Wow. If Sam the Butcher were still alive, he’d have been proud of me yesterday. If you think Sam is a mob hitman and don’t know that he was the one shagging Alice the Housekeeper from The Brady Bunch, then I don’t think I want to know you. Hey, remember when Greg was working for Sam at the butcher shop and he and Bobby got trapped in the meat locker? That was one tense situation. But I digress.
So I’m walking to work and I realize I have a coupon for a free Southern Fried Chicken Lovin’ It Biscuit from McDonald’s that expires that day. Free. So I have to use it. Now I normally drink my 900 calorie breakfast shake every morning, so a mere Southern Fried Chicken Lovin’ It Biscuit might not cut it alone. So I tack on a Sausage Burrito to the order.
Chicken – check
Pork Sausage – check
We had dinner last Saturday night at some Argentinean joint with the Cojones and after filling up on the empanadas I ended up with leftover skirt steak which I brought to work for lunch yesterday. But when I got to work I found that I had half of a bacon cheeseburger leftover from lunch on Friday after I had filled up on cole slaw and fries. So I polished off the burger around mid-morning and stunk up the office with my skirt steak and grilled onions for the noon hour.
Steak – check
Ground Beef – check
Now the Mrs. was on call last night, meaning she goes in at 7:30 a.m. and works through the following morning. She doesn’t even have the courtesy to come home in between and make me dinner. Now she did leave me some leftover shrimp and vegetables, but… The Taste of Chicago is in progress this week. A fifteen minute walk from work and I’m surrounded by 150 tents all tempting me with little cardboard trays of deliciousness. Nevermind that I gorged myself there the previous day. You see, I was with the Mrs. so we didn’t quite make it to the booths serving real down-home animal flesh. Sure we had some good vegetarian tamales, chicken pot stickers, pad thai, beignets, gazpacho, sweet potato hashbrowns, tiramisu gelato, fried plantains, cumin dusted fries with chutney, and some sautéed goat, but other than the goat it was a pretty tame menu. Last night I had to sneak back on my own to satisfy my carnivorous desires.
First stop – Robinson’s for some baby back baby back baby back ribs that would put Chili’s to shame. Next stop, a BBQ Buffalo Burger. I can see why we killed all of them when we took the country over from the Native Americans – they’re delicious! Buffalo, that is. I’ve never eaten a Native American. That wouldn’t be nice. Finally, I topped it all off with the Italian Breaded Steak Sandwich.
Pork Ribs – check
Buffalo – check
Steak (reprise) – check
I then walked over to a bike shop to purchase a couple tubes for my bike. You see, I just invented this thing called the wheel, and I had a flat to fix. After eating some more meat today, I just might see if I can build a fire.