Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Rock Star - July 26

Brooke - Ponytail is a nice touch, very girl next doorish. However, her "are you ready to rock?" was the cheesiest I've heard since Shania Twain. But off we go...

Jordis - Gimme Some Lovin': You ever have one of those days where you wake up about two minutes before your alarm goes off and you feel all refreshed and hop in the shower singing Doris Day tunes and you don't run into the normal traffic and your voicemail at work isn't full of problems to start the day? That's the kind of day that Jordis looks like she's having everytime she's up there. Sure, she muffed a line but nobody cared. It almost got Suzie kicked off the show, but Jordis coasted. I don't think she's into the cheesy crowd participation thing, but was just playing the game. I didn't think she would do much with this song, but I was wrong again. Great vocals and I dig the way she moves up there. Guess that makes me an Ungarian.

Suzie - Superstition: Got some compliments in the crosstalk, but I thought they were being generous. Looked like she got a Poison haircut and got caught in the rain on the way to the show. Weak vocal that seemed to be overpowered by the band, and it's always difficult to avoid the comparison to Stevie. Where I come from, you don't play no harp, you don't get no pussy. But that's still no excuse to force it into the song.

Jess - Because The Night: I thought this would be her night. Then she came out with the pigeons stuffed down her shirt. Then her voice squeaked like a field mouse getting caught in a combine during harvest season. The energy coming from the stage pretty much matched the amount you get when you make a battery out of a potato during junior high science class. Peace out, Jess.

MiG - Lola: First the tribute to Michael Jackson, then he tries to kill the energy of the song with his own arrangement. But he retained enough of the original and I thought he had a pretty good stage presence to pull it off. I hope he takes the band's advice -- I'd like to see MiG do "God Save The Queen" after half a quart of vodka. Tonight, I actually saw him as a top contender to lead their band, INXS.

Brandon - Tempted: Forget the fact that the guy couldn't carry a melody if you stuck it in one of those slings that mother's carry their newborns around in and duct taped it to his chest. It would still fall out and land directly on it's soft spot and suffer irreversible brain damage. But forget that. Besides the bad haircut, or lack thereof, he goes from dressing like Daniel Boone to Herb Tarlek and clearly isn't right for their band, INXS.

Ty - Everybody Hurts: I cannot stand this guy. He doesn't even warrant my wrath anymore. Sad thing is that he'll remain unscathed this week after the mess everyone else threw down.

Heather - If It Makes You Happy: OK, let's get the hack line out of the way - Heather, babe, that version isn't going to make anyone happy. Says the wife, "Even Sheryl Crow can't sing Sheryl Crow." Wow. She said she was sick, but it sounded like she mixed way too many Flintstone chewables with her Nyquil to get those sounds and pick out that dress. I still like her, so let's hope she survives this one.

JD - We Are The Champions: He did a nice imitation of Walter Matthau there in the beginning, but not sure what it was doing in that song. The band talked him out of the trip hop version, and as expected it sounded like the bad Green Day cover. I could have been spared the makeout session with sis. MiG seemed so confused by the whole performance that he was unable to be overenthusiastic, and Jordis' smug smile told you she was witnessing a failed bit.

Deanna - Give A Little Bit: It's not a bad voice, I just don't like it. Marty looked sad for her.

Daphna - Rock the Casbah: Great face tonight. Got the make-up figured out and the hair pulled back was working. However, WTF possessed her to do a smooth jazz version of the mother f-ing Clash in a wedding dress? I hope she gets another chance, but not sure she deserves it after that.

Tara - Sufragette City: Got a little better in the wardrobe department and thanks for flashing the breasts, but she always has this look on her face like you just told her she has a fat ass. I don't think she does, it's just the look when she's singing. She dances like a drunken bridesmaid and the vocals aren't helping, either.

Marty - Lithium: Excuse the language, but fuck, Sam, that just plain rocked. Nothing more needs to be said.

Dave - F you.

So top three performances: Marty, Jordis, MiG
Worst three performances: I can't narrow it down to just three.
OK, worst performances: Heather, Brandon, Daphna, Jess, JD, Tara
Indifferent: Ty, Suzie, Deanna

My bottom three this week: Heather, Brandon, Daphna
Who should go: Brandon

Predicted bottom three: Brandon, Daphna, Tara
Predicted Ousting: Brandon

Programming note: Sid will be in Atlanta tomorrow night and will miss the results show. I'll roll tape, but likely won't have an upate until Thursday evening. Until then, you're in Moist Rub's infested hands.


GB said...

Ah! Answer 1: Too stupid.

whiskey a go go said...

I'm tired of your obsession with Jordis. Glad we'll get a break from your predictable posts. Have fun in Atlanta. Watch out for tomahawk chops.

Moist Rub said...

WAGG:predictable, I don't think that you are correct. Don't talk anymore. You are not worth reading.

Sid: anything I say after your bit will go unnoticed. Fuck. Nice job.

Sid F'er said...

WAGG, there is nothing Jordis cannot sing. The only thing left to know is if she is right for the band, INXS. My predicitable posts should save you reading time and let you get back to midget porn.

Moist Rub, you gotta have something to say. Nothing about JD's makeout session or Dave?

Moist Rub said...

I was drunk last night. I have something to say. Gotta find time to say it.

Anonymous said...

Guess when you have Jordis LaForge on the brain you can overlook forgetting lyrics.

Moist Rub who are you? You showed up from nowhere. Oops take that back guess you have posted some dribble on this board B4.

Moist Rub said...

Dribble? That hurts my feelings. In answer to your question, I'm Moist Rub. That's what names are for. It tells each of us who we are. "Anonymous", hmmm. Where'd you get a name like that? Is it Iberian?

B4? Are you playing Bingo? I like playing Bingo. It's fun for me and my whole family.

Whiskey A Go Go said...

Anon - Baggin on Jordis is my gig, back off. She'll make the finals, but she's not right for the band so they'll never choose her.