Monday, October 31, 2005

Two For The Money: A Movie Review

I saw Two For The Money, starring Al Pacino, Renee Russo and that guy who messed with Jodie Foster’s brain about god versus science in the movie Contact. It was pretty good. You should go see it.

I went alone. I like going to movies alone. It’s easy to find a seat, I can concentrate on the movie without interrupting questions and comments from others, and people tend to feel sorry for me and offer me their Goobers. Free Goobers, now that’s livin’. Usually, if the theater has a good sized crowd, I’ll pick out the hottest chick next to an open seat and sit next to her. I’ll pretend she’s there with me. By the end of the movie, I’ll pretend we had a fight and storm off without her, so she doesn’t expect a good night kiss. That leaves them none the wiser, although at times a little freaked out, and I avoid any tiffs with annoyed boyfriends. This time the theater was pretty empty, so I sat right in the middle of an open row about two thirds up. There were some other loners there, too, a few sets of pals and a couple on a date.

I’ve noticed that when a man and a woman go to see a movie together, nine times out of ten, the woman will choose where they sit. The guy will hang back, holding the food and drink, and wait so as not to get reprimanded for not picking the ideal viewing spot. Sometimes I’ll see a man lead the way and sit somewhere, only to find that his woman is still selecting. Then he has to get up, pretend there was cheese on his chair, and cower back to her while she is interviewing already-seated-people to find out how the viewing experience is from their seats. Some women attribute this male behavior on a supposed inability for men to make a decision. In reality, it doesn’t matter too much to us where we sit, as long as there is no cheese on the seat and we aren’t getting yelled at.

I was set. I had my oil drum of popcorn, my 40 gallon Coke and the security of my own row. As the previews rolled, a few stragglers came into the theater and sat down toward the front. That is good movie going etiquette. If you get there during the previews, sit in the first available seat. Some people are watching the previews, and you don’t want to bother me, I mean, them. I felt comfortable. I had my own row. Until.

Right before the movie was about to begin, in walks this couple on a date. The man, holding three trays of food and the woman’s purse, beckons with his shoulder to sit down in the first row off the floor. But the woman was paying him no attention. She wore her night vision goggles scanning the seats for the optimal viewing location. I saw her look at my row, so I removed all of my clothes and placed them on various seats in the row as if they were being saved for someone. To no avail. She marched right up to my row, picked up my underwear, threw them in my face and sat about four seats down from me. Drat. And I mean DRAT! There were at least 9 empty rows available to these people, but they chose to invade my row of solitude. Oh, my poor row of solitude, revitalizing me with the life so wrung from me by a hard day’s staying awake at work, infiltrated by these callous comers. Would she dare pick up Superman’s underwear and heave them in his face at his Fortress of Solitude? No, she wouldn’t. I’m not sure if Superman wears underwear. I’ve never seen any panty lines underneath his tight red outer briefs. Maybe that IS his underwear. Maybe he’s the type to wear his underwear on the outside so as not to soil them. Maybe he wears a thong underneath. Ya know, I just don’t know. Regardless, I believe I deserve the same respect. I was even wearing a cape.

Without taking too much time to consider my possible streams of recourse, which is how I handle most adversity in life, I reacted by moving to sit in the seat next to her before her beau hunk could even finish unpacking their luggage. She was a bit startled. "Excuse me?" she asked.
"Why, did you fart?" I replied.
"Why are you sitting next to me?" she continued.
"This is my row", I explained, "and you are a trespasser."
"What are you talking about?" she exclaimed.
"Oh, I think you know, lady. What’s wrong with that row back there?"
"What?!" she stammered incredulously.
"This is my row," I reiterated.
"We are free to sit anywhere we like," she argued.
"Aha! And so am I. And if you choose to desecrate my row of solitude with your presence, I choose to sit next to you where I can keep an eye on you. And consider yourself lucky, baby, because you’re not even that hot (she was pretty hot, but I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of me admitting it to her), and there is no way I am kissing you good night!" I don’t know how I could have been more clear.
"Carl, do something!" she pleaded.
"I wanted to sit up there," Carl sighed.

Before long, we worked out an agreement. I agreed to return to my seat and put my clothes back on if they chose another row, and she agreed not to report me to the manager of the theater until after the movie was over. I wasn’t worried since I had already been banished from that theater and had managed to sneak by security. What could they do, double secret banish me? More importantly, I had my row back and the movie was only about half over.

