Monday, September 19, 2005

Rock Star - Sept 18 Moist Rub

Cheers to the final 3! The final mansion show began with the three rockseteers appreciating themselves with a toast. I wonder what they toasted with. Probably wine. But if they were really cool, it was Absinthe, which, I hear is making a comeback with the young ‘uns in the know. If you’ve never tried Absinthe, check out this painting by Degas. This is what you’ll look like after a few belts. It is one of my favorite paintings. Good for me, but what about the Rockers? I think they prefer the Picasso.

They provided us some insight to the Rockers’ thoughts and feelings about being in the final three during dinner. Their discussion seemed forced, as if a producer told them to talk about it (would that really happen on a reality show?). Somehow, I get the feeling this is not how they would have interacted had the cameras not been there, and they were sitting in JD’s basement shooting the shit. Yes, I mean lying down underneath his car. I think it would have gone more like this:

Marty: I can’t believe you live here.
JD: It’s not so bad.
MiG: Why can’t we go upstairs into the front seat?
JD: My mom is entertaining a friend.
Marty: I thought being in the final three would be a little more glamorous than lying here in the street underneath your car.
MiG: There is a rat gnawing on my foot. But, it’s OK, he must be hungry.
JD: You guys want to try to make sparks with rocks on the gas tank?
MiG: Somebody is peeing down the curb.
JD: My mom must be finished. Let’s go upstairs.

Marty declared that this is a big deal, but he was more concerned with the fact that there were no more chicks in the house. This man has priorities. MiG feels he cheated the system to have survived this long. No, MiG, you played right into the system - the system of garnering foreign ratings. You are nothing but a marble in the Ker-Plunk of international marketing. JD is lying like a lamb in the weeds hoping to pounce on the lion that is INXS (he’s never been very good at metaphors). Marty feigns concern that MiG might actually pose a threat. Maybe in a pose off, but not in this competition.

OK, who left the front door unlocked? How the hell did Dave get in here again? "I’ve been living in Deanna’s room sniffing her sheets since she left." Dave announced to them that they will be challenged in a new clinic - the Infomercial Clinic, in which the goal would be for them to sell as many Honda Civics, Gibson and Baldwin musical instruments, Levi’s clothing and Dell DJ Dipshits as possible. After that, the three wise Rockers would help Andrew write a song. Dave gave them each a DJ Diddley-Doo containing the music Andrew had created. Immediately, Marty and MiG began to prepare. JD decided to coordinate his underwear drawer. He’s been meaning to do this since the third week. MiG reprimanded him, because he wants JD to be the best Marine he can be. JD retorted, "Dude, rock lives in the holes, dude." "Dude." "Duuuude!" You can’t prepare for holes, just like you can’t prepare for the stuff missing from those holes, nor potentially what may yet again reside in those holes. I don’t know what he, nor I, was talking about.

The next morning, the site of three brand new black Honda Civics flabbergasted the three adversaries as if nobody (Dave) had told them they’d be driving their new cars to Gibson-Baldwin warehouse. Before JD got into his car, he scratched his name with his key into the paint so that he would know which one was his. He misspelled it. A musical warehouse seems like an odd place to have a collaboration session. They probably didn’t have enough room left at the mansion now that only three people are living there. It’s not easy for struggling musicians - you have to take any kind of rehearsal/collaboration space you can get. Those Gibson people are so generous.

Marty sat with Andrew first. He didn’t want to be unprepared. Andrew beamed that Marty "virtually" paralleled his own thoughts on how the song should be. It’s a good thing Marty used those holographic lyrics. The session went well as it seemed these two had been writing together for nearly an hour, until Marty questioned why all of Andrew’s new songs are about Twinkies. Andrew screamed, "GET OUT! Get out right now and get me another box!" Marty followed orders, returned with not one, but two boxes of Twinkies, and they finished the song. Andrew was stunned and praised Marty for both his preparation and delivery skills.

