Sunday, March 30, 2008

Almost Famous, My Ass

I saw the dumbest thing in recent memory yesterday.

I had to return something at Fry’s Electronics and while I was waiting in line I heard “Won’t Get Fooled Again” at a volume that I would have expected from the stereo or home theater section at the back of the store. Searching for the source, I saw a group of people standing around playing what I guessed was Rock Band. Kids and grown adults (as opposed to stunted adults, I suppose) were playing with toy instruments and watching a cartoon band and pretending to play along on a guitar, bass and drums. That’s sillier than a penguin in a pilates class.

Now, admittedly, I’ve never been much of a gamer. It’s not how I choose to spend my free time, but I can see how somebody can dig it. I’ve never played Grand Theft Auto but if you want to spend some time robbing taxi drivers and killing prostitutes then bully for you. I’ve never played World of Warcraft, but you want to go crazy banging druids and poisoning paladins then have at it. If you get off on jacking somebody up on Madden then buckle up and lay ‘em out.

If you can’t afford your own plane, I get why you might shell out for Flight Simulator and a joystick. And if you don’t have access to a track on the NASCAR circuit I can even see why you might add a racing wheel to your Xbox.

But I don’t get why you would want to spend time clicking away on a Playskool inspired fretboard or tapping out rhythms on a Flock of Seagulls my lil’ drummer drum kit when you could just as easily get a real guitar or real drum kit. There’s nothing stopping you from experiencing the real experience here, folks. I’ll even throw in a temporary tattoo and sit on your couch and yell “Freebird” if it will help you out.

I bought my last guitar from a pawn shop for $75 and with some tablature printed off the Internets I was playing “Michael Row Your Boat Ashore” on a real guitar 15 minutes later. If you spend half the time on a real guitar than you do on Guitar Hero or Rock Band I’d bet chances are you’ll go far if you get in with the right bunch of fellows. But I digress.

So here’s the deal. It’s silly and I shall continue to mock you until you knock it off.

Now where’s my Atari 2600… I have to save the Earth from a legion of relentless Space Invaders.


keysunset said...

From the title of the blog, I thought we were going to read the "tale" of how you finally made it big modeling your designer line of tight jeans - F'er Got Back - and retired from the corporate grind. Better luck with your next endeavor.

Since my gaming poisons of choice are usually Diablo II - Lord of Destruction (where else can I be an axe wielding barbarian ridding the world of the evil undead? It's totally me, don't you think?)and Crazy Taxi (which I stink at, but have a grand time while I laugh myself silly driving my drunken taxi around while getting cursed at by my passengers), I guess I'm safe, this time, from the f'er mockery.

I would think it would be fun to watch Rock Band or Guitar Hero or whatever at a party, tho.

Sid said...

Using it as entertainment at a party is also free from mockery. I confess I played some Guitar Hero at a party once and it was a good time. But I didn't run out the next day and make it my obsession to beat the thing on Advanced Mountain Dew mode.

HR said...

I remember reading somewhere that MR's kid is really good at Guitar Hero...

Moist Rub said...

Yes, as a matter of fact, he is.

And he is good at Rockband, too. Both with the fake guitar and the fake drums.

interleper said...

with some tablature printed off the Internets…

Way to go, Pops. Have you worked your way up to the Led Zeppelins ?

del said...

From the title of the blog, I thought you were going to announce your ass was Johnny Depp's stunt ass or something similar.

Way to disappoint your readership.

Gina said...

I'm waiting for them to make a big plastic car to sit in before I buy Grand Theft Auto.