Soul Man

This is what happens when Hertz is out of cars and I need to go elsewhere for my rental:

Sid: Hi, I have a reservation.
Alamo: Would you like a Soul or a Flex?
Sid: A Soloflex? Are you saying I'm out of shape?
Alamo: No, you're in fine shape. A Soul... or a Flex.
Sid: I don't know what either one of those is.
Alamo: The Flex is big SUV. I'd recommend the Soul.
Sid: Fine, give me the Soul.

I now have the ugliest car on the planet. A snot green Kia Soul.

Whatever happened to the days when your only choice was a boring Ford Taurus?

Grinderman

Dateline: Vancouver. Grouse Mountain and the infamous Grouse Grind. Wrecked me? It damn near killed me a couple years ago. But turns out that I’m going to get a second chance to make that mountain my bitch.

I previously blogged about my last climb up the Grouse Grind, which is a trail in North Vancouver that goes up the side of Grouse Mountain. According to the Internets, it gains 1,100 metres over a distance of approximately 2.9 kilometres. Hmm. Metric system. I’d say that’s about 17,000 feet and 5.8 miles, or to put it another way it’s like putting a really tall ladder about halfway up Mt. Everest. That doesn’t sound right. Let me set aside my cocktail and do a few calculations on the back of this napkin…

Okay, turns out it’s only 2,799 feet over 2.0 miles. They say the average hiker completes it in 90 minutes if they don’t die. Last time I did it in 80 minutes and nearly died.

So here’s the deal. I’ll be in Vancouver this spring for a week mostly on business, but plan on taking some additional time to do some exploring.

Now, I can struggle with motivation in my everyday life. Getting out of bed usually isn’t a problem since I usually get a paycheck and I’ve become quite accustomed to the food and shelter it provides. Beyond that, my natural state is on the couch with a bottle of Hershey’s syrup and my pan flute.

For example, I don’t know how to cook. But as long as that Chef Boyardee keeps making that delicious ravioli, where is the motivation?

So if I want to exercise, work out and stay in shape, I need a goal. When I was younger, trying to get laid sufficed. Now that I’m married, my wife tends to discourage me from using that as a goal. I lost about 30 pounds four years ago on a very effective chemo-radiation diet, but I’ve gained at least 20 of those pounds back. Although people tell me that the emaciated rock star look wasn’t working for me, I’d rather not go straight to the Chris Farley look. And that’s where Grouse Mountain comes in.

I am hereby announcing my intent to complete the Grouse Grind this spring in 60 minutes. Now if I fail to reach that goal I will have publicly humiliated my family and myself and in accordance with Japanese tradition must commit hara-kiri.

The only roadblock could be the weather. The trail closes in winter and re-opens late spring. I just checked the mountain report and it appears there is currently 377 cm of snow. I think that's like eight inches, so I don't foresee any problems. I mean, they didn't even have snow for the Olympics, so I don't expect any issues for my little hike.

From you, dear readers, I merely need you to hold me to my goal. And if anyone cares to witness this and meet me on the top of Grouse Mountain with a tanto sword, let me know.

Sayonara, bitches.

The Hertzies - Jan 2011 Edition

Cab driver would be a nightmare job for me. I don’t like people and like driving in traffic even less. However, I can be a highway junkie and appreciate a good road trip. I had to go to Dayton, Ohio so I filled my duffel bag with Andy Capp Hot Fries and Tab cola, grabbed my iPod and strolled to Hertz to get a car. The car had an iPod jack but unfortunately my iPod had as much energy as a three-toed sloth convention. Needless to say I got hear about three songs before being relegated to dial surfing the best of Indiana’s hot hits and syndicated nutjobs. I clearly made sure the iPod was fully charged for the return trip and after five hours in shuffle mode, I hereby present the latest edition The Hertzies.

Best Band Incorporating A Chain Saw Into Their Live Shows
The Plasmatics – Sex Junkie

Most Missed
Steve Ray Vaughan - Tighrope

Moist Rub All Time Recommendation Award
Concrete Blonde – Ghost of a Texas Ladies Man

Thanks For Reminding Me I Should Pick Up Tickets To Your Show Next Month Award
Rory Block – Crossroad Blues

Worst Cover By An Artist I Like
Keb mo – Imagine

Best Song To Give My Nissan Sentra Some Soul
Diana Ross – Love Hangover

Best Damn Song Of The Roadtrip
Joan Armatrading – Love and Affection

Best Use Of A Choir
Madonna – Like A Prayer

Best Legendary Band I Just Don’t Get
Velvet Underground – I’m Waiting On The Man

Should Have Left It Alone Award
Alicia Keys and Adam Levine – Wild Horses

I’m Ashamed Of Myself Award:
Black Eyed Peas – Let’s Get Retarded

Damn That’s A Good Voice
Concrete Blonde – Someday

The Why Is This on my Ipod Award
Kasey Chambers - I Still Pray

Song I Probably Embarrassed Myself Dancing To In the 80’s But Don’t Remember:
The Church – Reptile

Song To Appear On the Drive Out And The Drive Back
Counting Crows – Mr. Jones

Song I Probably Embarrasssed Myself Dancing To In The 90’s But Don’t Remember:
Jody Watley – Some Kind Of Lover

Song That Beavis And Butthead Would Appreciate If They Were In The Backseat:
Deep Purple – Smoke On The Water

This Song Sponsored By Moist Rub
999 – Chicane Destination

Best Guitar Intro:
Pearl Jam – Yellow Ledbetter

Good Stuff I Don’t Remember Downloading So That’s Why I Shuffle Award:
Noisettes – Don’t Give Up

Best Song For Cruising A Dark Rural Highway At Night
Bruce Springsteen – The Fever

Best Cover
Holmes Brothers – Bring Me Some Weather

Reminder That I Lived In Texas 14 Years And Never Learned to Two-Step
Confederate Railroad – Queen of Memphis

Other Nominees:
Elmore James – It Hurts Me Too
Police – Every Breath You Take
REM – Driver 8
George Michael – Freedom
Van Halen – Jump
Kevin Rudolph – Let It Rock
Marty Casey – Mr. Brightside
Violent Femmes – Kiss Off
Frank Sinatra – I Get A Kick Out Of You
John Michael Montgomery – Be My Baby Tonight
Beta Band – Dry The Rain
Vinyl Room – Still Smoking
Eric Clapton – Walkin’ Blues
Greyboy w/Sharon Jones – Got To Be A Love
CSNY – Teach Your Children
Replacements – When It Begain
Exies – Kickout
Dido – Thank You
John Mellencamp – I Need A Lover
Lovehammers – Summertime In The City
Billie Holiday – Come Rain Or Come Shine
Propellerheads – History Repeating
Depeche Mode – Everything Counts
Carpenters – Close To You
Eurythmics – Would I Lie To You
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers – The Damage You’ve Done
Big Audio Dynamite – The Globe
Duane Eddy – Rebel Rouser
Triumph – Lay It On The Line
Dwight Twilley Band – I’m On Fire
Drive By Truckers – This Fucking Job

At which point I found myself in a freezing rain storm in NW Indiana and switched to traffic and weather on the 8’s on newsradio WBBM 780.

Now time to update the iPod for next time.

Year In Music - 2010 Review

"It feels like smoke curling up from a cigarette
someone left burning on a baby grand piano
around three o'clock in the morning;
smoke that billows up into the bright lights
while out there in the darkness
some of the beautiful fools have gathered
around little tables to listen,
some with their eyes closed,
others leaning forward into the music
as if it were holding them up,
or twirling the loose ice in a glass,
slipping by degrees into a rhythmic dream."