MiG joined Andrew next and gave him a taste of his efforts. Andrew was pleasantly surprised. He said, "I didn’t know you were James Taylor. You look taller on TV. Is that a wig?" Although Andrew gave kudos to MiG’s work, he did say that MiG likes to take the sweet road in the melodies and harmonies. To help MiG get over this hurdle, Andrew suggested he try to mix in the word "whore" into the lyrics, as "whore" has a lot of corresponding rhyming words: bore, boar, core, door, Eeyore, floor...Zorro (almost) and Twinkie. (OK, no more Twinkies, I promise). Andrew ended by lauding MiG’s strong sense of song writing identity, which is a MiG way (as irony would have it) of saying he’s good at writing shit for himself, but not us, the INXS.

Finally, an intern woke JD, who was sleeping on a Les Paul. JD entered the room and started flapping his wings. I can’t bust him for his improvisational style of preparation. I conduct my life in a similar manner. Why prepare when you can wing it? JD presented a revolutionary concept to Andrew; let’s write about love and war - it’s never been done. Beyond that, JD showed Andrew his notebook where he detailed which articles would be used in the lyrics, but demanded that "an" would only be used before a vowel and not before any "h" words, because that’s pretentious. He asked Andrew what "pretentious" means. Andrew said it means TWINKIE! (I lied.) Then he told JD that was a good start and asked what else he had. What do you mean "what else", what do you have? Me? This was your task, not mine. Why is Marty allowed to meet you half way and I have to do ALL the work? Even though Andrew was frustrated with JD, he did admit he likes the way JD works outside the square (they’re only two dimensional in Australia, we work outside the three dimensional box here in America). But, he needs some of Marty’s discipline and a breath mint.

The Rockers returned to the mansion for their last supper, which consisted of salad, bread and wine (being the last night in the house, the "help" took most of the food home). They longed for the hot women that used to live with them. Too bad their new found fame will preclude them from having any other women ever showing interest. On to the billiard room for their final challenge. There was a single envelope hanging on the wall. Marty read the letter from the INXS, since JD has difficulty with the big words and MiG only speaks Australian. "Dear Fellas, We cannot decide who to choose. Please remove your shirts and fight to the death. The survivor will be our new singer." JD, quick as a frog, pulled out a sharpened screwdriver from the back of his collar and promptly pierced the jugular veins of the other two. He picked up the letter, which continued, "Just kidding, mates!" Oops. The INXS asked each remaining Rocker to choose one of the songs from the library of songs that had already been performed on the show. Marty proclaimed it the real test, since the song they choose will reveal their true identity to the INXS. JD asked the others for permission to perform You Can’t Always Get What You Want. Nobody gives a rat’s ass, JD. As it turns out, JD has it in his will that this song should be played at his funeral. Is he drawing a connection between the finale and his funeral? The bigger question is, do you need a will to junk your car after you die? What the hell else did he have to bequeath (prior to this show)?

MiG swayed on whether or not to perform Bohemian Rhapsody. His rationalization was that, even though he has made his living as a performer in a Queen musical, doing this song will show the INXS that he has moved on. Marty agreed, "Yeah, that’s what they’ll think, dumb shit." MiG obliviously sunk into mental grandeur at the thought of him winning the hearts of the INXS with this song. Marty snickered to himself. JD ate a Snicker’s.

I believe Marty chose Pretty Vegas as one of his possible songs. I wasn’t sure - it happened quickly and they didn’t dwell on it. They didn’t reveal which song Marty ultimately chose. I hope he does sing that song. He could use it to make a mockery of this entire show. Although, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t do that. But if he did, he would win me over as a fan for sure, and I’d put another poster of him in my room. He could also use it, by whaling on it and making everybody forget about the JD versions of it, to impart his dominance as Alpha Rocker. Willow - pick your own finger. That’s what Billy Barty wants you to do. Then, do the disappearing pig trick.

They ended the last mansion show by showing the boys packing their bags in preparation to depart. Marty dumped his drawers into his bag. JD packed up his guitar. MiG had nothing to pack since he had ripped apart all of his clothes on stage. The three amigos stood at the deep end in the pool, reflecting upon their journey together. I was disappointed, expecting some cross-streams of micturition to froth the pool. Instead, they cut to the guys dumping the patio furniture into the pool. I guess that’s rock ‘n roll enough for the INXS. But, not for me.


Jules said...

