Monday, July 18, 2005

Rock Star - Monday, July 18

I tuned in a few minutes early and accidentally caught the last 30 seconds of Two and Half Men. Some guy was duct taped to a lightpost in the street. Freakin' hilarious. How could I have missed such comedic genius all this time?

Rock Star, after the obligatory recap of the jet, the mansion, the drama, joy and sorrow, opened with the group toasting Wil. I can't imagine they really missed him, so I'm guessing it was just an excuse to toss back some free wine.

Random musings:
Tara is on the wrong show -- she looks like she should be trying out for a soap opera. Maybe the evil sister that comes back to her hometown after an enigmatic absence, only to have a torrid affair with her sister's husband and then cheating the local elderly out of their savings while working as a home healthcare nurse. All I know is that she isn't right for their band - INXS.
Why wasn't anyone punching Brandon in the face for wearing Liz Taylor's sunglasses?
I hope the Rock Star mansion is stocked with tampons because it's obviously the week before for Suzie. The band is too old to deal with PMS on the road. It wouldn't be right for their band - INXS.
A woman goes to the drugstore to buy some tampons and can't decide what kind to get. The pharmacist asks her what kind of flow she has and she replies, "Linoleum."

If the contestants could vote someone out of the house, I'd say it would have to be Brandon so they could quit having to participate in his inane sing-alongs.

For the Tivo viewers that skipped the commercials:
If Marty wins a Honda Ridgeline and doesn't want it, I'll be happy to take it off his hands and pay the applicable taxes.
August 5 - Dukes of Hazzard. August 12 - Deuce Bigalow, European Gigolo. Somebody actually thought it was a good idea to invest money in producing these pictures. Sadly, they're probably right.
Are quadruple rolls of toilet paper really necessary? If your bowel movements are that messy you might want to review your diet.

Back to the show and a fashion lesson from Dave in a white feather boa. They should have offered immunity to the first contestant that choked him with it. Did you catch when Jordis winked at somebody? That was kind of sexy. The same kind of sexy as when Nena bites her lip in the 99 Luftballoons video. I think of you and let it go...

I noticed that Marty seemed to charge after something in the Rock Star boutique like a chick in the Nordstrom's shoe department -- I trust that's a good thing, but we'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out for sure. We'll also see if Jordis gets yelled at for not participating in their silly fashion games. When Brandon said he felt like a pinata while trying to get out of the Daniel Boone outfit, they should have started beating the annoying arse with their new Gibson guitars until he busted open and they ate his spleen. I don't think the band would mind since it appears that Brandon does not have the right look for their band - INXS.

Commercial break: I like Billy Bob Thornton, but do we really need to remake The Bad News Bears? No. Nobody can replace Walter Matthau as the great Morris Buttermaker.

To the songbook:
JD arranging Alanis Morrisette. He'll probably pull it off, but I'm not sure that turning every song into an arrangement so that he can pogo dance is going to be right for their band -- INXS.
Mig - Even if he remembers the words to Walk This Way, it's going to be a train wreck. If not, we'll give Marty some credit for befriending our little waif from across the pond.
Tara - She ain't the Princess of Darkness, that's for sure. A bubble machine might complement her performance nicely tomorrow.
Deanna - Whine, whine, whine. Sure, the REM song sucks, but deal with it. Or don't. I don't care. That's right, a chick with a big rack and I just don't care. That's how tiresome I find her.

So based strictly on my 30 minutes in the mansion with them tonight, I'd like to see Brandon or Deanna go. Of course, a lot of the others flew under the radar tonight and the performances will probably dictate otherwise, so check back tomorrow for my final decision.

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