I’ve rarely regretted going to a live show. Conversely, there are plenty of shows I’ve regretted missing. Despite knowing that, I often find myself at home on the couch, sitting comfortably in smoking jacket and cuddling with my ferrets within the nurturing bosom of my Snuggie. Try talking yourself out of that scenario on a work night or when it’s cold or rainy outside, and before you know it you’re turning down invites to an exclusive all-access ticket to a one-night only Nelson reunion show. My solution to this prospective lethargy was to buy tickets in advance to any show that caught my interest. Being out of pocket for the price of admission would help motivate me to ditch the smoking jacket for my finest Ed Hardy shirt and a handful of hair gel. Here are the results of my adventures in 2010, from worst to first.

#39 – Connie Smith w/Robbie Fulks – Old Town School of Folk Music (OTS)
I was on the picket fence for this show. She was country, when country wasn’t cool. Which makes her cool. Great venue, so I decided to check it out. She still has an amazing voice, but the songs got a little monotonous. Dead dog, broken down pick up trucks, expired yogurt in the fridge and one lost love after another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. Get the picture? Oh, and another.

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#38 – Patty Loveless – OTS
I was on the fence post for this show. Patty still has a swell voice, but the show was about as charismatic as a chess tournament. Not that speed chess they play in the streets, but the kind with the Russian dudes who stare at the board for hours before each move. I guess I thought I was a little more country. A little more Memphis and Nashville. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. But I didn’t love this show so. It picked up at the end a bit and she has an enthusiastic supporting band, but they need to slip some sunshine and ecstasy into Patty’s pre-show tea.

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#37 – Detroit Cobras – Bash on Wabash
Their set overlapped a bit with Cracker, but I was intrigued and decided to check them out with about 25 other folks on Labor Day weekend. Unfortunately, the band didn’t seem as intrigued to be playing. You ever take a look at someone’s work ID and see how fresh and eager and excited they are to be embarking upon a new opportunity? And then compare that to their face two years later while they’re sitting in their cube and you barely see the resemblance? Yeah, that was the Detroit Cobras that night. Sure, I know life on the road for a struggling band probably isn’t the glamorous life Shelia E. made it out to be, but at least you aren’t sitting in a cube at 8 a.m. wondering if you really need health insurance that bad.

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#36 – Santana w/Steve Winwood – World Twitter Bank Amphitheater of Tinley Park
I’ve turned into a bit of a music snob and do my best to avoid venues with more than 2,000 people and shows featuring bands that anyone might have heard of. But my uncle is a good dude and obsessed with Santana so I picked us up a couple tickets and made the trip out there with him. I don’t regret going – the music was decent, but after about an hour I got the idea and was starting to lose interest, especially being 40 rows back. Few people know that Oye Como Va means “I can’t believe I just paid $11 for a domestic beer.”

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#35 – Black Rebel Motorcycle Club w/Band of Skulls – Metro
The show was good. The music was good. The crowd was good. Solid, but nothing extraordinary. Kind of like a burger and fries at Chili’s when you’re a regular at In n’ Out.

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#34 – Cowboy Junkies – OTS
Another one I was on the fence post about. I like the vibe of their music, but was never a hardcore fan. But I’m a sucker for the venue, so I put on my ten-gallon hat, grabbed my baggie of black tar heroin and hit the show. Turns out they are not literally cowboy junkies, but instead a rather pleasant Canadian family band. Margo is very likable and still sounds great, but I think their music is best suited for home use during weekend breakfasts while enjoying four pounds of back bacon, three french toast and a beer. In a tree.

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#33 – Robyn – Metro
I enjoy most types of music, most inexplicably bad 80’s pop and bad 90’s dance music. I remember Robyn from her hit Show Me Love in 1997. I figured she was a one-hit wonder, so I was surprised to see her on the bill for the Pitchfork Music Festival in July since it’s known more for newer or pioneering alternative acts. Well, since I haven’t been to a gay dance club since 1993 (but that’s a story for another time), I was unaware that she never left the scene and was making a remarkable comeback in the world of rainbow flags. Her Pitchfork set was impressive – high energy and with a good beat that was easy to dance to. I gave it a 91 and also bought tickets for my wife to see her when she came back to play Metro. Apparently the show sold out in one day and caused servers to crash throughout Boystown. I could have resold the tickets for double face value and a fabulous windowpane suit and seasonal colored knit vest. Instead I took my wife since her friends had conflicts and couldn’t make it. The breakdown: 95% gay males, 5% women, and me and two other straight guys (total does not add up to 100% due to rounding). I was a little insulted that I didn’t get hit on all night, but my wife told me it was because I’m obviously not gay. I’m still not sure whether to be insulted or flattered by that. My only complaint – gay guys don’t drink beer. But they do drink a lot of mixed drinks, which take considerably longer to mix than popping open a bottle of beer, leading to long waits at the bar. But I digress. Robyn was coming off an illness and there may have even been some lip-synching involved, but it was still a good time. Her show is like a hybrid of an aerobics class and 90’s dance club. Really better than it sounds. Or perhaps not, if you don’t share my eclectic taste.

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#32 – Robbie Fulks – Hideout
I’ve got some friends who worship this guy as if he could change the free water cooler at the Hideout into Stella Artois. Yeah, maybe not Stella but it turning into a cooler full of Lone Star by the end of his set. Great skills and song catalog, impressive supporting musicians and another likable guy. I wish the Hideout was easier to get to and I might have made it to more shows.

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#31 – Deanna Devore – Hideout
I discovered Deanna at the infamous 2009 North Center Ribfest, where she and her band not only killed it but where I also learned that Canadians are born without ribs. Timing on subsequent shows never seemed to work out as I spend a lot of the time during the year on the road selling shower curtain rings to major hotels. But I did catch her show at the Hideout and it did not disappoint. The Canadian-Brazilian influences combine in a mash up of hipster bossa nova goodness. I have no idea what that means. Just go check her out.

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#30 – WC Clark – Fitzgeralds
Stevie Ray Vaughan learned some things from this dude, so I figured he might know what he’s doing. I walked in just as his set was starting and was the twelfth person in the bar. Have you seen the movie Ghost World? No? Go watch it, I’ll wait. Okay, so remember that part when Steve Buscemi’s character goes to see the old bluesman and nobody seems to care? It was kind of sad in the same way for a while. Eventually more people streamed in and the crowd maxed out at about 30. It didn’t matter – he was doing his thing, enjoying doing it, and appreciative of the people who were there. Between sets he wandered through the crowd on the way to his record label’s table, but he stopped on the way to shake my hand, ask me how I was doing and to thank me for coming. It just wasn’t me, either. I wasn’t so sad anymore.

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#29 – Cracker – Bash on Wabash
I worked a customer service phone job once and got called a “rooster” in the same manner one might get called a “cracker”. I’m not sure if there’s a band called Rooster, but I was a big fan of Cracker in the 90’s. They haven’t lost a step and the songs are still as good today as they were over a decade ago. Unlike those stale Saltines in your cupboard. Go throw them out, you rooster.

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#28 – Sleigh Bells – Metro
I skipped part of the headliner show at Pitchfork to hang out with the cool kids at a side stage to catch Sleigh Bells, who were more hyped at the time than the fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches at the Elvis convention. It was new, high energy and loud, kind of like sex 20 years ago. The set was also rather short, also not unlike 20 years ago. But I figured that Derek and Alexis might have come up with another song or two for their Metro date. I was wrong, but it was still a swell 35-minute show. Another record’s worth of material and they have the potential to move up the rankings faster than a grunting Russian on the women’s professional tennis tour.

