Saturday, October 22, 2005

El Sid in Mexico City

Mexico City helped me solve one of the great mysteries that I have struggled with for many years. As I walked through the business district last week I noticed that all the women looked as if they had just stepped out of a Robert Palmer video and all the men looked like Freddie Prinze Jr. No business casual in this city.

So what’s the mystery, you ask? It helped me solve the Aprieta y Gana dichotomy. What the hell is Aprieta y Gana, you ask? Only one of the greatest TV shows of our time. If you haven’t seen it, you need to start watching more Univision. Sure, they speak Spanish, but that hasn’t stopped me and the only Spanish that I know is “Deja de morder mis pezones, por favor.” (Please stop biting my nipples.) But I digress. But please stop biting my nipples. Really. I’m serious.

Aprieta y Gana is some sort of Hispanic game show that matches a team of four hot women against a team of four supposedly hot men. Hosted by the great Camila Canabal (currently #8 on my list). And by great, I mean hot. So the hot guys compete against the hot women in games involving ponchos, whip cream, tricycles, blindfolds and feather boas, some singing, dressing as sandwiches, fake moustaches, silly string, and possibly midgets. I want to attend a taping, but there is also an audience participation element and I don’t know all the songs and related motions yet. That would be like showing up to a midnight showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show without rice or toast. But I digress.

I checked out a US map and found that Texas borders Mexico, which explains the large Hispanic population in Texas and in my particular neighborhood. However, I have yet to see a Hispanic woman that looks like Camila Canabal, let alone any of the other four hot women contestants. In fact, I don’t even think there are any women in my neighborhood that weigh-in less than a buck eighty. And therein lied the Aprieta y Gana dichotomy. Now I know that all contestants are recruited from Mexico City and not my little neighborhood in North Texas.

In addition to all the Mexico City women looking like they stepped off the set of “Addicted to Love”, they’re making out all the time. Only guys shake hands when saying goodbye. If it’s a chica/guy or chica/chica, then they kiss goodbye. I’m sure they were just being polite in my presence by doing the cheek-to-cheek thing, but I know there’s got to be tongue when dirty Americans like me aren’t around. I tried to let them know it was OK by blowing in their ear, but all I learned was that Mexican women know how to stomp a guy’s instep with their heel as well as their American counterparts. I limped away and decided they probably don’t French kiss after the first meeting.

With a sore foot, I got a taxi back to the hotel. In Mexico City, the road markings are merely guidelines and drivers pretty much go where they need to regardless of who might already be there. It’s called “throwing metal” down there and seems to work for them. My host said he gets nervous driving in the US since he has to concentrate on staying in his lane and using his turn signals. I get nervous when bears come to my door trying to sell me magazines. I really don’t want to say no and piss them off, but I really don’t need a subscription to Field & Stream.

Anyway, we threw metal back to my hotel in La Zona Rosa (the Pink Zone), which ironically is full of titty bars and gay male couples, and I got to bed early and looked forward to the French kissing the next day. Now both feet hurt.


BCLF said...

Mexican TV is amazing. Isn't it?


How did your birthday go?

L A Ray said...

Hey Sid I was in Mexico last week. Monterrey is very nice this time of year.

Sid F'er said...

I'll be back in New Orleans Wednesday night - but I don't believe that's part of your territory.

Village Idiot said...

BCLF, thanks for asking. I followed one of my cats around all night, slept for an hour or two, and then followed him around some more until the vet opened. He was having problems, and I worried that it was partial blocking due to crystals or stones in his urinary tract.

I didn't have enough money to afford all the things they wanted to do, but if he doesn't improve (or dies or explodes) I'll try to scrape together enough to have the x-rays and urine tests.

For now he has some medicine and got some fluids under the skin as well as a bit of cortisone-type stuff.

I don't really do holidays or birthdays. But since some people do, or need excuses to go enjoy themselves, I had to plug my birthday. LOL! How did my birthday go at YOUR end? Did you do anything other than follow a cat from litterbox to litterbox to check his output?

I saw that Mexico City has fabulous hand-made glass items (on PBS). I hope Sid picks some up for Ms. F'er.

Hey, does anyone else watch Imagemakers on PBS? Gosh, there are some incredible short films. I think it came on at 3:30 am this morning. I was up following the cat anyway. I'm usually up at that time.

Here's the webpage:

And the one that is there right now on the main page is what I saw last night:
Kitchen Sink

They let you vote for your favorites, and two of the top five were my choices too, Prey Alone and Screwback.

