One of the reasons I went to college is so that I could get a job that didn’t require an updated tetanus vaccination. Not really. I went because my only work skills after high school consisted of cutting grass in the local parks to a safe level for children to play on. Sure, I was good at it, but minimum wage wasn’t going to impress Crystal Bernard. So I sucked it up and went off to higher educate myself. Unfortunately, I got the term “tuition & fees” confused with “cover charge” and missed out on most of the education piece. But I digress.
I really don’t need to get my tetanus vaccination updated since I had that done a few years ago when I crashed my bike and found a tree branch sticking out of my leg. I had it removed since my wife insists that I wear pants in public and I really didn’t want any birds nesting on me. Especially if I would have happened to attract something endangered. Then federal law would have required me to leave the branch until the Darwinian victims relocate on their own. Still digressing, here.
Anyway, the reason I bring up the whole tetanus thing is because it looks like I’ll be spending next week in New Orleans. I guess the recommended tetanus shot will help if I trip over a corpse and fall into a pile of spoiled meat. Just kidding – I’ve been assured they’ve taken care of that corpse issue. However, I was also assured that the water at the hotel would be suitable for bathing. Then I read a little EPA notice reminding hotels and restaurants to only get their water from reputable vendors, because “fuel trucks, chemical haulers, and other waste collection vehicles should never be used to transport potable water.” Well, now I feel better.
I wonder if they’re trying to tell me something at work. They also like sending me to Oklahoma during tornado season. Last time I was there, the seasonal pastime appeared to be sitting at the local Chili’s and watching tornado warnings on the bar TV.
You might remember I was also in Jacksonville while Hurricane Ophelia sat off the coast, taunting the city before turning north.
Last spring I had to go to Columbia, SC during the Masters. Pretty cool if you’re a golf fan since Augusta is right down the road, but I’d rather watch Marty and Jordis play dominoes than watch a round of golf. In fact, I’d rather watch a staring contest between Dick Cheney and Al Gore than watch a round of golf. Not only that, but the golf junkies took up all the available accommodations so I was forced to stay at the Bait n’ Switch Motel and rent a ’74 Ford Pinto.
But it’s all good. I make twice the minimum wage now and Crystal will start returning my calls any day now.