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#27 – Black Crowes – Chicago Theater
I took a pass when they came through town a couple years ago and decided not to miss them this time around. I like them, but I’ll confess that I don’t know their whole catalog. So maybe I should wait until the Victoria’s Secret models tour. Because while I appreciate their chemistry and proficiency, I found myself working on my grocery list during a couple of the longer jams with which I wasn’t familiar. That doesn’t sound like a glowing recommendation, but these guys do rock they delivered when I needed them to. Just like that Chinese place on a rainy night. Okay, so comparing them to crab rangoon doesn’t sound much better, but just trust me when I say these guys are the real deal.

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#26 – Juliette Lewis – Reggie’s
You may be aware of my on-again, off-again relationship with Ms. Lewis. When I discovered her musical side she was working with The Licks, and they were garage rockers to the highest degree. Her star power carries over to music and the band could blow the rusted tin roof off a joint any day of the week. Unfortunately, she tried to take it to another level and it didn’t work for me. She fired The Licks and was talking of communing with the gods and her crowds were full of derby girls who idolized her for making a lame roller derby movie. I gave her another chance this year, because I’m nice like that. The band has gelled a bit and it seemed like she’s getting her swagger back. Must be those Dr. Scholl’s insoles.

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#25 – Junior Brown – OTS
I’ve known of Mr. Brown since his quirky videos of the 90’s, but never truly realized his guitar badness until years later when some fellow Texans explained it to me. So when Junior came to town with my other Southern favorite Cowboy Mouth, I was all over it. Unfortunately the Cowboy Mouth crowd wasn’t quite there to see Junior so I was a little annoyed. Fortunately, he returned solo for a show at Old Town School and I was all over it again. For those who don’t know ol’ Junior, he’s an old dude who shows up in a suit and a ten-gallon hat like he’s interviewing for a job at the Grand Ol’ Opry. Then he whips out his homemade double-neck guitar, part regular guitar and part lap steel guitar. Now that he has your attention, he’ll blow you away by working every fret on both of those necks faster than a couple funny cars at Great Lake Dragaway in Union Grove, Wisconsin, under 16 still free with general admission, advance tickets at all Ticketrons, so bring the family for a day of thrills and excitement in beautiful southeast Wisconsin. But I digress. The songs are mostly irreverent country, with some blues and instrumental surf music thrown in to keep it interesting. It works. Thanks, Junior.

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#24 – Dead Weather – Congress Theater
They made the top ten last year for their show at the Vic. They didn’t get worse, but they faced stiffer competition and they played at the Congress Theater. That’s like serving a filet mignon at a nice restaurant and then serving the same plate at Chuck Cheese and expecting a Michelin award. Jack and Alison still have the star power and stage presence to compete with anyone on this list. Yeah, even 69 year old Connie Smith.

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#23 – Florence and The Machine – HOB
I heard Florence on the radio – Internet radio, y’know, because I’m cool like that. So I didn’t get tickets in advance to this show since I was sure there were few people cool as I. Yeah, turns out I was wrong. It sold out, but I managed to sort through the detritus that is Craigslist and found a nice young lady who was selling a pair of tickets to help fund her trip to Coachella. But I digress. Flo and her Machine sounded just as good live and I shan’t make the mistake of getting those tickets again.

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#22 – Cowboy Mouth – HOB and some Old Town Fest
I moved to Dallas in 1992 and about a month after I got there I found myself solo on 4th of July weekend. So I did some exploring and headed down to an area called Deep Ellum which had a decent music scene. After some bar hopping, I paid $5 to get into a place called Club Clearview, which featured a band from New Orleans called Cowboy Mouth. There were only about 20 of us there, but they played like we were 20,000. At one point, the singer/drummer came out to the crowd and had us all sit in a circle on the floor with him, and we did a couple songs that way. Every show is dedicated to making sure that the audience has not a good time, but a ridiculously good time. Now imagine a New Orleans band playing a show on the eve of the Super Bowl featuring the Saints Cinderella season. Go see them. Bring a red spoon.

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#21 – Semi-Precious Weapons – Subterranean
Yeah, frontman Justin is a little over the top, but he is fucking gorgeous. Sure, they’ve picked up some Lady Gaga fans after opening for her recently. But they write some damn catchy tunes and rock a lot harder than most of the crap littering the charts these days.

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#20 – Dandy Warhols – Vic
I’ve liked these guys for a while but never made it to a show. Watching the documentary Dig! renewed my interest in the band this year and I got to their Halloween eve show. They put on a good show – played most of the hits, were very professional, and still seemed to be having fun. Or maybe it was just all the girls in slutty costumes.

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#19 - Imelda May - Martyr's
A cute Irish lass with a killer voice and attitude doing rockabilly? Sign me up! I'll be her big, bad handsome man any day.

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#18 – The Cult – Vic
One of my favorite bands from the 80’s. I can still listen to their CD’s start to finish without any Ritalin. But the ticket prices seemed a little steep for a band 20 years past their prime, so I was going to take a pass. I think a lot of people shared that sentiment, because two buddies both “won” free tickets. In retrospect, I would have paid. Ian has put on some “Bret Michaels” weight but still has the vocals, and Billy looks and sounds better than ever on guitar. Power chords are cool.

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#17 – Los Lobos – Taste of Chicago
I saw them for the first time in 2009 at the CSO after hearing for years how awesome their live shows were. They were pretty awesome. So I went back to see their show at The Taste and they were good. I’d see them again, but I think they’re overhyped. Okay, barely overhyped. They probably knew I was feeling that way, so they brought out Robert Plant to sing the last song of the night. It ain’t Zeppelin, but it did push them into the top 20.

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#16 – Suzanne Vega – OTS
This is the reason I get tickets in advance. I wasn’t sure about this show to begin with, and then I had trouble finding a date. That would normally discourage me faster than a chastity belt, but since I had tickets I hopped on the bike and made my way to OTS. And Suzanne was personable and had a much stronger catalog than which I was aware. It was one of those impressive shows in which I left a bigger fan than when I went in. Then I finished up my coffee, it was time to catch my train.

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#15 – Taj Mahal – MAC
Did you know that the Taj Mahal is a mausoleum? Which is ironic because Taj Mahal the musician is larger than life and thoroughly enjoying his time on stage. I got interviewed on the way into the show by some dude claiming to be with some third-rate media,, and he asked me if I was a blues fan. I told him I used to be, but a lot of contemporary blues seem formulaic and I got a little bored with it. However, Taj was influenced by Caribbean and African music growing up and it comes through in his music and makes it more interesting than a 12-bar blues played by a white boy cover band influenced by Eric Clapton. Another indication that I enjoyed the show was that it seemed 30 minutes long, but when I checked my official Mousekateer Mickey watch it had been nearly two hours. Thumbs up from me and Mickey.

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#14 – Monte Montgomery – Fitzgeralds
I never miss Monte when he comes to town and had the pleasure of catching him twice in 2010. Mind-blowing guitar work, but instead of just shredding he’s actually put together a good song catalog and has one of the tightest bands on the road today. Call it a man-crush – I won’t argue.

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#13 – She & Him – Pritzker Pavilion
Zooey is adorable as hell, and M Ward lends some credibility to the duo. The retro sound is perfect for the pair, and I’d think I’d show up just watch them sing the alphabet. Yeah, I’m smitten. Now, make it a free show on a pleasant, summer evening in the beautiful Pritzker Pavilion at Millennium Park in downtown Chicago, buildings lit up to celebrate the Blackhawks’ Stanley Cup victory, and it just doesn’t get much better.