Prey Alone says that all the computer effects were done on a home computer, which totally blew my mind. It sure wasn't done on MY home computer.

Those short films have more energy or suspense or surprise endings than most of the crap that Hollywood puts out.

Oh, neat, you too can view Kitchen Sink online, via streaming video:

Probably only if you have a zippy connection, I'm sure it wouldn't work on my dial-up.

Certainly does inspire one to clean the sink more often. Ladies. And, it gives us new reasons to spend more time working on our creative writing skills. wink wink


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Sid F'er said...

Karate pants... that's a new one. But I admire the creativity.

Village Idiot said...

Sid, do you gents have the ability to "report" the spammers? Do we readers have that ability somewhere too? If so, where? I see this stuff whilst you lads are visited by the sandman. I'd love to wave a magic wand (or just report the buggers) and have them disappear before you greet the morning.

I can't remember WHERE I saw a clip of the show you discussed, but I'm sure it's the same one. There were clips where the contestants were paired up, and had to stay on a mattress that was somehow attached to a mechanical bull. Funniest dang thing I've seen in a while.

Would have been made a bit better if we could have seen it from the perspective of the mattress. Hair and bodies flying about, with the mattress appearing stationary.

I think we could also create a new X-rated comedy by filming "the act" on such a contraption.

As far as "throwing metal"...your host would feel right at home on my street. Or in the area. Signs and lines are not even suggestions here. No driving laws are enforced.

I have been at a stop, with my left turn signal on, to turn into the driveway across on-coming traffic and have been passed on the left.

To do this, the driver has to ignore the PAIR of double-yellow lines which signify "No Passing" and is supposed to provide a "safety zone" for the pedestrians...which have a crosswalk.

The driver has to ignore the state law that requires drivers to yeild to pedestrians. The driver has to ignore the speed limit. And the driver has to ignore my left turn signal.

This happens on a regular basis. So I not only have to make sure the on-coming traffic side is clear, but make sure there is noone coming up behind me before I can turn.

Because if I'm fast in turning, I'll end up with one of these driving delights embedded in my driver's door and my left leg at the very least.

What makes it interesting about the enforcement, or lack thereof, is that the end of the street houses the Police Shooting Range. There are police all over, they're just not interested in what occurs on the street.

I've suggested that they combine the enforcement aspect with the target aspect, to use their variety of weapons and tools on the speeders.

Nothing would please me more than to see a rocket launcher used on one of those morons that speed and pass illegally. Other than having them run over repeatedly by a humvee. Make that "Run over repeatedly by a pissed off meter maid in a three-wheeled electric ticketmobile."

And then she'll give him paper cuts with her ticket book. Yeah. That'll teach 'em.


keysunset said...

I usually try not to post unless I have something useful to add to the conversation but after karate pants and dating chat room, I guess anything I have to say will be ok.

El Sid, I love to read of your exploits on foreign soil, be it your neighborhood or New Orleans or Mexico. (BTW, have you ever seen the statue of Lenin in Dallas? I ran across a website recently that a friend of mine nicknamed "Where in the world is Lenin?" And there is apparently one in Dallas.)

The most exotic place I ever go is Key West. I've been there five times in the past 14 years. I don't go during Fantasy Fest. However, I believe that might be your best chance, Sid, to get some of that casual love in passing that you seem to have missed out on in Mexico City.

Camila Canabal has a great smile. Thanks for posting a link to her photo. I like seeing people smiling instead of pouty lip people. Sorry, Sid or Moist or dalebud, or any of you. Just one person's opinion after all.

Mexican women know how to stomp a guy’s instep with their heel as well as their American counterparts A foot tub of hot water & baking soda might help you get the soreness out of your feet. Just make up some excuse to Ms. Fer as to why you need it. I gather she's slightly jealous.

HEY, what if for the Leprosy reunion tour stop in NC I provide a child's inflatable swimming pool filled with hot water and baking soda for you guys to soak your leprous selves in? Or at least your feet. NC gals know how to stomp feet too, so you'll have to be careful. I'll even sit in a folding chair by the pool and kick the water around to give the illusion of a really nice hotel's hot tub (my daughters call those hot tubs "mermaid lagoons" LOL). I'm waiting to get your list of demands, I mean "contract riders", before I try to line up a field and a pig and cooker for the concert.

Andree, sorry your birthday wasn't more fun. My 5 year old turns 6 on Thursday, so when we are eating cake then, I'll think of you. :-D

BCLF said...

