Top Five People Whose Real Names I Never Knew

5. Elmo

Elmo was a bartender at Vernon’s Bar and Grill, a place I used to hang out at many years ago. I never found out his real name, but learned everyone called him that because he was from a small town called Elmo, Texas.

4. Rebel

Rebel was a cocktail waitress at another Dallas bar where I used to hang out called the Wild Turkey. I can’t be sure Rebel was not her real name, but I’m giving her parents the benefit of the doubt.

3. Hookah Man

Let’s just say I only met him a couple times in college when we ran out of plastic sandwich bags. He always seem to have some on hand.

2. Hillbilly

I worked with Hillbilly one summer during college when I did roofing. The name fit and I never heard him called anything else.

1. Fatboy

Fatboy and I worked at that same roofing job with Hillbilly, and he drove the whole crew to the job site in him mom’s Dodge Aspen station wagon because he was the only one with a valid drivers license and not on probation.