Having missed the character development, plot building and any roots of parallel narratives taking place, I wasn’t sure what the movie was about. I did, however, get to see somebody pee on the religious guy from the movie Contact and see Al Pacino act as if he was doing an impression of Larry David doing his impression of George Steinbrenner on Seinfeld. Nobody was murdered, there were no car chases and I was pretty darned confused as to what was going on. In spite of that, I recommend this movie. Try to see it on a night Carl and his girlfriend stay home to fondue. The characters seemed happy and fulfilled at the end of the movie, which made me feel happy and fulfilled as well.

If you would like to hear a more thorough review of this movie, check out a Regular Guy on WXRT radio.


village idiot said...

Guys don't go to watch the movies when they go with a gal. Which is why we take the initiative and lead the guy d'jour to the appropriate spot where we will certainly be grasped, groped, or just listen to him sigh heavily as he thinks of all the other things he'd rather be doing than watching a movie at that very moment.

Or the worst kind of movie date. The kind where the guy is smitten with someone in the movie. Whether it be guy or gal who plays the lead. Either way, the "date" doesn't have a chance at scoring with that actor/actress, and they ought to forget about it now.

Star Jones looks lovely in the picture.

We heard reports of you singing on parade floats. And did you watch the movie in Venezuela or did you fly home?

I needed a movie review. I was in a drunken despair and I don't even drink.


AMAI said...

I love a movie review that reflects the true horror of the experience.

This is why we restrict our movie-going to once a year or so. We often wait for the DVD to come out. Sometimes we forget that we wanted to watch a movie when it came out on DVD and we're rewarded with a free TV movie.

I saw Ginger Snaps this way just last night.

Thanks, Moist. Really funny. Loved the bit about strewing the clothing on all the seats. And the oil drum of popcorn and 40 gal of Coke.

jen said...

I would sure hate to be you, Village Idiot. Have you ever had a good experience with anybody?

village idiot said...

Jen, my life is chock full of good experiences every single day. A stranger is a friend I haven't met yet.

You'd fall out of your chair if you knew what I do and how I spend the rest of the time I am online. I spend the whole day helping other people make the most of what they've got where they are.

I LOVE what I do and people really appreciate it.

Something I said got you to post. That's a good thing. Keep it up.

Now, how about a comment related to the movie review? Or your own movie review? Or your own movie going experiences? Your own favorite movie snack? I love Raisinettes.

Talk about dating. Or personal-space-dibs depending on the number of people present. Or leaving clothing around on seating surfaces in public places. Or cheese on chairs.

What do you like about Moist's blog? What do you like about movies in general? What does the blog bring to mind for you? Does it make you think at all?

If you read the blog, and looked at the pictures and read the comments and the only thing that struck you was my own tongue in cheek movie misery...well...uh...get more experiences. Life is too short not to have lots of experiences. Good, bad, ugly experiences.

The good seems soooo much better after the bad ones.

Say, Moist, what ARE Raisinettes up to these days at the theater. About 5 bucks?


Aunt Nina said...

Well, you didn't get her to kiss you goodnight but at least you got her to paw your undies with the moving eye balls while avoiding a jealous reaction from Carl. That's quite an accomplishment in itself.

village idiot said...

Say, Moist, where dod you find all those links? I'm thinking you have a mind like mine that can remember where you saw things and find them for your blogs, like I do for my decorating.

I can understand the relationship between browsing rugs on my own and then knowing where I saw that ONE rug that will go perfectly in someone's living room.

However, do YOU browse for men in underwear? Or do you write the blog and then search online for specific keywords that will work with what you wrote? I mean, that snot picture, geez, buddy, how about a warning next time.

Do you have links stored away for those important accessories? I have throw pillows. You have night vision goggles?

I'm interested in the mechanics of this kind of writing. For me, it's easy. Someone asks a question and I provide possible answers. I've already browsed for years and know where a lot of things are located.

I'm sure budding Bloggers and writers and interested readers would all like to know how one assembles a blog.

That would be a great writing assignment for a college level course too. Write a story and use 15 picture links.

The second assignment would be using specific pictures preselected and using those for a story. It would be interesting to see how each story is formed using the same pictures.