Moist, I think I'm in love with you. Don't worry; it'll pass as the euphoria of reading your post wears off.

There's too much I want to say. My brain is shutting down from overload, so before my hard drive crashes I'll just say that if Marty picks Pretty Vegas, he's a frickin' GENIUS! (How I wish I got VH1, so I would know the truth...) JD who????

Anonymous said...

I'm so rapt by your posts, I'm finding unintended subliminal messages.

I caught JD's hat in the Degas, and Marty's hands in the Picasso.

While it's too late to change his image, I think Migturition would have been a much better band name.

I'm going to miss you terribly when this is over.

Sid F'er said...


Andree said...

What's that saying? "Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder"?

Did the guys where the right outfits for throwing the patio chaise longue into the pool?

I had to read the blog twice, because *I* read "Marty sat on Andrew first." instead of "Marty sat with Andrew first."

Thanks for the VH1 review. I don't have cable. Someone said that Marty chose "Wish You Were Here" for his song. Playing on the sympathy vote from OB:INXS?

I'd much rather read your reviews than go back to Master Pyew and his incessant "Ahhh, Weedwacker, snatch this Fruity Pebble from my hand."


Moist Rub, I checked your profile, and the link to the blog of your own is "not found." (Jules, your site is undergoing maintenance, but the PacMan was a nice touch)

Rub and F'er, Somewhere I saw pictures of a trip to L.A.? And my computer crashed (Opera browser) and I don't know where they were. Any help there?

AMAI said...

What a wonderful piece to wake up to read!! I will be snickering throughout the telecast tonight (in Canada, the Sun show is still on Mondays. We're provincial, after all.)

LOVED the car scene. The DJ Dipshits, the Twinkies. Too many bits to mention.

Dammit, you MUST find something else to write about. It's simply too much to ask us to do without RS:INXS and LeperPop's commentaries, all at once.

That Modelling show premieres this Wed at 8pm - 2 hours long, which is a lot, but just thought a head's up might help...

Mack the Fork said...


The LA trip pix are linked to in Sid's "Not the Mansion Show Update" on Sept 10.

Andree said...

Thanks Mack, your tines are as sharp as ever.

AMAI, what network is the modeling show on? I get FOX, CBS, ABC, PBS, and a couple other mystery channels. UPN and WB?

Snarkgasm had an infiltration of spoilers and trolls, and they now require members to log in prior to entering. You can view that log in page here:

I've either not registered or can't find what I registered as or maybe I registered under the Opera browser and not this MSIE one. They both suck. Anyway, I'm on a Mac, and it (Snarkgasm) was working fine. Haven't been there in days though. Or longer.

I'm really not sure if we're supposed to or allowed to chat here in this area. Seems like as good a place to talk as anywhere else. But I've been wrong before.

TWoP got mad at me for signing my name. And I had read the rules, I just forgot them. I probably used "um" or more likely "er" and "uh" so I'm in big trouble there.

I'm not sure what a "blog" is either, other than a log in a bog in the fog. Most people will never see it, but once you do run into it, it really makes an impression. Is it "Web Log"?

It's your place, so you get to set the rules any way you want. Kind of wish we could edit our own comments. I put "where" instead of "wear" in another comment.

Oh, and what does "All Men Are Islands" mean? All men are gritty and rocky around the edges?


Anonymous said...

A Willow reference? You should come with a warning label.

Jules said...

Wish You Were Here, huh? I guess Marty's just too nice to sucker punch JD below the belt with Pretty Vegas.

Andree - Unfortunately, I had nothing to do with Pac Man. I'm not responsible for the things I did after reading the post last night. The first was posting the link to my uber-cheesy Myspace page. The second was getting "Moist Rub" tatooed on my butt. (Tatoo removal is getting relatively cheap these days, isn't it?)

And I didn't really think clearly about this until you put it so perfectly, Amai. We have to give up our favorite Lepers AND our weekly Marty fix all at the same time?? That's like getting us addicted to *insert name of favorite vein-injected drug here* overnight and then cruelly withholding it while we writhe in agony on the floor.

