Monday, April 21, 2008

All Fired Up

Thirty-two people were shot in Chicago over the weekend. We’re just trying to reduce some of the congestion as part of our 2016 Summer Olympic bid. Or maybe people are just inspired by the bid and practicing to be on the USA Shooting team. I mean, if you can hit a moving human in the dark, how hard can it be to hit a stationary target in a controlled shooting range? Either way, you might want to postpone any pending visits until it starts snowing again and we all calm down and go back inside for a few months.

Just to address the rumors out there in the press, I wasn’t any of the 32 who were shot, nor did I personally shoot any of those 32. I don’t believe I was in the line of fire at any time, and I’m not even a person of interest as far as I know.

There weren't any shootings in the neighborhood we're thinking about moving to, so we felt pretty good about that... until I read that a couple was stabbed in their bed by an intruder early Sunday morning. But I like my chances versus a knife rather than a gun. Besides, that crime seemed to be the exception for the area based on the crime reports I've been researching. Mostly counterfeiting and simple battery and some possession, and hey, who hasn't been busted for less than 30 grams before. I think the Bible says "let he who is without a rap sheet be first to boot the gong." ("Yo, wastoid, you're not gonna blaze up in here.") The simple battery crimes concern me a bit, but complex battery might be entertaining. I envision a thug with an Acme anvil attached to an elaborate pulley system ala Wile E. Coyote, lurking in a gangway in a land shark suit, waiting to exact vengeance upon his unsuspecting victim. Brilliant. I think I'll sign a lease this weekend.

And, hey… let’s be careful out there.

3 comments:

del said...

Hey, be sure to get a picture for the blog if you see any of that complex battery in progress. And if you can find a decent counterfeiter, a sample of their wares wouldn't go amiss either.

HR said...

I think the fact that your baseball team sucks is starting to get to you. You guys had a very high thresh hold, I'll grant you. But you're starting to crack just like Baltimore...

keysunset said...

and isn't that an "Alan" reference snuck in that blog there ...