I watched the World Series on your birthday. Speedy recovery to your cat.

keysunset said...

AMAI - btw, check out my post earlier. It includes italics ! Heh, heh, heh, she can be taught!

L A Ray said...

Right you are Sid. I don't cross the Mississippi River unless I'm summoned to the corporate headquarters.

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Sid F'er said...

dammit. who do i need to see to get an erotic massage in new orleans?

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village idiot said...

I read it as "Adult Erotic Massage Tomato", and wondered if it was a new product. Like electrified fruit?

Sid, I think this blog is now on a "spam here for free" list. There seems to be a decided increase in the amount of cheesy spam. Like the spam for Cheese Fondue with Seafood. I'm not even sure if it's really for food or yet another adult site. I'm not going there.

I already visited a site on camel toes which had nothing to do with actual camels, thanks to you guys and your Mig camel toe reference in Rockstar blogs.

I dunno Sid. I don't like spam. It's like commercials. Most of the time the commercials are just annoying and I don't want to see them on television. Sometimes the commercials are actually better than the shows.

We don't want the spam here to end up being the major attraction. It should be deleted and they should be reported. Unless we can get you that Adult Erotic Massage in New Orleans or my Adult Erotic Massage Tomato.

Now we'll get MORE adult spam because of any or all of the words:


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keysunset said...

Congratulations to all you White Sox fans! Just one win away!

I don't click on any of the spam links, but it is a sad commentary on our electronic society that a blog of this caliber should be attacked by the spammers.

Hopefully there is nothing in there to collect any more spam. But perhaps Sid will "grammer police" my post. :-D

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Big Fuzzy said...

Sid - are the Scientologists still giving free massages in New Orleans? John Travolta or Tom Cruise can rub you down.

village idiot said...

I think I see a future blog in the making. A blog on spam. Do these people that spam blogs really think people are interested? Are any of the "valuable products and services" EVER valuable? Are the readers ever so bored that they click on the links?

Do any of the spammers actually read the blogs? I doubt it. It's like being told you look great over the phone.

I can't think of any spam that I've ever seen on boards, in chats, or received via email or postal mail that has really been worthwhile.

Unless it's coupons. Coupons ARE valuable, if I use the product. I DO like to save money whenever possible. But there's a limit on that too. I don't need a 20% off on my new roofing. I'm in a rental. It's an apartment. My "roof" is BIGfoot's floor.

Arby's coupons are good. And there's only one product I buy at Bed, Bath and Beyond, it's the Yankee Candle scented oil refills for my AirWick night lights. I like the lilac and the rose. They're a little overpriced. The 20% discount makes them a tad more reasonable.

I'm in San Francisco. I'm not going to Toronto for a massage. I'm sure there must be at least one "massage" place in the city. hehehe

I am not a karate kid, and I don't need baggie pants. Although they could come in handy if Sid comes to town and needs his instep crushed. You just never know when a traveling business man or tourist will come and grasp you from behind to ask for directions or try to french kiss you as a "greeting".

I don't have a fondue set. Last time I wanted one was in the 70's. Although, that's now old enough to be retro and, hence, cool.

And what's with someone posting "anonymous" while posting an Identity Theft site? Did they have their own identity stolen? Are they so paranoid that they can't make up a name or are afraid that if they do make up a name they'll be chased to the ends of the earth for stealing someone else's identity?

Besides, they posted a link to the site. How "anonymous" is that? I'm not going there. But I have this suspicion that there site has a "enter your full name and social security number and all your credit cards here to see if your identity has been stolen." Sad thing is, some people would do exactly that. In which case they deserve to be anonymous for the rest of their life and have no identity of their own.

Dating chat room? I think that's another way to porn spam. Give me a break.

And I didn't even know that was a real address, I didn't know they had an "info" thing instead of com or org or edu, etc. It's probably not real info either. It's all crap. It's all spam. I'm not going there to prove my point either. I'm just going to leap to conclusions rather than checking for facts. It's much more convenient and less time consuming.

Since our dear Lepers have been around longer, I'd love to hear their take on spam. It's got to be an ongoing battle on a site such as this.


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keysunset said...

CONGRATULATIONS, Sid, Moist, and all you White Sox fans! I'll bet Chicago was rocking on it's foundations last night! Whoo Hoo!

Hey, Andree, I think you said you would "join" me in watching "Night Stalker" on Thursdays? I missed last week, but plan on it tonight! Anyone else?

Well off to get some coffee and check on the cake I'm baking for my daugther's birthday dinner tonight. Have a great day y'all!

village idiot said...