Okay, maybe not quite like that. But I think I'll still need rehab. But here's a brilliant idea: MR and Sid - you should co-author a book! Genius, or what? It'll be an instant bestseller. You could use Andree's lovely title "Rock Star: Moist F'er" and you could snarkily follow your favorite bands & artists where no Leper has gone before.

C'mon. For your loyal fans. I'll be the first to volunteer as your roadie. I'm small, but I can carry laptops and six packs.

Jules said...

I think the Willow reference was what sent me over the edge last night.

murphyb849 said...

Has anyone watched "The Big Chill"? Huge hit. Check out funeral at the beginning, music played is "You Can't Always Get What You Want"
Very original JD.

Andree said...

Well, no idea, I think they closed the registration? At Snarkgasm? Didn't I read that somewhere?

If I registered, I didn't write where I was supposed to write it. I tried to register, and it wouldn't let me (said I wasn't allowed to use the board). I tried to "contact the administrator" and it said that this browser wasn't set up to do mail (which is isn't) and there were no other options, as it was a javascript window. Said to use "help" which requires me to log in. Which I can't do without registering or figuring out if I registered before. I tried to resend validation email, since I couldn't find one in my incoming email (which probably means I didn't register), but it wants my user name, which I don't know (if I did register, and there wouldn't be one if I didn't register).

So, let this be a lesson in how not to set up a website. If you want people to register and don't let them register and tell them to use help and help doesn't work if you're not registered, that is not a good set up.

If it gives you the opportunity to contact the forum administrator only if you have email attached to each browser, because different browsers work for different things, and you only have email on the ISP that you NEVER use THEIR browser because IT DOESN'T WORK, then this is not a good set up.

Those of you that CAN get on Snarkgasm may wish to point this out to the site administrator, or maybe just enjoy your own private site that nobody else can get to. LOL!


jacquie said...

I cannot stop laughing. Thank you so much for your wonderful observations!!!

Andree said...

I don't know what the "Willow" reference means.

There's one comedian, I don't remember his name, he's funny, and he builds on his humor with oodles of references which would probably be hilarious...IF I understood all his references. I have to know why it's funny for it to actually BE funny.

Remember, he who laughs last didn't get the joke.


Anonymous said...

I'm going to miss your snarky and hysterical blogs about RS: INXS. I can totally see the rawkers chillin' in JD's basement. Come on admit it, you want to hang down there with them don't you?

Anonymous said...

Andree registration was closed on Snark because of a troll that posted a full spoiler repeatedly for last Wednesdays elimination show. She actually broke the board. :(

Jules said...

Andree- I'd reccomend Willow, but it's kind of Lord of the Rings plus He-Man plus Snow White. Made in the 80's. And Gandalf is an old woman with species hiccups. =)It's one of those awesome 80's movies with a cult following like Princess Bride only on a smaller scale. Newcomers just don't understand. I guess you had to be there.

Sigh, now I'm getting all nostalgic...

Anonymous said...

I only recently found "Leper Pop" and the Rock Star INXS entries. But I am totally addicted. Please, please, PLEEEZE S'fer and Moist Rub do SOMETHING after this is over. You are hilarious.

I got the Willow reference. See, I'm showing my age. And say, isn't it HOT in here ......

Maybe I'll just have to print these posts out and re-read them over and over til the fit passes.

Khajiit said...


I think they re-opened registration on snarkgasm. I can give a heads-up to one of the mods there regarding your problems with registering.

I fully stay at snarkgasm now since I heard that has been overrun with JDidiots. MSN has been a lost cause for weeks, but I sometimes look over there for amusement.

L A Ray said...

I don't know if anyone can defeat Loydd Brawn when it come to sales and telemarketing. He crushed George Castanza selling computers. I'd guess he could do the same with Hondas, Levi's, and Twinkies if necessary.

On another note, if you LeperPop admirers ask Sid real nice he probably would post even more pic from his visit to Los Angeles. He did spend four lonely days in a brown LA hazy. Well not that lonely since Moist was with him. He's been holdout back on the Leprosy Gone Wild photos. Maybe they are working on a DVD deal?

Finally who wins in a battle that pits "an" Evil Genius against "a" Frickin' Genius?

Aunt Nina said...

