The Most Bestest Show on Television

I don’t watch too much television and despise most reality shows. Okay, I confess. I can actually watch about two episodes of any series before it grows tiresome and I just want to organize a murder-suicide between the contestants and me.

But every once in a while a series captures my attention and I feel obligated to share it with our exclusive readership. Last year that show was In Search of the Next Pussycat Doll, which brought together a bunch of hot, annoying, catty young ladies to entertain us with their singing, dancing, hotness, annoyingness, and cattiness. So I now bring you this season’s featured show:

America’s Most Smartest Model on VH1. Please tune in. Please.

Sixteen models are competing for the title by participating in a series of modeling and intellectual challenges and judged by Ben Stein and Mary Alice Somebody from Bazaar. In episode one there was the spelling bee that asked them to spell words such as collagen (ding! (by the way, “My lips are silicone, not collagen.”)) and emaciated (not even close) and designer names such as Tommy “Hilfinger”. There was also the runway walk while having to rattle off items in a given category like “Things That Are Round.” Mandy found that to be very challenging, but was smart enough to think of three (balls, cherries, tires) and repeat them over and over during her turn. The male model that got “US States” as his category included the states of Memphis and Seattle.

You’ve got the stereotypical ditzy lingerie model that only made it through the first episode because Ben thought she was hot (much to Mary Alice’s chagrin). The Argentinean guy that believes any woman will sleep with him if he tells her she has nice tits and a hot ass. And the formidable Soviet model straight out of that Rocky movie in which Rocky had to fight the formidable Soviet dude.

You might feel old and fat watching the show, but you’ll also feel like a genius. And when they get old and fat, at least you’ll still be able to find the state of Memphis on a map.