Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Rock Star Resolutions

Yep, that time again… new year’s resolutions. Seeing as I have already reached the pinnacle of personal achievement and success, I decided that my time would be spent more wisely helping others. So why not start with Marty Casey and our other friends from Rock Star: INXS. As usual, in order of not roitness:

Dana: Drop acid, attempt trip into the 21st century.

Wil: Refrain from using seductive gaze to create uncomfortable feelings in unsuspecting bloggers with no previous homosexual tendencies.

Neal: Eat cheeseburger, quit passing out from malnourishment.

Daphna: Stop wearing wedding dress to job interviews (and while singing Clash songs).

Heather: Continue to promote world harmony and unity by tattooing butterfly on ass.

Tara: Apply for job driving Zamboni at local rink. Save 10% of income toward down payment on own Zamboni.

Brandon: Quit pulling out acoustic guitar and breaking into a sing-a-long of “Sweet Home Alabama” anytime more than three people congregate. Learn chords to “Gimme Three Steps”.

Jessica: Have vagina lowered, push low rider jeans to new limits.

Deanna: Get divorce, go back to dating assholes, write hit album of Alanis Morissette inspired tunes.

Ty: Write letter to Mark Burnett proposing Rock Star: Thin Lizzy, put out kick ass performances week after week, accuse George Bush of not caring about black people if not victorious.

Jordis: Become more comfortable in front of camera by posing nude for art students at local community college.

Suzie: Quit wearing hat proclaiming self “Queen of the Menstrual Cycle” every time period starts.

MiG: Quit referring to penis as good friend Brian May from Queen.

Marty: Quit writing silly songs about trees and begin collaboration with Moist Rub.

JD: Return to school to finish PhD in neuroscience because while other students are learning about brains, I know them because I love them.

15 comments:

Smoothmagne said...

You forgot INXS's resolution?

btw...has anyone anywhere bought their new album???

keysunset said...

Whose new album?

Seriously, I saw an interview online with JD, Kirk, and Andrew. They did not come across well to me. Maybe one of their resolutions should be to practice speaking in unstaged, unrehearsed, unscripted situations.

Carmen Electra says, "I love dancing. If the opportunity is there then I'd definitely be into it." Actually, I'll add that one to my unwritten list. Let's have more dancing!

Sid F'er said...

I did download Switch at a price that we can just say was well less than retail, but haven't been inspired to listen to it yet.

Been short on time lately, so had to bail on the post before getting to INXS, Dave, Brooke, etc....

I'll leave that to you guys...

Moist Rub said...

A friend of mine asked me to remind him to make a copy of the new INXS album for me.

I haven't reminded him.

LA Ray said...

Smoothmagne....what do you mean buy "bought" their new album.

Hey Elliot tell us about your new album.

213 said...

I thought Martha said, "elbum."

HR said...

Heather--heh heh...

BTW, the JD people have discovered Leperpop and while some found the Rockstar analysis funny, (they particularly like that "asscake" comes up as the tag title...) they're not likin' you dissin' on their boy. I went to a fan site because I have tickets to the Philly show (to see the Lovehammers, of course) and was going to try to find a JD fan with crappy seats to give my pitt tickets to after I'd seen the LH show (...and now that I've told you,so much for altruism). They are in a huge lather about MC taking any credit for writing Pretty Vegas. JD's message of peace, however, seems to be as lost upon them. The fans were angry that day, my friends, like an old man returning soup at a deli....

Interestingly, they're also in a jealous lather that Marty has posted on fan sites and that JD hasn't bothered to check in.

Sid F'er said...

JD has fan sites?

Come on... "Asscake" is funny, but brains aren't?

Just joking... if you all remember my Rock Star Revisited post I said of JD, "I believe he does have some vocal and songwriting talent and was roit for the job." I'm just not too terribly interested.

I can only hope I've also incited MiG fans across the world.

HR said...

You can't incite MiG fans, but you might break their wittle hearts...

Leper Hopeful said...

Totally hilarious as usual - I think my favorite was JD's, good one Sid

Anonymous said...

A word of warning...do NOT mess with MiG fans. They are stealthy and have unicorns.

Be afraid, be very afraid.

bibi said...

whole (unicorn) package very funny
-- the jordis/nude art model thing super funny ...

listened to lovehammers TREES through a download (am too old to be speaking this way without being plastered) and it is wonderful ... that's how old i really am ... it just sounds WONDERFUL -- i feel a whole new billy thing coming on ...

keysunset said...

Marty's resolution ...

Sid's right. I'm going to get these notes off to Moist first thing in the morning ...

keysunset said...

ding dang darn $%#^**^%#%

I still don't have this thing figured out ....

(beating head against wall ...)

keysunset said...

well phooey, I'm going to have to go sit on the curb for awhile and figure out where to go next ... I'm trying to link a photobucket image here ... I can do this at mc.org, not at chai's blog (doesn't allow images) ... but need to research which series of letters and numbers is the magic combination.

LOL! DON'T y'all love to see me experiment?!!! That's why I'm doing it back here ...