No, I'm not doing it with Superman underwear guy and snot guy though. That's just gross. LOL!

Hi Nina! Were you in Venezuela too? Where have you been? How was Halloween?


keysunset said...

Cool retort, Moist, when the gal said, "Excuse me?!" I can almost imagine her doing it with a snooty nose and one eyebrow lift.

Hubby & I don't often hit the movie theater either, so I enjoyed reading your movie watching experience. Hooo ha! We watched "Dirt Merchant" on DVD last night from the comfort of our own futon, which, in honor of Moist, I draped with clean laundry in various stages of being folded.

LOL! I'll try to be aware next time I go to the movies of where I am sitting - esp. if I don't want cheese or superman undies stuck to my pants.

Aunt Nina said...

Hi Andree. I've been driving MR's flatbed trailer for his ABBA Rhythm N' Blues Review. He's being very well received by parade audiences everywhere.

Halloween was kinda slow here. It seems the light drizzle kept the trick-or-treators at bay. When I was a kid, we would go trick-or-treating come wind, rain, sleet, or snow. What's wrong with these kids today? I don't know...

Sid F'er said...

Or the worst kind of movie date. The kind where the guy is smitten with someone in the movie.
What's wrong with being smitten? Sure I don't have a shot at scoring with Nikki Cox, but that doesn't mean I can't pretend. A lot. And often.

What do you like about Moist's blog? What do you like about movies in general? What does the blog bring to mind for you? Does it make you think at all?
I like the ridgidity of MR's blog the best. At movies, I like the grasping and groping the best. Because I'm a guy and that's all we do. The blog brings to mind Nikki Cox. And scoring with her.

I'm sure budding Bloggers and writers and interested readers would all like to know how one assembles a blog.
You get an account with Blogger and start typing. Preferably about Nikki Cox.

That would be a great writing assignment for a college level course too. Write a story and use 15 picture links.
I think the links are distracting from the flow of the piece. A well-written post doesn't need it. It's like Nikki Cox wearing a wonder bra. I'll grasp and grope her without it.

L A Ray said...

Thanks for the link to XRT. I quickly hooked it up to my computer and listen to it live. I remember how much I miss that station.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Jules!

keysunset said...

May I extend my birthday greetings to you, Jules? I only know you from your comments at the blog, but hope you have/had a wonderful day! Heck, celebrate all week long!

LOVED House last night. I am SO enjoying this Dr. House character and the way Hugh Laurie plays him. Thanks for recommending the show! Ron Livingston was excellent too. Two stupid jerks making ACERBIC (ha HA, spelled it right this time, I think ...) comments in the same episode! Even the title for the episode was inspired - TB or not TB . One of my favorite points in the show is where Laurie is telling Livingston's character that he is going to let him die, perform an autopsy, and then hold a press conference to let everyone know that it was NOT TB that killed him. Livingston's character says, "Why would you do that?" and Laurie replies "because I'm a mean sob." (Probably not the exact quote. Can you really say that on network tv?!) Ah, how could you not love a doctor like that ...

Have a great day y'all! I'm off to elementary school today - fifth grade in the am and Kindergarten in the pm. Oh LAWD I am one dedicated, or insane, mother!

Jules said...

I've reluctantly abandoned Leper Pop for the past week or so (yucky family crisis-type stuff that I won't bore you with) and I come back to new brilliance from my favorite Lepers and birthday love from fellow Commandoes. Life is pretty damn great. And I love your underwear, Moist.

AMAI said...

Happy birthday Jules! Sorry to hear about family crises. Hope it's all resolved soon and you can return to regular posting!

village idiot said...

Nina, in those days when we'd go trick or treating in the snow, we'd also get delicious home-made treats. Cookies. Brownies. Candied apples. Caramel apples.

Sometimes they'd do parties for the littlest ones when it was particularly cold. I think they do that more and more these days. Holding small gatherings of children and a few parents.

And the games, like bobbing for apples and pin the tail on the donkey. Ahhh, such simpler times.

I don't see much for kids in the apartment complex. They do the late afternoon/early evening trick or treat at the malls around here.

It's a good thing for the most part. There's mall security and oodles of parents. People can park in a sheltered location, get the kids inside, go to a few stores and pick up candy, and take the kids home. Climate controlled so the kids don't get too cold.