MR - I won't miss you when it's over. I'll see you at Mom's Birthday celebration.

About that modeling show people are trying to coerce you into following... If my vote counts, which I'm assuming it doesn't, but I ask that you refrain from commenting on that show. It's not just because it's a silly show, I'm thinking more of my lovely nephew and niece. I don't think that sitting beside their daddy while watching vacuous models whose assignments usually include posing sans clothing, is the best thing for them. It would be to their advantage if their young, malleable, sponge-like minds weren't exposed to the nefarious entertainment that show would offer. Sorry everyone, but I care more for my nieces and nephews' welfare than your reading amusement.

And about the JD car comments - on his blog, he mentioned donating it to charity, concerning the Katrina hurricane, I think. Sorry also that this comment is so lengthy.

Jules said...

Well put, Nina. I don't think I could suffer through that show, anyway. Not even for my beloved Lepers. A book, on the other hand... hint, hint...

LA Ray - Ooohhh! Good question: Evil Genius or Frickin' Genius? It's a moot point, however, since Marty looks like he's gone and chosen Wish You Were Here. Unless that was a decoy to throw JD off the scent, in which case Marty's the Evil Genius AND the Frickin' Genius. (Oh, how I wish...)

AMAI said...

Andree, the ANTM show is on UPN. Here in T.O. we get it on City TV.

Aunt Nina, I think you would find that the models do not pose naked. Perhaps this is a "minus" from Sid & Moist's p.o.v. Modelling is much harder work than it looks. People with no personality simply cannot project emotion through their eyes. You learn a lot about the human psyche on this show. It's practically PBS-standard. Such people also make great snark targets.

Andree, the people at TWoP's boards are funny and I don't mean that in a good way. I think you'd fit in better at Sucks, if you're looking for a board, that is. There are some good recappers at TWoP, but the boards drive me nuts with those stupid spoiler tags, and "don't talk about the boards on the boards, the snitches dobbing you in for non-capitalization of first words in a sentence, the list of transgressions is too long.

Oh, and what does "All Men Are Islands" mean? All men are gritty and rocky around the edges?

LOL, but not as literal as that, Andree. Think metaphorically. It means "Each person is an individual." It's the opposite of the idea "no man is an island."

SID & MOIST: I've thought of another idea for LeperPop subject matter. How about discussing culture in general - movies, sports, politics, music? No set theme, such as with RS-inkses -just something ascerbic and snarky, focusing on whatever takes your fancies each week.

You could do fast-food reviews, talk about the latest disaster on telly, or what your cat or dog did. Maybe tell us more about those cheeky nephews & nieces Aunt Nina keeps talking about. (Er, if those are your kids, well by all means, regale us with their doings.)

Whatever. The Comment Commandoes will come over and laugh & post.

L A Ray said...

I vote no on the model show. In fact I implore you to refrain from it.

Trixie said...


Send an e-mail to trixalicious[at]gmail[dot]com with the details of the account you tried to register (desired e-mail, password, etc.) and I'll set up your account.

But yes, we changed the registration set-up after the giant board crash. Used to be you could view the board (and the help files) without being logged in, but not anymore, because my bandwidth was being sucked dry by lurkers. Your browser DOES matter - while an account is being validated, the board will match browsers. You can't register for more than one account from the same e-mail, which might be why it's telling you that you aren't allowed to use the board.

Anonymous said...

OMG you are so fucking funny! Thanks for the writing!

Andree said...

I still think we need a 12-tape-set of RS:INXS with Moist and Sid doing voiceovers and providing the same references they did here.

One of the links I'd posted went to a scary fat Elvis impersonator, and the text wasn't bad. Vegas could use "Moist F'er" reviews for all it's shows. People (or tourists) would want to see the shows, just to get the humor. Or maybe they wouldn't. But it would still be more interesting.

I'd also suggested sports, and especially Bar Stool Racing. I think we can take the sport to the next level. Barcalounger racing.

Speaking of recliners, and I was the only one who was, we could discuss important inventions that need to be made. Like "The Reclining Toilet". You know you want one. With heat and massage. A Caribbean-warm breeze caressing your buttocks, a reading lamp over the shoulder, and the pop-up foot rest. Optional is the refridgerated portion that holds beer. Of course, you'd never get off the pot then.

