Sunday, February 22, 2009

Leper Pop Red Carpet Report

Personally, I don’t know why anybody should care about who I am, or anybody else is, wearing tonight for the Oscars.

The media has been hounding me all month. They simply refuse to wait until I emerge from my ’68 Chevy Nova and appear on the red carpet to discover how I constructed the delivery of my feigned self. People need to know what is going to happen before it happens so they can plan the appropriate, socially acceptable reaction. Look around to see if other people like it before smiling with acceptance or scoffing in disgust. No sense being an individual. The stars are on display to be judged, praised and ridiculed to the extent of which contemporary, ephemeral standards of eminence allow, from their garments, hair style and choice of escorts to the manner in which they attempt careen above the rest. The efforts behind whatever achievement they hope to be served are secondary to the pose they’ve molded from the compost of insecurity laced vanity that crams their minds.

And those of us who care about all this are just as decayed inside, or worse. These stars are entertainers, after all. Paid by us to entertain us. Hardly more worthy of the magnificence the term “star” affords than anybody else we pay to help us survive. Yet, we allow them to wear this banner of brilliance even though their service to us is no different than the other servants we let. The fast food worker thanks US when serving us our fries and hopes to provide services again to us in the future (whether the "Come again" plea is sincere or not). Shouldn't these actors be thanking us in a similar fashion, instead of pompously honoring themselves behind masks of grandiose insignificance? Yes, but we lick their bottoms, nonetheless. Should we not also lick the plumber’s, garbage man’s and feet scraper’s bottoms? The good ones shine in their own way, but nobody cares what they are wearing when they accept their employee of the month gift cards.

This ruptured value perspective disgusts me. I have figuratively brought myself to a state of internal vermin with this discussion. Consequently, I choose not to be a red carpet star tonight. Instead, I will watch the Blackhawks play ice hockey. But, I also understand that high fashion is an important component in our society, so I won’t let you down. Here is who I will be wearing.

Champion (Authentic Athletic Apparel) – dark blue Toledo Rockets long sleeve tee.

Levi’s – 501 Button fly jeans (women hate dealing with the buttons which is the ONLY reason I never get laid).

Hanes – ankle high white socks.

New Balance – 479 All Terrain shoes

Fruit of the Loom – jockey type grundies – black (it is a formal affair, after all)


9 comments:

keysunset said...

I also understand that high fashion is an important component in our society, so I won’t let you down. Whew! I was getting anxious for a moment. I was hoping we wouldn't both be wearing the same outfit.

Oh, and from the photo, the clothes look clean, too! You really are going formal tonight.

BTW, some women think button fly jeans are sexy ...

Sid said...

I'm with you, brother.

Let's go Hawks!

Next year I say we have an anti-Oscar party.

Toews scores as I speak!

Sid Again said...

Oh, and I'm wearing:

Old Navy - red checkered sleep pants

Gildan - gray SportsRadio 1310 tee

Pure Stuff - blue flannel circa 1985

del said...

Key, I agree with you 100% re the button fly jeans. And am glad for the fashion descriptions... but key, you forgot to say what you were wearing... it would be so embarassing to be posting while wearing the same outfit.

And if anyone's interested: flannel pjs, light blue with a white polar bear print.

R. O'Donnell said...

Besides my ass-less chaps, I'm naked. I'm eating cheetos, and drinking rootbeer.

Anonymous said...

leper lurker said...

No way?? You have a 68 Nova??
I have a 67.
Weird.

HR said...

Do you have a secret for keeping your whites so white or do you consider socks a disposable item?

keysunset said...

del - I'd not gotten ready for bed yet so I was wearing:

plain gold band wedding ring

diamond-looking ear studs

long sleeved cream colored shirt with Peter Pan collar

corduroy jumper: beige background with a small pattern of flowers in forest green, cranberry red, and white

pantyhose

black athleisure shoes (sort of a cross between sneakers and slightly dressy shoes)

keysunset said...

Oh I forgot my underwear.



I mean, I had some on, just didn't post it in the list earlier. ;-)

light peach colored underwire bra
white cotton underpants

I'm sure y'all were waiting with antici .... pation for that.