Next Great American Band - Nov 30

I just realized the irony of an Aussie hosting The Next Great American Band. That would be like America determining Middle East political policy. I also realized that although there are some good bands here, I don’t see any of them being great. But, what the hell, I’ve started this thing so let’s keep going. Although the songs of Rod Stewart aren’t going to do much to keep me around. Nothing against the guy, but I’m just feeling ornery right now. So be forewarned.

Dot Dot Dot. Damn, damn, damn, they get to continue and take on Young Turks. Man, the vocals here were all wrong for me, and the arrangement didn’t help much. You wouldn’t hire Rosie Perez for the audiobook reading of Catcher in the Rye.

Denver and the Ivesco Field Orchestra somehow got a ticket out of the green room again to do Baby Jane. Guess what… it sounded just like every other performance of theirs. Sure they’re consistent, but so is McDonald’s. And I’m not lovin’ it.

Six Wire. I feel the life just getting sucked out of me right about now, but stuck it out to hear Hot Legs. They’re definitely talented musicians but cheesier than Shania Twain in a bathtub of Cheez Whiz processed cheese sauce. And I’m not in the mood for gettin’ crazy with the Cheez Whiz.

Finally the Clark Brothers got the call and took on You’re In My Heart. And when I really needed them, they slowly poisoned me by taking a mellow song to begin with and stopping it down even further such that it would put the Lawrence Welk crowd to sleep. The judges called it moving, overwhelming, and magical, but I didn’t get it. I’m still on the bandwagon, but to me it’s one of those songs you endure by your favorite artists to get to the good stuff. If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding! How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?!

Crunch time… two bands remaining in the green room and only one band leaves – Tres Bien or Light of Doom. The only way that the night can be salvaged is if the Twerps of Doom get sent packing. Unfortunately, it was one of those days where not only do you oversleep, but you get kicked in the nuts by your grandma. Tres Bien got the boot, but were consoled by Johnny Goo Goo telling them they had a career touring the country in a beat up van and playing crappy clubs and Sheila telling them they have a future as a Saturday morning cartoon. Thanks, guys.

So Light of Doom came out and dedicated Infatuation to Light of Doom. Weird. Can Rod Stewart sue LoD for doing that to his song? I’d award Rod whatever he wanted and also consider a class action suit in favor of anyone that had to witness that massacre.

I’m exhausted. Like check in to the hospital exhausted.