Rock Star - August 1

OK, so it's not Marty's fault that they made him the star of the mansion show. Thought he handled it as best as could be expected and, most importantly, he didn't cry. Although I think it would have been more entertaining if he read the letter from his family while in the bathtub, ala Steve Martin in The Jerk. Even better if Suzie had crawled in there like a dog with the letter in her mouth. Now that's comedy. Instead, we have to watch Suzie cry again. They need to duct tape a couple maxi-pads to her tear ducts until she promises to cut that shit out.
Brandon, LIz Taylor called and she wants her sunglasses back. Take them off before you lose some wild eyed southern boy street cred, buddy.
Vocal coach Ron Anderson gave this week's clinic. He claims to have coached Eddie Vedder, Courtney Love and Axl Rose. All divas by any standard, eh? So this is what we learned:
Jess cannot hum and swallow at the same time. Which is a requirement if INXS hires a chick singer.
Brandon still believes that INXS wants him to be the singer so bad that they will become a Lynryd Skynyrd cover band.
Ty is so friggin' good that the only way he can lose is if the band feels threatened by his vocal greatness.
Deanna is starting to look a little too much like an old Baby Spice with vocal problems.
Now to this week's songs:
If You Could Only See - I don't why everyone was fighting over this song. It sucks and Brandon won't do anything to help it.
The Letter - Who the hell asked if this was a 50's song? To clear up any further misconceptions, it was a hit for the Box Tops before Joe Cocker. But I digress. There was a girl I worked with back in the 80's who had a friend that sang in a band that covered this song. Her friend had this Cyndi Lauper inspired haircut that was almost shaved on one side with all the hair piled up on the other side. I thought that was pretty damn cool back then and wanted to ask her out but never got the chance. They also covered a Rickie Lee Jones song that I still haven't been able to identify. I guess that means that I probably won't identify with Suzie when she sings it tomorrow. She'll do a decent job, but nothing stellar, and I predict that the band will tell her she needs to take a risk next week.
Everlong - This is one I'd like to see Marty do, but I'll sacrifice the opportunity if Ty bites it hard.
Get Back - What is that thing JD is always doing with his hands when he practices? Parkinson's? Instead of voting for JD this week, just make a donation to the Davis Phinney Foundation to help cure early onset Parkinson's disease.
The Man Who Sold The World - Everyone in the mansion knows this is Bowie, right? Jordis apparently knows the man who sold the world and it appears that he recently died. I hope he sold it for more than those trinkets the Indians got for Manhattan. Jordis may falter a bit this week. I'm just not feeling it, but I've been wronged by that girl before.
Blister in the Sun - I saved this for last because we learned a lot about Jess this week. She thinks it doesn't matter what song she sings because people hate her. I don't hate her, just her vocals. I don't think we'd be best friends or anything or even go to a ballgame, but I don't hate her. She thinks that the song won't give her a chance to showcase her vocals. Exactly. That's why I'm again predicting that she'll escape the elimination round. It's a song that she could probably get away with being cute and emitting some crazy squeaks. If you add it up, it might even work in her favor.
While we're on the topic of Jess, I'm still digging those glasses big time. She might get a vote just for those alone. At the same time, I thought it was pretty funny how her roommate Deanna was pretty much ignoring her as she rambled on about something.
Preshow predictions:
Top performances - Jessica, Marty, MiG, Suzie
Bottom three - Brandon, JD, Tara
Coasting - Jordis, Ty, Deanna