Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Rock Star - Sept 7 Sid

You know, I wasn’t a big Brooke fan back when she was on E!, however, I never really watched E! that much. She’s no Crystal Bernard, but it might be that I detect just enough of a hint of an 80’s influence in her RS wardrobe. I can only hope she breaks out the Princess Reeboks for the finale show.

Random quick hits from the rocker den:
Dave apparently has a weird fetish for photos of chicks mowing lawns and doing other assorted yard work.
Jordis’ dreads appeared to have suffered a bit as a result of the asscake fight.
Am I the only one that detected that Suzie might have a little FP?
JD is working hard, really hard, just like President Bush.
When Brooke asked the rockers to raise their hand if they thought they deserved the encore, I know Ty was sitting somewhere reaching for the ceiling and then feeling extremely bitter after JD got it despite the fact Ty got kicked off last week.

In keeping with the recent Brady Bunch theme, before JD’s encore Dave asked that the Rock Star stage be transformed into the Pete Sterne Amateur Hour so that the whole gang could get up there and earn enough money to present a silver platter to the hurricane evacuees. Mrs. F’er was vomiting before the song even started and was in full out dry heaves by the end.

I thought JD did a good job with his encore, but wondered why he was holding his wanker like he had to take a leak or something. Unless he had to take a leak, in which case I’m wasting my time wondering. But I don’t think that’s the case since MiG always reminds him to go right before they start taping.

Brooke reminded us to start saving up for the upcoming Rock Star CD – A Sunday Afternoon at the CBS Studios.

Nothing unexpected back at the mansion after the performance show. Marty and JD were hungry and didn’t have time to get in touch with the other’s feelings. Suzie lamented over the fact that she was no Bonnie Raitt. And MiG serenaded Jordis with Always Look On the Bright Side of Life as she threatened to throw herself down the slopes of Hollywood Hills, coming to a final rest behind the second “L” in the Hollywood sign.

Before we move on to tonight’s festivities, let’s review Sid’s predictions after the Sunday mansion show. Marty is safe because he’s Marty, and MiG is safe because Calai informs us that the entire nation states of Australia and the Phillipines are voting for him.

First up…
Jordis – Need You Tonight: Even she knew it was her last performance by the time she hit the last chorus. Oh, and next someone asks you if you’re roit for a job that you want, the answer should be along the lines of “fuck yes” instead of “I hope so.”

Next…
Suzie – Never Tear Us Apart: I’ve noticed that she has this technique where she starts out very understated, then tries to bring the song to a earth shaking climax. That’s cool, but it’s getting as predictable as the turkey on wheat in my lunch everyday. When she got called for the bottom three, I wanted to see her sing but pretty soon I just wanted her to stop. Thought she way oversang the song and I swear I heard the ghost of Jessica let out a squeak at one point. I hope she thanked Jordis for the gift this week.

Finally… JD? Yep, Marty had to tell MiG to shut up and sit the hell down before Brooke changed her mind. Ah, yes, the mindfuck of having a fan base that saves your ass even when you couldn’t sing your way out of a paper bag the night before.

JD – Mystify: Well done. The finger snapping was a nice, subtle salute to everyone’s favorite beatnik Maynard G. Krebs. Even refrained from the crotch grabbing.

As predicted by anyone with an IQ greater than our sitting president, Jordis was sent packing. However, Tim, recognizing that she was going to be a huge stah, immediately left to camp out at the Hollywood Virgin Megastore so he could be the first to buy her record and watch the RS finale from his spot in line at the store.

Dave predicted that he and Jordis would make music together, but I’ll be the first to eat my asshat if that actually happens.

Then the proper goodbyes until the lonely mansion show on Sunday….

15 comments:

213 said...

Assuming you don't keep checking your back pages (I'll let the elevator killer reference by Moist slide, why beat a dead Horse?),

Oh. OK.

Kumar

Moist Rub said...

...and you fell for it.

Anonymous said...

These are the funnitest posts I've ever read about this show. I'm so glad someone else noticed that Marty seemed awfully hungry during that clip. All I kept saying while we watched it was "Marty sure seems hungry tonight." That was the best part of the whole show. Geez did they finally give up serving the "vegetarian" meals -Throw that boy some meat. He's been starting to look a little bit too much like a starving artist.

Sid F'er said...

Did the person you were watching the show with get a little annoyed with you as you kept saying, "Marty sure seems hungry tonight."? Generally, you only need to state an observation like that one time, unless you're purposely trying to annoy someone. Are you Moist Rub's ex-wife?

G B said...

Sid, you sound jealous that mr. or ms. anonymous observed something more keenly than you did. Jealousy is an ugly emotion. Leave it behind.

Sid F'er said...

I apologize. I'm not handling the pressure very well as we approach the finale....

Anonymous said...

What is FP?

Sid F'er said...

FP = fat potential

Anonymous said...

I'm not the ex, and no I wasn't trying to annoy someone. No one was watching it with me - I guess I just kept saying that to all those people in my head. I think I only said it a couple of times though and I didn't answer myself so I'm still okay.

Re Suzie and her FP - haven't you seen her "kid" pictures on the website?

Sid F'er said...

Just giving you a hard time, anonymous. We're here to share with if you ever get lonely.

I forgot about those kid picks -- great point. If you're a fat kid and you grow up and lose most of it, does that inspire you to keep it off or make it more likely to go big again?

Mack the Fork said...

I vote for fat again. And I will vote all night if I have to.

Anonymous said...

You know Sid you are kind of scary with your references. Or I'm reading too much. I love your Maynard G. Krebs link. And if I may show my age a bit here I even remember that show. I also remember Maynard's aversion to work and it strikes me that J.D. Fortune must have that also, hence having to live in his car at the age of 31. Oh by the way did you catch the name at the bottom of the link page? Good one AGAIN Sid.

L A Ray said...

FP - ask Monica Geller

Anonymous said...

How long after the show is over before Clear Channel puts together a Rock Star INXS rejects tour? I can see it now....all rejected rockers hitting the stage doing their favorite covers from thier time served....It will be the biggest club tour of the fall concert season. Teen age girls swooning and screaming over Mig, suburban housewives with home made Marty Casey shirts, and skinny goth boys with I love Jordis written on their bodies with sharpies....and at the end of every show Ty leads a gospel sing along with all the rockers.Instand live CD's available in the lobby at each show titled "ROckstar INXS rejects...a night at (insert your local club name here). Each rocker sits at the merch booth/autograph table, and you can get a picture with your favorite rocker (or taken with a cardboard cut out of Brooke or Dave) and that photo will be the cover of your instant live CD..and they will all be shuttled around in a tour bus wrapped to look like a giant honda ridgeline. It's marketing genius....just you wait...it's only a matter of time. Mark my words...ROckstar INXS rejects tour fall 2005 brought to you by Levis, Honda, CLear Channel...$25 ticket

Sid F'er said...

Twelve bucks and you got a deal. As long as you keep Ty locked in the trunk.