Living In A Material World

I’m so far behind on posts I need to write that I’m going to half-ass them all right here, right now. It’s going to be the Jesus Jones of posting. The problem is what I have termed the blogger’s dichotomy. When you have cool shit to write about, doing the said cool shit usually takes time, which, unless you’re a professional writer or have a job in which you do cool shit for a living and can use your spare time writing about it, takes away from the time you have to blog about it. And if you attempt to diagram that last sentence you’ll see I’m obviously not a professional writer and unless you have an Excel fetish then you probably wouldn’t consider my job very cool. Conversely, and I’m not talking about sitting around wearing Chuck Taylors, if you don’t have much to do, then you probably have a lot time to write posts about, well, nothing. But I digress. Which is another reason I get behind. I start to write a post, wildly digress, and before I know it I’m on page four and can’t figure out how to get back to the original topic. It’s like going off to college to study engineering and you take a night off to go out for quarter beers and then you wake up one day working at IHOP with an Aerosmith tattoo on your chest and trying to remember what chapter you were studying in your Theoretical and Applied Mechanics book, but it’s hopeless because you had to use your syllabus as kindling for a trash can fire last weekend.

So I’ll start with a few quick hitters followed by a series of posts on other recent events…

In The Pit

The one thing I forgot to mention in my ballet post (I’m still a little ashamed to write that) was how awesome the orchestra was during the show. However, I did crack myself up during one piece that featured the harp because I couldn’t stop thinking how great it would be if the harp player were dressed up like Harpo Marx.

Heard About The F’er Estate

“That would be awesome if Gladys Knight would make me waffles.”

The Voodoo That You Do

Since I started seeing an acupuncturist, I’m afraid to stop going because I’m convinced that he now has a Sid F’er voodoo doll and I’ll be hit with crippling back spasms, inexplicable foot pain, and stabbing headaches.

Jake This

This month found Jake Johannsen, the official stand-up comic of Leper House, in Chicago, so Stiv_OO, Moist Rub, Captain Break-It and me made a rare joint appearance at his Zanie’s show last Friday night. Captain Break-It was so distracted by laughter that nothing got broken, Moist Rub peed his pants (not sure how much his age contributed to the occurrence), and I temporarily forgot my distaste for humanity and I was happy.