Jules, I'm just getting around to reading the Shanara books. So Willow would be the right timeframe. My excellent reading material comes from the thrift store. I depend on all of you to throw away really good books. When you don't, I'm forced to read crap. I'm hoping to hit the 90's by 2020 or so.

Khajiit, yes, there are many J.D. afficionados at Rockband. They were none too pleased with my reaction to the t-shirt and finger flipping.

And I did spend a lot of time trying to be the calm in the storm at MSN. Encouraging people to think. It only worked on people who were open-minded in the first place.

L.A.Ray (it's not "i a ray" right?), I'm not so sure if I want to see more Sid L.A. pictures. I went through them all. There were a lot of buildings, that don't mean anything to me.

I did see a picture that I guess was supposed to have a gal with a nice #####. It was a picture from behind. So I'm guessing it was "ass". But I didn't see a guy or a mule in the picture.

AMAI, I think the "men/islands/gritty" thing works for me. No matter whatcha do, they somehow end up in your shorts and you'll never feel right until you take a long shower.

And I'm not sure I want to fit in at a place called "Sucks".

Hey, I suggested fast food reviews.

I don't really want to watch model shows either. I will never watch that Bachelor/ette show again. I've never watched an entire episode of Survivor. I've had Big Brother on ONLY because I wanted to watch RS:INXS AND the remote is at my mom's house.

Yeah, I'm that lazy. I tried throwing socks to change the channel, but all that happened were damp sock marks got on the TV.

Trixie, I sent you an email. I'm one of those bandwidth sucking lurkers. I didn't have anything to post. But, it's safe to say that without cable AND being on the West Coast, you'll get no explicit spoilers from me. However, if people really want to get in to post and read, and then there's just me reading, give "my" spot to someone who will post.


L A Ray said...

Sid is withholding the good pictures. All he seems to be posting are "more songs about buildings and food".

LA Ray said...

Andree it is indeed L.A. Ray

Adrenochrome said...

Brilliant. Better than the real show.

Jules said...

I want the good pictures, Sid! Don't hold out on us! Don't your Comment Commandoes deserve better? (I have to admit that I just said that because I'm so tickled pink that we have a title - how about the LLCC: Lepers' Loyal Comment Commandos?)

As far as future posts to fulfill our Leper fix (Sorry, I got stuck in alliteration mode there. It won't happen again.) I could read about Sid's weekly biking exploits or even Moist's commentary about the grass growing in his lawn and I'd be happy.

Andree - I LOVE that you're reading the Shannara books. I don't think I've cracked one open since junior high, but I was addicted for a while.

Hmmmm... books... that reminds me - a BOOK would be a worthy pastime for you, Sid and Moist. Writing a BOOK. Together. A BOOK. Or did I mention that already? I'm telling you, straight to the top of the New York Times Bestsellers list. No more boring 8:20 to 4:15 jobs. Just joyful revelling in the utter adoration of your multitude of fans. How can you guys resist?

Sid F'er said...

We've considered a book but are frightened at who might show up at the obligatory signings. All y'all are starting to scare me.
There really weren't any additional pictures, except one of LA Ray and wife which was withheld since they didn't sign the consent form.
Models are dumb and will not be featured in my posts. Crystal Bernard will be the only woman mentioned after Brooke signs off Tuesday.
Please note the subtitle to the blog - "Scalping tickets to the great American freak show." That means the door is wide open and we aren't going anywhere.

Jules said...

Yay! That's all I needed to hear!

(And I promise not to stalk you at book signings, should you ever write a book.)

Anonymous said...

Post the good pix. Please? It's almost the end.

The best way to enjoy Willow is to watch LOTR first. Then, get smashed and watch Willow. Have fun yelling things like, "Cast the Baby into the fires of Mount Doom".

Andree said...

Sid, please, never say "All y'all" again. It's just wrong.

You blog. We comment. It's our job.


aunt nina said...

That model show did have them pose sans clothing, although everything was covered in the photos. And I think the one chick who refused to, was kicked off. I saw part of it on VH-1.

