Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Rock Star - Tuesday, July 19

Brook looked nice again. I guess that’s all she needs to do. Nice job. Quite a talent. Dave – nice fur. I’m surprised one of the contestants didn’t say something to him like this, “It’s ok, Dave, we got your point yesterday with the white feather boa. You don’t need to dress like an ass anymore.” That would have scored points with me. When was the last time he did anything interesting musically? Ever?

Marty – What I Like About You. I’ll tell you what I like about you – you rock! However, that song blows, and I don’t know how much he could have done with it except to just go out there and have fun and help the audience have fun. Which he did. He interacted with the band a little. I think that he’ll be able to do that more effectively (as will most of the contestants) when he gets to know them better. He interacts, seamlessly, with the Lovehammers all show long. That won’t be an issue. Solid.

Daphna – I Hate Myself For Loving You. I forgot about that song. I like it. And, I liked the way she performed it. She’s got a subtle grittiness to her voice, which I hadn’t noticed previously, that gets me going. I like it. I underestimated her. It was good to see her face – not only because she’s good looking, but it’s good to see facial expressions. She walks around the stage like an ostrich with hemorrhoids.

Ty – Somebody Told Me. It took me about half the song for me to figure out I was familiar with it. That’s not his fault. I sensed a little Ben Vereen in his voice this night, which is neither good nor bad. I thought his performance was good, but, I have to agree with the band that he presents himself as more of a solo artist than a band member. Can he integrate himself with the band? I do not know. He wasn’t too enthused with INXS’s response to him, but I don’t know if that was a matter of editing. The video of his interview portion seemed choppy, so they may have just cut back to him standing their speechless and omitted any verbal response he may have had back to the band just to create an air of tension. Between the army boots and the Mohawk, he looked like Mr T’s long lost little cousin.

Suzie – Roxanne. I didn’t want to like it, and I wasn’t liking it to a point until I just gave up and thought, she’s cranking it out pretty damn good. Except for her screw up on the first performance, she’s been solid (on stage, off stage she’s a whiney, vindictive little c), and this was probably her best effort so far. She seemed confident without being arrogant. Her posture bugs me, a little. And put those ear rings back over the sewers where you found them.

Mig – Walk This Way. I thought he was going to step up and surprise everybody with a nailed performance. Not quite, but I thought he did pretty well. I’m starting to like his voice, and I think he’s got a persona that may fit well with the band. But, his voice “weaks out” if it is forced too high. His stage presence, at times, was limited by his concentration to remember the words. I liked his fall to the floor at the end. Nice touch.

Neal – Summer of 69. His voice stinks. It’s distinctive, but it stinks. In fact, he doesn’t really sing at all. It’s more like vibratory talking. He’s like Lou Reed with his balls cut off, without the talent. Add to that his oblivious hubris, and that gives you a recipe for elimination. He thought he nailed it? If that’s your definition of nailing it, I don’t want you nailing in my band. I don’t see how they can keep this guy on the show for too much longer, unless it’s for comic fodder.

Advertising Note: Wendy’s – “a salad that makes her laugh”? What the hell is she doing with it? Is Wendy’s trying to tap into the botanophile demographic? Also, Big Brother – I don’t know what the hell that is, and I don’t want to know.

Heather – It’s Only Rock and Roll. I heard this song on the radio the other day and I thought it would be a good song to sing on this show. And I was right. She can sing, baby. Cool song, cool voice, cool combination. She’s still a little stiff on stage, and she reminds me of Lorraine Neuman. If she doesn’t win the show, which I don’t think she will (but not because of lack of talent), I’d like to go see her perform her own stuff in a club if she ever comes to town.

JD – Some Alanis song. I guess his talent advisor told him to go out there and pretend he is a left handed Statue of Liberty for the whole song. The kids love the Statue of Liberty! JD, it’s ok to put your arm down now. Then Navarro says he likes the way JD worked the crowd. Worked the crowd? All he did was stand there with one hand on the microphone and the other one in the air with a peace sign. I don’t think Dave knows what he’s talking about. Or maybe I need to do the same drugs as Dave is doing before the show. I’ll say it again. I don’t like his voice. He sounds like I do when I’m making fun of opera singers or singing my Frank Sinatra version of a Kiss song. I don’t see the attraction. I just don’t. Why did that song need a Bo Diddley beat? It didn’t. That didn’t add anything to it. And then he adds the bullshit, kiss-ass, INXS bottom licking during the interview. I love a lot of the INXS songs, too. Does that mean I get to be in the band? What a dick. I’ll tell you this much – he’s making me like Brandon more.

Tara – Paranoid. Call Bill Murray and see if you can get his gig as the lounge singer on SNL. She got herself all “rocked out” for this song. Look baby, unless you’re Madonna, you can’t dress up to fit the role of every song during a concert. Besides, you looked like a mom trying to look “hip”. She’s got no versatility in her voice or her look, and she has no edge, and she has become tiresome to me.

Deanna – The One I Love. When she began the song, I thought she had a shot. She was mellow and she was singing well. The guitar riff was a little coarse (in a good way) which complemented her soft style in the beginning. This was a workable dynamic I thought she'd carry throughout the song. I think that would have been enough to distinguish her performance from the REM version, while keeping the integrity of the song. Then, all of a sudden, she fell of the cliff and started wailing the lyrics, and the band dug in, and it fell apart. She tried to rock out on a song that shouldn’t be rocked out upon. Her “voice trails” after certain lines were annoying. She should have kept it mellow. I think it would have worked that way. This may be an insurmountable blow for her. I wouldn’t vote her off yet, however.

Jordis – I don’t even know what song she sang. She wore her own clothes. Good for you, baby. She has become my favorite, but this was not her best performance. I couldn’t hear her voice on some of the quiet parts. It’s not her fault the song stinks. Dave actually had a good line to her when he said he never liked this song…until now. I’ve never heard this song, so I can’t compare her version to anything. Except for the quiet parts, her voice sounded great, as usual. I want her to sing to me.

I’m not sure what menopause is, but if I ever get it, I’m going to get me some of that Premarin stuff.

Jessica – Purple Haze. This performance didn’t change my opinion that she should be singing in a bar. In fact, if I was in a bar at one of her shows, and I was hammered (and why wouldn’t I be) and she sang this song, I would be all over her and probably ask her to have my children (and would have forgotten about her when I sobered up, and then I’d wonder where my children were). But, when I watched the show, I didn’t happen to be in a bar, nor was I hammered – too bad for her. She’s got an annoying squeak in her voice once in a while. Please stop that. She’s an unsuccessful alchemist trying to transform bubble gum into metal.

Brandon – Sweet Home Alabama. He did a good job with this song. And why wouldn’t he? He’s been doing it his whole musical life. Way to go out on a ledge there, Brandon. This was his best performance so far. However, I think he’d have more of a chance if the Robinson brothers ever kill each other and the rest of the Black Crows want to reform. From the INXS response, I guess they’re not expecting their new lead singer to be playing guitar. That’s not a good sign for Brandon.

If it were up to me, JD, Neal and Tara would be invited to the elimination round, and I would hope they’d make a new rule that allows the band to get rid of three people at once. However, the band is too enamored with JD, so Deanna will take his place. Tara will be gone.

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