Next Great American Band - Nov 16th or so

Leiber and Stoller night on NGAB – the dudes wrote songs a long time ago back before women were bitches and hos and before everyone got so angry. They wrote a bunch of songs for Elvis Presley and a few for Milo Butterfinger, who never achieved the same level of fame as Elvis but knocked them dead in the Tiki Lounge at the Ramada Inn in Texarkana before moving to Dallas to open his namesake bar. But I digress.

Light Of Doom got called out first to annoy me. Nobody under the age of 30 should ever be interviewed about anything since they can’t possibly have anything interesting or insightful to say. Not that I do, either, but I’m not on television. Their cover of Jailhouse Rock was acceptable from a musical aspect, and it reminded me of something you might hear over the closing credits of a mediocre light comedy, but the vocals seemed to work as well as a corroded battery on a cold winter morning.

The Clark Brothers were saved from elimination to perform Saved, a cool tune I don’t ever remember hearing before. Their manic performance inspired me to look up the original by LaVern Baker. That alone is a good enough reason to keep them around. The Goo Goo Doll guy accused them of hating drummers because they don’t have one, but it’s a family act and maybe the drummer was a chick, which would ruin the name of the band, or, even worse, maybe their mom was the drummer, and we all saw what happened to Danny Partridge after he had to tour with his mom. Yeah, I know Shirley played keyboards and not drums, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t know she was banging Reuben on the side.

Dot Dot Dot chose to sing Love Potion #9 and the producers let them. The uber-annoying lead singer played guitar this week, which kept him somewhat tethered and made him considerably less annoying. I have to be honest and confess it wasn’t horrible. Like avoiding Tab because it’s a diet cola and comes in a pink can but then finally trying it because everyone already drank all the good stuff and realizing it’s not that bad and then dedicating your life to spreading the word. That’s an inside joke for the other 18 people watching the Sarah Silverman Show with me. The first season was pretty good, but too many duty jokes in the second season.

Cliff Wagner and the Old #7 got the call to sing Poison Ivy. It wasn’t that exciting, but it was something I’d want to listen to while eating a slab of ribs at a church picnic. I’ve never been to a church picnic and I’m not even sure they would serve ribs, but it doesn’t matter since they’d probably never get the call to perform at a church picnic unless it was one of those churches that likes handling snakes. Now that’s a picnic.

Denver and the Invesco Field Orchestra somehow survived the cut again and performed Ruby Baby. I think it was supposed to show their funk side but it sounded more like something Charlie Brown and the Peanuts would throw down for the Black History Month pageant.

Six Wire did the just written for their cheesy country asses I Keep Forgettin’, but somehow made me keep forgettin’ why anyone might be inspired to vote for them, unless there’s a bunch of cheese brained rural housewives fantasizing about leaving their beer-bellied Pabst swilling husbands for some slick-singing musical hucksters.

Tres Bien somehow outlasted Franklin Bridge somehow and did Some Other Guy. I still like them against my better judgment, but have to confess this week’s tune sounded more like it should have been coming out of Greg Brady’s console stereo system before Mrs. Brady had to come in and ask him to please turn it down because Marsha was busy studying etymology in the other room to impress Harvey Klinger and couldn’t concentrate.

When Franklin Bridge got eliminated, they looked stunned. So did Tres Bien – they were in the process of putting their liquids and gels in quart size zip lock baggies to get through security for their flight back home to the 60’s when America decided to Grim Reaper the funksters from Philly instead. I was as stunned as I am every time I write a blog celebrating the greatness of Crystal Bernard and she doesn’t thank me. The Mrs. was as stunned as she is every time I manage to get out of bed before hitting the snooze alarm 14 times. Sheila E. was as stunned as when she met Prince and found out how short he was. America was still pretty clueless – after all, they did elect Bush to a second term (hell, they elected him to a first term), so Franklin Bridge shouldn’t feel so bad.

My hopes and dreams don’t change – the little turds from Light of Doom need to be flushed next, but I have a feeling I’ll be stuck with their stink a while longer. We’ll just to tune in next week to find out. The sacrifices I make for you people…