They Never Said It Was A TOP Ten List

Being the pillar of the business community that I am, I was recently perusing Crain’s Chicago Business and their 10 Things To Do This Weekend column. Normally it’s pretty high tone stuff like museum exhibits, ballets, garden tours, charity events, and fox hunts. So I was surprised to see the following:

Actress Charlene Tilton, former Bay City Rollers lead singer Duncan Faure, and other celebrities will spice things up at the MONSTER TRUCK NATIONALS. The two-day event includes four-wheeled power machines crushing smaller cars in the controlled climate of the Sears Centre Arena. March 13 and March 14, 7:30 p.m. Tickets are $7 - $33. 5333 Prairie Stone Pkwy., Hoffman Estates, (800) 745-3000

Besides Crain’s targeting a demographic I never knew existed for them, I was also intrigued by the featured celebrities. Charlene Tilton, probably most famous for providing the cleavage for the television show Dallas, is listed as the headliner. I had big money on her being the trigger chick during the “Who Shot J.R.?” craze, lost my college savings and ended up working as a dishwasher at IHOP for the last twenty years. But I digress. It appears she’s only had a handful of work since her Dallas days, so you may think it odd that she would be headlining the event. Until you realize her co-headliner is Duncan Faure, probably celebrating the 25th anniversary of his last appearance on the cover of Tiger Beat. I was tempted to go, not to see small cars crushed since that is my nightmare as the Mrs. zips around town in her Honda Fit, but I wanted to see how Charlene and Duncan were going to “spice things up” for a crowd showing up to see stuff crushed. Maybe they were offering up their own hopes and dreams of reliving their fame from twenty years ago only to see them crushed along with those damn imports by a crowd wearing “Buy American” t-shirts who drive Chevy pick-ups and could not care less about some rich daddy’s girl from an 80’s TV show or a fancy lad who was famous for his shag haircut and plaid socks in the 70’s.

I also wanted to find out who the “other celebrities” who didn’t make the bill were – I’m thinking Tiffany Brissette or Taffy Nivert.

But if I had gone though you can bet your bottom dollar I would have gone on the 14th – S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!