I think the parents and the kids are so used to it, they will take advantage of those mall things. They even had a trick or treat at the San Francisco Zoo for the kids.

I would say the parents and kids are sissies, but there are too many weirdos out there. Some nutcase that does something to candy. And some kid and family that suffers because of it.

Not that there aren't nutcases at the zoo. But there seem to be far fewer of them there, at least of the human variety. Besides, what makes for a Halloween adventure more than monkeys flinging feces at your princess tiara?

Sid, yet another name I am not familiar with. You know, that could be the reason for some of the hits to the site. The gratuitous name dropping that, in general, has little to do with a specific blog, or the spirit of the Leper Pop site itself.

I'd call that "false advertising"...LOL! I'm sure folks have gone looking for something very specific online, and had umpteen sites show up, NONE of which have what you searched for. Because they, too, have plugged in the names of things or people on their site that have NOTHING to do with the site.

By the way, CONGRATULATIONS Leperous ones. You've topped 20,000 hits. Woo hoo!

Jules, tell the family that even in the midst of a crisis, they are still obligated to give gifts or heartfelt wishes for a lovely day.

This confuses people and sometimes will lighten up or work together or do whatever needs to be done.

Since it's dumb to wish you a good day that's already come and gone, consider this a token to allow you to fully enjoy a future day of your choosing to do birthday stuff.

KeySunset, I think you must be insane or dedicated to be a good parent in this day and age, and I salute you for your efforts!

By the way, I had trouble again with the letters. Yes, I can read them and type accordingly. No, the letters do not let me post everytime. So far it seems to by five-letter words.


keysunset said...

Since we have to wait until after "bedtime for the kiddies" before hubby and I get tv/movie time, we had the second half of our "double feature" last night. I mentioned we watched Dirt Merchant earlier, last night was Ford Fairlane, Rock and Roll Detective .

I think I liked Dirt Merchant better(maybe it was because by last night I had actually folded the laundry and put it away so didn't have clothes draped all over the futon, hmmmm, that does seem to add something to the movie experience). Ford Fairlane had lots of great scenes though. (What WAS that milkshake on fire he kept drinking?!) Warning on both movies for language, violence, and skin exposure, but a good time was had by all.

Thanks for the encouragement, Andree, I am hoping that although right now we are a one-income family, instead of making money I am making future responsible adults. One can only hope and pray. Wish me well, y'all!

village idiot said...

Parents have a lot more info than they used to, with shows like SuperNanny on these days. Those kids on that show start off being the worst of the worst. But, there are good tips even if your kids NEVER get to be that terrible, like giving store assignments and having them help with the shopping.

The most adorable lad was SO helpful shopping with moma and papa (yes, both parents and the child went grocery shopping together, gasp!), that the little guy put the butter in MY cart.

HE wanted to get the items, HE wanted to put them in the cart, and HE wanted to push the cart.

One of my favorite quotes is "Example isn't the main thing influencing others, it is the only thing" (Albert Schweitzer) and it IS soooo true.

The child sees mom and dad doing the shopping and getting along fine, and he wants to help and be just like them. No whining or crying or fussing from this child.

I told them they were doing all the right things and they were doing a great job. They seemed glad to hear it too.

I'd much rather be a part of a family that had little in the way of money and more love and good examples. Working 80 hours a week to have a home in the "right" neighborhood doesn't mean crap to a child. They just want to be with their parents.

If kids could raise themselves, they wouldn't need us. Parents, that is. Not all folks seem to think that way, of course. They seem to think it's okay or necessary to bundle the kids off to daycare or babysitters or nannys because they are too busy to raise them.

They get into school and expect the teachers to take care of all the learning for the child. Yeah. Teachers are there to teach specific knowledge, like history or mathematics. Not to instill morals and values.

So kids left alone, they get into mischief as kids, sometimes. And that escalates. And no teen is going to listen to SuperNanny. LOL!

Then we have crimes and criminal activity and whole families are terrified to go out at night. Those people that are doing the crimes, they ARE someone's kids.

Yeah, yeah, there are a gazillion factors that can lead to criminal activities, or just being a mean bully.