Don't know about Sid, but MR was never interested in fashion, so I'm guessing that the last thing he'd want to do is suffer through that show. I'll also guess that Sid was never interested in fashion, either. I don't see MR hanging around with a guy who likes that kinda stuff...

dalebud said...

Hey Aunt Nina, MR lived with Frewbud for a couple years. Doesn't he count?

You guys think Marty's playing it too safe if he sings WYWH again?

Jules said...

Dalebud - That's exactly what I was thinking. Where did his brilliant strategy go? Why won't he listen to our wonderful logic and suggestions about singing Pretty Vegas? ;-)

Ugh. Listen to me. I actually sound as if I want to hear that drivel again. Then again, I would consider The Itsy Bitsy Spider a masterpiece if Marty sang it.

Devious D said...

Stop making me laugh, dammit.

Ker-plunk and Diddly-doo had me practically doing both.

Re: the "you can't prepare for the stuff missing in those holes", I was just waiting/hoping/praying for you to add: "nor can you prepare for the stuff missing between the holes in JD's head." Since you didn't say it, I had to.

And I'm with Aunt Nina, please don't subject us to commentary on ANTM.

And I also add my concerns about playing it safe with WYWH. I'd rather hear Marty do PV (did I really say that? Yes). But then if I know Marty (I probably don't), he won't let me or anyone else here down. Anyone who can sing Brittany and survive, well, he'll be the master of whatever he chooses.

Keepin' the faith,

Andree said...

I'd suggest a simulcast with MR and SF comments for tommorow night, but I don't think CBS will go for it.

We could have organized a party where we all fly in to someone's home town and we could watch the show on the medium-sized screen TV at Arby's.

You know, like the hard-core fans are doing in Chicago for Marty. And in N.Y. for, uh, J.D.? I guess nobody is doing a party for MiG. I don't think we should either. Although there would be enough room at said Arby's.

I would have suggested my apartment, but there are only two chairs. Plus this computer chair that I dragged in from by the dumpster. But there's a giant monitor on one of the official chairs, and, well, I'm back to two chairs.

If there were party lines on cell phones, we could all individually go to our nearest Arby's and watch by ourselves, while listening to MR and SF.

We'd cackle and spew individually (every Arby's is an Island).

I don't have a cell phone either.

So, instead, I think I'll go to Arby's after picking up a kid's faux cell phone, and cackle and spew on my own during the finale, whether they have it on the medium-sized TV screen or not.


P.S. And when it's all over, I'll be back here, to go through the blogs and comments from start to finish and relive those best times of my life.

bonnie said...

that is HILARIOUS!

love you work! but hey - give us aussies a break - some of us are multilingual and can speak english AND australian... :)


AMAI said...

One of the links I'd posted went to a scary fat Elvis impersonator, and the text wasn't bad.
Andree, did you post a link to one too? I posted a link to one, with a sparkly megaphone & everything!

Okay, FORGET about the Model Show. It was just a suggestion, given because there're a bunch of chicks running around.

I stand corrected, Aunt Nina. I admit I saw that ep too (with the naked chicks. That dumb bitch wouldn't take her clothes off for klassy photos by a renowned photographer!

I should never have posted using my real nic. There goes my credibility - I've watched, and recapped (except ANTM), all the dreck mentioned by everyone here. I must now hide my head in shame.

A pal of mine mentioned that Brooke Burke is Rock N Roll Barbie. AaHA so that's her SuperHero Identity. A chop of her in her disguise as she continues on her quest to discover whither WaG's "package" is on this page, along with other chops that explore MiG's sexuality:

AMAI said...

Andree, did you post using this name at MSN? That board can drive you nuts. Every week, some bright spark starts another "How Old Are So&So's Fans?" lol and people post, even prefacing their answer with, "Didn't we do this already?"

The best threads get deleted too. Someone called benzy started a sex thread, and it got pretty raunchy. Some prude fool reported it and it was gone. But oh it was good while it lasted. Mmmm written word erotica!

Andree said...