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#12 – Bodeans & The Duhks – Chicago Symphony Center
Way back in 1991, I got invited to a Bodeans show at the Riv by a female cop. Uptown was still a little rough back then, so I asked her if she brought her gun. She said no, and said I could protect us. Thankfully, her theory remained untested. She dumped me shortly thereafter, but I started a long-term relationship with the Bodeans. Simple, catchy tunes and always a good time. The acoustic show at the CSO was a workshop in song-writing and it was cool to see them in such a great venue. I haven’t mentioned a lot of opening bands, but The Duhks are a worth a mention. Easily the best Franco-Manitoban Canadian soul, zydeco, Irish, country string band I’ve ever seen.

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#11 – Aimee Mann – OTS
I’ve been a fan of Aimee ever since she stormed my MTV with her rat tail and band til tuesday back in the 80’s. I even wrote a letter to then SunTimes critic Don McLeese defending her honor after he ripped her as the opening act for Tom Petty, saying her music didn’t have any staying power. Yeah, who won that battle, Mr. McLeese? I still maintain a little crush on Ms. Mann, and her show made me want to invite over and keep her as a houseguest for a couple weeks. Love her songwriting and self-deprecating humor. Drop by whenever. Just don’t bring Don McLeese.

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#10 – Snoop Dogg – Metro
Believe it or not, I’m not much of a gangsta. The closest I got was renting a pinstripe suit for an old-time gangster themed party at a speakeasy. I can’t say I’m much into the rap or hip-hop scene, either, but when I had the opportunity to see someone of Snoop’s caliber at a joint (pun intended) like Metro, I had to go. The wait was interminable, but when he took the stage all was forgiven and he owned that place. I reviewed the show early in the year and let’s review Snoop’s Three Things You Need To Do Every Morning. 1) Brush yo teeth. 2) Thank God you’re alive to see another day. 3) Smoke some weed, motherfucker!

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#9 – Ruthie Foster – SPACE
Ruthie sometimes stopped in to play a few songs at a little corner bar with my guitar teacher years ago in Dallas. She blew me away, and the last time I saw her before leaving Texas was when she did a chilling acapella version of Amazing Grace at my teacher’s memorial service. Fast forward years later, and I see that the world finally discovered the phenomenal Ruthie Foster. Solid guitar playing. History lessons in the blues and gospel. Fun, sincere banter. And a voice that still gives me chills.

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#8 – Booker T & Eric Bibb – OTS
My favorite movie – the Blues Brothers. Not just for the humor and showcase of my favorite city, but for the soundtrack. I’m a sucker for the old soul and R&B stuff. Booker T not only has his own song catalog, but does an amazing job covering some of those old classics in a way that makes you feel like you were right there when it was still new. You’ve got to love the way the Hammond B-3 fills the space. Throw in some smooth blues from Eric Bibb to start the show and you got yourself a night to remember.

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#7 – The Knitters – Fitzgeralds
Take roots guitarist Dave Alvin of Blasters fame and Exene Cervenka and John Doe of punk band X and you might not think there is any intersection if you were to place them in the same Venn diagram. However, what started as a small intersecting sliver called The Knitters, developed into a killer outfit that put forth a unique mix of folk country punk that probably influenced all those alt-country bands making the rounds these days. I was a fan of X back in their 80’s prime, and only recently discovered the greatness of Dave Alvin, so this show was one of the year’s highlights. People digging what they do and doing it well. I think they sleep well at night.

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#6 – Carolina Chocolate Drops – Park West
Their cover of Hit ‘Em Up Style caught my attention, but I wasn’t sure I was enough of a fan to make an evening of it. So I skipped their show at Schuba’s the year before. After spending an evening with them at Park West, my foot is sore from kicking myself for not seeing them earlier. One of the more enjoyable nights of the year. An old-time string band with three members trading guitars, banjos, fiddles, harmonica, moonshine jug and even cow bones, making you feel like you’re hanging out on their front porch for a weekend jamboree.

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#5 – Bettye LaVette – OTS
I’ll confess I never heard of her until I caught her on Letterman earlier this year. I’ve been a Letterman fan forever, but also confess I’m finding his show a little stale of late. But I’ll forgive him after finding Bettye for me. She’s an old soul singer who has found a new audience with an album of old British classic rock songs. Her interpretation takes some already good tunes, but let’s you hear them with vocals that have some feeling instead of sung by some 20-something Brit kid on dope. Be sure to check out her cover of Love Reign O’er Me. Then check out her old stuff. Then go see her live.

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#4 – Dave Alvin & The Guilty Women – Fitzgeralds
I’m quickly becoming Dave’s biggest fan. I largely ignored him for 20 years, but doing my best to make it up to him. His work with the Guilty Women started when the disbanded the Guilty Men after the death of his long-time buddy and collaborator. I never got to see them, but I can’t imagine he’s missed a musical beat with his new line-up. Every member is solid (no pun intended) and plenty of opportunities for Dave to showcase his licks (no pun intended, really). It’s a high energy, fun and impressive set. Unfortunately, earlier in the year they lost fiddle player Amy Farris to suicide, and their tribute to her during this show was probably the most emotional moment of the year.

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#3 – The Holmes Brothers – OTS
Two old brothers – Sherman and Wendell – and their buddy Popsy on drums laid down a mix of blues, soul, country, gospel and even some funk that took me deep into their world and gave me a deep appreciation for all they’ve experienced in their musical lifetimes. They moved effortlessly between styles and proved themselves the real deal. They’re getting a little older now, but haven’t lost a step. I just hope to catch them again. You should too.

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#2 – Gogol Bordello – Subterranean
I had made it to my first Gogol Bordello show at the anus that is the Congress Theater and was still blown away by the live show. And that was even after going in with high expectations. Fast forward a few months and I find out that they are doing a Lollapalooza aftershow at Subterranean, a small Wicker Park bar that holds 300-400 people max and is the size of my living room. I cleared my schedule the day tickets went on sale, even putting my staff at work on the case, and managed to score a pair of the coveted tix. I felt like Charlie when he scored the golden ticket. It was like giving a band of gypsies your collection of punk records and a bag of coke and then telling them to meet you in your garage for a jam session. It was loud, hot, crowded and barely controlled insanity. I expected it to be the show of the year and I thought it sealed the deal when I left that night, but it was unexpectedly upended by…..

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#1 – Meshell Ndegeocello – OTS
I had only heard of Meshell from her collaboration with another artist, but it was enough to register a spot in my pile of music still to be filed in my mental file cabinet. However, when I saw her on the roster of shows this year at OTS, she moved to the top of the pile and I eagerly picked up tickets. I guess the best description of her music that I’ve read is neo-soul. It was way outside my wheelhouse, but maybe that’s what made it so special. I felt way cooler just for being there. I need to find more music like this. Or maybe she’s unique in that respect. Just wow. Also what I consider to be an upset in the best show of the year.

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Special Mention:
Pitchfork Music Festival 2010 – Union Park
I wasn’t sure how to classify the acts I saw this weekend. It was definitely the highlight of the year for me – a three-day pass to one of the premier fests just a few miles down the road from me on a hot July weekend. Great, diverse selection of bands, well-managed event, and reasonably priced. I think my three-day pass was only $90. And with the extreme heat, the festival reduced the price of bottled water to only $1. Think that would happen at Lolla or any of your other favorite local venues? The vibe was positive all weekend, and I spent the last hour on Sunday night just wandering around and taking it all in as Pavement tore through a set of indie faves from the 90’s. Here are the bands I saw, both good and bad.