But I think it makes a HUGE difference to have a concerned parent involved. As SuperNanny says "That is not acceptable behaviour". The kids learn there are consequences of such behaviour. Such as the "naughty spot/rug/stool". And they then must apologize for being unruly, and are then hugged.

That's a multi-step process. And failings can occur along the way. If there are no consequences, the behaviour will continue. If they never have to consider the good and bad, they'll never learn.

They even said something like that on the news, that kids aren't learning there are consequences to actions, such as on TV shows, movies, and even video games.

It takes less than a second to pull the trigger on a gun. But the consequences may be life in prison. Who would go to see an action movie if the first second shows a gun going off and then the next two hours (and that's only two hours, not a lifetime) was nothing but prison scenes.

Not prison riots. Just get up, get shuffled around, and have to do whatever you're told. Forever.

Nope, you won't ever get to go to the beach. Or the mountains. You won't get to learn to ski. No sports. You'll never travel to another country. You won't get to eat fresh peaches off a tree. They don't have picnics in prison. No more cars. No going to a movie. No dating.

If they think (at certain ages) that parents are too restrictive, they have NO idea of what it could be like.

Parents have the most important job. There's no doubt about that. It's just too bad that more parents don't take it more seriously.

Key, thanks for TRYING to do the best you can. That may make all the difference in the world.


village idiot said...

Okay, guys, there's a problem with the character thing.

I had tried before, and again it said my letters didn't match the letters shown.

I saved the text of the post and just posted it. As I was scrolling down to enter the secret code, IT CHANGED. Yeah.

This whole comments area loaded, with one secret code, and then it changed, to a different code.

I'm not sure if that's because I'd been here before, or if the code changes everytime we come, or every hour or what.

But I thought it was really odd that it changed while I was on the page.

That wasn't the case in the several previous times I'd had trouble posting. It simply did not accept the code it was showing. I have a couple pictures I can send you, showing what I saw.

Says it doesn't match, but it DOES match what I'm seeing. It leaves the letters in there that I had typed in, so I KNOW I didn't mistype.

Do you have any known issues with that particular application that would be informative for the rest of us?


Oh, for crying out loud. It has the same code for this message and this time it wouldn't take it.

So I reloaded the page, got the same old code, and got the same message, then I got a new code.

keysunset said...

Jules - hope your family crisis stuff gets worked out. Have missed your posts.

Andree - lots of good thoughts in your post. As for me, I don't want to give the impression that I think people with kids in daycare or with nannys are doing the wrong thing. It has to be what works with your family. But your point that the parents have to be involved is the most important one. I had my kids in a preschool setting before they started elementary school. But I was involved. I volunteered in the classroom. I served on committees. I extended the learning experience from what they were talking about or the types of play they were doing at school (dinosaurs, baking, sandbox) to home. My girls are the only two kids I've had much experience with and I knew from way early that I didn't want to parent like MY parents did. So I got involved and I talked with the preschool teachers, director, and other parents about what did and didn't work and adopted what felt right for me and my family.

How will it all turn out? *shrugs* I can only do my best and encourage others to do the same.

Even if people don't have children of their own, they help parent. You did a great service by complimenting those parents and that great little lad in the grocery store. I've been grateful to people who complimented my girls on what they were doing right. I've also been grateful to those people who discreetly ignored my girls and I as we had a "screaming" time out on the sidewalk outside the grocery store!

Well, off to finish baking for the cakewalk at the elementary school fall festival tomorrow. Mmmm, can't you smell my homemade brownies!

Moist Rub said...

User error.

Leper Hopeful said...

Funny ebay ad...

It takes a village idiot to raise a child said...

~~~sniffing the floppy slot~~~
~~~drooling on keyboard~~~
Say, are we allowed to push other people off their chairs? Can we tackle them? Use JuJitsu?

Ya know...while all those people are foolishly walking around chairs, I've already loaded up a cart with all the baked treats and made off with them. hehehe

Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't, but I've made many a parent blissfully happy by butting in on their screaming child. Well, crying.

The best one was at Target, in the bedding section. This child was SOOO unhappy about something. I walked up and said in a matter of fact tone "This is a No-Crying-Zone" and pointed at all the smiling faces on the kids bedding.

Silly Sponge Bob and balloon-headed Power Puff Girls and whatever other kids things there were. I showed the child that this was a "Smiling-Only-Zone" and pretty soon the child was smiling too.