KeySunset, glad you reminded me of Night Stalker. I put it on a sticky note to continue to remind me to look up the time and channel.

I'm guessing we'll not hear from the lads until they've finished being proper fans by celebrating for the same length of time since the last White Sox win. Or until they're on verge of losing their job. Or when they run out of money. Or when their family puts them in a treatment center.

People are still coming here though. Maybe they come for the spam.


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keysunset said...

The spam is awful ain't it!

Andree - the cake was great! We had my niece and her husband over too and between all six of us I was laughing so hard at various jokes that it almost reminded me of reading Moist's and Sid's blogs.

Night Stalker was not only creepy but confusing tonight - partly because I missed the first five mins. or so. Nevertheless, I plan to continue watching it, if I remember that it comes on at 9pm!

I hope MR & Sid don't party as long as it took the White Sox to win another World Series! I'll be too old to type and I won't remember why I want to anyway.

See y'all around the blog!

village idiot said...

KeySunset, you caught more of it than I did. I dozed off and woke up when the show was half way through.

Hope it gets creepier though. Some of that old Night Gallery stuff was chilling! Then again, it might help to catch the whole thing. LOL!

Had to leap up after it was over to change the channel. Why would I want to see a couple fighting? I can hear it here or watch it in parking lots. LOL!

One couple was really upset in the parking lot of Cost Plus quite some time back. I thought about doing what one of my cats has done when there's been a kitty disagreement.

He walks between the the two growling cats, each one staring at each other (the old "You're looking at me...No, you started it by looking at ME" thing). This tends to cut the aggression almost immediately.

Probably would work with people too. Squeezing in between two arguing people that have no idea who I am and then just stopping. Between them. It's the WTF-Factor.

Psychologically it works. The mind gets stuck in a rut, like a skip on an album. It needs a little tap to get back on track.

I'm not sure if the standing between two people would be enough. Because that's not all my cat does. After he would stand between two other cats, he'd throw himself down on the ground between them and roll around.

I don't think the couple would be fighting at all between themselves at that point, but might be fighting to get into their car and get away from the crazy lady.

And I might get run over.

Glad the birthday celebration was a fun one. I can't even tell you when I last had a fun time for a birthday. Not because it's a secret of National importance involving anyone named "Scooter" but because "fun" and "birthday" don't go together here. Wah wah wah.

Did everyone have extra cake? I hope so. Life is too short too wah wah wah about things.

Especially when the cake is right there.

Do you also watch Without A Trace? (CBS, 10 pm)


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L A Ray said...

Who's the spam magnet? Moist or Sid?

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I'm sure there's a good reason all the crap hasn't been deleted. Sid and Moist are working undercover with the FBI (Fanatic Blogger Investigation) to lure all the spammers to this blog, and then do a huge sweep, deleting all the spammer accounts.

As spamming is against the TOS of Blogger.

And it's sufficently decreased MY enjoyment of the site. Since it's not new fun comments to read anymore. It's spam after spam. Finding good comments is like a needle in a haystack.

Sid, come on, the cheap car insurance is a UK site. The spam cheapens the site, discourages genuine comments, and turns people off. It looks like you don't monitor the comments, since they are full of spam, and therefore, don't care who comments about what.

It puts my comment efforts into the same group as henna tattoos and auto insurance from another country where they drive on a different side of the road. I don't like that. I think those of us who do comment are better than gum disease.

And how's it that divorce mediation will improve your love life? I think divorce itself will improve your love life, if you've been squabbling with your mate. Because squabbling doesn't equal "Getsomeville".

I went to Vegas once. It wasn't pretty. I'm not going back.

Get rid of the spam. Don't make me open a "bronzed cat poop paperweight" site just to make you delete the spam. Because I just KNOW that people would be interested in a bronzed cat poop paperweight. What a great way to tell a coworker or employer what you really think of them.


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keysunset said...

Don't run away everybody! It looks like our savvy Sid has a few tricks up his sleeve. I'm curious to see what happens next.

If nothing else, think of looking for the "real" posts as a treasure hunt! You guys are the treasures!

village idiot said...

Wait, so those are automatic spams? Like someone didn't actually type them in this little box like the rest of us? Or they pasted in every blog? Won't spamorons still just type in the Klingon adjectives shown below in traditional "do-those-letters-look-funny-to-anyone-else-or-am-I-having_a-flashback" typeface?

I hope we aren't tested later on those words. I can't even pronounce them!


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