Email from Jon Owens

I received an email message today from Jon Owens. The subject of the email was:

I wanted to give someone a sexually transmitted disease (e.g., herpes, AIDS).

Good thing he provided examples of sexually transmitted diseases in the subject line. If not, I would have thought he intended to offer me phone service, and I would not have opened the email.

At first, of course, I thought this to be a typical chunk of SPAM, and I was about to delete it. But then I thought, why would anybody want to give somebody an STD? What kind of SPAM marketing ploy could this be? Maybe there is a benefit to getting an STD, and Jon Owens was trying to help his fellow humans. I’ve never had herpes or AIDS. What kind of a snob am I to be discriminating against them? The only STD I have ever had to deal with has been unintended pregnancy. Yes, that is, too, a disease. Think about it. What’s a sexually transmitted disease? It’s something you get because you were acting irresponsibly while having sex. Once inflicted, the disease cells start multiplying and eventually cause you irritation. And, it costs you a bunch of money and stress to get rid of it. Or in some cases, they stay with you forever and sometimes kill you. How is that any different from having a child?

So I opened the email. To my dismay, it was merely a link to a web site where I can attain amazing gains in length and thickness. Nothing about the benefits of having an STD or why Jon Owens wanted to give them away. So I clicked the link hoping to get some lawn care tips.

It turns out, Jon Owens happens to be the same Jon Owens I went to grade school with. With whom I went to grade school with. I never knew what happened to him after sixth grade. Neither does he. He’s sending me some free samples.