I think it's part of the "Shock you out of a rut" thing that I even used on the guy at the auto repair shop. He was in an awful mood. Everything was terrible about living and working in this area. This was bad, that was bad, hated it all.

And here was one more stupid customer asking for the impossible, drop-in at their convenience for repairs that weren't scheduled, and wanting it fixed NOW.

So I said something like "Would it speed the process along if I go in there and flash my boobies?"

Insert cartoon head bobbling here.

It was SO unexpected, that his mind couldn't stay in the cranky rut. He completely forgot being miserable. Yeah, I did get my car fixed, and no, I didn't flash my boobies. At my age, it may be taken as a threat.

I think the award for worst parent has to go to the one that let her kids run loose in the store. It was mostly clothing and shoes. There were some metal bars making up handrails for the back loading area, that the kids started playing on. It was a disaster waiting to happen.

Sure enough, I hear a wail. Someone fell on their head, undoubtably. Well, maybe the rascal learned a lesson about swinging on bars in stores. Concrete flooring is unforgiving.

The mother comes over and starts hollering at the kids, and she used the F-word. Yes.

You could see everyone within hearing distance freeze. Mouths gaping. We were all literally stunned.

The kids WERE being kids. Kids run around and play and climb and jump and crawl and hide under racks of clothing. That is the nature of kids. Every kid is an action figure.

Parents, on the other hand, need to direct that energy, to appropriate play areas. Teach them there are times they can kick (only when they are engaged in a game that requires kicking...a soccer). You can be a monkey on the bars when you're at the park, playing ON the monkey bars. Not acceptable behaviour in a retail store.

IKEA knows kids. They put in a child care area for the little ones. You have to be there at the butt-crack of dawn to get your kids in.

They have a big thing of plastic balls for kids to roll around in. On the warehouse floor, they have small playhouses here and there. And the playhouses are opposite danger zones, like the glass vase area.

The only screaming child I heard in IKEA was one who said "B-b-b-b-but I doooon't waaaaant to gooooo home, I waaaaant to staaaaay at IKEeeeeeeeA."

If you want to get a whole family workout/playtime, go there. They WANT you to sit on the chairs, lie on the beds, and touch everything. It's a kid's dream, and it's a huge store, so it's a darned good workout. First timers can expect blisters somewhere on their feet.

They have food. At 50 cent hotdogs. And delicious soft-serve frozen yogurt (don't tell the kids it's yogurt if they freak out over that, just buy it, give it to them, and they'll eat it).

And, they have tons of neat kid things. So that kids won't be swinging at retail stores, you can set up your own kid's rooms with real swings that hang from the ceiling, climbing bars, things that rock, things to crawl through, indoor tents, and then you'll never get them out of their room.

Not because of teenage angst, but because they're having a great time playing.


keysunset said...

Hey leper hopeful that ebay ad was a hoot.

Now if those had been leather pants that Marty Casey had worn, they would probably have sold for a lot lot more! Eh, AMAI?

Best line in old movie tonight - Beauregard Cleghorn says to his dog Daisy "Your problems are merely cainine, while mine are asinine." LOL!

AMAI said...

Now if those had been leather pants that Marty Casey had worn, they would probably have sold for a lot lot more! Eh, AMAI?

Especially if they hadn't been to the cleaners and still contained that essential Eau de Marty...


Not that I can see Mr. AMAI approving an expenditure of hundreds, even thousands, of dollars for a pair of leather pants that don't fit either of us.

keysunset said...

A great line that I just recently got from a movie - in O Brother Where Art Thou? where Everett is standing on Delmar's shoulders while breaking Pete out of the penal farm and Delmar says "that's all I've got!" and drops Everett. LOL! What a hoot that movie is. We watch it as a family and our favorite line is "Here we have a geographical oddity, two weeks from everywhere." When we are lost and confused traveling, it helps break the tension when hubby snaps "WELL you've got the MAP! WHERE ARE WE?!" And keysunset can pull it together to say back "hmmm, we appear to be two weeks from everywhere."

Sid F'er said...

Two weeks from everywhere. I like that. I'm stealing it the next time I have to go to DeRidder and people ask me where that is.

keysunset said...

glad to have been of service

Women leather pants said...

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