearing Liz Taylor's sunglasses?
I hope the Rock Star mansion is stocked with tampons because it's obviously the week before for Suzie. The band is too old to deal with PMS on the road. It wouldn't be right for their band - INXS.
A woman goes to the drugstore to buy some tampons and can't decide what kind to get. The pharmacist asks her what kind of flow she has and she replies, "Linoleum."

If the contestants could vote someone out of the house, I'd say it would have to be Brandon so they could quit having to participate in his inane sing-alongs.

For the Tivo viewers that skipped the commercials:
If Marty wins a Honda Ridgeline and doesn't want it, I'll be happy to take it off his hands and pay the applicable taxes.
August 5 - Dukes of Hazzard. August 12 - Deuce Bigalow, European Gigolo. Somebody actually thought it was a good idea to invest money in producing these pictures. Sadly, they're probably right.
Are quadruple rolls of toilet paper really necessary? If your bowel movements are that messy you might want to review your diet.

Back to the show and a fashion lesson from Dave in a white feather boa. They should have offered immunity to the first contestant that choked him with it. Did you catch when Jordis winked at somebody? That was kind of sexy. The same kind of sexy as when Nena bites her lip in the 99 Luftballoons video. I think of you and let it go...

I noticed that Marty seemed to charge after something in the Rock Star boutique like a chick in the Nordstrom's shoe department -- I trust that's a good thing, but we'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out for sure. We'll also see if Jordis gets yelled at for not participating in their silly fashion games. When Brandon said he felt like a pinata while trying to get out of the Daniel Boone outfit, they should have started beating the annoying arse with their new Gibson guitars until he busted open and they ate his spleen. I don't think the band would mind since it appears that Brandon does not have the right look for their band - INXS.

Commercial break: I like Billy Bob Thornton, but do we really need to remake The Bad News Bears? No. Nobody can replace Walter Matthau as the great Morris Buttermaker.

To the songbook:
JD arranging Alanis Morrisette. He'll probably pull it off, but I'm not sure that turning every song into an arrangement so that he can pogo dance is going to be right for their band -- INXS.
Mig - Even if he remembers the words to Walk This Way, it's going to be a train wreck. If not, we'll give Marty some credit for befriending our little waif from across the pond.
Tara - She ain't the Princess of Darkness, that's for sure. A bubble machine might complement her performance nicely tomorrow.
Deanna - Whine, whine, whine. Sure, the REM song sucks, but deal with it. Or don't. I don't care. That's right, a chick with a big rack and I just don't care. That's how tiresome I find her.

So based strictly on my 30 minutes in the mansion with them tonight, I'd like to see Brandon or Deanna go. Of course, a lot of the others flew under the radar tonight and the performances will probably dictate otherwise, so check back tomorrow for my final decision.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Rock Star - Day 3

Finally, short show with very little to critique.
Not a huge Brook Burke fan, but thought she looked good tonight. Dave has already grown tiresome. They should have had a different celebrity judge/host each week. Who would you like to see?
JD - Yeah, I got suckered into his performance last night, but I didn't need to see it again.
Bottom three as voted on by the viewers: Wil, Suzie, and Tara.
My choices: Wil, Suzie, and Jess. I was close, but missed on Tara. Jess will be found out soon enough.
Performances to save their asses:
Tara - New Sensation - OK, she finally rocked a little but lacked any sort of meaningful stage presence. Not enough to get her kicked off, but can't see her going too far. Oh, and what was up with that outfit?
Wil - Need You Tonight - To quote the wife, "smokin' hot as long as he doesn't open his mouth". Unfortunately they're looking for a singer and not a boy toy (not that there's anything wrong with that). This is INXS and not a Calvin Klein commercial, so pack it up, Slappy.
Suzie - Never Tear Us Apart - Started out a little rough and I still don't like the wench, but recovered well and put up a decent performance. Earned the right to stay, but she's on a short leash with one of those choke collars and maybe one of those silly dog sweaters just to humiliate her.
Wil sent packing. The band was far too generous. He has no talent and isn't right for any band, except maybe a Spandau Ballet cover band that plays middle school dances. Unfortunately he showed the most charisma in his goodbye speech, which even annoyed me.

Rock Star - Day 3

I had the pleasure of watching the show with Nep. I,too, liked the way Brook looked, and I, too, am notmuch a fan of hers. I liked what she did with herhair; Nep didn't. I believe he likes it better whencurling ironed.

Dave - whatever. Never liked himfrom the get go, and it feels like he's reaching whenproviding "advice".

JD - that pissed me off (the fact that I'm lettingthings that happen on this show piss me off pisses meoff. I'm gonna pound Marty for doing this to me.). Ididn't need to see that again. I don't like hisvoice. I mean, he can sing, but he's got some kind ofgutteral thing going that bugs me. And knock off thehopping. What's with all the hopping? Stop thehopping.

I don't think Suzie, wench as she may be, should havebeen in the final three in the first place. Sheactually does have a decent voice. It's not myfavorite voice, but it's good enough to keep her in itfor a while. I agree, she did start out the song alittle rough, but caught up. That seems to be herstyle - as if it takes her a little while to get intothe song. That's probably not a good thing.

