Speaking Of...

I read the other day that Janet Napolitano endorsed Barack Obama. At first I thought it was pretty cool that an endorsement from the lead singer of Concrete Blonde made headlines. Then I read a little further and a little more closely and realized that Janet (not Johnette) is the governor of Arizona. A female governor… who would’ve thought? I have to say that Johnette’s endorsement would have meant more to me. Because I always look to artists for advice on politics. I usually just vote for whomever George Clooney is supporting because he’s so darn cute.

Speaking of George Clooney, I’ve done a survey and 63% of the women on the train are reading Eat Pray Love on their daily commute. I have no idea what the book is about, but I have a hunch that the ones reading it are probably the people least likely to need it or most benefit from it. Great scam. People read what they already believe or want to believe so keep feeding it to them. Oprah Winfrey and Rush Limbaugh have made boatloads of money with this model. Oh, and I think most of the women reading it have the “Eat” part covered pretty well – probably could have left that part out. Unless it’s some sort of book for runway models. Then it might help to remind them to have a cheeseburger.

Speaking of cheeseburgers, I was watching coverage of the latest school shootings and noticed how fat so many of the students were. Yeah, the event sucks and I feel bad for all those affected but when they said the school told all the students to go home, I was thinking they should be telling them to go to the gym instead. How about taking 30 minutes for a couple miles on the treadmill during recess?

Speaking of not going to the gym, I recently saw a picture of Curly Howard somewhere and laughed. How could he have been anything in life but a Stooge?

Speaking of stooges, it appears the tax rebates are coming. I’m proud to live in a country whose new motto appears to be “A Wii for every living room!” as a solution to our economic troubles.

Speaking of more stooges, I’m glad our representatives are spending whatever time it takes to find out what might have been injected into Roger Clemens’ ass. They’ve finally helped me realize that performance-enhancing drugs in sports is obviously one of the most critical issues in this country. Not funding Medicare and Social Security or healthcare or foreign relations. Nah, the next guys can figure that out. And despite how PETA might feel, I don’t care if players shove live gerbils up their asses to deliver a case of Red Bull to their endocrine systems if they think it will help them get a bigger contract. Go for it, dudes.

Speaking of live gerbils, I got an email with the subject line “Is it too small?” How did they know I needed a new television?

Speaking of email, why would you say “kindly” when “please” will suffice, you pretentious bastard? Kindly refrain from doing that from now on.