Enough With the Pants

Again with the pants. Everyday it’s pants. I put on a pair of pants every day. Or shorts. But “shorts” is short for “short pants”. Still pants. Knickers are pants, too. I don’t care what anybody says. That goes for gouchos, too, and other bottom-half apparel that drapes two legs individually and secures around the buttocks and abdomen.

I know what you’re thinking. Why don’t I wear a skirt, or a kilt, or a fancy evening gown, or maybe a sari or a crotch bandolier? Those are good suggestions. I’ll take them into consideration.

Starting tomorrow I’m changing my ways. When I awake, I will wrap my lower half in a stream of Ace bandages and head out to take on the world. The next day, I’ll adorn myself with a wrap of sewn together discarded fruit peels. Hopefully, it will match my shoes. The following day? I’m not sure - maybe a lamp shade.