Tara had that pajama top on. She looked like she waspregnant. Darren must have made a stop at themansion. I think the only reason she was "voted" inas the bottom three is because she doesn't make animpression, good or bad, on anybody. So, nobody votedfor her as their favorite. They should have thepublic vote for who sucks, not for who is theirfavorite. If that were the case, I don't think shewould have been in the bottom three. She can sing,but doesn't have anything special about her voice. She reminds me a little bit, just a little bit, ofShirley Manson of Garbage in her stage presence, butnot quite as slutty (although I think she was goingfor slutty with that shirt, but couldn't pull it off).She's done nothing to change my existing assessment -she's filler until all the crap is weeded out.

Wil - there may be a god after all, he should havebeen gone and now he is. I wanted to punch himthrough my tv screen. I can't even believe chicksthink he's that cute. He's got that stupid littlesmirk (maybe I need to get a smirk instead of an uglyfat head). At least this tells me INXS doesn't havetheir heads totally up their collective asses. Hopefully they pull their heads all the way out beforethey hire JD.

I think Jessica should be the next to go. Sheprobably got votes from losers who want to do her(that's why I voted for her).

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Rock Star - Day 2

My top three of the night (order of performance): Heather, Jordis, JD
Three to send home: Suzie, Wil, Jess, but especially Wil
Details in order of performance:
Heather - Somebody to Love - Way cool and great vocals, say no more, rock on, babe.
Marty - Take Me Out - The only one to take on a modern rock track and as they said he "pulled it off". Wife had some doubts, but I think it's just because she likes the original so much. I think she started to come around - "it's just crazy and spastic enough to work".
Daphna - People Are Strange - Nice job and I still think she's hot even if Moist Rub thinks she has Juan Hugh Jass. She'll move up again with the right song.
Suzie - Call Me - No, we won't, wench.
Brandon - Hard to Handle - Another generic song/performance and over enthusiasm on the sidelines while the others are performing. And put on some shoes, Joe Jackson.
Jordis - Heart Shaped Box - I said they overrated her last night. They didn't. I suck. She rocks.
Mig - All Day & All of the Night - I don't know, I just don't like him.
Deanna - Stay or Go - Still throwing down a bad look and ruined the song for me. They seem to dig her but she would fit better in some house band at a blues bar.
Wil - Right Here, Right Now - Tonight's WTF was that award. My head hurts too much trying to figure out if the band sucked, he sucked, or they both sucked. Send pretty boy home. Even the wife couldn't get past that mess.
Jess - Want You to Want Me - Weak voice, silly dancing, and I've already grown tired of your low riders.
Tara - Takin' It Easy - I still don't what to think of her, so we'll continue to let her slide on her love of hockey and Zeppelin.
Neal - Fortunate Son - Is he supposed to be Mick or Axl? Either way, he sucks. Pull up your pants and go home.
Ty - Heartbreaker - I admit it was a decent performance, but I still think he's a major league pretender.
JD - CA Dreaming - I'm with the band. Nice turnaround. Went from dickweed to contender in one night, but still has something to prove.

Rock Star - Day 2

Yes, Wil and Jess are the top two drops, but I'm undecided on the third between Suzie, Neal and JD. But Wil should be gone.

Heather - she's solid. Cool song and she cranked outbetter than Grace. Although, she looked a little loston stage. Just a little.
Marty - I think he kicked ass. Much better than lastnight. I don't even like that song. I think itshowed his versatility between singing regular andthen belting it out. And he seemed cool and relaxedin the after performance chat. I liked what the bandsaid about him being able to control the audience. However, I hope he doesn't do the "band conductor"move in every song.
Daphna - She did pretty well, but is too weird for theband. And she's too emotional. The band won't wantto deal with that. I know I wouldn't. But the bandwas right - she should show her face more (and get ridof the goofy eye make up).
Suzie - she bugged me a little and her nose is toopointy, and she started the song out kind of crappy,but finished it well. I was hoping that little skirtwould pop up over her ass.
Brandon - yes, generic performance. I mean, it wasn'tbad. I think he thinks he has more rock power than heactually does, and other people are believing it. Well, not me, pal.
Jordis - she is awesome. Maybe too awesome. Do youthink anybody would pay attention to the rest of theband if she were in it? I see some record guy givingher her own gig.
Mig - I do know. I just don't like him. Shit, if RayDavies can sing that song, how hard could it be?Deanna - she's got a hint of Cher in her voice thatbugs me. Her look doesn't bother me, but it doesn'thelp that she's married (not that that has anything todo with her performance). I think she did ok, butshould be weeded out shortly.
Wil - he has been exposed. He is bad. Unless theband is gay, he should be gone.
Jessica - yes, weak voice. Sometimes you can get awaywith a weak voice if it is distinctive, but hers isnot. She got praised for interacting with the band,but I think it was just a crutch because she didn'tknow what else to do. Go back to the bar gigs and getbanged by the drummer, like a good girl.
Tara - didn't do anything to piss me off (except singa country song) but didn't do anything worth noticing.She's just filler until her inevitable demise.
Neal - I think his range is limited. There were acouple of parts of that song where he needed to takehis voice to another level (texture-wise, power-wise,if you understand me), like Fogerty does, but hedidn't (couldn't) do it. His voice didn't portray thedisdain that song needs to communicate to beeffective. He thinks he has some kind of attitudething going on, but I'm not buying it. I just hopethe band doesn't buy it, either.
Ty - I don't know, this guy might be for real. Ireally like that song and I liked the way he did it. He didn't try to be Pat, and he pulled it off, anyway.Lose the mohawk and keep your shirt buttoned,however.
JD - Jag Dick. I don't like his voice. He lookedtentative up there, like he was consciously holdingback the spaz, like he could spaz out at any moment. Great, he arranged the song. Big whoop. It's onlybecause he couldn't sing it the way it's supposed tobe sung. Let's see what the band thinks when he wantsto change Need You Tonight into a polka. Havingsaid that, he probably is a contender.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Rock Star - Day One