AMAI, I posted a link to some Las Vegas show review that had a picture of "Extreme Elvis" show and a huge Elvis. Looked a lot like your guy. That was in the last couple comment sections. Check it out, and the text too, because OB:MF (Our Bloggers: Moist & F'er) could do a much better job with that text.

I didn't realize that the Sparkly Megaphone wasn't a genuine issue megaphone for all Elvis impersonators and that it had been pasted in. There I was convinced J.D. had borrowed again from his past.

I posted under "AndreeRaven" on MSN. Look for the posts amongst the crap that generally had people responding "Oh, that was beautiful" or "the most poetic thing on the board" or "that made me cry".

Just goes to show you that a slice of Spam looks like fiiiiine eatin' in a field of cow patties.

Well, I've been cutting my hair, and now look a lot like MiG. Great.

As for Brooke? Nobody takes a plasticized Playboy model seriously with her clothes on. Send her back to calenders so I'll never have to see. HER. EVER. AGAIN.

Rumour has it that the replacement drummer for Jon will be chosen in the next show. From the results of the online game, Bang the Drum. Which is kind of hard. My mouse makes a click sound after I've hit the drum and it throws off my pace. You try it.

Oh, but before hitting PLAY, it's fun to dork around with running the mouse over the buttons which actually DO make drum sounds. I'm easily amused. Obviously.


aunt nina said...

I stand corrected, Aunt Nina. I admit I saw that ep too (with the naked chicks. That dumb bitch wouldn't take her clothes off for klassy photos by a renowned photographer!
Uh... I don't think she was dumb. After all, they were competing to be a fashion model, not for a penthouse spread. I'm not a "girly" girl so forgive my ignorance, but aren't fashion models supposed to be modeling... clothes??? Seems to me that "renowned" photographers are just perverted photographers who try to get women to take their clothes off for them.

AMAI said...

Andree, now I'll have to go search for all your posts so that I, too, can enjoy your poetic qualities, tossed as they were before swine.

Oh, Aunt Nina. I was hoping the spelling of "klassy" would have tipped you off to the sarcastic bent of my post. I didn't want to conk you over the head with "sarcasm alert."

aunt nina said...

I thought you just couldn't spell well....or maybe that was the canadian spelling. Y'know, like favorite and favourite?

Dalebud - I've heard of frewbud don't think I've ever had the honor of meeting him, so he might count. Were you guys looking for a fashion maven for the house?

Andree said...

AMAI, can you search on those boards by name? I don't remember seeing that on MSN. Oh, yeah, there it is, one of the things that doesn't work for me. Prospero changed the boards back in August, and I haven't been able to use the boards well since then. I think one of the last posts I made was here:

When some people were bent about MiG wearing the Marine jacket.

I did quite a few in the Send Prayers to People in New Orleans. But that's a great thread, everyone in there is so full of heart and hope.

My main stomping grounds online was over at Better Homes and Gardens in the House and Home, Decorating Section. Until said board built was installed in August, making the boards there impossible to use. It's a speed of loading thing as well as things just not working at all.

I've been trying to think of a clever way to start working in decor suggestions in this comments area. No, I don't get paid. So this is not an advertisement. I don't even have a website.


P.S. Is the show on and over yet? I'm looking forward less to the show and more to the blog. Anyone else feel the same way?

213 said...


Steve Dahl ( has changed his prediction. He is now saying that Marty will not win, because the INXS wants a doormat who will sing what they tell him to. He's predicting Mig will be said doormat.

My prediction (or hope): Marty will win, but will stage a Diane Basbend (just for you Sid: DBPLSRRU p. 167) and turn them down to return to Lovehammers!

migrainegrrrl said...

Dear Lepers--

It has been a pleasure and an honor to share this Very Special Summer with y'all. I stole the Degas, hope you don't mind.

Carry on!

Andree said...

Oh, Crepes Suzette. I went looking for answers and may have found them and I don't feel very good now.

What could make me feel better? Well, the winner having to step down due to some hitheto unknown scandal, and the first runner-up gets the crown (oooh, and it's sooo sparkly).

Bugs Bunny thumbing at the band saying "Whatta maroon"

A good, long soak in a hot blog.


dalebud said...

If Leper House had a fashion maven, it was Frewbud.