Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Rock Star - Aug 10 Sid

Last week for some reason I couldn’t get into the elimination show, but I think this was the best elimination show yet. I am getting a little tired of the “Brooke says, ‘Stand up’” and “Brooke says, ‘Sit down’” and “Brooke says, ‘Raise your hand’” and “Brooke says, ‘Stop touching me.’” So we learned that everyone east of the Rockies hates Deanna. Everyone west of the Rockies, including Hawaii, Asia and Australia hates JD and Suzie. And everybody hates Jessica and Brandon regardless of geography. So while the crack staff waits for a call from Katherine Harris to certify the bottom three, how about an encore?

INXS really seemed to enjoy performances last night by somebody named Mahtee and Ty. I didn’t see anyone in the rocker den named Mahtee, so I guess Ty got the encore by default. During the encore I noticed that Marty always looks uncomfortable when he’s not performing and having to listen to the others. I think that’s a good thing. However, he should have taken the opportunity to just start making out with Jessica since she was obviously on the bubble after last night. I might not believe that Ty can rock, but he can definitely lay down some booty music.

Meanwhile, Brooke, using her extensive background in international diplomacy, brokered a compromise and sent Jessica, Brandon, and… Suzie to the bottom three.

It should have been clear to everyone that Suzie would be safe unless Jessica and Brandon had the foresight to rig up one of those contraptions that would release a bucket of pig’s blood on her head during her performance like in Carrie, thus driving her to lock down the doors of the Mayan Theater while she made Dave Navarro’s head explode. I think that would get her eliminated, but fortunately Jessica and Brandon were not thinking ahead.

Up first – Jessica with Disappear. Was the song selection supposed to have been ominous? I liked the Eminem look, I thought she nailed the song and worked the stage well, and I was impressed that she hasn’t gone into full give-up mode at this point. Long live Jessica!

Brandon – Don’t Lose Your Head. They seemed to imply that they gave him this song to increase his chances of sticking around, but he responded by forgetting the words and performing just like Brandon. I only got a C in my music appreciation class, but it was my best grade that semester so I feel that I’m qualified to offer that he sounded like he was singing in a different key. And I didn’t appreciate that. He also busted out the white Herb Tarlek belt to impress Dave again. Unfortunately,it should have been obvious that he had as much a chance as Herb did with Loni.

Suzie – Bitter Tears. She started out kind of mellow and laid back and I thought she might have been acting a little cocky, like she knew she was safe and was holding back. You know before the big tsunami last December, I always pictured a tsunami as a giant tidal wave. Kind of like the kind that crushed Greg Brady, except bigger. But when the videos came out, it was nothing like that. Just out of nowhere all this water just showed up where it shouldn’t have been. That was Suzie’s performance. All of a sudden a lot of voice out of nowhere that just rocked the house. I wanted her to get kicked off the show just so she could bring her band to my town.

The band let Suzie have a seat. And then, as Sid F’er predicted, Jessica was spared and Brandon was deemed unfit for their band, INXS. But even more surprising, Suzie did not cry. She must be reading our blog. All the rockers should if they want a chance to win this thing.


Moist Rub said...

Au contraire, my go-fair. Suzie did cry, although she held it in pretty well. She was doing that quivering smile kind of crying. That is annoying, and it counts in my book, which happens to be the Roy Clark's Big Tear Cry book.

L A Ray said...

Jess is still in! I might have to reconsider the Tom Petty concert this weekend.

mack said...

Okay, so I underestimated the sadisting nature of their band, INXS. And I forgot that Capt Caveman can't remember lyrics any tougher than "ooga chugga ooga ooga ooga chugga". But did anyone else catch Jessica shoving her mike up Brandon's arse? That girl was pissed.

mack said...

oh, and interesting to see JD ready to play the butt-crack trump card if he made bottom three

mack said...

Check out this update

Sid F'er said...

Hey, Mack, why you making us waste our time viewing sub-par commentary? Your comments are light years ahead of that Sun Times drivel.

I'll have to review the tape on the microphone intrusion. I also noticed that Jessica seemed to have some sort of wound on her right elbow that needs to be investigated.

G B said...

Why is there so much concern over the contestants' pitching ability? Will this show be moving to ESPN now?

Sid F'er said...

Pitching is very important as the lead singer of INXS has traditionally thrown out the first pitch on opening day for the Lansing Lugnuts minor league team. Hutchence, although a great singer, kind of threw like a girl, and this caused great embarrassment to the band in the past.

DKNY said...

Note to Jessica, high riders are making a comeback this fall. Be the first to wear on TV.