I went to a party this weekend. No, really, stop laughing.
So I was talking to this guy - no, really, stop laughing.
I did actually attend a social function by my own will and actually initiated a conversation with someone I didn't know. Here's part of the conversation:
Guy: I've got a story for you. [to his wife] Should I tell him the story?
Guy's Wife: Sure, tell him the story.
Guy: Okay. So how old are your kids?
Me: I don't have any kids.
Guy: Well then I'm not telling you the story.
Guy: Call me if you decide to have kids and I'll tell you the story.
There was also Cosmetic Surgery Girl who kept freaking me out with her Carrot Top face. Very Loud Girl, who did give me a secret recipe. Obsessed With Golf Guy who couldn't believe that Tiger made that putt. Can you believe he made that putt? I can't be he made that putt. Son of a bitch, he made that putt.
I know it sounds like hell, but it was actually pretty amusing. And the food kicked total ass. It's just that I suck at parties.
Most people my age only care about their kids or wine or golf. I don't drink wine, I don't golf, and I usually don't like their kids.
I have way more in common with people half my age, but it's too creepy to hang out with them.
So that's why I spend my free time with my bicycle. But if it starts playing golf or has any kids then I'm selling it.