Rock Star - Aug 2 Moist Rub

A fabulous performance show tonight. I even have some good things to say about my buddy, JD. And, Dave, too. Here's the moist rub; I've been reading the Rockers' blogs on msn.com and most of them seem like they really care about each other - especially Marty. I don't know Marty as well as others do, but I think he is a pretty good judge of character. So, if he thinks these Rockers are OK, then what the hell do I know. All I know of them are snippets of behavior some whacked out production team is choosing to show me. Sure, Suzy cries too much, but she's got a damn good voice. JD is a spazzed out pud, but so what? Brandon has been full of himself - no skin off my elbow. I don't want to live with these people - just wanna listen. So I'm opening up my pores, and I'm listening with my whole body.

MiG - We Will Rock You. His voice had power and energy. I heard a hint of Donny Osmond in his "Oh Yeah"s, which is a good thing. I don't know if most of you know this, but Donny Osmond could have been (could still be if he would just heed my fan letters to him) a great hard rock singer. But, he's been brain washed by bible thumpers, so he doesn't know any better. C'mon Donny, come over to the dark side. It's fun over here. MiG had an outstanding performance. And he's likeable. He's a front runner. However, don't listen to Dave, and keep your clothes on.

Deanna - I'm the Only One. Her voice seemed too low, and her range wasn't as dynamic as it should have been for this song. She sounded a bit like a fat bloated Elvis in some parts. She played the crowd well. It was a good idea to give the band a lap dance - especially in those jeans. She has a good voice, but not for this song. INXS seemed to like her. I think it was the lap dance more than the singing.

Marty - Arms Wide Open. Dave was right - that was the best version of that song I ever heard. I don't like that song, at least not the way Creed hoots it. Marty expanded himself vocally in that song more than I've ever heard him (that I remember - I'm usually drunk at LH shows). I thought INXS may condemn the Dorga arms, but they didn't. All in all - Wow.

Ty - Everlong. My thirteen year old son goes, "How the hell has he never heard this song before". And I go, "Yeah, I know!" When he started the song, my first thought was, "My goodness, Dave Grohl has a better voice than him?" But, he got better and finished strong. I don't think he knows how to wing it and just rock out. Overall, I think this may have been his weakest performance so far, even though the band dug him.

Jessica - Blister In the Sun. Not much she could do with this song. She was sassy with it (good thing). I bet my aunt, who is a nun, that Jessica wouldn’t show her belly. That cost me 50 bucks. However, I won 25 of it back from my aunt on our bet on whether or not her tit would pop out (Jessica’s tit, not my aunt’s). Her butt shakes were good (both Jessica’s and my aunt’s, who is a nun, by the way). I think this should keep her out of the elimination round. I don’t know about my aunt, who is a nun, however.

Brandon - If You Could Only See. I’m starting to feel sorry for this guy. He’s gotta get some other songs better suited to what he can do. I know versatility is important, but he needs to have a chance to heavy it up - not that INXS is looking for that. I don’t think they’re lookin’ for Brandon. He’s not as much as a Rock poseur as I thought he was. Maybe he’s learned some modesty. He seemed a little off beat to me, and slightly off pitch when he couldn’t hit some of the high notes. Two weak performances in a row (even though the band said they liked it), sets him on a train to the elimination circus. He looked like a malfunctioning Chucky Cheese robot at the end of his song.

Jordis - The Man Who Sold the World. 333 on hand. At first I thought it was some kind of attempt to taunt the devil by cutting him in half. She later explained it was a signal to her dead friends family. Maybe it’s both. I couldn’t enjoy the song because I kept expecting her to start bawling. She held it in, but it wrecked it for me. Please leave your dead friends out of this. Her voice was powerful, yet tender. That keyboard Fariss brother needs to put down the twinkies.

JD - The Letter. Take a cup of Beck, three tablespoons of Elvis, a brain hemorrhage, and a pinch of spaz and you get JD’s performance of the Letter. I thought this was his best performance so far (and his only good one). I especially liked the soul he kicked out at the end of it. But I still don’t like his voice. He’s safe this week.

Tara - Message in a Bottle. You know, lately she seems like she’s doing just well enough to take fourth to last. She’s too stiff on stage, and she needs to do some sit ups or get a looser shirt. She sang the song very well, but I don’t think the band likes her at all. And she knows it. She looked pissed off back in the Rocker den. She didn’t know how to answer Garry Beers when he asked her if she enjoys doing cover songs. She should have just mimed a blow job and walked off the stage. That’s what Bette Midler does.

Suzie - Get Back. Nice voice. Great band interactions. She let the band shine on their solos. She’s a professional. I like her. It doesn’t mean I wanna see her cry.

Overall, this was a very entertaining show. Dave was even good. Was Brooke there? I wouldn’t know. She doesn’t exist in my world. Based on the performances tonight alone, I would vote Deanna, Ty and Brandon to the chopping block. But, the general idiots will probably unchoose Deanna, Brandon and Tara. That’s what I think, and therefore, that’s what I am.

The local CBS news did a story on how the Rock Star show is affecting Marty and The Lovehammers. The band seems to be rooting for MiG to win it, instead of Marty. Which is understandable. I don’t want the band to lose Marty, but I hope it turns out the way Marty wants it to, whatever that is. You can also view the Lovehammers doing "My Eyes Can’t See" on the CBS Chicago site. You can get that on www.lovehammers.com, too.