We'll exclude Marty from our comments -- he rocked and he's not acting like an ass. And he didn't take off his shirt on the first day or cry about anything.
Wife and I easily picked the same 3 to go and also picked Dana to get the ax. What the F was that she was doing up there? Besides forgetting the lyrics, Suze seems like a royal bitch and we don't like that she's thinking she's Marty's otolaryngologist. What med school did you go to Suze? Right. So shut the hell up and go iron my boxers. There's a reason JD was living in his car. If you're a rock star and can't find a broad to shack with, you suck. Drive your house over to Jiffy Lube and fill out an application, buddy.
On the flipside, we both agreed that after Marty we have to go with Daphna. She rocked like no legal secretary has ever rocked before. And it appears that she may have boned Gene Simmons.
Next, I put Heather on my list. Besides throwing down a cool performance and a cool look, I read up on her bio and her favorite CD is Concrete Blonde. I'm also more impressed that she works on her own car than knowing her vocals are on some Outkast album.
Wife thought Wil was hot. Good for her.
They overrated Jordis, but I still thought she was good. She's no Roger Daltry, but few women are. And she digs Etta James. I'll be at the Etta James show this Sunday night. Coincidence?
Now the alphabetical order:
Brandon - Even though he's 30 years younger, I can't get over the fact that he looks like a tore up Steven Tyler.
Deanna - Wake her up and tell her the 70's are over.
Jessica - Nice low riders, but couldn't hear much of her voice over the music. Not a good sign. And her bio is full of shame.
Mig - Nice name and way to ruin Nirvana.
Neal - Dude, that has to be the most boring Mick impersonation I've ever seen.
Tara - I can't remember what she sang, but she's from Canada and likes hockey and Zeppelin so we'll give her a break this week.
Ty - Total pretender. Give up the mohawk, Slappy, and go back to soft rock and Broadway choruses.

Rock Star - Day One

I don't know if I remember who everybody was, butDaphna (that's the one that was crying about her dad,right?) is too weird for INXS and she's got a big ass.Yes, Suze was portrayed as a bitch and she messed up, but I thoughther voice was pretty good. I agree, the chick thatgot kicked off was horrible. They probably put her inthere just so they'd have somebody to kick off thefirst day. I didn't like Marty's choice of song, butthinking back, it was probably the safe thing to do. A lot of them were trying to win the show with theirfirst performance. All they really had to do was tobe steady without doing anything to piss anybody off,which I think Marty accomplished.

Neal? That's the guy with the curly hair right? His effort seemed forced or contrived. I didn't buy it.
Brandon is a pud. Could he have picked an easier,more generic song to sing? Maybe he was thinkingalong the same line as Marty. Did you see him"jamming" with the accoustic? Pud.
Wil might have ashot if he "fits the suit". INXS has to appeal to theladies. Although, I've always liked them (and maybeI'm gay), they need their chick fans to be successful.And he may be the ticket.
The coffee chick didn'thave a very strong voice, but then again, neither didHutchence, so she may have a chance as long as theycan fix her up in the studio and keep showing herbelly, but she should try to keep her make-up on.
Heather has a good voice, but may be too"overwhelming" for the band to deal with (remember,the personalities have to fit, too. They won't beable to push her around and she may try to push themaround.)
I think Jordis may have the best overallvoice, but I don't think she "fits the suit".
Ty - seems talented, but, sadly, just a quota filler,maybe a poseur, I don't know for sure.
Deanna - I agree, but I'd like to put it in her.
Tara - don't recall much of her performance. Says itall.
Mig - something about him I just don't like. But, heseemed ok in his non-performance air time. All I'velearned is that he can't sing Nirvana. Can he singother stuff? Who knows?
JD - for some reason I think INXS may think they canteach him how to act on stage, and if they can, hecould be a strong candidate. Although, I don'tremember what his voice sounded like. But he may justbe too stupid.I think Marty has the look and the stage presence, andis laid back enough for the band to deal with, but hemay not have the vocal range.

I think Rugrat could take Dave Navarro in fight.