Rock Star - August 21 - Sid

“And so it's three A.M., I'm out walking again.
I'm just a spot on the sidewalk in a city of sin.”

I miss Hollywood. I feel like I’m the one that got kicked out of the mansion. I didn’t even get to try out the pool.

I’m sure that mansion has a plasma TV the size of Camryn Manheim, but instead the rockers got to watch replays of their performances on their Verizon VCast phones so that Mark Burnett and company can make a few extra ad bucks. They should have loaded up the friggin’ phones with some Brandon ringtones and shoved them up his ass. But I’m sure the CBS lackies were there to prevent any such transgressions, so they just decided to do some drinkin’ instead. Suze was well on the way to the Mayberry detox tank for a night with Otis, but the gang got interrupted with an important assignment from Dave.

This week the rockers were told that the dude that normally picks the songs for them to sing was on vacation or something so they’ll have to write their own. It really didn’t seem like good planning by the production staff, but most of the rockers, except Deanna and Jordis, seemed into it.

Then we had the obligatory encore reward where we got to see our favorite Aussie gettin’ MiGGy wit’ it. Forgive me for that one. I promise it won’t happen again.

Then Suzie sobered up and discovered that the dude that was on vacation must have returned early and managed to find all but two songs for our rockers to sing this week. But in the haze of her hangover, she decided it would be best to assign songs by choosing names out of JD’s greasy hat. We learned that Jordis gets Dream On, Suzie gets Start Me Up, and Deanna and MiG get to perform their originals.

For those of you scoring at home, Suzie apparently starts her period next week as demonstrated by her complete emotional meltdown on this week’s show. I’m sure Hutchence had his demons, but I’m not sure INXS can handle this.

Deanna, after seeing Ty’s genius in creating a masterpiece cowchip like “Stop Go”, decided that she would enlist his help for her original composition. Yeah, and I think I’ll ask MC Hammer for some financial advice and see how that works out. It was also apparent that the CBS make up dude must have been on vacation with the song chooser dude since Deanna was sorely lacking in the cosmetics department.

Meanwhile, Suzie, thinking she’s Burt Bacharach, begs Deanna and MiG for the opportunity to do her own composition. MiG talks Deanna out of trading, thus putting himself on the spot and forcing him to seek council with Marty, who finds a way to diplomatically tell him to stop being such a pussy. So far this episode is filled with more poor advice than Dear Abby on a bad acid trip. JD seems to be the only one thinking clearly (shoot me now).

And finally, to create some reality show drama at the end, the band informs us that Ty is piledriving a desperate Deanna into the mansion turnbuckles and MiG’s composition is destined for the cut-out bin unless he can pull off some magic real fast.

So, can he? Huh?