Friday:
The Tallest Man on Earth – Solo acoustic set from a tiny Swedish dude. I liked it, but he was suited to the 45-minute set or else he might have grown tiresome.
El-P – I’m not into rap, but I’ll give it a chance now and then. I’m glad I did at Pitchfork that day.
Liars – Although I appreciated their singer’s ironic Men At Work t-shirt, most of the music was unlistenable and, well, just shitty.
Robyn – She was awesome. I might be gay.
Modest Mouse – Very cool. Had I included Pitchfork acts in my rankings they would have been top 20.

Saturday:
Free Energy – Catchy, pop tunes… proving there’s nothing wrong with that.
Sonny and the Sunsets – A nice retro vibe to ease into the day.
Kurt Vile – A mix between Dylan and Petty, but it works for him.
Titus Andronicus – Powerful stuff… I need to see them headline a club.
Raekwon – Cool with Wu-Tang Clan, but solo, not so much. At least not live.
The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion – He wins just for wearing leather pants on a 90+ degree day, but the music was wildly solid as well.
Wolf Parade – Not great, not bad. Just good.
Panda Bear – The craptastic award for Saturday. People listen to this shit?
LCD Soundsystem – One of the highlights. Warm summer night, packed park on the west side of Chicago at a party hosted by the premier dance rock band of the year.

Sunday:
Cass McCombs – Not bad to help start out the day.
Best Coast – One of the most hyped bands of the year – overrated.
Girls – I like real girls better. These Girls, not good.
Beach House – Boring
Lightning Bolt – Just as I was getting discouraged with the Sunday lineup, this band unleashed the most batshit crazy set I saw all year. Greatness.
St. Vincent – Annie is adorable, plays some nasty guitar, has some interesting songs and is fun to watch.
Major Lazer – I’m not into DJ acts, but these guys were off the chain and turned Union Park into a daytime rave, including Chinese dragons, ballerinas and acrobatics.
Sleigh Bells – Another of the most hyped bands of the year, but they delivered to the packed crowd who skipped Big Boi to see Alexis and Derek on a side stage.
Pavement – A great band to play us out after three great days.

Hey, if you made it this far and want to participate in 2011, send a message to me at sid_f_er@yahoo.com and I'll include you on my concert calendar listings.

Have a great year and support live music!

Jon Bon Who?

On the way to the Dead Weather show on the north side of the city, we were like salmon swimming upstream against the current of Bon Jovi fans storming our new neighborhood adjacent to Soldier Field.

Sid: See all those faces?

Mrs F'er: Yes.

Sid: He'll rock them all.

Mrs. F'er:

On the other hand I have no doubt that Dead Weather rocked the faces off everyone who made the tough choice to forgo Soldier Field and the Bon Jovi boys and instead invade the decrepit Congress Theatre to see what a rock show should be. Thanks to everyone who showed up, including the tallest man on Earth who stood in front of me. Oh, and to the two women who couldn't shut the fuck up and could have saved $35 a piece by just going down to their local coffee shop to yap it up. But it was still a swell time. Really. Do not miss Dead Weather if they visit your town.

How hot is this...?

Comcast, An Xfinity of Crud

Hey, y’all. I just moved and had the pleasure of dealing with Comcast again. Because I can’t get enough of their high rates and crappy customer service, I decided to add phone service. The triple penetration package, I think they call it. Two reasons I got a home phone – first, we have an alarm system in the new place that requires it, so that in the event a scary looking dude busts down our front door, a nice white man in a button down shirt will call to make sure everything is okay. Second, the neighborhood to which we moved is so exclusive that it apparently doesn’t even allow wireless signals. Or AT&T Wireless blows. But that’s another post. And I digress.

They managed to get the TV and internet working, but if you remember I was paying for triple penetration. Unfortunately when they were here to install it, I didn’t have a phone to test the line. Eventually I went back in time to find this thing they call a landline phone and hooked it up. No dial tone. However, it would ring when called, but I couldn’t hear a thing when I picked it up. Just static. So I would guess what the other party was saying and try to continue the conversation like that. I thought I might be able to pull it off, but strange people began showing up at my door, I was receiving odd packages in the mail, and inexplicable debits were being made to my checking account. After verifying with Mrs. F’er that she signed us up for the Digital Voice and not the specially priced Static and Interference package, I finally threw in the towel and decided I needed to talk to the fine folks of Comcast customer service. However, if you remember, I didn’t have wireless service and I wouldn’t be able to hear them on my new Comcast phone service. So I decided to try the live chat function. Turns out I might have been better off just guessing what a phone rep might have been saying.

The follow transcript is not embellished. It is 100% authentic (except for changing some identifying details). With my added commentary in brackets.

user Sid_ has entered room

Sid>
We can receive calls but cannot hear the other party. We can place calls, but do not hear a dial tone. Just static in both cases.

analyst Ana Maria has entered room

[The irony of Ana Maria being identified as an analyst will be apparent by the end of the chat.]

Ana Maria>
Hello Sid_, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Ana Maria. Please give me one moment to review your information.

Ana Maria>
You are a valued customer, and your satisfaction is my priority. I will gladly assist you with whatever Comcast related concerns you have today.

[The irony of her saying I am a valued customer will be apparent by the end of the email. Same for that satisfaction part. Oh, and that part about assisting me with my concerns.]

Ana Maria>
I am glad to have you on chat, Sid. How are you today?

[I’m kind of annoyed and pissed off but I’ve worked in a call center before and know it sucks, so I’ll spare you right now and just move this along.]

Sid_>
good, thanks

Ana Maria>
I am glad to know that you feel good today, Sid.

[Serious? Clearly we’re working off a Madlibs script.]

Ana Maria>
I understand that your phone is not properly working. The other party can't hear you. Is that correct?

[Wow. I could understand if this were a phone call, but the problem is pretty much written out for you and you still got it wrong.]

Sid_>
No, we can't hear the other party

Sid_>
they can hear us

Ana Maria>
I understand that.

[You didn’t understand that a minute ago.]

Ana Maria>
I am very sorry to hear that this issue happened to you. I can understand the frustration when something is not working the way it is supposed to. I am glad you came to chat so that we can do our best to assist you in resolving this issue.

[Okay, back to Madlibs and irony.]

Ana Maria>
No worries. As your Comcast service representative, I want you to know that issue resolution and your satisfaction are my top priorities for today. Together, we can work this out, Sid.

[I’m not trying to save our marriage here I just want my damn phone fixed. But please continue with your scripted empathy. What function key do you have that programmed to?]

Ana Maria>
To start with, may I please have the name on the account, the telephone number starting with the area code, the complete service address with the zip code, your account number, and the last four digits of your SSN.

[Considering I had to log in to my online account to access the chat, that seems like overkill but I’ll play along.]

Sid_>
Mrs. F’er, 312-555-1234, 123 S. Main Chicago, IL 606xx ssn 1234

Ana Maria>
Thank you. Please give me a couple of minutes to pull up your account and verify the information you gave me.

Ana Maria>
May I know how are you related to Mrs F’er?

[I’m her pet squirrel monkey. Does it matter – are you afraid an unauthorized person is trying to get her service fixed?]

Sid_>
husband

Ana Maria>
Thank you.

Ana Maria>
May I know when this issue started?

Sid_>
new service - just started using the phone today

Ana Maria>
Thank you.

Ana Maria>
I run a health check here on my tool, and it gave me a good result, meaning the phone line is in good condition and there is nothing wrong with it.

