Hootie-Palooza

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Cowboy Mouth was the first band I saw live when I moved to Dallas years ago, closely followed by the great Reverend Horton Heat. Not a bad welcome. I don’t make it out as often as I used to but whenever I go to a bar or club, particularly those that have a younger clientèle, I usually have my ID ready if there is a doorman. However, I’m finding more and more often that I just get the “wave through” from them without even checking. Even if I try to hand it to them. I know I don’t look a day over 32, but just pretend you have a “card everyone” policy, buddy. Especially if I’m wearing a hat to cover my gray hair. Even if it’s my #1 Grandpa hat.

A recent headline read Illness Forces Hootie and the Blowfish to Delay Tour. My first thought – whose illness – one of the band members or the ticket holders? That was a little too obvious, wasn't it? I'm almost ashamed it was so easy. My second thought – wow, they’re still around? I’d never have guessed they’d still be touring to support Cracked Rear View after 13 years. Apparently Hootie has a staph infection and doctors have advised against performing too close to the livestock on the county fair circuit. However, Lollapalooza went on this weekend without them.

Since Chicago has been the home to Lollapalooza for the last three years, I’d thought I’d give everyone a live report.

Friday: Both at lunch and upon leaving work, I had to dodge countless dirty hippies, hopeless hipsters, and hot, yet obnoxious, coeds that were littering my workplace about a mile west of the event. I hear that they were all there to see this band called Daft Punk, who does not sound very daft and is not even the least bit punk. Those poor suckers are going to be bummed they just spent $80 to see a couple of French weenie guys in robot masks play some dance music. Give me a turntable and a Richard Nixon mask and I’ll play some Devo for y’all for half the price, you jackasses (thanks to Llama Butchers for the Devo link).

The band they should have been going to see: Ted Leo and the Pharmacists.

Saturday: I didn’t go downtown since I spent considerable time the previous night trying to get dirty hippie smell out of my hair and clothes. Which is too bad, since I saw several bands on the schedule that grace my normally benign iPod. On second thought, maybe it’s best that I didn’t go because I surely would have ripped out my auditory nerves had I heard Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol spewing from the PA.

Sunday: Yeah, I skipped day three as well, but I did see the local news interview some old guy (over 25) who was there to see Pearl Jam. Besides, I probably would have just left after the 12:30 Juliette and the Licks show, and that certainly wouldn’t have been a prudent investment unless it included a Swedish massage. (Oh, and I’m serious about the Licks – they rock.)

So there you have it. I hope you had as much fun reading as I did attending. Unfortunately, I have a feeling you did.