As luck would have it, there was TV Guide sitting in my hotel room this week with a complete fall preview. I perused it, hoping to resolve my quandary of what to write about next since we seem to have attracted a crowd of TV junkies. So here it is, Sid’s Fall TV Preview.
Desperate Housewives – I always wished that Howie Long would just clothesline Teri Hatcher during those inane Radio Shack commercials. I had a feeling that he wanted to but they put a rider in his contract specifically forbidding it. I can only hope that a combination of bad potato salad and malaria finds it’s way to the Wisteria Lane block party and I never have to hear about this show or see these scrags again.
The Simpsons – You know what I like about this show? It’s like a Hershey Bar. The chocolate engineers in Hershey PA hit upon a classic, winning formula and left it alone. No tricking it up like those bubbleheads at Coca-Cola with their new Coke, Cherry Coke, etc. Love it or hate it, you tune into the Simpsons and you know what you’re getting. Rock on, Homer.
King of the Hill – Luanne is the epitome of the rural country girl that looks hot now, but by the time she’s 40 she’ll have doubled in weight and you find out that you’re married to Rosanne Barr without the caustic wit to keep things entertaining. I can’t wait for her to show up on the Surreal Life in 20 years to find out if I’m right. While we’re on the topic of cartoon characters, am I the only one that thinks Elastigirl looks pretty hot with her hair all wet after she crashes into the ocean in The Incredibles?
Charmed – So this bunch of scrags are supposed to be witches instead of whores like the ones on Wisteria Lane, right? Yeah, still not interested. Alysssa Milano – overrated. The only way I’m watching witches is if they do a remake of Bewitched starring Crystal Bernard as Samantha and John Cusack as Darren. And Paul Reiser as the second Darren.
Cold Case – Haven’t seen it. Don’t plan to. You’re on your own.
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition – I’m not sure what this show is, but it sounds like a home improvement show for people down on their luck. Like spare, out-of-work musicians living in their cars. I’ll take a pass.
West Wing – I thought Geena Davis was president now. I’m confused. With 87 news channels on cable showing nothing but a bunch of whiney and/or pompous commentators arguing about politics, why would you want to spend leisure time watching more politics?
Family Guy – Best damn show on TV. Perhaps the only show that the F’er household stops down for each week. If you haven’t seen it, Sid says check it out.
Blue Collar TV – Even the promos for this looked bad, but with all the buzz I decided to check it out once. Once. You might be a dumbass if you find this entertaining. If I hear one more jagoff say, “Git ‘er done”, they’re going to get a mouthful of quick dry concrete.
Law & Order: CI – I was never a big fan of L&O but Mrs. F’er is, so I’ve seen many of them by default. I never minded it too much, except for CI due to that obnoxious know-it-all detective who is like the guy sitting in the front row of every class that would ask questions just to show off his advanced knowledge of the subject. You know even the teachers hate that guy.
American Dad – You might think that I would like this show since I gave Family Guy such rave reviews, but I usually tune out. Family Guy is like sex… it’s really good, but I kind of need a break when it’s over.
Crossing Jordan – I don’t think they’re talking about the country of Jordan, but that might make for an explosive reality show. Otherwise, not interested.
Grey’s Anatomy - If NBC had developed this show they could have just called it ER: Seattle. But they didn’t and you need to tune into ABC if you want to waste your time watching slutty, neurotic med students.
So there’s your Sunday network recap. Watch some football, and if the Sunday night ESPN game sucks then catch some Family Guy. If you’re not a football fan, go out and get yourself some exercise. You need it.
After I get done with the networks, I'll let you know if I find anything worthwhile on cable. I highly doubt it, but let me know if there's something Sid needs to know about.