[I ran a health check here on my tool and I might need some penicillin, but I don’t see what that has to do with my phone.]

Ana Maria>
Let me do a test call from here.

Ana Maria>
To set the proper expectations, the call is only to test the phone, and we are unable to answer any other inquiry that you might have for your Comcast services or any other concern you might want to raise. If there is anything you want me to address for you further, please wait until you get back in chat so we can work on your concern.

[Damn you… this was all a ploy to get some phone sex. I love how terrified they are that a chat operator might have to talk to a customer.]

Sid_>
ok

Sid_>
yes, phone rang, but only heard static after i answered

Ana Maria>
Is that a new receiver?

[Yes, brand new from Target, thanks for asking. It still has that new phone smell.]

Sid_>
yes

Ana Maria>
From here, I can here you very clearly. It indicates that the phone line doesn't have a problem.

[Clearly you missed the day in which they covered homonyms. I told you it was a knew phone.]

Sid_>
any other suggestions on what may be causing the static beside a bad phone?

[Okay Ana Maria, you also must have missed the day in “analyst” class in which they taught you to analyze. So you see what I’m doing up there – I’m helping you out. It’s like a flow chart in chat form. Please, play along with me.]

Ana Maria>
I ran a second health check agaibn, and it says here that the problem is with the phone itself and not with the phone line.

[Actually, you just wasted your time since we established that it wasn’t a problem with the phone line. And I don’t believe your health check tells you that it is specifically a problem with the phone itself. But it can’t hurt to have your cholesterol checked.]

Sid_>
ok

[Now are you seeing the irony?]

Sid_>
since you're telling me it's my phone i'll try another one

[I’m still pissed off, but hey, maybe there’s a 1% chance I got a bum phone or hooked it up wrong.]

Sid_>
thanks

Ana Maria>
You are welcome, Sid.

[I was being sarcastic, you dumbass.]

Ana Maria>
Since your issue was already resolved, do you have any other issues that I could address?

Sid_>
i wouldn't call it resolved, but that's all for right now.

Ana Maria>
The problem is vith your phone itself, and I have done everything from here.

[You haven’t done shit but the absolute minimum to shift the blame, get yourself out of this chat in a timely manner so your supervisor doesn’t yell at you, and make sure that Comcast doesn’t incur any additional expense.]

Ana Maria>
It has been a pleasure to be of service to you. Thank you for choosing Comcast as your service provider and making it a part of your life! Comcast appreciates your business and values you as a customer. Our goal is to provide you with excellent quality service.

[You have been absolutely no service to me whatsoever. I can’t believe you had the balls to say that even though it’s probably required at the end of every chat session.]

Ana Maria>
If you need further assistance, you can chat with one of our Customer Support Specialists 24 hour a day, 7 days a week at http://www.comcastsupport.com/videochat. Here, we value our business with you. Have a great day and take care! To properly close this chat, please click the End Session button.

[Yeah, since I had such a stellar experience this time I’ll be sure to try it again!]

Ana Maria>
If you do not have any Coamcast related issue, you may click the END session button to get the survey.

[Okay, sorry for the inconvenience. I’ll stop annoying you. And it appears that I ended up in a chat with the wrong company – I was trying to reach Comcast, not Coamcast. That must be a new clever strategy to get out of assisting customers.]

Sid_>
got it - have a swell day


So I went even further back in time and got a corded phone – how much simpler could it be? I ran a health check which consisted of plugging the thing in and listening for the non-existent dial tone. That tells me the problem is not with my phone but with my service provider who clearly does not appreciate me as a customer, does not value my business, and has not made my satisfaction their top priority.

So here’s the deal. I can sometimes sympathize with the poor customer service rep, who is working a shit job for little money and is under pressure and at the mercy of their greedy management and asinine policies. So I have a problem taking it out on them. Which by this time I wanted do more than anything, so I made the Mrs. call and told her not to hang up until they agreed to send a tech out. Her phone rep made sure that we knew the difference between a cordless and corded phone and that we knew how to plug one in, and that we knew how to turn a modem on. It’s a phone, not a proton accelerator. She finally agreed to get a tech out.

Guess what? It was the modem. The tech was great. But he did mention that they obviously recycle equipment and sometimes the defective stuff ends up back out in the field because they don’t have a good system to tag it as defective. Sweet.

I love you Coamcast. It’s those a-holes at Comcast with whom I have a problem.

Gone Fishin'

June is turning out to be a very busy month, so I wanted to do a quick post to make sure you don’t worry if you don’t hear from us over the next few weeks. Given that we post every time we change our underwear, I’m sure a brief hiatus would no doubt spark a panic amongst our loyal and dedicated fan base and end up with our images plastered on milk cartons throughout the lower 48 and perhaps even Canada. Do they drink milk in Canada? Is it even possible to milk a moose? Milk-a-Moose sounds like an indie band playing at Pitchfork… I’ll have to find someone in skinny jeans and ask. It also reminds me of Pomplamoose. But I digress.

Next week I leave on vacation. Worst planning ever. If the Stanley Cup goes to a Game 7, I will be on the road while it is being played, instead of my usual place in the Ab-Rocker wearing my overly flammable Scrappy-Doo pajamas purchased at the Dollar Store. Pass the saganaki, please. Opa!

Then on my second day of vacation, Concrete Blonde brings their reunion tour to town on the day when I’ll be 1,016 miles away. Thanks a lot, Johnette. I’ve supported you for 24 years, which is longer than any other band except for Pure Prairie League, and this is the goddam thanks I get. And then, as if to twist that rusty tracheotomy knife in my throat even more, you decide to schedule a concert stop at my vacation destination the very day after I leave.

And as if it couldn’t get any worse, we will also miss Chicago Tap Theatre’s one night only summer show. How will that look to the Chicago tap community for me to miss one of the premier shows of the season? Clearly, it will tarnish my up and coming status as a top patron of the pedary percussive arts.

Finally, I also failed to check the summer festival calendar and will be absent for Ribfest. And I was really hoping to make the fest this year to have my lower ribs removed to enhance my girlish figure.

It’s okay Johnette, my tap heroes and fellow rib eaters… we’ll always have Paris.

Sid Dogg

So the 2010 concert season is in full swing, with the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, The Bodeans, Cowboy Mouth and Junior Brown, and Snoop Dogg under my belt already. Yes, Snoop D.O. Double G. I confess that I enjoy rap as much as I enjoy NASCAR. Not very much. But I'm an open-minded kind of guy and enjoy new experiences as long as it doesn't require any extended conversations with other people. I even went to a NASCAR race after I was informed that the cars were too loud to speak over and I would only be required to let out a Woooo-Eeeeee every time a car spun out. The Snoop Dogg show was at Metro, a club with a capacity of only 1100 so it seemed like a rare opportunity, and I figured I wouldn't have to talk to anyone and only throw my hands in the motherfucking air if I went.

I went in with high expectations (no pun intended). I figured that somehow I would cross paths with Snoop and for some reason he would take a liking to me, invite me to be part of his posse, and eventually there would be a screenplay written for a buddy movie about our relationship, starring Snoop as himself and Topher Grace playing the part of Sid. But I digress.

