I missed the elimination show tonight due to a work commitment that involved eating fish in Atlanta during the broadcast. It was trout, thanks for asking. So here’s my review of the show based on a short conversation with Mrs. F’er and a very brief review of a message board.
Mrs. F’er was stuck in traffic and missed the beginning of the show. Actually she was in the shower and missed the beginning of the show. See, the shower would have been taken care of before the show had it not been for the traffic jam. In any case, personal hygiene is a priority in her life and I find it a good quality in a wife. So I excused this malfeasance and will patiently await Moist Rub’s summary of the early show controversy and encores that I’ve been hearing about on the street. I haven’t seen his update yet, so I hope he’s not dead or anything. From what I gather, Suzie is a conniving bitch, JD killed Santa, and Suzie and Marty get an encore.
Tonight’s bottom three proved the theory first raised by Mack the Fork. Getting your name in the “early” bottom three will mobilize your fans, if you have any, to vote their asses off to save yours. It happened to Jordis last week and Marty this week. The same way Gene Simmons deployed the Kiss Army to win the Ed Sullivan show back in the 70’s. So, Jordis joins JD and Ty for a shot to go home.
Mrs. F’er said that each and every one of the bottom three performances blew donkey cock. OK, she didn’t really say that, but apparently OBINXS did. Jordis has too many fans to send her home yet even though she’s definitely not roit for OBINXS. JD is the only one keeping the mansion interesting, so Mark Burnett says he stays. So, OBINXS gives Ty the boot to save him from another of Sid’s weekly diatribes. Thank you, Lords O’ Music, thank you. I won’t comment on Ty’s closing arguments, because they probably sucked and I haven’t heard them firsthand yet.
I’m guessing the usual suspects cried while Marty and JD gave each other jailhouse tats and Brooke told us that she would see us next time on Rock Star: INXS. And we’ll see you next time on LeperPop.