Sid's Fall Preview - Wednesdays

Lost – So this isn’t a reality show? It’s a drama based on a reality show? Have we finally come full circle?

Rebecca: This is so bad it’s almost good.
Enid: This is so bad it’s gone past good and back to bad.

I haven’t seen the show. It seems to be getting some acclaim but I’m still not on board. Appears to be Gilligan’s Island without the jokes and the wacky first mate. Or the movie star. There might be a professor, but I can’t tell. TV Guide says there’s a millionaire, but not sure if he has a wife. I am kind of curious to find out what was in the goddam secret hatch, but not enough to watch.

The other thing I can’t reconcile is that every time I fly, the average passenger seems to weigh-in north of 250. However, every female that got stranded on the island appears to be an aerobics instructor. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

George Lopez – Never thought he was particularly funny, but as Brooke would say, can we get serious here? I read that he darn near died but his wife gave him one of her kidneys. Apparently she’s even less funny and needed him to keep the cash flowing to the Lopez household. I asked Mrs. F’er if she’d give me a kidney if I needed one and she mumbled something about not being a match and walked away. Looks like she’ll be waking up in a tub full of ice water with a note to call 911.

Still Standing – I first fell in love with Jami Gertz in Crossroads. Unlike Phoebe Cates, it looks like time has been kind to Jami. However, even with the introduction of the wacky wiffle ball playing, beer swilling neighbor, I don’t seem to care.

That 70’s Show – OK, I’ve seen this show more than I would care to admit. Maybe I’m just trying to figure out how Fez got to nail Lindsay Lohan back when she was still hot.

America’s Next Top Model – From what I’m hearing there might be some mindless entertainment value that will make you feel good about yourself even if you’re not a size 0. However, the whole modeling industry is a waste of time and is due to implode as soon as they figure out that their industry is not exempt from the law of diminishing returns. I’m a degreed econ major, so stand back and allow me to explain. There are plenty of hot women in this world that are fully capable of walking up and down a runway wearing silly designer clothes or getting their picture taken for a magazine cover. Like the babes at the sunglasses store. Once you get to that level of hotness, how much do you really gain by paying an outrageous premium for one of America’s old top models like Tyra or Cindy? Do you really sell more magazines or more winged lingerie by employing Tyra? Don’t think so. Enjoy the ride while you can, you vapid vixens.

One Tree Hill – I think this show is popular with some age group that I’m not in anymore. And that age group consists wholly of asshats.

Stacked – I never had to get a hepatitis shot before checking out a book until now.

Yes, Dear – I used to hang out at a bar and one of the owners would go hunting every year and then serve up venison chili for the next month. Yes, deer. Sorry. I’m not familiar with this show, but it seemed too lame to even make fun of.

Veronica Mars – It appears there is a character named Weevil Navarro. That’s pretty funny, but not enough to make me watch. Adding Steve Guttenberg isn’t going to help matters unless he brings the guy from Police Academy that makes the crazy sound effects. Now that’s comedy.

CSI: NY – See previous entries for CSI. Except here the investigators have the added challenge of having to distinguish between the original trauma and the subsequent damage from rats gnawing on the discarded corpse.

L&O – Haven’t watched since Angie left us for that spare Jason Sehorn.

Remember, these are just reviews of returning shows on the major networks as defined by TV Guide. Maybe next week I'll take a look at what else is out there. Or maybe I'll just see if I can awaken Moist Rub from hibernation.