Doors at 7 pm, show at 8 pm, with one opening band. In my experience that would mean he should go on around 9:30 or 10 pm, right? Wrong. Clearly I don't understand the effects of weed. I got there around 8:30 and the opener was just starting. After they finished we had to stand around for half an hour and I caught a peek at the run sheet for the night. There was something called Wonderland scheduled in between with Snoop scheduled for 10:30. No problem. I just ordered another gin and juice and chilled with my homies. My homies being the other 1,050 white folks at the show. Wonderland turned out to be a film about the making of Snoop's film Malice in Wonderland. By now, the energy was being sucked out of me faster than an iPhone hooked up to one of those raw potato batteries. The clock crawled past 11 pm and I was annoyed and nothing would salvage the show at this point.

Finally at 11:15, his DJ came out, played some tracks and talked about weed for 15 minutes. Yeah, I get it - you guys like weed. If I just wanted to hear somebody talk about weed I could have stayed home, rented a Cheech and Chong flick and saved myself $35. Finally Snoop came out, and the crowd went wild and he owned that motherfucking joint (pun intended this time). And all was forgiven. By the end of the show I decided I wanted to be Snoop Dogg when I grow up. Here's why:

1. Snoop can be an hour late and people won't care.
2. Snoop is so cool that he did most of the show in a winter coat and didn't break a sweat.
3. The indoor smoking ban does not apply to weed when Snoop is in town.
4. Snoop has guys whose sole jobs are to wear a suit and stand on the side of stage while he performs.
5. Snoop appears to have a sideline pass for every team in the NFL.

After we suffered through his pre-show movie/video, he delivered and played all the classic Snoop the crowd wanted to hear. And when it was all over, he left us with Snoop's Three Things You Need To Do Every Morning:

1. Brush yo teeth.
2. Thank God you're alive to see another day. (Apparently God doesn't like bad breath)
3. Smoke some weed, motherfucker!

Thank you, good night, and drive safely. And by safely I mean with weed and a firearm.

Top Ten Concerts of 2009

Just like Festivus, I’ll start the Top Ten first with an airing of grievances. These are three shows I attended but with which I was disappointed. Much in the same way you’re disappointed with this blog….

3. Bob Mould – Old Town School (3/29) – I debated whether I wanted to go to this show. I liked Husker Du and was somewhat familiar with Sugar and his solo stuff, but not sure if I was big enough fan to see a solo acoustic show. Turns out I’m not. He’s evolved in the last 20 years and I have not. Makes no sense at all.

2. Buddy Guy – Legend’s (1/18) – A legend. And every January he plays a series of shows at his bar in the South Loop. I got a pair of coveted weekend tickets, but unless you arrive hours early you won’t get a seat. No biggie except that standing room is delegated to corrals designated by stripes painted on the floor and enforced by bar security. Again, I might have been cool with that had he put on a real blues show instead of the fluff he presented that night. If you want to be able to say you saw him live, go for it. Otherwise save your money for a hooker or something equally delightful.

1. Juliette Lewis, American Bang, The Wanton Looks – Bottom Lounge (10/2) – This one is well-documented. She gave us 2-1/2 good records of rockin’ material before she went back to being an actress pretending to be a rock star. Still a high energy show and we got to see American Bang up close so maybe it’s unfair to drop this one so low, but I wanted this one to be a Dairy Queen Brownie Earthquake and all I got was some figgy pudding.

Next up – honorable mentions. I won’t blow my reward money hiring them to play my birthday party, but they were definitely good shows.

The Von Ehrics – Quenchers (12/10) – These boys pack up the van and come around about twice a year and always deliver a good time. Kind of like a box of Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls – cheap, delicious, consistent and predictable. So I was a little concerned when they parted ways with their bass player. But on their last stop in town, the sound didn’t lose much and it actually sounded fresh with some new songs in the set list and some others reworked. I’ll miss Jeffrey’s stage presence but the rest of the band seems to have a renewed energy and have stepped up their game.

Keb Mo – Pottawatomie Bingo Casino (11/14) – I’ve had the pleasure of seeing Keb many times and he never disappoints – probably the most likable artist on the list. But it’s still basically a show for suburban housewives who want to feel edgy by seeing someone a little more hip than Harry Connick, Jr.

Jorma Kaukonen, Ruthie Foster, Robben Ford – College of DuPage (2/21) – Also reviewed earlier this year. Kind of a laid back show, but the talent and vibe was top notch. I primarily went for Ruthie, but also got to brush up on my music history and learn why Jorma was the headliner.

The Smithereens - some lame street fest last summer - I rediscovered that these guys were still touring a few years ago and have caught them a couple times since. They're clearly still loving what they're doing and still doing it well. Pat looks a little different, but the music is better than ever. Be on the lookout if they ever come to your town.

Pretenders, American Bang – The Riviera (2/15) – Definitely a top ten show, but dropped a bit because of the venue and the fact that I got to see them both again later in the year at better venues.

With that, I present you with Sid F’er’s Best Concerts of 2009:

10. Ruthie Foster – Old Town School (8/22) – A powerful voice, some decent chops on the guitar, a great mix of gospel and blues, and a personality that makes me wish she would just come over to my house, hang out and play some records. That’s not too creepy, is it?

9. Monte Montgomery – Fitzgerald’s (10/11) – Monte comes ‘round a couple times a year and you should make a point to see and support him. The dude is good enough that he could just go up there and shred for an hour and would still have a following. But in addition to some surprising and not-so-surprising covers, he can write some good old-fashioned rock and roll songs and has put together a band that can pull off some crafty arrangements that will help you get your groove back faster than Stella did. And he’s got a sense of humor that makes me wish I were a woman so that I could have a crush on him for it. That’s not too creepy, is it?

8. Los Lobos, The Duhks – Symphony Hall (11/1) – I’ve heard these guys put on a great show and finally got to see them this year. It wasn’t as high energy as I had expected, but just damn fine musicians with some great chemistry. And as much as I wanted to hate the La Bamba encore, I La Bamba-ed with the rest of the crowd and had pretty damn good time. Add in an opening band made up of a bunch of Franco-Manitobans and how can you go wrong? You can’t.

7. honeyhoney – Folk & Roots Festival, Welles Park (7/12) – This is a pretty cool fest if you can manage to dodge the monster truck strollers that obnoxious parents roll in there to pretend they’re exposing their disinterested kids to culture and getting in the way of obnoxious folks like me who just go to look at cute girls who can sing and play fiddle and banjo. honeyhoney happened to have such a person, who was also cuter and more talented than I had expected. As Lou Reed said so eloquently, “I love you, Suzanne.”

6. The Pixies – Aragon (10/20) – I had forgotten how good these guys were. At first I balked over the $45 ticket price, but the tour reignited my interest in their music. The more I listened the more $45 seemed like a bargain. Especially since by the time I decided I wanted to go I had to go through the detritus that is Craigslist to get a ticket for $55. They sounded great, but don’t stray much from the records in concert. And they had possibly one of the worst opening bands I’ve ever seen – No Age. Otherwise they might have come in higher.

5. U2 – Soldier Field (9/12) – I can’t even recall who played the last stadium show I attended but I think it was on a sweaty, summer night at Texas Stadium, and I vowed never to go to another stadium show again. But I felt it was my husbandly duty to get some tickets to my wife’s favorite band. However… it was a great day and I got to ride my bike down the lakefront path to the show. There weren’t any douchebags in my immediate seating area. I actually kind of like their latest record. And it was almost worth the price of the ticket alone to see the 360 stage, video display and the coordination and logistics necessary to pull off a production of that scale seemingly flawlessly. They’re coming back around – check it out.

4. Dave Alvin and The Guilty Women – Old Town School (3/21) – So I was familiar with the Blasters and knew of Dave Alvin but quite wasn’t sure what to expect going in. This one turned out the opposite of the Bob Mould show. Dave was personable, laid down some groovin’ tunes, and sounded great despite still getting used to his new bandmates, who just happened to be some badass women that are good enough to hang with Dave.

3. Pretenders, Cat Power, Juliette Lewis – The Vic (8/18) – I have a weakness for female musicians so this lineup blew me away as soon as it was announced. I was still a Juliette fan, and her 30-minute opening set was just enough to give me a fix without being so over the top to drive me away like she did six weeks later. Cat Power won me over with her set. I had always been on the fence, but the way she stalked the stage drew me in like an office staff to free donuts in the break room. And Chrissie. THE coolest woman in rock and roll, even at 58 years old. She’s so good I even considered joining those freaks at PETA just to impress her. Besides having just one other original Pretender, she’s collected some guys that know their place and capture the energy of any lineup past.

2. The Dead Weather, Screaming Females – The Vic (7/29) – I like The White Stripes. I like The Kills. And Jack and Allison did not let me down. The most powerful show of the year. Quality musicians, commanding stage presence, and great lights and sound at a good venue. They rocked so many faces off that night that they had to stop the show half way so that security could sweep them up like hats after a hat trick. It also didn’t hurt that they found Screaming Females to open the show with some loud, dirty rock and roll featuring tiny but powerful Marissa tearing it up on guitar.

1. The Jesus Lizard – Metro (11/27) - Despite spending my entire life in Chicago and Texas, I never managed to see these guys. So I was pretty excited when they announced the reunion tour, but wasn’t sure if they could still perform at the same level as 20 or even 10 years ago. I’ll just leave you with the following exhibits: a) it was a packed house and I somehow ended up a good 20 feet from where I started the show. b) lead singer David Yow passed overhead several times and eventually left in an ambulance. c) it was the highest energy and most fun I’ve had at a show in recent memory.

What were your best shows of the year?

Rock on, and here’s to some good shows in 2010.

Wherefore Art Thou, Juliette

Ending a relationship can be rough. Even if things haven’t been great lately, there are the memories of better times and wondering where things went astray. And if you think things have been going really well, an unexpected break-up can hit you upside the head like a foul ball in the 8th inning after you’ve been drinking for three hours and busy texting your significant other to let them know that you’re going to be a little late because there’s a special on Rolling Rocks at the bar by the ballpark and then before you know it you’ve got a tattoo of a Rawlings on your temple, your buddies are laughing at you and you’re thinking maybe you should have read the fine print warning on the back of your ticket stub a little more closely. Unfortunately, women don’t come with any fine print so even if you’re an overly diligent attorney you’re going to get hit sooner or later.

So in case you haven’t figured it out by now, I’ll spell it out for you: I’m breaking up with Juliette Lewis. We had a good run. If you remember we first connected back in 2006, but it wasn’t until a year later when the relationship got really hot. That’s when we bonded at her show with the Licks at Reggie’s back in December. I was acting like a lovestruck schoolgirl. More so than usual. I got a Juliette poster as the centerpiece of my shrine. I was going to incorporate one of those salami sticks hanging in the meat market since they’re very tasty, but I was trying to stay focused. I put the picture we took together on my nightstand. I asked Mrs. F’er if she would change her name to Juliette. I later suggested Joe Pesci after the beating she gave me. I also suspect she’s the one who vandalized the poster with a Sharpie mustache. But I digress.

The two and a half records she made with the Licks just plain rocked. Hard. Muscular. Nothing fancy – just loud guitars, driving drums and high energy vocals. We’re talking a two year-old on Red Bull and pixie sticks kind of energy. Her band were some no nonsense, jeans and t-shirt guys who got sweaty and didn’t comb their hair. Not the kind who spent a lot of time trying to look like they don’t comb their hair, either. And the show I saw back in 2007 was off the hook. Or off the chain. Whatever the kids say today when something is totally copasetic.

So Juliette and the Licks stayed on my playlist fairly regularly. Then she announced the Licks were no more. I wasn’t happy, but gave her the benefit of the doubt. She posted a new website for a new band called The New Romantiques. Now I was having some doubts, but sticking them in the far recesses of my brain. Back where I also keep the knowledge of where to find any cooking utensils in the house. I was in denial that we were growing apart. She finally released the new record and it was good. In fact, there were a few rockers that held their own with the best Licks tracks. Even a raw blues number that she is seemingly able to pull off. But there were a few that strayed from rocker territory. It’s like when one of your mountain bike buddies buys a road bike “just to ride when the trails are muddy”. Then before you know it he’s shaving his legs twice a week and talking to your wife about razor burn. But I digress.

There were darker tunes, more emotive tunes, and “sonically different” songs. There was even the pure pop goodness of “Uh-Huh” which I can appreciate but just seemed out of place. Still, I gave the CD multiple spins and looked forward to her show with the same anticipation normally reserved for the Little Debbie delivery man.

I talked people into going with me, and on the night of the big show the five of us were pretty much the first ones in the house. You know, ‘da house, dawg. The first opening band Juliette has been touring with must have called in sick or something because they were replaced by a local band called The Wanton Looks. Not the Wonton Looks. That’s that happens when you order some tasty soup at PF Changs. The Wanton Looks are a four rocker chick power pop quartet with a punkish edge. The singer/bassist had good stage presence, and although the guitarists seemed adequate they never quite inspired me to rip off my shirt like The Incredible Hulk and stab myself with a pencil. The drummer appeared to be immensely talented, much too talented to be hanging out with these broads. They need to step it up a notch. However, I stuck around for the whole set and feel I got my money’s worth for an opener. Plus I have to say that or else they’ll break my face the next I show it in public.

American Bang was the middle act and I had seen them open for The Pretenders earlier in the year. However, it was at The Riviera which is the Ford Focus of venues. It will get you there, but you won’t look cool and definitely won’t be rocking any rich Corinthian leather seats. I was also distracted by worries that I was going to find a parking ticket on my car. So I deferred judgment.

Turns out that at a small club like the Bottom Lounge, American Bang can tear that shit up. The band looks like it consists of three Nashville stoners who ditched class to listen to Black Crowes records, and a fourth guy who looks like he might have been recently released by Night Ranger. I’m not even sure he’s really in the band. I think he just showed up and the other three are still trying to decide who needs to tell him. In the meantime, they came out and rocked way harder than Juliette fans deserved. And did it all while “drunk as piss”.

Next up was Juliette. Funny, but I had just also seen her open for The Pretenders a couple months earlier – it was a short 30-minute set and never seemed to find a groove so I also deferred judgment on the new band and material that night. Tonight I would offer no excuses for them.

Let’s start with the band. All seemed proficient. But the drummer seemed bored. Seemed to sit there with a nonplussed look on his face. The bass player looked as if she were plucked from a Quentin Tarantino movie just for her exotic look. One guitarist was rocking a modified Flock of Seagulls ‘do. I didn’t find the other guitarist as bothersome but he was no Lick.

When I first introduced Juliette to Moist Rub a few years ago he was skeptical. How did he know whether she was a true rocker or just using her mad acting skillz to play a rocker? I thought he was the one off his rocker. Eventually, it seems he was satisfied that she was for real, but now I’m having my own doubts. The oft repeated line during her promotional appearances that her shows were about “communing with the gods” and some other mumbo jumbo I can’t recall. The new flair for the dramatic in the new songs. The posing and dramatic long stares during her performances. Ah, phooey. I know there is still a little rocker in there.

I even waited around to see if she was going to come out so I could get my liner notes signed and get to the bottom of it all. Nope. I get the hint.

I got my $15 worth. Definitely. But the shrine is being replaced with that stick of salami.